How sucessful and "normal" are relationships when the woman has higher sex drive than the man?

Barneysparky · 2022-05-01T15:41:09+00:00

My husband is asexual.

When we were young we shared kinks, so while sexy times were infrequent they were all very memorable. However for a long time I had a lot of insecurities because he never initiated and never looked at me in a sexual manner.

Then I went through menopause, and both of us ended up with arthritis which messed with our shared kink (switches). We also learned what asexual was. It was a revelation for both of us, I'm sure husband felt a lot of shame for not "being normal" his whole life, knowing that he wasn't alone has been wonderful for him.

Since then we've been in marriage bliss. We touch/cuddle a lot more than we did when he thought every time I went in for a hug I'd be demanding sex.

Ainsleygz · 2022-05-01T16:09:03+00:00

I’ve never been with a man who could “keep up” with my sex drive. My partner is high enough libido that we do have sex daily, often with a blowjob (which I love to give) or a second round thrown in if there’s time. But I like a higher frequency than that, so he is totally fine with me masturbating whenever I want and we do what we can to extend or increase sessions - he’ll use toys on me, use a condom to help him last longer, if we want a really fun night he’ll take a Blue Chew.

There have been times I have gotten frustrated because I just wanna go, and go, and go again. But that’s totally a me-problem, I’m a lot to handle and often “too much.” (Also a refractory period??? What’s that? Lol) There’s nothing he’s done wrong, and I don’t fault him for anything, but sometimes he does get frustrated that he can’t “keep up,” which is totally fine because what I want isn’t possible for everyone. But the reality is we’re seven years in and still have a very active fulfilling sex life, and it has never wavered, so I’m very happy :) I love how close and open we’ve become because of it.

pearllovespink · 2022-05-01T16:22:23+00:00

I think women are more understanding and compassionate than men. An ex of mine had a medium-ish sex drive. He worked 60+ hours a week so I just assumed he was too tired and wanted sleep. It wasn’t a big deal. I can wait for sex.

RinoaRita · 2022-05-01T18:07:20+00:00

I think the common misconception is that women aren’t as horny in the scope of a relationship. Both men and women are like oh women are just as horny I can’t keep up with my gf/my bf can’t keep up with me and I’m sure it’s all true.

The caveat is men are much more horny enough to hookup with random folks. If you look at how often gay men hook up vs how often lesbians hook up you can see the horny level for sex in general without too much of a standard.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-05-01T15:37:45+00:00

This is my current relationship. We like it just fine; he wants it enough that it's not really an issue (I want it more than is practical), and he likes having sex basically whenever he's horny. I think it's pretty common.

blondie-- · 2022-05-01T15:54:59+00:00

It ended. I hated myself for years, felt like I was defective for wanting frequent sex. I've started talking to someone with a better libido, and he is healing the hurt my last relationship caused. I feel desirable again, and it's a heady, intoxicating feeling. It makes me put more effort into my appearance, and makes me want to be a more giving lover.

EnteFetz · 2022-05-01T16:08:52+00:00

My current friends with benefits is such a high sex drive woman who divorced her husband because he stopped initiating sex.

Texan2116 · 2022-05-01T17:13:09+00:00

Can I throw my 2 cents in here as a male? During my first marriage of 25 years ..I was by far the hornier person. Now w my current GF, she is by far the hornier person. She literally wants it every single day. I gotta admit..its a bit awkard, lol

Novadina · 2022-05-01T17:53:30+00:00

I think I’ve had a higher sex drive than all my boyfriends. Even ones that told me they had high drives - the main thing is most men cum and then are like good for the whole day, whereas I want to go for hours and have lots of orgasms. It didn’t really end any of my relationships because I just figured I am not normal, and men never broke up with me over it either (they usually liked it as it meant I always said yes when they initiated and I would initiate a lot, just meant sometimes they were saying no). Some people I dated it was clear they weren’t compatible sexually with me, though, and I ended things or didn’t get into an actual relationship with a few men for that reason. I never was with any men in their 20s (all the men I’ve been with besides my husband were 18-25) who I would say had a low sex drive even though mine was higher.

My husband had a high sex drive compared to most guys I was with, and shares the desire to do it for hours at a time, which is nice, but I still want it more often than him and masturbate a couple times a day. My husband’s drive got lower in his 40s, we have sex less often than we used to but it’s still enough for me and he knows I’m horny and tries to keep me satisfied so it’s good. No matter how low it gets I don’t think I would leave him over it now, we are committed to working through whatever life throws at us like that. We know the day may come one of us doesn’t have much drive due to the possible effects of aging and menopause and stuff.

Some men like it and some don’t. I’ve had a guy tell me they always used to think they’d like a woman with a high sex drive until they had one and realized it’s actually not as great as they thought because it’s kind of annoying having me want sex all the time when they just want to relax and play video games sometimes. Obviously I’m more compatible with men who like it - my husband seems to like it a lot and even likes to buy me toys to use myself, and he likes that I initiate sex so much.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-05-01T18:26:29+00:00

My husband is ace/low-libido. I've been with him since 2008, and I think it's great. I just masturbate. No big deal.

gofigure62 · 2022-05-02T02:39:32+00:00

I never met a man that could keep up. They think it's great in the beginning, or at least they're pretending to match my libido in the begging, they they start to whine and moan that it's too much, they're too tired, and that relationships aren't just about sex, blah, blah, blah. I stop initiating because I get tired of being rejected and just turn to masturbating, then they whine and complain about that. I get tired of their constant bitching, yet inability to actually articulate themselves to what the problem is and what they want me to do specifically. But they could never actually say what the problem was or what they wanted me to do.

Maybe I'm just a low-libido whiney man magnet. And my experience is abnormal.

My ex used to complain about my high sex drive, now he's dating a woman who has a higher sex drive than me. He hates it, but thinks that it's just a phase because their relationship is still new and that it'll taper off eventually and they'll have a "normal" sex life.

I asked him why he wasn't just honest with her that it was too much and he changed the subject.

ppd_reject · 2022-05-01T15:08:29+00:00

It's a cyclical thing for me. My sex drive is higher at times than that of my partner and I'm the one initiating sex when that happens. It hasn't caused any problems in the relationship.

I'm not sure how higher is male sex drive on average, but I can confirm that mine sinks when I remember a sexual issue from the past that enrages me or makes me feel anxious or embarrassed.

mistresswhat · 2022-05-01T18:56:15+00:00

They love it til they don't, IME. It's def been a problem in the past. I can live with a minor disparity but a major one kills me and has been a factor in the end of two longterm relationships. In both cases it was very manageable for years before the gap widened and it became an issue. Both relationships had other big issues as well -- honestly can't say whether I'd have stuck around if everything else had been great. And of course it's possible that those issues affected their sex drive as well.

My boyfriend has a super high sex drive and is the only one so far who's been able to keep up. He's been the HL by a lot in all his previous relationships.

Stephanieninn87 · 2022-05-02T04:01:14+00:00

I personally couldn’t do it. I tried. I was patient and understanding but it killed my self-esteem. I love that human connection, desire, passion and pleasure. Masturbating and toys can only do so much. I became depressed. I broke things off and we are still friends. I am having the most incredible sex of my life and I am elated. I am only going to be young and sexy for a little while longer. I don’t want to be old with the wish I explored and wasn’t satisfied. I have years of not having sex ahead of me. For me, no relationship is worth suppressing my sexuality for or feeling less than.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-05-01T19:17:21+00:00

I think there is a misconception in the male female sex drive discussion. I’ve observed that women have higher sex drive within the confines of a relationship ONCE shes found the “right guy” where as men have a higher general sex drive and its omni-directional. Men want a lot of sex with many women. Women tend to be more reserved until they find the “right guy” then they want a lot of sex with him. Men tend to get bored having sex with the same woman and desire “strange” So i don’t think its uncommon in monogamous relationships over time for the woman to be more interested in sex.

bangitybangbabang · 2022-05-01T16:50:04+00:00

I dated a lovely man once who was definitely not as interested in sex as I was, eventually I had to leave.

We got on great but I needed more than he could provide and I wasn't willing to beg.

andtheywontstopcomin · 2022-05-02T01:58:15+00:00

For anyone in this thread: These women at the top are very very rare in real life. Few women have consistently high sex drives and most who do are pretty off and have other things going on.

throwawaythis2020 · 2022-05-01T18:25:13+00:00

I’m guessing if the boyfriends/husbands of the women in this thread were offered sex by strange women they’ve never been with before they’d have higher sex drives, guys seem to lose interest after fucking the same girl a few times. And most girls starfish so the high libido women here might just starfish the whole time and their men don’t really look forward to that

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YouAskedIt · 2022-05-01T15:59:31+00:00

A lot of this answer is going to be dependent on the disparity between those sex drives and the personality of the woman involved. It could easily end things, turn into an open relationship, or not be an issue at all because she masturbates and sexual bonding isn't that important to her.

funlightmandarin · 2022-05-01T16:26:57+00:00

It's fine, and I'm happy with it. I'm happy with a couple times a week, and my partner doesn't feel pressured.

Midnight-writer-B · 2022-05-01T20:42:05+00:00

I think it’s interesting when libido levels gets defined in a vacuum - without measures of the satisfaction/ quality of sex on offer and the particulars of the relationship. If we are talking spontaneous arousal, men’s bell curve is likely ahead of women’s. But in a relationship with someone she likes, who’s open to feedback, with some skills? Unleash the kraken. Many women outpace their partners in these situations. And it turns out fine if the communication is good, and no one is internalizing rejection.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-05-01T21:00:37+00:00

It’s fine, she just wakes me up with a BJ and I’m ready to go. The lack of sleep is killing my recovery and gains, but it’s worth it.

delight-n-angers · 2022-05-02T00:08:59+00:00

I 36f have roughly twice the sex drive of my 39m partner. We get by just fine. We have sex as often as possible (we have a business and a preschooler so lol) and I just masturbate in the shower when we don't

kdkdkd64664 · 2022-05-02T00:50:31+00:00

This is my fiancé and I. I’m okay with it, especially since when we do have sex it’s the entire package and he’s never lazy about it and we don’t do “quickies”. Sometimes I wish it was a little more frequent but at least the sex we’re having is high quality every single time. That’s a fair trade off to me.

2022-05-02T01:27:58+00:00

I honestly believe men do naturally have a higher sex drive than women. It doesn’t drive women’s behaviour as much as it does for men. I think I have a normal sex drive but in all my relationships my bf would initiate and want sex more often than I did, I think they had a normal sex drive for a male.

ohdiddly · 2022-05-02T02:04:49+00:00

I’ve been in relationships where it was bad because the guy essentially couldn’t keep up with my sex drive at all, and I’ve been in relationships where it was great because he was essentially free use whenever I felt like it :)

AggravatingTartlet · 2022-05-02T04:19:21+00:00

I've had a high drive my whole life.

What I've found to be difficult is that the man expects that sex won't be as frequent after the first few months, but you take a while to catch on that he's reached the stage where he's happy with less sex.

Normally, people's sex drives dampen after a while in a relationship. Mine just goes from wanting it all day long when single/in a new relationship to just wanting it twice a day in a long-term relationship.

There is almost never a time when he wants it that I don't.

What I do is to hold back on initiating a lot of the time, and allow my husband space to do that. Because, as a man, he's been taught that men initiate sex. I don't talk about how much I want it and I never get upset when I initiate and he turns me down. I never talk about how many times in a week I have used a vibrator etc.

Basically, I feel like having a high sex drive is your own problem--it's not the other person's problem and it's not up to them to have sex with you all the time. Sex should be fun and enjoyable for both people. So, if your drive is higher, it's better to step back and give the other person space. Otherwise, they're going to feel turned-off and maybe even resentful.

Kogikashaikunin · 2022-05-02T09:47:55+00:00

I don't know. My wife has never really said no. But she is not the type to initiate. And she is definitely in the mood every time. Meaning she is very enthusiastic when I initiate.

I have on the odd occasion noticed her initiating, but it is usually not the case. I think she has a high libido, but at the same time responsive. If that makes sense.

Rushbyb · 2022-05-02T17:19:31+00:00

I have a high sex drive as a man. I can go three times in a row no problem.

IcarusKiki · 2022-05-03T05:01:05+00:00

It made me feel ugly and frustrated tbh. But he had low sex drive out of insecurity and ED.

Yummylicky23 · 2022-05-03T15:42:29+00:00

I have a high sex drive

Pretty normal tbh

Title	How sucessful and "normal" are relationships when the woman has higher sex drive than the man?
Author	SabrineYasmine
Upvotes	23
Comments	186
Date	May 1, 2022 2:48 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ug1fzi/how_sucessful_and_normal_are_relationships_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-sucessful-and-normal-are-relationships-when.1113614 https://theredarchive.com/post/1113614

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