Failure/success in finding a partner is dependent on understanding three unique things

Sage_Planter · 2021-06-14T23:45:33+00:00

I like your list in general, but I would also add:

How much you're willing to compromise
How much the other person is willing to compromise

There's going to be some give-and-take in every relationship, and some people are more willing to be flexible than others. Two people who are otherwise compatible won't be successful if they hit a snag in the road and refuse to compromise.

Odd_Elegance · 2021-06-14T23:36:43+00:00

a woman approached me to sit near my desk to talk and I was constantly talking to myself in my head “What the hell? Why is she talking to me? How is this possible? What do I have to offer? Does she like me? Why is she gazing right at me? I think I like her idk... I should t— nvm she’s gone”

But this was a dream. That taught me I’m an insecure shit who spends too much time in his own head and that’s how you lose people

stats135 · 2021-06-15T01:20:25+00:00

You offer the things you have as a man for the thing you want from a woman. That's a transaction. I'm on the side that all relationships are transactional, but I think quite a lot of people here might not agree.

justnotherthrow35 · 2021-06-15T04:06:07+00:00

I started doing a lot better in the dating world when I had a good look at myself and realized I wouldn't find a loner unbothered by their appearance attractive, I should lower my standards or work on myself and did the latter. Surprise surprise, no longer bitter about my romantic luck and oddly enough stopped caring because finding new hobbies and friends helped fill the hole a partner would have.

Caring_Cactus · 2021-06-15T03:37:40+00:00

All your bullet points can pretty much be tied together as:

wanting the same lifestyles and goals in life.

I would also added:

Compatibility
High emotional intelligence

It's okay to have differences in interests as long as you both genuinely love each other for who the person is, compatibility is probably the most important determining factor for a successful relationship. It means you both get along and work well together, enjoy each others' company and have a good time.

Emotional intelligence is what keeps a relationship together, it takes consistent effort to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and another person. A mark of maturity is being able to have great inner strength and being able to plan for more than the just the present moment; this means discipline, applying meaningful effort, and planning for the long-term beyond simple short-term pleasures. A lot of people don't put enough conscious thought into shaping themselves or their own lives, and don't value the effort it takes to maintain something long-term.

Edit: grammar

nyclaurco · 2021-06-15T02:20:50+00:00

i’d like to add that personality type matters just as much as looks or money, for what you should want in a partner.

the example i’m going to give is coming from a woman’s perspective, but i know that this can go both ways.

i’m astonished at how many homebody type guys who are only into solo hobbies want to date women who like going out. like you’ve got these introverted guys, who are sometimes nerdy but not always, who are into video games, watching tv, making gundam models, or other things that they do by themselves indoors wanting to date women who party, go dancing, socialize 2-3x per week, go hiking or biking all the time, go to art shows, or whatever else. don’t do that! it almost always ends with resentment. the introvert either pouts about being forced outside of the house 5x per week or repeatedly declines when the extrovert invites them places, and the extrovert is seething because they feel like they’re being held back or that the introvert doesn’t even love them. please only date people if you also like the things that they’re passionate about.

riches2rags02 · 2021-06-15T03:47:10+00:00

Well, based on all the match examples you presented in your OP, it sounds like you've distilled what people want and have to offer: status, $, and looks.

Deep.

cowfishAreReal · 2021-06-14T23:21:46+00:00

You're right except for the fact that you didn't consider anything except looks and money, there are many more factors most people consider like, weather you have the same sense of humor, if the parson wants kids or not, mutual interests, shared values, weather you can have a good conversation...

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-06-15T02:29:55+00:00

I think that money matters a lot less than men thinks it does to women these days when a lot of us make our own. I mean if you are a multi millionaire? Maybe. But if you are pulling six figures in an east coast city? So are most of the single ladies and they are looking for a lot more.

jojojijo333 · 2021-06-14T23:40:35+00:00

Sound advice but people look for the best they can have then settle not the other way around. Human nature I guess.

moviecooknl · 2021-06-15T10:30:15+00:00

I disagree to a point because it's to detailed, I would state a potential partner requires the following:

Sexual chemistry, expectations, desire and attraction
Mutual core values
Respect for each others boundaries
Mutual future expectations for the relationship (which also comes down to values)

Good-Strong · 2021-06-15T17:49:33+00:00

This is a fantastic post, agree with every word.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-06-15T23:36:05+00:00

Leagues have been discussed heavily. A lingerie model working at Google won't be interested in a neckbeard living in his basement, and a doctor with a 6 pack won't be interested in an overweight woman living in a trailer park. You can want what you want every day for the rest of your life, but it won't come to you if you don't represent what your ideal person wants.

Precisely. Great post.

That said i disagree about offering too much. You can never offer too much.

You offer precisely what you can offer without being a pushover.

BigCCPenis · 2021-06-15T05:48:43+00:00

Actually it's just looks.

A doctor making 6 figs probably went into it cause he couldn't get laid in high school and college.

Plenty of lingerie models are willing to marry underperforming men if they look good enough.

LMM-GT02 · 2021-06-15T02:29:20+00:00

Are you the king/queen of your own domain? If not you have work to do.

MADMIUX · 2021-06-15T03:57:40+00:00

I'd like to add:

Self-awareness and maturity
Empathy, emotional intelligence and effective communication skills
Knowing exactly what relationship you want
Being compatible in what you're willing to do to make the relationship work
What stage in life you're in or if your life experiences benefit each other in some way
Your level of independence/self-reliance
How influenced you are by your friends/family/work/community, because your social support will matter if you're seeking something serious

AbsolutelyNobody0 · 2021-06-15T04:48:21+00:00

What you have to offer
What you want in a partner
What your ideal partner wants from you

The less you know the answer to these three questions, the less likely you are to find what you want.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-06-15T12:57:43+00:00

[removed]

AutoModerator · 2021-06-14T23:17:36+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

NZ742 · 2021-06-15T07:30:55+00:00

Yes, you need to want your partner and they need to want you. Slam dunk I guess. Good job.

GrandRub · 2021-06-15T07:53:15+00:00

A lingerie model working at Google won't be interested in a neckbeard living in his basement, and a doctor with a 6 pack won't be interested in an overweight woman living in a trailer park. You can want what you want every day for the rest of your life, but it won't come to you if you don't represent what your ideal person wants.

i dont think these people "want" something different... they all want companionship,excitement,security, a sense of belonging...

and other things are highly subjective ... one doctor wants someone who reads ... somone not...

what do you think do these people "want"?

ex_red_black_piller · 2021-06-15T10:09:49+00:00

If you bring good looks to the table, the other stuff can easily be ignored.

> A lingerie model working at Google won't be interested in a neckbeard living in his basement,

True, but a male model working at google will dumpster dive anytime and sleep with a plain jane minimum wage cashier.

alternative_fox · 2021-06-15T14:46:00+00:00

Thanks Mr. Samuels

bordstol · 2021-06-15T22:28:41+00:00

Your last point is the most important for people to get.

801735 · 2021-06-16T00:06:41+00:00

Don't forget the eductrination, tho.

Females are being kept away, prohibited from, womaning up.

And males are being castrated into becoming an dysfunctional girl, along with the females, or else...

EfficientComputer5 · 2021-06-19T15:54:03+00:00

I don't think this applies to morons. They can hardly read, let alone understand words written in a sentence and the principles included in them. But they breed incessantly despite this.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-06-15T04:26:17+00:00

It's not necessarily about equality in exact traits either. This is why normal looking rich men and young, beautiful women pairings exist - they have what the other person wants.

Yes, she wants money and he wants a trophy wife.

You didn't unpack the "three things" at all. What prospective partners want and expect. And this is the problem with modern relationships. Women have pretty much made it clear that unless they can find a partner that "floats their boat" physically and improves their station in life in the ways she finds important, she'd rather live with cats and get sport fucked by hot men.

This has men who are not hot, per se, up in arms because their "Beta Provisioning" deal (Beta Bux) is not cutting it any more. These guys are not even qualifying for DIVORCE RAPE for god's sake. And god knows, many of them seem to be ready to settle for THAT!!!

I say it's great female nature has been unveiled and it's EVER BETTER than men are catching on.

I say this as a divorced middle-aged man on the other side of "peak Red Pill rage".

Still grumpy, but WAY on the other side of Peak Rage.

Women are strong and independent now. FANTASTIC.

I suggest men give these women the opportunity to show us how that's done.

Men who think Beta Provisioning is the path to "happily ever after" are fools just waiting to be divorce raped.

Megabyte7637 · 2021-06-15T03:27:41+00:00

Title	Failure/success in finding a partner is dependent on understanding three unique things
Author	throwaway213091345
Upvotes	136
Comments	206
Date	June 14, 2021 11:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/nzzu8y/failuresuccess_in_finding_a_partner_is_dependent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/failuresuccess-in-finding-a-partner-is-dependent.782163 https://theredarchive.com/post/782163

Comments