Looking at studies and looking at this subreddit will not improve your dating life, it will at best make no difference or make it worse.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-05-06T20:05:18+00:00

this sub isnt about improving your dating life, its about arguing over how the red pill says to improve your dating life and whether its true/effective/immoral

bluestjuice · 2022-05-06T20:16:28+00:00

This sub is, at best, philosophical debate.

At worst it’s a moderately hilarious trainwreck.

FineDevelopment00 · 2022-05-06T23:17:32+00:00

[permanently deleted]

343_peaches_and_tea · 2022-05-06T20:13:07+00:00

"Going to the gym"

I'm going to defend TRP here.

If you think that gaining muscle is one of the most important things when it comes to dating. Then TRP is better than current dating advice.

The problem is by saying "oh yeah everyone knows to go to the gym" is that when it comes to typical dating advice "weightlifting" is perhaps 23rd on the list of recommendations. TRP sticks it right up there at the top of the list.

It's like how you might have depression and ask for advice. A lot of people will say "go to therapy".

Alternative advice is "get exercise, make sure you're spending more time outside, take vitamin D and spend less time on computer screens".

Yes, person 1 wouldn't disagree with any of it. But they wouldn't have offered it up first or made sure the person asking was doing it before therapy.

It's about priorities.

SuspiciousAd5402 · 2022-05-06T23:36:41+00:00

It's not about improving. It's about spreading awareness and understanding the double standards in the dating world.

youarockandnothing · 2022-05-06T21:50:43+00:00

I disagree somewhat. For example, a lot of men were raised as boys to treat girls with too much care / put them on a pedestal if you like them, the type of boys who didn't chase girls around on the playground and were afraid of making girls upset or being criticized by them for being too forward with affections. This usually leads to being a man who pedestalizes women and is too nice, and no amount of "working on yourself" is going to make you stop being behaviorally unattractive to the vast majority of women until someone convinces you to stop being so afraid of hurting women, making them uncomfortable, etc that you treat them as superior, delicate beings.

Because it seems to defy basic logic (even though it actually doesn't) to tons of men that putting a woman on a pedestal is sexually unattractive AF to most women. So a man could spend decades of his life misunderstanding female psychology, which is why forums like these can be useful.

NockerJoe · 2022-05-06T21:01:31+00:00

I think the larger issue isn't if the red pill or the pink pill or the black pilk work, but that there's even a concept of a blue pill and a consensus among these groups thst it doesn't work. That is to say, that these people have gotten advice or tried doing things in a more conventional way but that just didn't work for them and it turned them towards some other, more extreme ideology that may or may not work for them.

If you want people to not turn crazy they need actual positive reinforcement as well as to have whatever their problems are taken seriously. This absolutley is not the case and so they wind up here angry and lashing out because thats often the only thing that gets a reaction.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-05-06T20:10:21+00:00

I completely agree, but that's just any dating advice online. I'm not looking at this sub to make my dating life better, I'm already with someone I love. I'm here when I'm bored or when I'm procrastinating shit I have to do, the same reason I go to any other social media

odd_cloud · 2022-05-07T00:52:08+00:00

Dude, people discuss what’s interesting to them.

Studies and statistics are useful for people who want to understand the whole picture. If you have some problems in an area, you want to see how it is for people in general. So if someone gets no matches on a dating app, he wants to know whether it’s normal or not. You are exaggerating too much with your canthal angle. People start to be interested in these studies when they started dating and figured out not much worked for them.

As for anecdotes, it’s interesting to see what people experience is. There are little studies as the topic is sensitive and difficult to research, so we have to compensate it with our personal observations.

cuckedalt · 2022-05-06T20:19:15+00:00

I don't think people do it to improve their lives

DeliciousPussyNectar · 2022-05-07T01:54:20+00:00

Anybody here to improve their dating life already lost.

Chaddamhusein · 2022-05-07T03:56:54+00:00

I improved my dating life because of these studies and used the knowledge they offered to my benefit

SudaneseCharm · 2022-05-06T20:29:38+00:00

Studies are descriptive, not prescriptive

RadiumEnema · 2022-05-06T20:20:04+00:00

As if anyone were here to improve their dating lives.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-05-06T20:34:32+00:00

I'm just here to add to my harem, that counts as an improvement right?

I-atemytwin · 2022-05-06T23:28:35+00:00

I stumbled across this subreddit accidentally and find the concept of people with very different opinions debating interesting. The topics are also interesting.

I've never actually been on any other pill subreddit though. Here is enough.

Don't feel like I need to touch grass, nor do I hate men.

LovesGettingRandomPm · 2022-05-07T05:13:37+00:00

Regular advice is way worse than what you can find here, it's not about truth being harsh or soft it's that people here actually care about the subject and have a lot of incentive to give good advice, a lot of people out there who aren't your friends benefit from taking your money and faking interest which is exactly what your barber or coach will do.
You have a lot of repeats and dumb takes and needless discussions but at least they're honest and you can find some gems here and there, who says you can't learn from it, you can learn from books, you can learn from people why wouldn't you be able to learn from an online forum?
In the end and this is what I agree with, you still have to return to the grass to catch your pokemon, and it's often more complicated than what you've learned here sure, but I think this forum has its purpose, I've learned framing from here

Erwinblackthorn · 2022-05-07T11:06:23+00:00

Why does everything have to follow a pattern, what if there is no pattern?

It's a pretty big what if when statistics involve actual data instead of opinions. There's also the data that shows how we've evolved and came to being who we are. It's really hard to argue against existence.

Even assuming these psychology papers are done right and truthful to some extent, why should that change your tactics used in your dating life

Because if men don't realize how goofy women are, we're going to continue sticking our dick in crazy, and that's a tragedy for humanity.

Perhaps, something better would be to go out and start dating, see what works in real life FOR YOU, learn through your mistakes

I understand the sentiment of this message, but it's not helpful when there are so many people who don't learn their lesson, they get attached when they shouldn't, they lack foresight, and they are just walking straight into a disaster only to cling tight to it.

Data helps certain people see the mistake they would otherwise be blind to.

I have no idea why there is such a conflation in this subreddit that truth = harsh, and lies = soft.

I think lies are more harmful than soft, but this really shows how goofy women are and how goofy men are. There are so many guys who lie to women in hopes to appear soft, the cliche nice guy, but this is because they do what women tell them to do, which is lie for the sake of the woman's feelings. And of course I'm going to get some dumbbell pop out of idiotville and go, "I don't like to be lied to, because I'm special" as if this was all about them.

I agree with your message, OP, but I don't agree with the way data should be thrown aside in hopes a person will see mistakes with zero guidance and info.

cautionTomorrow555 · 2022-05-06T20:36:59+00:00

So what does this say about women that being smart and studying them and relationships actually makes things worse with them or at the very least lowers your opinion of them? The quote about not trying to understand women because they understand each other and hate each other comes to mind.

heftsirr · 2022-05-07T01:16:46+00:00

I think most of us are here because it’s the only place to discuss dating from a slightly different angle than is allowed in mainstream Reddit r/dating type subs. Where the rhetoric is largely “blue pill” and any comment that questions it is downvoted to hell, met with personal attacks, or results in being banned.

Not that all of those things don’t happen here, but you do have a wider variety of opinions expressed here, and sometimes interesting dialogue ensues.

For example, I got banned from a feminist subreddit today because I responded to someone’s post asking why he was being made fun of for being a virgin, to which I said something along the lines of “after a certain age women look down on men who are virgins because they view it as a “creep” or “loser” red flag, and most assume there is something wrong with you for not matching the stereotype that all young men want to do is fuck whatever’s put in front of them”. In this sub I wouldn’t be banned for saying that.

Furthermore, I do not put any weight on studies for reasons you mention, most are probably bunk or junk, and my real life experience compared with what’s written about dating/relationships or contained in most “research” done with the general public in mind is pretty useless, given how nuanced and complex dating/relationships are.

I find anecdotes more interesting anyways. I want to hear about the outliers experience not the average man.

And I do agree with your point that engaging in this sub with a mindset that it’s going to improve your dating life is retarded, this sub is more likely a detriment to your dating life and need be taken in healthy doses. That being said it is kinda the most addictive subreddit due to its activity

Yummylicky23 · 2022-05-06T20:26:57+00:00

Our anecdotes are bc we hate men?

I don’t hate men

I have a lot of close and important men in my life

flow3rpowr · 2022-05-07T05:40:11+00:00

I agree. We all have our own stories. There are so many women and men I’ve met and so many stories that have unfolded right before my eyes that defy all studies. Right down to how I randomly met my best friend of 7 years in a parking lot. We never know where God will lead us. All we can do is pray He sends us the right people we need to meet along the way.

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downvotesanimals · 2022-05-07T03:01:15+00:00

As a permanent lurker, 100% spot on.

Hrquestiob · 2022-05-07T04:36:09+00:00

Science or, more accurately, researchers’ current approach to it, isn’t perfect. But don’t throw out the baby with the bath water. It’s the closest thing we have to objective truth

shonenhikada · 2022-05-07T08:49:22+00:00

Studies and data give you an inform understanding of what is happening in dating scenes and behavior of women. I know many females and blue pillers just wish for men to be willfully ignorant and good meal tickets but men need to look out for their best interest and not that of women.

Why should a guy who builds up his value and resources now give it a woman in her 30's who a decade ago would have turned him down for a date because he did not have these resources?

Why should a man give his heart to a woman that sees him as second best because she failed to secure relationship with top 20% male and now fairs social stigmatization of being single in her 30's without kids (some cases with kids but no father in picture)?

Why should a man continue fulfilling the traditional roles when modern women are not willing to do that?

Khanluka · 2022-05-07T09:25:38+00:00

This sub is for alot of men also a way to vent.

Some would say theropy is then what you need.

I reply i am on my country w8 list for the last 3 years. Men are the lowst prioty to help when it comes to theorpy even when they seek it out.

Childeren and then woman always get prioty over adult men in the line. My sister and mom both got help with in 2 weeks of when they need it. Me forgeting i was on the w8 list put my self out there ones again and i was told they i was already on the w8 list and the could mabye help me next year.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-05-07T10:39:54+00:00

Well yeah, this subreddit isn't for self-improvement. There are a plethora of communities better served for that. It's more of a place to discuss things, get other people's perspectives and vent.

PurpleKittensRock · 2022-05-07T10:43:13+00:00

Yes 😂 YES, my love!

Most really do need to touch grass, judging from the opinions you hear on here. Wouldn’t surprise me if it turned out a great part of this demographic is actually autistic.

humdf · 2022-05-07T13:41:32+00:00

There was a sub which improved male success but it was banned.

So might be you are expecting something from Reddit it can't longer deliver.

sarkington · 2022-05-07T13:56:10+00:00

Most of us are here for entertainment, not improvement

It’s a discussion sub, not an advice or support sub

sellingXY · 2022-05-08T05:03:44+00:00

avoid the trap thats clear given the data, save time. time is the king of commodities

Mark_Freed · 2022-05-09T06:31:37+00:00

This is not an advice sub. It's a debate sub, it's not for personal improvement. It's for entertainment, distraction, to challenge your views and hopefully hear new perspectives on a topic that fascinates all of us here.

There are tangible ways in which some time spent on this sub can help people.

It can expose people to some theories which they can apply to their own life and see if it works. Often it's hard to generate good possible lines of action in isolation.

If you are struggling and have no idea why. That sucks and hurts. It helps a lot to be able to believe and explain why you are struggling. Maybe you'll pick the wrong reasons but having reasons allows your worldview to finally make sense again.

Finally if you are too much of a simp, nice guy, blue pilled. You can maybe be tempered by the red pill ideas. Same way if you are too red pilled and read the arguments here with an open mind it might temper your other extreme. Extremes are bad.

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