For men who do get approached, do you mostly get approached by women you actually want?

ComfortableJeans · 2023-11-14T21:11:02+00:00

Women who approach to interact with me have been more assertive and 'take the reigns' types. Which I love.

All three times these women have come for me, we've ended in multiple year relationships.

I think there's something about being a tall, gym going guy with a shy personality that more aggressive, assertive types of women tend to like.

I don't know if more shy girls would even be the types to approach.

Zabadoodude · 2023-11-14T21:05:15+00:00

I only get approached by gay men, so no.

wtknight · 2023-11-14T21:29:25+00:00

I used to get approached once a while when I was younger. It’s probably a number in the mid-single digits, though. Nowhere close to how often even an average woman gets approached.

The couple of times that I was cold approached it was by completely unattractive women. The few times that I was warm approached and asked out on dates by women who I knew, only once was the woman attractive to me, and I knew that she had a boyfriend already, so I didn’t bother reciprocating her advances.

I prefer approaching myself, which is how I met my wife, although the approach was online.

purplish_possum · 2023-11-14T21:44:26+00:00

Some attractive -- some not. If you use a liberal definition of approach some of the best looking girls I've ever been with approached me.

Examples of some of the good ones.

My 1st ex-wife stood right next to me at a party until I noticed her.

A long-term FWB sent her sister over to tell me she liked me.

My present GF started talking to me right after I put the guy she went to the party with in his place.

politicsthrowaway230 · 2023-11-14T22:13:21+00:00

I've never been approached, but I've had women initiate with me and apart from one, (who DM'd me after a pub meet - still don't know why me out of everyone there) none of them really came as a surprise. I'm not necessarily against initiating myself, I fear making them uncomfortable and having their opinion of me changed far more than getting rejected.

_Ad_Astra_Abyssosque · 2023-11-14T22:46:04+00:00

Yeah. There were some misses. But for the most part, the women who've approached me were attractive enough.

illusoryfindings · 2023-11-14T20:48:24+00:00

In my experience, all of the women who've approached me have been very outgoing and assertive, which is not my type. There's nothing wrong with that by the way, I'm just more attracted to mousy women.

I think those are the typical characteristics for anyone who regularly approaches and enjoys success with it, man or woman, you gotta be a gung-ho go-getter.

When men say they want to be approached, I think they're the shy types, or they find approaching difficult and anxiety-inducing, so of course they'd enjoy someone approaching them instead.

I consider women signalling interest as a form of her approaching, even though I'm technically the one still doing the approaching, but I excluded them in my answer because most guys consider this part of the 'dropping subtle hints' game women like to play.

social_mule · 2023-11-14T23:29:05+00:00

I get approached by skinny, nerdy white women with dreadlocks and tattoos who wear Birkenstocks and/or Chuck Taylor Converse. I have no idea why.

I don't necessarily find them unattractive but they definitely aren't my type.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2023-11-15T01:46:20+00:00

Lol wtf is approached I've been approached like once and it was a overweight single mom...

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2023-11-15T15:38:41+00:00

Yes but I don’t realise it in the moment. One woman thought I was gay because her attempts to woo me, by talking about what yoga and pilate moves she can do and buying me some drinks, failed. This resulted in her gay friend giving me a lot of compliments.

Rentfree699 · 2023-11-14T20:55:49+00:00

No, it's either been ugly old women or Esperanto, overly tatted single moms who have tried to fuck every guy in their vicinity already.

Steakman1 · 2023-11-14T21:48:25+00:00

I can remember most of the women who approached me and I’ll give a quick summary of each:

One was very overweight and unattractive.

One wasn’t necessarily unattractive. But she was a bit overweight and unattractive to me personally. She ended up turning into a borderline stalker for a bit after I rejected her.

One wasn’t unattractive when it came to her figure. But when it came to her face, I didn’t find her that attractive. She also had a bit of a masculine sounding voice which was a bit of a turnoff. I gave her my number because I was surrounded by her and a group of her friends and did not want to embarrass her in front of them. It turned out that she was not even interested in me, but was just trying to see how many guy’s numbers she could get in one night. So I guess that worked out.

One was a pretty cute girl with glasses. She had a slightly nerdy look to her while still clearly putting effort into her appearance. We sent about 3 texts to each other and then she never responded.

One was definitely attractive physically. She was a woman who was frequently hit on by other guys. I ended up dating her for a little over a year. Even though she explained to me why she approached me, it’s still hard to believe.

This last one didn’t necessarily approach me, but she made it painfully obvious she wanted me to ask her out. This was more of a warm approach because we were already friends. She was absolutely stunning. Definitely would have been the most physically attractive woman I’ve dated. But she was my friend’s ex so I couldn’t do that to him.

I’ve had some other women make it obvious they want me to ask them out. But I don’t remember enough of the details to describe the situations.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-11-14T22:10:53+00:00

Eh,depends

Id say its split, although all were alright. And its not even just about looks,i once rejected a woman that was hitting on me and tbf was hotter than me,quite, because of other reasons

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2023-11-16T10:39:51+00:00

I’ve only been approached once. But yeah, she was a dime. Would’ve taken her home if she didn’t get absolutely plastered.

MikeArrow · 2023-11-14T22:41:20+00:00

From a young age I read stories about guys making women uncomfortable by hitting on them and so my response was to simply never do it.

As a result, I've only ever been approached. Every romantic or potentially romantic interaction I've had has been the result of a woman making it clear that they were interested in me first.

In my 34 years, that's been a total of four women. 3/4 of them I didn't get past the first date with. 1/4 of them became my first and only girlfriend, and we were together for six years.

It's funny, you'd imagine being approached first would lead to a higher success rate, as it means that they had enough interest to give me a chance and all I had to do was not screw it up. But, alas, no.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-11-14T23:08:12+00:00

LMFAO no

Maybe 1/5 times the woman is actually attractive enough for me. Usually they're way under my league.

Leaving-trunk1 · 2023-11-15T15:17:28+00:00

Yes. Usually they’re pretty good looking. But I have had girls be kinda stalkery and creepy and get really upset when I don’t feel the same way about them.

Electrical_Formal755 · 2023-11-14T21:45:26+00:00

Very rarely happens once -when I was working at a waiter by an attractive Russian woman she asked me for her number I then texted her and she didn’t reply .

Another time I was working at a bar and a gay dude just kept insisting on buying me drinks while i was working I thought he was a kind person and politely declined looking back I think he just wanted to fuck me up the ass

Other than that just pretty much fat gay dudes and fat woman and one German girl who’d lost half her lung capacity in an accident which was her opening line to me.

So slim pickings all of which led to nothing and the one time it was an attractive girl she didn’t even text me back lmao.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-11-14T22:27:21+00:00

I can’t recall a time a woman approached me who I was into so I’m gonna say no

FebruaryEightyNine · 2023-11-14T23:14:44+00:00

Hmmm.

Last approach happened about a fortnight ago. Girl with a crazy good body. She came up on the stairmaster in the gym whilst I was on the one next to it. Smiled at me and we started talking. She looked pretty damn good...but she said she was a "dancer" (which sounded like a euphemism for stripper).

A few months before that I had a girl come up to me in the gym and hit on me. Definitely wasn't my type so much so I literally mentioned being engaged (I tend to just mention a girlfriend if I need to).

Tbh if its during the day, it's mostly average/"mid" girls. Outside of that its just smiles and stares. On nights out? That's a different story. It's straight up anything from fatties to hotties. Very aggressive approaching to the point it can be downright uncomfortable.

Im very ambivalent to being approached though. I'm just old school like that. I also like feminine women so tend to prefer to do the work myself (though I've not been single for a bit). When I did appraisal I actually found the women who were giving less signals were way easier to deal with. Women who give clear/obvious signals tend to be more sexually and behaviourally assertive which can lead to clashes.

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SillyMushroomTip · 2023-11-15T00:32:38+00:00

I've only been approach like 3-4 times in the last 13 years

mike-sonko · 2023-11-15T04:55:26+00:00

Caveat: I'm 6'4" with an athletic build.

Probably 2/10 of women who approached me were women who I was attracted to for long-term engagement. The rest...no

CraftyCooler · 2023-11-15T09:23:18+00:00

I was approached a few times, but it wasn't ever like i was standing an the girl just came to me. Usually we were discussing some topic while in a bar or at the party, and when i was alone the girls were coming to me to continue the talk or just ask - are you a friend of... or are you interested in... or do you like to go to... ? And yes - they were my type usually, i guess listening to the talk was sort of a safe prescreening if we have something in common.

TheGreatBeefSupreme · 2023-11-15T10:47:07+00:00

I was approached once.

At work, I came back to my desk to find a piece of paper with a phone number and little hearts drawn on it. I confirmed with my boss that the phone number belonged to a young woman who worked there. She was in her very early twenties (I was 33 at the time).

I was married, and I came to find out that she knew that. I’m not attractive at all, so I’m not sure what she wanted from me. I told my wife about the incident to be transparent, but that just got her pissed off.

TroidMemer · 2023-11-15T19:37:36+00:00

It’s been a while since I got asked out by girls, mostly because I’ve been staying clear from romance for the past few years. Now I form crushes easily, which technically means I “wanted” every girl who has ever asked me out. But if you were to ask me if I thought those girls were a good fit for me long term, I would say no.

Aside from this one girl I dated in high school (she had commitment issues I think), they were all very nice people! To this day we get on great. But my main issue is the fact that they consume a bit too much alcohol and weed for my liking, there’s nothing inherently wrong with it, it’s just not my style.

TLDR; I was attracted to them sexually and borderline romantically, but they did too many drugs for me.

Notsonewguy7 · 2023-11-16T12:33:38+00:00

No. I like a lot activities and music that is frequented by certain demographics that I appreciate as people but have no interest in.

Title	For men who do get approached, do you mostly get approached by women you actually want?
Author	whitegrayblack5
Upvotes	28
Comments	110
Date	November 14, 2023 6:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17v9g18/for_men_who_do_get_approached_do_you_mostly_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/for-men-who-do-get-approached-do-you-mostly-get.1238456 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238456

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