STOP PLAYING HOUSE

Then_Advertising_773 · 2021-02-03T19:17:55+00:00

[deleted]

atreegrowsinbrixton · 2021-02-03T21:25:06+00:00

tell me why every single post on relationships is about women having babies with their boyfriends. not that your husband can't also leave you, but god damn i would never have a baby for a BOYFRIEND

Then_Advertising_773 · 2021-02-03T19:24:53+00:00

If I want a roomate, I'll get a roomate

tinysilverstar · 2021-02-03T22:11:34+00:00

I don't care if you've been married for 50 years, have a secret separate bank account in case shit goes down.

randomgirlimok · 2021-02-03T19:03:26+00:00

You made a lot of great points about buying a house/property together before marriage that I didn’t even think of. I actually have a friend who did this, and when they broke up it was so awkward because now they both lived in the house. He ended up moving out and stopped paying his half of the mortgage which put her into debt and ruined her credit score.

There is another option though for the house title to go into the joint owners name only upon death. I only know this because my dad put his new very young girlfriend’s name on his new paid off in full house. So it looks like I will be inheriting none of that while “Anna Nicole” is walking away with a house.

miloba_ · 2021-02-03T21:01:26+00:00

This is so, so important. Agreed with others saying to add this to the handbook.

I’d take this one step further and just advise all women to never be financially dependent on a man. Please. I also know many women left on their ass because they “didn’t think he’d do that to me”. Never let yourself get stuck in a situation where you cannot easily get out if you want/need to. It’s how so many abusers trap their victims, and it makes it all the more difficult for them to get back on their feet if they do manage to get away.

charr28 · 2021-02-03T22:47:47+00:00

Honestly watch Judge judy. I watched her for years lol 90% of her cases are romantic cautionary tales.

Breesasha · 2021-02-03T22:25:29+00:00

I have seen women even when they come into a relationship with a house or get married, they'll let the men move in and one even went so far as to add her husband to her title. When they divorced 8 years later, he demanded half of the value of the house. She ended up having to sell it and buy him out for a home he never contributed to and didn't help her buy.

akashyaboa · 2021-02-03T20:56:10+00:00

On the law protection it depends what country you live in. You should know that in some countries (France for me) if you live with someone and pay stuff half/half you are protected under the concubine status. So if you did make that mistake, you can get back the half of the part. Don't hesitate to consult a lawyer.

quarterlyavocado · 2021-02-03T19:38:32+00:00

I’ve been seeing the same thing, I’m so glad you mentioned this. This is handbook worthy

GlamorKiss · 2021-02-03T20:02:33+00:00

Thank you, I never intended to live with a boyfriend anyway but this sooooo solidified why not

avocadotoastallday · 2021-02-03T22:12:44+00:00

when i hear about unmarried persons buying a house together.... cringe!!!

Nerosviolin · 2021-02-03T23:56:45+00:00

I did something one step stupider and co-signed a very large business loan for my now ex. I stress out every month with fingers crossed that he makes the payment. I’m on the hook for another 3 years, and if he defaults, says fuck it, leaves the country, dies, etc, I’ll be responsible for repaying it with nothing to show for it. Not even half a house. I was a very very stupid girl. Lesson learned, and now I would never, but a bit too late. Never co-sign!! It’s a trap!

beliebeigh · 2021-02-04T04:22:16+00:00

Thank you for this post! I’ve read so many posts on Reddit just this week starting with “my boyfriend doesn’t want to marry me buuuut he wants to buy a house together, should I do it?” or “I own my own home and my boyfriend wants to move in and add his name to the deed but is adamantly anti-marriage.”

WHAT THE FUCK Internally screaming

warinmymind94 · 2021-02-04T04:04:42+00:00

The hard truth is that some women will look for a man to use to move out from their toxic environment and settle for living with a man instead. I'll tell you that this was very common in my hometown the cost of living was really high and its hard to find a decent paying job in the area - so most people live at home with their parents and many women move in with a man you get away from roommates that stick them for money or toxic families. Im not saying it is right but I am saying that as women you need to look at other options for housing.

Consider other areas - move out of town or even out of state. Housing can be cheaper. You can also look in the suburbs or country rather than being directly in the city if you don't mind commuting.

Do what you can to build your resume and have skills / degrees that allow you to have the freedom to not be stuck in a lousy roomate/housing situation.

I would love to open a dorm room style apartment just for single women in the future. It would be a safe, maintained, and affordable place that allows women to get started out or save money living alone rather than be stuck in a lease/roomate situation with people that stick you! The rooms would be modest but taken care of and cheap. There would be a foyer area with vending machines, couches, tables, and a small bathroom so you can have guests over without actually having them to your room!

Sleepymelmo · 2021-02-04T03:47:47+00:00

This should be pinned. Women really need to be more careful... we are socialized to be nice and often the result is a situation like one of these. Say what you will about FDS, every young woman needs to hear these words.

RA85373 · 2021-02-03T22:22:50+00:00

Yes. I will freely admit that I did this. My boyfriend at the time and I bought a house together in an area where the real estate market was taking off (it really did end up being the last good time to buy). Things worked out fine and we are now married and have a child on the way, but looking back it was SO STUPID. I would never ever recommend to any of my friends they do what we did - especially since I put up all the cash for the down payment. I trusted him completely (part of the reason we are obviously now married) but that was a massive risk I never should have taken now that I’m a bit older and wiser. I did also get a prenup carving out the down payments funds as mine and we do keep separate finances still which he’s never had a problem with. But seriously, anyone considering doing this, just don’t. Even if it works out like it did for me, JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU’RE MARRIED.

icecream1013 · 2021-02-03T22:19:36+00:00

I really wish more women understood the legal ramifications of marriage and shacking up. People, men and women, need to understand that ALL relationships will end - either by separation or death. As such, a woman must protect herself, even more if she has children. The best protection is through marriage.

I know several couples who have been living together with and without kids for YEARS. Prior to FDS, I envied these relationships, thinking their boyfriends really cared and loved them because they have been together for years. I thought a man wanting to live with you meant he was serious and committed. How naïve was I! When in reality, it means the exact opposite. Some of these couples have been engaged for multiple years with no wedding date set. Yet, they parade their relationship around with pride. These women are most likely placeholders and will be devastated emotionally and financially if they split up.

randowordgenerator · 2021-02-04T04:09:02+00:00

I wish I could block r / relationship and the rest. unbunbelievable

rebeccadll · 2021-02-03T22:03:42+00:00

This is so important & much needed reminders. Thank you for posting this ✨

SavvyInNYC · 2021-02-03T21:02:07+00:00

I combined finances with my man and we live together. Of course, we are engaged but we aren’t married yet.

Oh.. by combining finances I mean that when he moved in, he started depositing the majority of his paycheck into my checking account. I told him I can be particular with money and he had no problem with it. 💁🏻‍♀️

I love that man lmao

Edit: this is also why I mentioned on a thread about not judging who hands you the debit card to pay. A sister here talked about how she felt bad for a woman that was with her man and she was the one handing the card over to the cashier.

I do that too, because my fiancée puts most of his money in my account. So, he’s still paying, it’s just my name on the card.

llamasinspace420 · 2021-02-04T12:55:51+00:00

I can attest to this. He didn't marry me and left me out to dry and I'm still trying to recover. I will never play house or be Barb the Builder again.

Papaverinum · 2021-02-04T10:30:05+00:00

I don't understand those women. I thought that buying anything with someone not legally tied with you is irresponsible, even when I had no idea FDS existed!

Villanelloh · 2021-02-04T12:13:51+00:00

I feel like I'm overstepping when I tell unmarried women NOT to get a mortgage with their boyfriend but sometimes you might be the only one who gives them that advice. If it saves one woman from financial ruin then it's worth the awkwardness

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-02-04T20:15:31+00:00

I was in a situation where I was laid off from my job and my boyfriend “conveniently” suggested we move in together at that point. We spent all our free time together anyways, I was terrified being unemployed, and the arrangement seemed to make good sense. In retrospect, this was actually pretty predatory of him because it immediately set up a power imbalance in our relationship. He bought “us” a house (guess who has “our” house now?)and payed the bills but I did literally everything else. He never cooked a single meal the entire time, never did dishes unless I was seriously ill, and never cleaned unless we were having a party and I begged him to pitch in so we could get done in time. He recommended that I stay home and start my business instead of getting a day job (power imbalance!🚩). It was really messed up because instead of appreciating all my labor (I did a ton of work on the house, too), he once told me: “I could pay someone to do all the things you do for me and I’d still be ahead financially.” Which is of course a lie, but it really illustrated his lack of respect for women and domestic labor.

Long story short, he cheated and decided he wanted the OW to move in. All the labor I put into making that house a home went up in smoke. And now apparently she claims credit for everything I did. 🙄 At one point in our relationship he had talked about putting me on the mortgage and I didn’t know a lot about home ownership at the time but I knew enough about his irresponsible finances for the idea to make me very uncomfortable. I’m not sure how I could have better protected myself and my investment in that house (other than never cohabitating at all) but I am grateful that I never got on his mortgage because it would have made cutting free from him and his bullshit so much harder. Just don’t do it, ladies. I lost years on that greedy fuckwit but now I have my own home and I will never let a man take it from me. And I recently heard that fuckwit and OW are living in hoarders conditions. They had a house fire in their basement(their junk ignited from touching the boiler), and the firefighters complained on record of the house being a “Collyers Mansion” and having difficulty getting to the source of the fire because of all their junk. Guess he couldn’t pay for all the things I did for him after all... 🤣

AwkwardDisaster4150 · 2021-02-04T21:49:26+00:00

One of my coworkers keeps talking about buying a house with her boyfriend. I’m like, you mean after you get married, right?

AnnGwish · 2021-02-06T05:03:20+00:00

I bought my own damn house when married and had my then husband sign a paper to that effect. I still have my house and bitches got all of his things packed up and left by the curb for him to pick up, including the garbage he left all over the spare room. I had some red flaggy feelings about him and was not going to invest and end up homeless with that feeling.

Title	STOP PLAYING HOUSE
Author	savagecarebear2
Upvotes	801
Comments	90
Date	February 3, 2021 6:41 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lbuqrl/stop_playing_house/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/stop-playing-house.743983 https://theredarchive.com/post/743983

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