The fake proposal -- anyone else?

makeawomancum · 2022-03-13T13:03:08+00:00

Yes, future faking is such a shitty tactic narcissists use to try to lovebomb us and to make us think they’re more invested than they truly are. Because lvm ego love the attention they get from deceiving well meaning women.

londochig · 2022-03-13T15:20:45+00:00

I think you ex may have been a covert narcissist or had some narcissistic traits. My ex-narcissist was the only one who would future fake. The other men I dated were definitely LV but avoided questions about the future. I think future faking is synonymous with NPD.

I did get a fake proposal with no ring from my ex- narc. Here's how it happened. I tried to leave after one of his many unhinged abusive episodes, so he cried crocodile tears about how he had planned this huge trip to the Caribbeans to propose to me. Also, his female friend was apparently helping him pick out a diamond ring for me. This was nearly a year in. It was a huge lie to get me to stay. Wtf. If a man proposes when you're leaving it a huge red flag. You better nope the £uck outta there faster than you normally would. Proposals should be when everything is going really well with your relationship.The second time I left, he pretended he was buying me a house in a city I loved. This mf was making 250k/year but was in 150k debt from his gambling addictions and insane spending habits. He lost his job and was down to making 160/year. I knew there was no way he could afford a house with all his debts and spending and gambling despite what he was making. The future faking is unreal.

ThePatriarchyIsTrash · 2022-03-13T13:20:43+00:00

My ex fake proposed more times than I can even count. It's 100% a manipulation tactic. It's a way to future fake and force intimacy with a person. It also had nothing to do with me. HE wanted to feel wanted. It was his self-loathing, lack of self-control, and non-existent self-esteem that drove him to do it.

My dumb ass had never encountered something like it before. Initially I said yes....then I would tell him no....then I would tell him I wouldn't even listen to anything that wasn't a proper proposal.

He turned out to be incredibly abusive and toxic (Lundy Bancroft can be credited with rescuing me), and fake proposals were just one weapon in his arsenal.

Ladies, leave after the first fake proposal. He has done you the favor of showing you who he is. He thinks he's being clever....but he isn't. It will not get better. It will not change. And even if he does eventually propose for real? I promise you he's still an abusive person. Learn from my mistakes and fucking run

Professional-Ad-457 · 2022-03-13T14:57:36+00:00

He got down on bended knee, gave me some roses, whipped out a whopping big diamond ring, and asks me ‘will you get engaged to me IN A YEAR’S TIME?’ Lmao

Nope

millennialpink2000 · 2022-03-13T15:44:47+00:00

My loser ex made a big production of ring shopping when we moved in together. He got the shitty little trinket and it sat in his drawer for over 5 years and was still there the day I walked out. I'm sure it's still there gathering dust

glubii · 2022-03-13T12:59:11+00:00

This is soooo weird. Honestly I don’t really get why women are supposed to be the “irrational” gender. So many men tend to do dumb shit like that 🤦🏻‍♀️

ferociouslycurious · 2022-03-13T15:15:00+00:00

I think it’s a shining example of the emotional immaturity of even adult males. So many of them make zero attempt to mature, especially emotionally.

Peengwin · 2022-03-13T14:51:22+00:00

I've been told "I love you" by multiple guys after like 1 or 2 weeks, I've been told by a couple guys we could go ring shopping right then and there (after I had already ended things or they knew i just wasn't invested).... the vile things these losers do bc they think it will appeal to us. Love bombing, future faking, and saying literally any damn thing to get a woman to sleep with them, not leave, whatever. Words are meaningless!

Junior-Lion7893 · 2022-03-13T13:39:00+00:00

I got the fake “I love you” three months in and I was like wtf?!

He just wanted to fuck and figured that waiting three months was already too long, so he went with that instead. He tried to speed up the relationship. So glad I left.

asianinindia · 2022-03-13T14:47:10+00:00

Hold up. I'm not the only one?

I got one when my ex was cheating (one of many times). He found out from my friend that I was suspicious so he proposed. Idiot that I was I thought THAT was why he was so secretive etc. (ignoring all the other actual evidence of cheating). Said yes. Found out later that even the ring was fake.

seraphinelysion · 2022-03-13T16:56:44+00:00

What would he have done if I'd accepted and wanted to start wedding planning right away?

He would have panicked that you were taking it way too far/too serious. Then he would either become really distant while you were planning it all, or not show up at the altar day of the wedding citing that in the end "he wasn't ready." Anyway you swing it, it would not have been a good outcome. Men are stupid and create a lot of their own problems, then outwardly project the blame onto other people around them, especially women.

And to answer your original question... Has this happened to anyone else? Yes, a friend of mine was dating a guy for about 5 years and she wanted marriage/kids/family. He never got his shit together enough to move all of that forward so she broke up with him. He begged her to give him another chance and that if she wanted marriage, he would marry her, even bought a cheap ass ring to give to her, but by then it was too late and she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. His proposing was just a desparate attempt at not going back to the single life where he KNEW no one was going to want him. So rather than get his shit together and create a life with her, he double downed on staying the same and expected her to put up with it forever. Men 100% create their own problems.

charmparticle · 2022-03-13T15:54:48+00:00

I was proposed to by a guy I never dated, via a phone call out of the blue. He proposed a fake marriage for military benefits, and told me that I was his third choice after the first 2 turned him down. Hmmm, this did not convince me.

He completed his military service as a single man, and eventually married his first choice. I was friends with her and I recall she originally dumped him for being a man child. 🤣 I hope all turned out well for everyone.

SupremeDearLeader · 2022-03-13T14:56:56+00:00

Been there. Covert narc hobosexual w the future faking so he could stay rent free longer, makes me want to vomit thinking about it.

MsWriteNow07 · 2022-03-13T16:26:17+00:00

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cml678701 · 2022-03-13T13:40:36+00:00

This is a commitment phobe’s go to plan! They can propose to get the woman off their back, and that buys them more time, because she is happy with the ring. This happened to my friend. Her ex was basically a walking red flag; let her pay for everything, barely spent time with her, and didn’t marry his ex-wife for 12 years in case she changed. Spoiler alert: he still wasn’t happy, and they got divorced. He told this friend they could maybe get engaged after like 5 years this time, but have a several years long engagement.

Long story short, he actually did propose after maybe 2 years, because she bugged him so much about it. It was a low effort way to make her shut up about marriage, and keep her happy in the short term. He was able to ride that wave for a year or two, talking about a “long engagement,” taking engagement photos, having engagement parties, etc. But after a couple years of this, it became obvious that he was never actually going to through with the wedding, so she left and found someone who is crazy about her.

JulyParade · 2022-03-13T17:11:19+00:00

It's not just you! Many of my friends got fake proposals. I even know a few people in fake marriages. One fake marriage blew up in 3 months because she thought it was real. (Um, girl, you were broken up with him when he proposed. It was a courthouse wedding. And you got to order whatever you wanted at Cheesecake Factory instead of a honeymoon. Not a good sign.) The other fake marriage blew up in 2 years because YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM. Sigh.

I've gotten a ringless proposal. But to me no ring = no proposal. It's the most low effort bs and I would break up with any man who suggests otherwise.

I also got a proposal AFTER I broke up with him. Did he really think I was angry we weren't married?? LOLZ. I was angry that he was behaving like a bag of dicks! When I was CoMUnIcATinG he was gaslighting, lying, deceiving... Nah.

jetcake · 2022-03-13T18:10:53+00:00

At the time I never considered the instances I am going to share as a fake proposal, but certainly in the realm of future faking.

I admit that I have a soft, sympathetic heart, although I certainly have taught myself to be extremely selective in what I perceive to be the truth vs. outright lying and time wasting.

In my own experience, I have found that people who do this see you as a means to an end. The guy wants to capitalize off of your success, what you "have", and wants to keep you for as long as possible.

A few years ago I dated a guy who I had been with for six years. We never lived together, he wanted to, but I told him I needed a rock solid commitment. He always talked about what our life would look like living in his parents' house that he was going to buy from them. I did not want this and it didn't matter to him. I loved him very much, but there were a myriad of things that he did early on (stories for another day) and throughout our relationship that had me on the verge of breaking up with him so many times. I wish I did, but he would always cite his "issues with his looks!" and "I'm so, so sorry!" to keep me with him.

By the time we were six years in, I was so done with the relationship. I was sick of always being the problem solver and decided that if he wasn't going to pay attention to the problems that he was causing in the relationship, I was going to move on. I told him this and he didn't believe me. I began seeing someone else and when he finally realized that I was serious about moving on, he comes to me with "trying to work on our relationship" and "starting over". This was the only time he had acknowledged his treatment of me. He took it a step further and in a P A R A G R A P H text asked me to help him buy his parents' house and we could work on our relationship because he wanted to marry me.

I told him that he had ample time to truly be a partner and the only reason he was contacting me wasn't because he wanted me, he needed me for a monetary purpose. I wasn't hurt or upset so much as I was insulted that he would even waste my time.

The other instance was a guy who I was truly in love with. He told me early on that he wanted a future with me, how he wanted to propose (a vineyard in Paris and the "anxiety of getting down on one knee"), and the whole shebang. He bought his parents' house from them when his mom was diagnosed with cancer. Around when he was telling me about how much he wanted me as [Mrs. His Last Name], I expressed that I had no intention of living together prior to marriage. He told me he respected this and that he enjoyed having his own space anyway.

We had a great, loving relationship until we were involved in a car accident where he was the driver. He was uninjured, but I was another story. A month after the accident, he tells me that he is ending our relationship. He gave no reason other than "we come from different worlds, staying together would be toxic", etc. Meanwhile, I am living with the devastation of being physically injured and now I'm basically being told "This is where I am leaving you". It was dehumanizing in every sense of the word.

You would think that all of those beautiful words comprised of his "promises" were what he stood by. Wedding vows state "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health". He showed me that he was not a man of his word, "Oh, but please, nobody understands my side! I don't want to be viewed as a monster!" Well you fucking earned that title. I would hate to be him and have to see that face in a mirror every morning. And if you're wondering, he didn't get away with it. It's really saying something when your own attorney describes someone as "classless" and calls out the other person lying.

Going forward, I trust actions, not words. Even then, I am vary cautious of both. It hasn't been a perfect journey, but I am still learning how to separate truth from lies.

Objective_Ad7771 · 2022-03-13T13:49:49+00:00

My ex tried to propose to me after I broke up with him (after a 2 year long relationship full of mistreatment, lying and some cheating). He was trying to "save" the relationship that way lmao (meaning I would be a forever fiancé with a cheapass ring). Also I was 18 at the time he was 20!!! We started dating when I was 16 ffs. Of course I want to be chained down by an asshole in my 20s /s

edelbiatch · 2022-03-13T14:24:26+00:00

My covert narc NVM ex never formally proposed to me. Instead, he gifted me a ring that looked just like a wedding ring. I was very young and naive so I never questioned why he would give me such a present without a proposal. But it was handy for him - locking me up with a ring that says "I'm taken" while not giving me any commitment.

helena939392 · 2022-03-13T14:04:47+00:00

My ex also future faked me and fake proposed to me with no intention to actually marry me or start a family with me. But there were so many signs I chose to ignore, and wasted three years of my life in this relationship. He wasn't a man of his words in any other way, why would he actually build a life with me either? But nevertheless, I was still a victim of his sociopathic behavior and learnt my lesson. But still, I sometime worry about the women he abuses after me. So many broken minds and hearts.

AnonymousRooster · 2022-03-13T14:21:23+00:00

My shittiest ex called me on Valentines Day weeks after we broke up saying he had planned to propose that day. I was so annoyed, like fool, I hate that holiday which he knew well, and as if I'd have said yes. 100% too it was pure manipulation and not a real plan he had.

BasieSkanks · 2022-03-13T14:37:01+00:00

This hasn't happened to me, but I worked with a NVM who said he would propose to his girlfriends but have no intention of marrying them. Watch out for this, ladies.

dating-adventures · 2022-03-13T14:08:02+00:00

I received a variation of a fake proposal. It was a narcissistic prank he did to try taking me down a notch.

AnniaT · 2022-03-13T17:38:37+00:00

It's called furure faking and many men do it for the most varied reasons. They'll dangle the commitment carrot in front of a woman's nose with no intention of following through if it means getting benefits from the woman believing the relationship has a future. Some will also future fake when they don't love the woman but feel convenient not breaking up and the woman keeps on nagging them to marry. So they'll future fake to keep her of his back. It's called a "shut up ring". All of this is why I don't take proposals seriously unless there's a defined plan. I have an acquaintance that has been engaged with a NVM for almost 4 years and there's still no arrangements to get married. And it has nothing to do with lack of money to marry because he's rich (but extremely stingy with her). Never believe future plans from men unless they show you through concrete actions that they mean it.

HolaHulaHola · 2022-03-13T19:29:45+00:00

Never heard of fake proposals until now. But back in my day girls would get...wait for it..."pre-engaged," with a small, modest ring as proof. I thought it was such bullshit back then, because it basically meant that the guy could lock her down, get bangmaid privileges from her, she would cook and clean for him (yuck!), yet he could still easily break up without judgement, because they weren't formally engaged, only pre-engaged. Girls with boyfriends were so hoping for that magical pre-engagement stamp of approval, as if it meant something. And when/If they split up, he got his cheap ring back.

Huntscunt · 2022-03-13T14:10:16+00:00

My nvx thought he was about to get deployed again, so he proposed. However, I wanted to get married in the catholic church and he needed an annulment. He drug his feet on completing that paperwork for literal years. I realize now he probably did it on purpose, afraid I would leave him during deployment (even though we'd already been through 1!).

To this day, I'm still not sure he actually wanted to get married.

AudQueen · 2022-03-13T20:13:29+00:00

I’m not surprised that this is common. But really men have been using babies to lock women down for forever. It’s free, much more permanent and requires zero planning or significant effort on their part.

randomgirlimok · 2022-03-13T17:37:29+00:00

My hobosexual ex husband proposed immediately after moving into his new GFs house.

butteryrum · 2022-03-13T18:04:51+00:00

Read the title and though, "ah future faking!?" The similarities between generally narcissistic men and the men talked about here are spooky. But wow a ring and everything?! That's next level scrote.

I was dating a guy who tried to make me feel bad he wanted to "buy me a ring" but it really just freaked me out. There was also talk of, "Move away with me from everything and everyone you know!" It was bad and about two weeks in I was mostly devising plans to make him go away for good because I knew if I just ended it he was a crazy and wouldn't accept it. Something made him think I cheated on him, and while I didn't, it made him go away so that was fine. When I look back on the age gap now that I'm a little older than the both of us at the time, it's just even creepier.

I didn't understand what was going on but he did, and so did people around me. What bugged me at the time is my family wasn't direct and or honest with me. They spoke in riddles instead of directly the truth. My dad never taught me "about men". I was just expected "to know" men were scrotes without anyone explaining it while simultaneously being told to be a "cool girl pick me" shit. Thank god I never married him.

aziza7 · 2022-03-13T19:57:26+00:00

Men do lots of things to lock us down even though they aren't going to be locked down themselves. My former fiance had me move in with his parents while he was working in another city. The explanation was that it was going to help me shorten my commute to work. It did. However, I was also under the watchful eye of his stay at home mom during the day, his horrible father in the evenings, and the maid with the big eyes and even bigger mouth on the weekends.

msxchrisx · 2022-03-14T00:23:24+00:00

Yup we were young Had been together 3 years Still in college then he cheated and with a lot of work we got back together a year later.( yes I was dumb) Then he transferred to a school about 10 hours away. I broke it off because I felt like I could finally move forward without guilt and he did everything he could for us to get married. He insisted that I would move with him and just hang out in an unfamiliar place while he finished school. He thought the prospect of marriage would be so enticing to me that I would abandon all my own goals and dreams to be with him.

I don't think I ever laughed so much in my life. Never spoke to him again💁‍♀️

IndividualRoutine661 · 2022-03-15T22:52:53+00:00

My LVM ex proposed CONSTANTLY whilst I protested weakly and tried to deflect (far too soon, living in different countries etc).

I now understand that as a tactic known as future faking, there’s an actual name for it

As a more mature woman it just felt off to me, too much too soon.

2022-03-14T07:01:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	The fake proposal -- anyone else?
Author	PeanutButterPigeon85
Upvotes	694
Comments	79
Date	March 13, 2022 12:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/td6a3d/the_fake_proposal_anyone_else/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-fake-proposal-anyone-else.1106487 https://theredarchive.com/post/1106487

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