What do I mean by that?

What I mean by who somebody is ties to their values, interests, how they present themselves, their aesthetic choices, their sense of humor and so on. The issue is a lot of people have this mentalist of “who you are is what you do” - and while that is partly true, what you do is a part of who you are, it isn’t entirely who you are. There is also the issue of thinking who you are doesn’t even matter, and what you provide is what matters. Truth is, these things matter much less than they used to - because nowadays most women don’t need a man for basic survival. She can do that herself now, as such, compatibility matters a lot more than it used to, and what makes two people compatible is who they are, which can include what they provide and what they do, sure, but these don’t inherently mean “this is who I am”

When asked this question, many men who do struggle tend to list things like what they can do in the gym, their living situation, their job status, and what expensive places they do. When many men are told to develop a sense of style or aesthetics, they don’t self discover and only lean on what’s popular. They don’t develop their strengths, they follow rule books.

Look - learning who you aren’t isn’t guaranteed to help you dating, it certainly could (key word is could) increase your chances, but it isn’t a given. However, what it will do is attract people who share or compliment your values, interests, ideas and so on - and that’s kinda another point, many RP men have a negative view of women, a part of that is ideological, but another part is learned experience - but here is the thing with learned experience. Look at how you present yourself, what values you project and the kind of people you aim for, it’s no wonder you’re attracting awful women.

Point is - learn who you are, learn how to be confident with yourself. Learn to answer the question “who are you?” and odds are, you’ll be happier if you live true to that.

(Also important to note: “who are you?” Doesn’t mean “what would you do if you were to stop performing now” - it’s a process of self discovery. That’s why finding that answer takes time, work and frankly, some trial and error and courage)