Two wonderful comments on yet another "AITA for spending next to no time, effort, or money on my fiancé's engagement ring???"

timetofliptables · 2020-02-21T15:21:04+00:00

I’m not like other girls, my man could PrOpOsE tO mE wItH a ChIcKeN nUgGeT aNd I wOuLd SaY yEs

mandoa_sky · 2020-02-21T14:42:06+00:00

I’m extremely sensitive to metals so my skin will know pretty quickly if the item is bad quality. And guys always think it’s about being materialistic 🤔🤷‍♀️

Gertrudethecurious · 2020-02-21T19:15:51+00:00

Historically jewellery was important for a woman to own as it was virtually the only possession a woman was allowed to keep - she couldn't own property or have her own money. Even her children weren't hers and could be taken away if the husband decided. Jewels were the only piece of financial security she had.

bluelightsonblkgirls · 2020-02-21T15:29:47+00:00

But do y’all know what the real gag is? Men care about these things too. They compete with other men — especially in white collar professions — about what rings they get their soon to be wives (I’ve SEEN it numerous times). It’s a pissing contest, in a way. The idea that only women care about engagement rings is a fallacy.

KAT_85 · 2020-02-21T14:55:45+00:00

That's why my granny always says "Do not marry a man who does not spend any dime on you, if he's not used to buying you gifts and paying for dinner then anything you will ever ask of him will seem too expensive in his eyes" and it's true.

When i dated my ex, for the first 7-8 months of the relationship he didn't pay for anything, not even offer and i let it pass by, when i asked for a gift on valentines he said the flowers (8$) are too expensive and the teddy bear (12$) isn't worth the price.

My best friend mentioned the fact he's a cheap and should pay and put in effort (she is VERY FDS) and i opened my eyes and told him it bothers me, he didn't like it at first but eventually he started paying and he said seeing me happy makes him happy. Every week i would get cute gifts (50$-100$ for each gift) and he liked spending money on me and i never paid for a dinner ever since! he became more committed too. Before that he didn't care if i'll leave or not.

People care more for stuff they put money into, it's just a fact!

Sage_Planter · 2020-02-21T20:35:27+00:00

Full thread for those interested!

tl;dr Crafty man spends "a couple hours" making a "rustic" engagement ring. Fiancé accepts his proposal but is extremely upset about the ring.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2020-02-21T14:52:26+00:00

So there is yet hope for that sub

Interesting

Lady_Schmoobleydong · 2020-02-21T15:19:20+00:00

It’s true, I needed to like my ring. I’m the one wearing it. Granted, I didn’t want him spending an egregious amount on it, but when I saw the ring I wanted and was happy with the price, that’s the ring my friend sent him. I get so many compliments on it, and part of why people compliment me on it is because they can see how much I like it.

I agree with the sentiment of “you’re marrying the man, not the ring,” but I like knowing that he was willing to make that purchase, because it’s a big one.

I understand that there are people who don’t have a lot of money and work with the resources they have and their partners are happy, but that is different than being willfully stingy.

Parsnippety · 2020-02-21T16:52:17+00:00

Let me tell on these losers since various facets of this theme have been popping up lately. I've seen quite a few men who think it's hilarious to boast about how they don't care about their rings and do dumb shit with them as a form of heading to outer space to whisper "Biiiiiiiiiiitch" as a form of male bonding.

A lot of men lose their rings not just because they're cheating or trying to look single, but because they are literally treating their ring how they feel about the relationship.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-02-21T15:47:59+00:00

Yes! Practice what you preach, cheapskates!

I have some male friends that love to brag about how they have been wearing the same t-shirts for 10+ years, but they are constantly buying new branded computer peripherals that have obviously been marketed to them.

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-02-21T16:36:25+00:00

That first comment is savage and so true. I've known a lot of guys who care about having a fancy car that they can't even really afford, or sneakers so expensive I literally thought they were joking when they told me the cost.

But a woman's ring that she's supposed to wear for the rest of her life? GaSP! ThE maTEriAlISm!

ny-lady · 2020-02-21T16:57:44+00:00

My mother always taught me that a ring is a symbol of a man's love and affection for you. It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be expensive. It has to be GOOD QUALITY. Not a piece of junk that will make your finger turn green and fall off.

SigourneyReaver · 2020-02-21T15:52:10+00:00

A guy who thinks a lifetime of commitment is worth about an hour in his hobby shop. Sounds like we have an LVM mascot.

KAT_85 · 2020-02-21T17:13:18+00:00

Wow.... standing ovation here...

My husband bought my ring for me using all of his savings from working odd jobs in high school. We were 19, and it cost 1500. It’s not the flashiest thing in the world, and he plans to upgrade it within the next 5 years when we’re through paying our student debt. Point is, even when he had nothing, he wasn’t cheap and zeroed out his bank account so that I wasn’t wearing trash for the next 20 years.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-02-21T19:47:12+00:00

I can't believe all the comments from males (that I deleted) saying she should just get a job (and buy her own ring?) Lmao they love completely missing the point to push their own agenda.

cyclodextrin · 2020-02-21T17:21:33+00:00

It's a ring you'll be wearing every day for hopefully the next 50+ years. It has to be something you love, it has to be good quality and it has to last. Yeah, my other jewellery might be cheaper, but I'll wear that for 5 years at most, with infrequent wearing, before it falls apart or breaks or wears down.

2020-02-21T16:33:27+00:00

I mean, I'm not expecting a 50k ring or anything, but you're really expecting me to wear a $80 ring forever (or at least for 40-50 years)? Or a hand-made ring made of I don't even know what?

ThatOneCuteNerdyGirl · 2020-02-21T16:26:32+00:00

I asked my fiancé not to skimp on this. I don’t normally ask for much, but this was the one thing I wasn’t gonna “settle” on. I pretty much said as long as it takes you to save to get what I’m looking for, take the time to do it. I’m in no rush. And you know what? That’s just what he did.

Blondejobs · 2020-02-21T20:57:35+00:00

My dad even tells me, the ring a man presents to you should be 3x his monthly salary. He’s investing because he wants to spend his life with you. Don’t ever accept being shorted because it’s a “gesture”, a man will never short himself so don’t let him short you. if you accept less than you deserve you’re setting the standards that will apply to the rest of your marriage. my dad always tells me I’d never cheap out on your mom, so I’ll never accept a man that wants to cheap out on my daughter.

SecretGirlStuff · 2020-02-21T17:55:52+00:00

Yup. Then the man child OP threw a tantrum when she didn’t fall to her knees and open her mouth when he presented her with the garbage. Throw him away.

pixeldustpros · 2020-02-21T18:32:21+00:00

I have a rule. If you don't buy me a better ring than I can buy myself then I'm not giving up my freedom for you. Cry about it 🤷‍♀️

2020-02-21T17:43:43+00:00

Love this response. People seem to forget marriage and wedding rings are supposed to last a life time, so that’s why quality metals and stones are used. Of course marketing will play that up, but diamonds are truly the hardest substance out there.

I also feel this way when people criticize traditionally feminine interests and hobbies as shallow or stupid as if stereotypically male hobbies aren’t. How is makeup more of a waste than video games? Interests and hobbies associated with femininity often require just as much skill and aren’t any more frivolous, so I think it is just more internalized misogyny.

ninetyfiverskydiver · 2020-02-21T18:01:01+00:00

Perfect example of not letting anyone talk you out of what you want. Some men have a lot of nerve

Krikkits · 2020-02-21T20:18:25+00:00

There's only two kinds of men I will NEVER date: stingy and/or completely narcissistic

I don't need expensive rings, I want good quality. And for me personally it's the only piece of jewelry I wear, imagine it being the only shiny thing I wear and it's a piece of shit

Knackered_Hubcaps · 2020-02-21T18:53:19+00:00

I love love love the first comment ❤️I was told engagement rings need to be at least 3 months of the guys salary to demonstrate to her, their families and the community how serious he is about the lifelong commitment of marriage, and how he can take care of her when they are married. My friend developed pre-eclampsia in pregnancy and it was absolutely terrifying.

CaptnSubtlety · 2020-02-21T17:33:41+00:00

The money itself isn’t the most important aspect but quality is. If the ring is a symbol of your marriage and they intend for you to wear it forever, I’d hope the man would spend time, thought, effort, sacrifice (to save up money), and an understanding of who you are into finding one. If it’s not done for the ring, then I wouldn’t expect it in the marriage.

2020-02-21T17:29:07+00:00

My ex would drop hundreds of dollars on my musical gear and equipment every single month. On our 5+ year anniversary I got a very pretty ring, gold and stone, and later found the same artist selling her wares at a small boutique.... the ring was for $25. I couldn’t believe it.

burn_that · 2020-02-21T17:58:26+00:00

This is why I always tell my girlfriends to wear their best jewelry when they're going out with a guy. Let him see what you're used to. I have lots of interesting and expensive jewelry--some I bought for myself, some were gifts. When we were dating, my husband asked me what kind of gifts I like. I said "Gold".

Our first dating anniversary, he bought me a Cartier Love bangle. My engagement ring is also Cartier. He knows I don't put up with bullshit or bad quality anything. If your man can't be trained, he doesn't belong in the house.

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-21T15:46:25+00:00

T H A N K Y O U

🤡🌎😂

ReeksOfChlorine · 2020-02-21T19:48:33+00:00

Not OP but Linking the post for y’all https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f6r5tx/aita_for_hand_making_an_engagement_ring/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

keyrArA · 2020-02-21T15:19:50+00:00

Wow these people would hate me because I don’t just want the nice ring, I want the necklace and earrings to match.

even_thriller · 2020-02-21T18:32:42+00:00

There is hope for them yet! I went and found that thread and reading it the OP said it took him literally two hours to make the ring he gave his fiance because he's a metalworker/knows how to do that kind of stuff and its something he does frequently so he knows what he's doing. Its not selfish at all for her to want a diamond and a real ring yet we're materialistic because we want them? Bs.

aycarambas · 2020-02-21T17:36:11+00:00

can y'all start linking these posts? i wanna read them too and reddit's search function sucks

2020-02-22T00:39:21+00:00

God bless these two comments. 🙌

FodderFigureIllushun · 2020-02-22T01:31:10+00:00

Here is a screenshot of the original post because the OP deleted his text:

https://imgur.com/a/sITY7LB

ilovewinniethepooh · 2020-02-21T19:53:45+00:00

Source:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f6r5tx/aita_for_hand_making_an_engagement_ring/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

IthinkItsLipGloss · 2020-02-22T01:44:11+00:00

Every second post on AITA is from LVM or someone writing about a LVM. I just hope I am never in the situation, second guessing myself and think I’m doing something wrong because an LVM told me so.

2020-02-21T18:22:35+00:00

I got to pick my ring. My ex said that he wanted to make sure I liked it because it was something I was going to wear forever (obviously not true now!) But he had went to the ring store before to talk budget, when he took me they showed me rings in his price range, I didn't know what the budget was and i absolutely LOVED my ring and always got compliments on it. It's so beautiful, but idk what to do with it now. If I pawn it, I don't want to pass along any bad juju. But I read you can turn a ring into different things. Another friend of mine tells me to wear it on my right hand, but not sure about that one.

2020-02-22T00:27:28+00:00

FUCKING PREACH TO THE DEATH FOR THIS WHAT THE FUCK. Literally could not have said this better myself. Anything a woman does she is criticized for. Anything a woman dreams about she is criticized for. Literally anything we do we are picked apart for. Okay I'll just drive my shitty car with the shitty ring on my finger living in a shitty house in a shitty neighborhood while my wonderful husband glosses his Benz and has sex with the fucking exhaust pipe.

successfully_failing · 2020-02-21T15:37:17+00:00

Not sure if it’s allowed but could someone link to the original post? I’d love to read it

I_Feel_So_Optimistic · 2020-02-21T20:28:31+00:00

I didn’t even get an engagement ring. My wedding ring that I wear on the day to day is made of silicone and was purchased for less than $20 on Amazon. I have a $200ish dollar ring I wear on fancy occasions. But no, I never got a proposal with a ring. We eloped in a hotel room in Vegas.

raeven98 · 2020-02-21T15:21:31+00:00

Some true queens.

SmoothDaikon · 2020-02-21T18:26:17+00:00

Taking a screenshot to keep as a reminder. 🙌🏻🙌🏻

FodderFigureIllushun · 2020-02-21T19:55:12+00:00

I think the original post was deleted but in the title he says "my fiance" meaning she said YES?!?

dazzleunexpired · 2020-02-21T22:32:26+00:00

My fiance didn't spend tons on my ring, but it's PERFECT and I adore it. I wouldn't want a different ring. He got it from a jewelry shop with a stellar warranty, known for quality but didn't pick something extravagant. It's nice metal and real stone, though. It doesn't have to be expensive, just well thought out and with effort. At least for me!

2020-02-21T19:19:28+00:00

It’s me 💕💕💕💕

2020-02-21T16:43:49+00:00

Can you link the original post?

Nanabs · 2020-02-21T18:02:17+00:00

Anyone got a link to the original post?

capresesalad1985 · 2020-02-22T04:21:59+00:00

Does anyone have the link to the original post?

capresesalad1985 · 2020-02-22T04:32:05+00:00

My bf and I are in the process of designing my engagement ring. He gave me a budget that I very honestly didn’t want him to spend. If I was to list the things I want in a dream ring, the number one thing was a larger stone and a unique setting. So I told him I would prefer a moissanite vs a diamond because a 3ct diamond would cost what....40k? I honestly don’t want to walk around with that kind of money just sitting on my hand...we have better things to do with that kind of cash (like travel and buy a house). I’ve been the one to manage the budget on the ring even getting a bit nervous at some jewelers who I felt charged too much. But still he was the one to tell me to pick my dream ring. Luckily I found a jeweler who is creating my dream ring custom made at a price that I don’t feel like my man is getting screwed over. I’m really excited that I feel like I am getting my dream ring - it’s everything I want and the design is completely unique to us and it’s not going to cost him an insane amt of money.

SubstantialBedroom81 · 2020-07-10T20:06:58+00:00

I love this entire thread. I know it's old but my god i feel this in my BONES!!!

As someone who is with a HVM who did not even stop to give me a budget on an engagement ring. ( Although I did go lab grown for the ethical issues and the ring came out to around $4000 ) He only ever wanted me to pick out what made ME happy. Spending time on the engagement ring sub and all these threads is infuriating. Like all the women who hate their ring but keep it because it was a family heirloom and they save money. Like i understand if you're in a tight spot financially but NO WOMAN should be with a ring she does not like!

I made a post in ask men about it that was immediately deleted within like 2 minutes and the responses were still that any woman who wants a ring is a gold digger. Bitch What!

If my 4k ring makes me a gold digger then i am the cheapest woman on the god damn planet. Where are my trips, handbags, clothes, regular skin appointments and sports car??

HighLife0001 · 2020-02-22T01:56:15+00:00

It’s fine if the guy doesn’t want to get me an expensive ring, only if he hands over the money the ring would have cost to me for it for a house down payment instead. If we wanna be practical I can be practical too

Title	Two wonderful comments on yet another "AITA for spending next to no time, effort, or money on my fiancé's engagement ring???"
Author	Sage_Planter
Upvotes	2068
Comments	109
Date	February 21, 2020 2:21 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f7bqiv/two_wonderful_comments_on_yet_another_aita_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/two-wonderful-comments-on-yet-another-aita-for.681823 https://theredarchive.com/post/681823

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