Yes, relationships REQUIRE effort...

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-08-05T20:04:46+00:00

Because they're lazy and scared. It takes effort to be romantic and courage to be that vulnerable.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-08-05T20:07:59+00:00

I know a lot of men (LVM) who really like romance movies and are romantic in relationships. This is just a particularly lazy LVM.

DarknessKitties · 2020-08-05T22:57:58+00:00

And I'm expected to be waxed, hair done, nails done, nice (often expensive) outfit, makeup done, try to be romantic and give attention, for a LVM that thinks loving me is work? Nah sis.

2020-08-05T21:02:58+00:00

In my attempt to understand why I loved romance novels that were formulaic with the same story arc and conclusion I unpacked what was appealing to me which gave me important insight to recover from nonsense ideas that were harmful.

Most every story has these elements.

First contact. Guy intrinsically knows nearly immediately that she’s “special” which leads into their first memorable encounter that builds sexual tension.

Next up is the trauma bonding filled with dramatic circumstances that threaten to keep the lovers apart interspersed with spectacular sex.

And then in the books I’m particularly fond of he rescues her from cinematic danger which then permanently and irrevocably bonds them till death.

To average guy™️ choosing one woman is big time work. Especially since he believes that many women are on his lifetime sexual menu of fantasy projection, just in time dating and eventual good for now relationships.

Average guy™️ doesn’t identify with the male protagonist even though he was built from celebrated alpha male folk hero material. Probably because there’s no mediocrity. No job, boss, family or burdensome obligation that is medicated with alcohol, drugs, video games or excessive fandom. A romance novel hero has extremely fictional agency when compared to average guy™️.

Finally, average guy™️ more often than not sees all women as “work” anyways and is utterly unwilling to do one more thing since he already puts lots effort into grooming women for sex.

gothoneybones · 2020-08-05T20:27:04+00:00

Honestly I'm at the point where rom coms and romance stories just make me sad af and I can't watch them anymore. Like, I have never met a man like that, & I don't think they even exist.

Hell I can't even watch The Office anymore because Jim and Pam just seem too idealistic.

1Here4Bach · 2020-08-06T01:19:49+00:00

So...what exactly do they bring to a relationship? They don’t want to be romantic, they don’t want to provide emotional support, they don’t want to think of fun and spontaneous ways of showing their partner they care.

What exactly is romance to men? Sex on-demand? Your girlfriend giving you emotionally support but you giving none to her?

I’ve seen my share of romance movies and in most of them, the man isn’t rich. He’s just creative. He thinks of low budget, thoughtful ways to impress the woman.

berned-out · 2020-08-06T00:42:55+00:00

"horrifying amount of work" speaks volumes about his sense of entitlement, especially when most other genres are made for the male gaze: action, suspense, mystery, nighttime shows.......etceter.......oh, and lest we forget the entire earth's library of porn, also made entirely for consumption by males at any cost. never heard a man talk about a war movie like this. to me, war and depravity are a "horrifying amount of work" that's often born by women and children. but those are men's favorite genres.

zombiessalad · 2020-08-06T01:32:58+00:00

Why is love seen as work??? I love my parents, I love my family. When I get the chance to surprise them with hugs or little gifts and even just cooking a meal for them I enjoy it. Why? Because I love seeing them happy. I love sharing moments with them. This applies to friends, & significant others. Working through fights and tough spots is hard as hell sometimes, but loving is so easy. If you aren’t prepared to love (put in work) for a woman or a man or fucking any other breathing soul...Don’t waste their damn time!!!!!

berned-out · 2020-08-06T00:39:02+00:00

i commented that men found a whole genre of something not made for their gaze and now dey make sadface

catsuramen · 2020-08-06T00:41:40+00:00

I remember a distinct moment when I dislike rom-coms.

I used to only watch shoujo anime, read romance mangas, watch romantic kdramas. I swoon for the male leads and enamored by the female lead. I absolutely loved rom-coms, it was my late night guilty pleasure.

Then my ex cheated and dumped me after 7.5 years, and after a heart break and reading FDS, I can never look at my beloved shoujo/rom-coms again. I am disgusted by it. It's like a slap in the face that I have failed in love. I knew rom-coms aren't real before, but now I see it as a disservice to young girls through its "what's supposed to happen."

I now only watch documentaries haha.

hhgjj0 · 2020-08-05T21:42:55+00:00

Everything's work for them, even sex during which they don't even get you close is "such hard work".

HazyOdell · 2020-08-05T23:25:15+00:00

Most also have the mindset of I'm not going to put any effort in, because she'll likely leave me. Which to me is like no shit Sherlock, she definitely wants to waste her life shouldering your burden of insecurities while you treat her like garbage.

Deadgirl1888 · 2020-08-05T23:33:57+00:00

Lol this guy sounds like he has trouble being a pick up artist and hes bitter.

ParticularlyPNW · 2020-08-05T23:49:29+00:00

They don't like it because they know they aren't up to the task of all that "work".

wonkyeyes8877 · 2020-08-06T01:33:31+00:00

Oh my goodness. The comments from that post. All I'll say is that I'm proud to be part of FDS.

plummyjellyfish · 2020-08-06T02:48:48+00:00

Not a romance fan (most of them have some BS where a woman NEEDS to get a man to be happy - for example, a high-powered female CEO who is so empty inside because she doesn't have a husband and a baby, foh). However, relationships are work. Why tf would this LVM think that you don't have to do anything to get a woman to be with you? Women are constantly working on themselves to attract HVM.

Why should those women, who have already made investments long before meeting a given man, settle for a lazy scrote? Hell yeah a relationship is work, that's why when both parties are actively engaged in it they'll get big benefits - emotional support, financial security, great sex. I can't believe some men are so dumb they actually think they are entitled to any woman when they can't stand to exert any amount of effort. Honestly, he should just go lie down in a hole in the woods or something, but don't bother building a shelter, that would be a 'horrifying' amount of work.

SunflowerinVirgo0903 · 2020-08-06T02:05:46+00:00

This entire thread infuriated me. Particularly the part where they start trashing FDS and have the audacity to call us toxic.

versaceatnight · 2020-08-06T01:38:45+00:00

I feel like I need a shower after reading this.

2020-08-06T02:03:46+00:00

I bet he has no problem with movies/entertainment that make women “work” and is unrealistic. Like porn.

TERFSareawesome · 2020-08-06T06:35:34+00:00

This post has been such a mind blower for me. I keep thinking about it- I feel like the meme of the guy from It's Always Sunny standing in front of the whiteboard with all the pictures on it.

But truly, this is why I read and WRITE romance novels. sometimes I've wondered if it's anti feminist to do so, but something about the anti-romance novel discourse always struck me as being off, mostly because it seems like men who never cared about feminism a day in their lives suddenly turn into Gloria Steinum when discussing Twilight or whatever.

Yes, SOME romance novels do have some problematic aspects. But mostly they encourage women to expect the best from men, to realize that it is possible to get a HVM, to not tolerate the mediocre and shabby behavior most men try to dish out. And that's why LVM hate it and try to silence this type of media constantly.

venuspearl · 2020-08-05T22:50:34+00:00

That makes sense. My low effort ex hated romantic movies and romance in general. Every time I tried to be romantic he would sabotage it saying something idiot.

Last week we met and the first thing he said was "oh, you're fatty". When we dated I was severely underweight and now I'm finally with the adequate weight for my height, by the way.

starry_eyes222 · 2020-08-06T01:22:13+00:00

I think it's because a lot of "men" think being vulnerable is seen as weak. Showing emotions is weak and makes you a simp or a p*ssy. Maybe because they didn't grow up with that or maybe because ONE girl broke their heart so they write every other girl off as the same. Its interesting for womens capacity of love and willingness to forgive the opposite gender for as much abuse and/or times we've had our hearts broken, we still find it in ourselves to believe there's still good men out there and take another shot at it even though we may still slightly have trust issues. A guy gets his heart broken once and it's like they're one and done (not all men though) Also I hate to say it but the media plays a huge part. Media today is teaching young kids, both boys and girls to be emotionless, savage, catch flights not feelings, girls are called obscenities left and right and to a degree some girls play into it. When I've told men I don't like being called disrespectful names or even "woman" or "chick" they look at me like I'm crazy but that's because our society and yes, us women to a degree have allowed it to be normalized. If you want men to be loving, kind, respectful, loyal, show him that's what you expect and if he (as my friend once put it) can't get right then he can get left....😉😏✌

bloofoster · 2020-08-06T02:26:57+00:00

Yes, porn makes everything looks so easy /s.

2020-08-06T01:57:21+00:00

Reddit is filled with incels and misogynists.

letsberealforamoment · 2020-08-06T01:49:49+00:00

To enjoy any work of fiction in any genre requires the reader or viewer to suspend disbelief. That's why I don't enjoy any romantic movies or novels....it just isn't believable to me 95% of the time.

Zombie movies....i like those. Same with alien invasion movies. I can suspend disbelief to believe that zombies and aliens could exist lol .

sweetpotatocupcake · 2020-08-06T05:25:37+00:00

This dude's post and comment history is a doozy. His first post on that account is him saying, "I'm a woman and I can't imagine what it would feel like to be not seen as sexy as a man...".

Wtf.

anonymousgirl99 · 2020-08-06T07:55:11+00:00

Exactly what I thought when I saw this. Top comment was something about women growing up with “unrealistic expectations”.

It is not unrealistic for a man to plan things for the sole purpose of seeing his girl smile and to continue doing this. Not unrealistic but rather seen as unnecessary or undeserved since pickmeishas are willing to drop everything to come over and have sex with them.

But there’s also the fact that movies and books about healthy relationships are not exciting enough unless the story is also about something else. If there are no artificial ups and downs due to people simply not communicating then you don’t have a long story.

anonymousgirl99 · 2020-08-06T07:57:29+00:00

When I see these posts about BuT wHaT dO woMeN HavE tO OfFeR I just laugh because we slide into roles like doing the majority of emotional labour. You’re taking our time and taking us off the market so you better be adding value. We can go to one of our other options.

Lavender_flow · 2020-08-06T09:14:00+00:00

they cant even fathom the amount of emotional and ACTUAL labor women put into relationships. FUCKING SCROTES.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-08-06T15:20:12+00:00

‘Horrifying amount of work’ to describe growing a relationship and caring about another person (seeing them as perfect just because they have good intentions) is not as much wOrK as being a perfected sex doll devoid of emotion. If they can’t get that, they’ll die and early miserable death

daisy_0720 · 2020-08-06T07:06:36+00:00

Yet they're happy to put all the work into lying and manipulating a woman into having sex with them.

oasisreverie · 2020-08-26T11:55:35+00:00

Men are lazy in the body and mind.

gothicctemptress · 2020-12-20T19:35:28+00:00

😂😂😂 again, the opposite of reality. Most romcoms are sexist AF. They're always from a male perspective where the "nice guy" is deserving of sex but the woman 10x hotter than him can't see it. Or the classic "you can change a douchebag into a gentleman" tired plot.

Title	Yes, relationships REQUIRE effort...
Author	suspended_animation_
Upvotes	332
Comments	67
Date	August 5, 2020 7:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i4cks5/yes_relationships_require_effort/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/yes-relationships-require-effort.721924 https://theredarchive.com/post/721924

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