Stop over explaining yourself. LVM don’t care about your feelings, and nothing you can say will change that.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2020-12-17T23:39:43+00:00

If anything, it will stroke their ego. They want to know just how badly they hurt you. If you leave them without and explanation, block, and delete, that will deflate their fragile little egos. I'm above begging a lvm/nvm for acceptance, begging to be treated like a human being, or begging for them to keep me around. I won't stay where I'm not welcome, and I won't stay where I'm being treated like shit.

justnoanony · 2020-12-17T23:16:13+00:00

If you’re tempted to do this - think about someone you know, or in your past. Someone who you dated that you can’t believe you ever had feelings for. Now imagine that that paragraph you’ve written is from that person to you. Does it make you feel all warm and fuzzy towards him, or does it make you cringe and feel embarrassed for him.

Silence says everything.

FrequentPoetry · 2020-12-17T23:14:48+00:00

true!! you can beg and beg and beg for them to respect you, and they won't. you can send long paragraphs, COMMUNICATE forever, and they will NOT respect you. respect isnt something that should be begged. you just realize your worth and dump the garbage. its so tempting to try & make someone SEE your worth or love you or respect you but ya cant. all you can is laugh at the audacity and say boy bye. the more you put up with it, the more he will do it.

intrepidis_dux · 2020-12-17T23:11:58+00:00

[deleted]

yesmme · 2020-12-17T23:53:38+00:00

I am cringing at the last time I did this. I hope he forgets (not expecting it but I hope there’s a miracle where he does forget it)

MadamLeFay · 2020-12-17T23:34:08+00:00

And when you send paragraphs (and in some cases, entire books), you are giving them a detailed report on how badly they hurt you. I imagine them checking things off and grading themselves like it's a report card.

queendorkus · 2020-12-18T00:28:25+00:00

I sent long emails. Every time I did a huge chunk of my dignity left with that send button. My god how I wish I could turn back time. At least he is gone and dead to me so that whole experience can go with it.

KindlyPassenger · 2020-12-18T01:19:28+00:00

Guys will text 'wyd' weeks later in response when they're looking for a rebound

Not worth it

iaintgonnacallyou · 2020-12-18T02:01:57+00:00

What helped me when I was tempted is to write hand written letter addressed to that person. Every single time I got the temptation, I’d write a letter. Burn them or keep them to read back on, I just had to get those feelings out. It helped so incredibly much. I had a notebook specifically for this.

roverlover1111 · 2020-12-18T03:05:38+00:00

I'm so glad that I didn't text my last ex about how he "hurt me". He knew. I wanted to text him on and off for months to tell him off because I let the relationship end on "I was the toxic one, this is my fault" as a result of my low self-esteem and his gaslighting, and that bothered me. But he doesn't need to know how I feel. And I'm so glad that he doesn't. It's none of his goddamn business.

NoMoreLVM · 2020-12-18T03:18:52+00:00

I was in this situation recently. A man who I had built trust with for MONTHS overstepped a boundary sexually - assault, basically, not violently but it was such a clear violation - and I was shocked and upset. I blocked him on everything even though I desperately wanted to send an angry paragraph. Instead I blocked him on everything - even costar and all the social media platforms on which we weren’t event connected. I’m so glad I did.

TheGoodie · 2020-12-18T00:21:32+00:00

Facts. Block, delete and move on.

Foomama48 · 2020-12-18T03:11:48+00:00

So many wasted words, never doing that again.

Helpful_Stock · 2020-12-18T05:18:29+00:00

Absolutely. In fact he probably enjoys seeing you hurt. Will just be another "funny" story to tell his LVM mates about how this crazy clinger is in love with him and got triggered. Don't give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

LuckyCharmsLass · 2020-12-18T14:20:32+00:00

Letting an asshole know they hurt you is rewarding the asshole for hurting you. Don't do it.

2020-12-18T08:32:55+00:00

This is such a good advice. I've spent a week trying to explain that I was hurt, he didn't care, never apologized, blamed everything on me. When he messaged me :"hey, do you want to hang out?" as if my feelings weren't hurt, as if nothing have happened, I knew that the only way out of this is to. BLOCK&DELETE

Wiggy_Bop · 2020-12-18T13:34:20+00:00

My advice, when you are going thru a breakup, get a notebook and every time you get the urge to call, write down what you want to say. Doesn’t matter if you fill pages. In fact, you probably will at first, it’s good to get it all out.

After about six weeks, you will probably be done Remember, no contact gets you over the pain of a breakup faster. You aren’t feeding some worthless dudes ego, either.

frogchickenhorse · 2020-12-18T04:09:14+00:00

If you need to write it out, to get it out of your system, do it in notepad and never send it.

Saitschik · 2020-12-18T14:27:41+00:00

I did in the past, not often but it happened. I would never do it again, the desire to "get things off my chest" is completely gone. Probably in parts because of FDS and radical feminism.

Its pointless and she is 100% right - they know and they don´t care. Even if they care a little a wall of text will decrease and not increase their understanding, no matter what you write.

waddamelone · 2020-12-18T15:23:06+00:00

Yup, that’s on God baby. Sometimes I still cringe at the 3 times I semi tried to get a reaction from some bum ass dudes. But then I remember I’m just a human being and it wasn’t that embarassing because it could’ve been worse. Oh well, you live and you learn! Nowadays people get the silent treatment from me and I love it here.

PalmTreePhilosophy · 2020-12-18T09:02:46+00:00

This is not just true of relationships. I often get into reddit arguments with really stupid men who do not have the capacity to understand what I am saying. It's addictive to put dumb men in their place but it's a waste of energy because everything about them is designed to ignore you and to believe they are better. Whilst you are explaining things to them they are enjoying your efforts, attention and energy for free whilst giving nothing in return. They are energy vampires.

idestroythingsfora- · 2020-12-18T08:55:20+00:00

Even worse than explaining why they hurt you - the cursed "what did I do wrong?". An ex friend of mine used to be really into chatting with random guys on instagram for some reason, and would keep talking to them even when they were dropping red flags left and right - so many of them left her on read for days, negged her, one of them even went "maybe your friends can come with you when we go to the mall?" and more than a couple asked about her weight before her name. And when one time one of those trashy guys just went "whatever go back to the kitchen you're probably fat" when she refused to give her weight, instead of blocking she went "wait, why? what did I do wrong?" and "please at least give me a chance" in all seriousness, and although at the time I didn't know FDS I was still like "girl wtf". She'd allow men to disrespect her and in turn she'd be disrespectful to her girl friends, which is why we're not friends anymore. But just yeah don't be her.

AnniaT · 2020-12-18T16:28:03+00:00

Im guilty of this when I was a pick me. I've sent paragraphs and paragraphs. I tried to guilt trip them into showing regret and guilt for what they done. I wrote paragraphs detailing what they did wrong and how it hurt me. Now I cringe just remembering. Men don't care. They won't read your paragraphs or listen. The best is to leave with the least explanation possible.

SayNad · 2020-12-18T08:59:39+00:00

Men especially LVM/NVM don't think like us do sis. They don't care what you feel - they just care about themselves. So they won't read the damn thing - why would they? They have more fun things to do.

The best they can do is chuckle, say "Women are so damn sensitive and emotional" and do a half-assed apology.

It is when you go stone-cold and dismiss them that they go absolutely batshit crazy - because they are no longer important. It is still, and always about them. Not you.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2020-12-18T14:18:13+00:00

I am guilty. I reached a phase where I was giving explanations to my explanations. Useless. Waste of time.

sunshades91 · 2020-12-18T06:30:02+00:00

If you write long paragraphs in response to abuse its step one on the road to codependency.

HereToMessAround · 2020-12-18T09:04:01+00:00

This was posted before and was the post that made me sub here. The long paragraphs, the hours crying on the phone or just in front them... I have made that mistake so many times and it all came down to the same: They don't care! I really need(ed) this post and have it bokmarked to remind myself not to fall into that again. I think, so far, this has been one of the most important things I learned from FDS.

sunset_sunshine30 · 2020-12-18T09:23:52+00:00

With my on/off using ex, i would send these long paragraphs. 9/10 he wouldn't bother responding. That's how little he cared about how he hurt me. The last time, I was done. No more messaging, no more long paragraphs. I just let his using-me-for-sex behind go through the door and didn't text him again.

He blocked me in March and I haven't heard a peep since. Says everything about how I was the one carrying the interaction between us. I will never speak to him again.

2020-12-18T11:32:55+00:00

They like the attention, block and delete is our mantra here for a reason. Use it the second a red flag appears it’s a powerful tool

Jaymite · 2020-12-18T09:12:02+00:00

I caught myself doing this and then had an epiphany about it and stopped. I find that knowing he never cared has been the hardest to deal with

Original1one · 2020-12-18T16:10:40+00:00

some men are truly disgusting. my friend who happens to be African American showed me this profile where they a bunch of African American men (including her LOW VALUE EX) are on talking about how they are faithful, wonderful and are the prize. This is the same man who is 40 (way older than us) and has never been married or been in a long enough serious relationship and follows women half his age on social media. she spent the entire relationship writing him dissertations on how to be nice to her, BTW.

they have so much audacity. all of them. it doesn't matter the color, or creed. they're all waste.

Jaymite · 2020-12-18T09:16:44+00:00

For your own closure though I recommend writing the letter but don't send it. Burn it instead. Get all the feelings out to yourself. Cos you're the one that matters

iaintgonnacallyou · 2020-12-18T01:08:11+00:00

[removed]

rosa_sally · 2020-12-18T10:21:14+00:00

A man does know he’s hurting you yet he still chooses to do it. I’m at the point know I just don’t respond. Also, it’s very rarely a surprise. I always know it’s about to happen. I need to just be strong enough to be the one the proactively break it off.

penelopekitty · 2020-12-18T09:59:42+00:00

[deleted]

Terrible-Charity · 2020-12-18T11:02:38+00:00

After my lvm ex broke up with me out of the blue I tried to stay friends and when I realized that wasn't going to work, I was so tempted for so long to give him an earful about what a dick he is and how he hurt me. I'm very glad I didn't give in and let it go. He's out of my life now and it's bliss.

Mysterious_Service_1 · 2020-12-19T01:57:00+00:00

Oof. This is real, y’all!

WinterMidst · 2020-12-18T11:49:58+00:00

Yeah... this is it really. Very much guilty of doing this but the post explains a reality that we need to take heed of.

LuxLeafBud · 2020-12-18T14:01:52+00:00

Soooo annoying when women do this.

Comments