Rough sex

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-09-19T11:49:12+00:00

There are times and times. Up until this year, I liked it a bit more rough (withholding, bitting). These days I prefer it pure vanilla - lots of holding and kissing, I guess it varies depending on the emotional state. Same with my husband-some times he likes to be more dominant, sometimes he likes to be more protective.

I NEVER liked to be degraded though, even when he is dominant I like to feel vulnerable and let him decide what to.

We are both kinda vanilla and being “rough” does not come natural, more likely an improvisation on the moment.

Capable-Resolve-2001 · 2022-09-19T12:20:28+00:00

I’ve read that women are more likely to fantasize about masochistic scenarios and sadistic scenarios. In other words, women were more likely than men to fantasize about being both the inflicter and receiver of pain. Women also report engaging in BDSM at far higher rates than men. 50 Shades of Grey and 365 Days are extremely popular media with women, but almost ignored by men.

I think a desire for rough sex and more is common in women.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-19T13:22:01+00:00

A certain amount of roughness is passionate. I like passion. I’m not asking to be beaten here, but hard kissing, a little rough play, is hot.

EulenWatcher · 2022-09-19T13:27:09+00:00

I'm generally not into rough sex, it isn't something I can even take physically. If husband does it too hard, I get a feeling that I got bruised down there and it isn't pleasant in any way. We practice some light domination from time to time and we can switch roles, but no hard-core BDSM. Also no humiliation/degradation.

I don't think it's entirely "nature" thing. Porn probably has a lot to do with what people find sexually attractive these days.

xzpw · 2022-09-19T11:58:06+00:00

What kind of rough we talking here boss? Ball gag or slapping some ass? There’s a spectrum here and I find women are wildly spread across that spectrum. The mood of the day and even the moment will dictate where they fall.

Some are more like me - they don’t enjoy any kind of pain sensation - and then others are like… choke me, spank me, smother me, etc.

That said - some weird ass really into pain dudes out there too. Like cock n ball torture is a thing. 🤷‍♂️

anon018274031 · 2022-09-19T12:11:06+00:00

There is a spectrum.

I would say I do like it rough and I like to be submissive but not degraded. You can have rough sex and be dominant in a loving (sort of possessive) way.

This generally doesn’t leak outside of the bedroom or private time. In daily life I’m very independent, certainly not submissive at all and actively find it a turn off when a man is too dominant or possessive.

For me it’s a break from my day job that is the complete opposite- where i have to be in control and make very serious decisions constantly. Handing over that power to someone I trust is extremely cathartic.

JMoon33 · 2022-09-19T11:24:58+00:00

My girlfriend likes to be dominated but not degraded. She loves to feel a big strong man that she loves dominate her, it makes her feel loved and safe.

I think it's pretty common for people to want to be dominated sometimes. It's the case for me too. I prefer to dom, but to bed dommed once in a while is fun and really different.

Dolphin_Moon · 2022-09-19T14:10:44+00:00

I prefer rough sex thats passionate. Like animalistic. The jackhammering gets old after a bit it has to be in a mix of hand holding and slow strokes too. If its so rough I’m just seeing stars constantly it doesn’t get to be fun. Aggressive can be tasteful but you have to build up to it. Immediately pounding isn’t. Yeah I liked to be spanked, bent over, sometimes choked but doesn’t mean I want it all the time. If all the guy can do is be rough and its hard for him to be slow imo it means he watches too much porn. Theres a way to pound the cervix without making it bleed lol

CanYouTieThemInABow · 2022-09-19T14:34:52+00:00

Depends what you mean by rough. I find stuff like choking and degradation repulsive. My husband being extra forceful and making me feel his strength is hot.

It's interesting looking at fantasies over time.

Romance novels from the 80s are sort of off-putting to modern sensibilities because they tend to be pretty rapey. They generally don't feature painful sex though. Rather, the heroine of the story usually finds the hero very attractive but obnoxious or bossy, and then he finally decides that he's had enough of her saying "no". But the sex is pretty vanilla once she stops saying no.

Modern romance novels are much less rapey: only the darkest of modern books will have the man straight up ignoring an unambiguous "no". But there's way more BDSM and degradation etc. Sometimes painful but pleasurable anal (which IRL isn't medically benign...)

Oh, and a trope in historical romance (some of which was contemporary when it was written) is the powerful older man coercing an attractive young woman into marrying him. And then it's usually pretty vanilla from there.

So, I think there's a desire for some edge, but what that edge looks like might be very culturally determined.

This probably ties back to wanting a strong protector. If you're too pure, you're not as effective.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-09-19T11:54:57+00:00

It's pretty much impossible to figure this out. Those of us who are into rough sex may think everyone isn't, those who don't may think nobody is, and attempts at statistics vary wildly. I don't think there's anything biological about it. I'd imagine the appeal of taboos or general personality have more to do with it, and social norms mean that more submissive-leaning women actually act on it than submissive-leaning men.

Personally, I'm into rough sex. I don't do anything risky: if I don't know what I'm doing, then I'm not doing it. I enjoy it, but I don't particularly need it in order to have good sex.

Bibliophile828 · 2022-09-19T14:30:21+00:00

I like rough but not degrading. I like a man to be dominant because if I’m being honest when I’m outside of the home I am required to take an authoritarian type role and I just want to come home a be a good girl

SwaySh0t · 2022-09-19T16:03:31+00:00

Girls who don’t like rough sex seem to be the exception. I can only think a few girl that I’ve bedded that didn’t like it.

Infinite_Signal90 · 2022-09-19T11:29:23+00:00

Wouldn’t say I prefer it but it can be fun. I like variety more than anything else. It’s the spice of life.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-09-19T11:23:00+00:00

Do rape fantasies count? One girl I was dealing with said she wants me to pretend like I’m forcing her and I was like I can’t get jiggy with that.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2022-09-19T11:30:57+00:00

People tend to like variety in their sex lives so saying "women like rough sex" and leaving it at that doesn't tell the full story.

I think biological and social factors come into play. When it comes to degradation however I think that is mainly social factors, like internalized misogyny. I think fetishes can come from internalized attitudes about ourselves. Like how a lot of gay dudes like being called the F-word during sex, even though they hate it otherwise.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2022-09-19T16:45:14+00:00

Ooof, this is not a question that has the same majority answer. And I would caution any incel guy trying to poll this from the internet as information to assess interacting with women in real life.

If a dude attempted to degrade or dominate me during sex without my explicit request, I’d walk right then and there. Even my man, who is very dominant and rough in the bed, which I enthusiastically constant to, is extremely cautious in ensuring that I’m giving him the green light in the play and it is NEVER coming from a place of degradation, the Play includes extreme doting and affection and a bit of worship of my body, never any degrading.

Ludens0 · 2022-09-19T12:50:12+00:00

Can you define rough?

Capable-Resolve-2001 · 2022-09-19T17:27:01+00:00

Here are the porn categories that are more searched for by women than by men:

https://images.app.goo.gl/gASPVoA2KF1cq4xF8

Women search far more for hardcore and bondage than men do. If we assume that porn searches are a fair proxy for sexual fantasies, then the answer is clear.

Custard-Gyal · 2022-09-20T04:36:40+00:00

Not me. I want to be treated as delicately as possible. I hate feeling like someone is trying to dominate me. I want to feel loved and cherished. Maybe because I had a good childhood? I dunno lol

Ppdebatesomental · 2022-09-20T04:58:41+00:00

Generalizing here …….Women want to be ravished, not raped. We often have a reactive sexuality and react to a display of burning desire with the same. We want a man who “can’t control his desire for us“ once in a while.

Is u/philomexa still around?

https://youtu.be/ccY25Cb3im0

NoResponse6131 · 2022-09-20T13:22:22+00:00

They want to feel degraded or passionately wanted? Big difference

Legend_of_fucboi · 2022-09-19T11:33:17+00:00

A nice middle class girl once told me all women like to be choked....

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-09-19T13:47:53+00:00

Have not had sex yet, but I do have some sense for the kinds of scenarios and situations I find arousing.

For the most part I'm attracted to the dominant role. Particularly if my partner is on his knees, or blindfolded and restrained in some way. Not choking or striking him or anything like that, but torturing him in softer ways, making him beg, stuff of that nature. I can't really wrap my mind around a biological/evolutionary basis for a woman to find that arousing so I guess it falls more on the psychological side of things. Maybe growing up in and practicing a religion with pretty much exclusively male leadership created a subconscious desire for dominance/control in me.

BruddaMSK · 2022-09-19T11:42:43+00:00

How many women here prefer rough sex?

Literally all of them do, studies upon studies, polls upon polls demonstrate it.

This is something that I have personally come across quite often as a request from some women that they want to be dominated and degraded during sex. These are all perfectly normal women with respectable careers.

Because this is perfectly normal. There's little variety (if any at all) when it comes to women's sexual preferences. With guys it is some like classic sex, some want vanilla, others wanna be dominated. Women either want to be dominated or dominated hard.

How common is this?

Super common.

whats the biological reasoning behind this

Choosing strong male partner.

rough sex would've been riskier over centuries of our evolution with women at risk of being seriously injured when encountering the wrong guy?

The 'wrong' guy is the weak one.

beidameil · 2022-09-19T12:36:35+00:00

Most women love rough dominant bad boys.

So bluepill debunked right there.

mylifeisadankmeme · 2022-09-19T16:24:11+00:00

I absolutely don't like being degraded.

I find it repellent, a real turnoff.

A bit of chav though, role playing on either side I'll take you up on that any day.

Domination.Femdom, a tiny bit of choking..

(with safe words, I have heart conditions and asthma, also I'm old-NOT boring).

And I love, love to tease and be mercilessly teased by being kept away from that orgasm for as long as humanly possible.

I have a very vivid imagination and endless time and patience if not the very first flush of impetuous youth on my side. 💥

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-09-19T21:00:31+00:00

Like rough on him? Sure.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-09-19T23:53:01+00:00

the reason is due to trauma.

what i don't understand is what is the reason for men liking it?

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baresquad · 2022-09-19T13:08:30+00:00

I don’t prefer it but I have recently come to embrace and love it. It never really came natural and felt awkward but the last few people I’ve had sex with wanted it and now I’m all the way into it

It’s common but not common enough for every woman to be into it and there are tons that’s not

Ramzabeo · 2022-09-19T14:52:20+00:00

Id say its pretty common, but i dont go for that degrading shit, mostly rough and some naughty words and stuff and thats it.

darkvalleys · 2022-09-19T16:15:24+00:00

Pass

bunnakay · 2022-09-19T16:36:54+00:00

It doesn't have to be rough. But I don't enjoy romantic sex. Romance is for before and after.

blockboii190 · 2022-09-19T17:51:38+00:00

Programming bro go outside wtf

blmzd · 2022-09-19T21:28:22+00:00

Personally, it depends on my mood and my partner. Sometimes all I really want is a tender, intimate session with tons of kissing, handholding, eye contact, and giggles. Other times I really crave my partner getting rough, complete with spanking, slapping, and hair pulling. Maybe even some choking and degradation-lite. Regardless, tons of post-coital cuddling is required.

I think this is true for most people, though; it all depends on their mood and partner.

I have come across a couple anti-BDSM/rough sex/porn communities, though. They all seem to tie a supposed increase in young women wanting/preferring rough sex to the media (porn, 50 Shades, etc.) Those are always interesting places.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-09-19T21:32:11+00:00

I used to be more into it, but I'm less traumatized from rape as tears pass and I don't want it as much.

It's still nice to feel wanted in an animalistic way, but it's not to normalize what happened to me like it used to

SantarpiosPizza · 2022-09-19T22:22:42+00:00

I don't like BDSM or choking, but I like being very vulgar during sex. I like calling women bitches, whores, sluts, etc during sex. I also like slapping those ass cheeks hard till they are red.

But I think this is ultimately about love and affection. I don't mind a whore or a slut.

mcove97 · 2022-09-19T22:39:03+00:00

I enjoy it cause it's passionate and hot and there's just a lot of pleasure.

As for why it's so pleasurable, that has to do with he fact that pain translates to pleasure because of some of the same neural pathways or something. Dont quote me on that, but basically pain translates to a lot of pleasure. More pleasure than you get from vanilla sex. It's like the difference between weed and a more hardcore drug.

faith_in_gasoline · 2022-09-19T22:49:59+00:00

I definitely prefer rough sex. Hate being degraded, though. Also don’t like being fully submissive. I prefer a fight over dominance.

FlyV89 · 2022-09-19T22:56:24+00:00

In my experience, yes, most women tend to enjoy the feeling of being dominated, "forced" sometimes, and even a bit of pain here and there, more than men think and women themselves would like to admit.

I have a more than sufficient sized tool down there so I've been asked to do lots of things in bed but being "rough" is not one of them (sandly?). I'm also an overall big dude so spanks tend to be harder even if I'm trying to do it gently. Like how do you know what's a "meh" spank, a hot one and a painful one? Not really into that thing to be honest, I don't want to bruise those beautiful ass cheeks.

Some girls like deep penetration thou, slow but consistent. There are women out there who enjoy pain, kid you not, they get off on having their cervix touched, but it's not like jackhammering but more like a massage or something like that.

I think because of my size them feeling "dominated" is something that comes easy. They seem to love when I put lay on top of them and put their arms behind their heads and grab them firmly by their wrists for example, or when doing doggy I just get them by their ankles or put on hand on the upper back or push them down by their napes.

That's all the "domination" I'm willing to do, it's kinda a show off of strenght you now, like "you won't move nor leave the place until I get what I want" sort of way.

But I'm always careful and make sure they feel safe. I always fear if I push things further they may start to freak out haha.

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-09-19T23:19:42+00:00

The majority of my ex's did.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-09-19T23:53:32+00:00

People can have very different definitions for “rough.” Personally, I have never wanted to be degraded or feel any real pain or danger during sex, even when in a more submissive role. Now, that doesn’t mean I just want it slow and gentle all the time though, imo there is a time and place for that but also for just getting right down to business, so to speak. It’s also fun to switch up who is in control. But this notion that someone has to be “dominant” each and every time, is odd to me. Porn has really warped young people’s views of sex imo. I remember saying I was a sub as a teen just because I thought I should be. Then I was like “yeah, don’t really like that.”

hostility_kitty · 2022-09-20T03:40:52+00:00

Absolutely NO

Holiday-Reach-8948 · 2022-09-20T09:11:19+00:00

I think “rough sex” is a very broad term. It can mean a lot of different things. But if you’re speaking specifically of domination and being degraded during sex, I think it’s VERY common in both men and women.

I think like many other things, it’s just another turn on for some folks.

Personally, I like some domination from (or to) my husband sprinkled into our sex life. I’d say it’s probably on the lighter side.

In terms of porn as someone else brought up, not sure about him, but it’s not something I really enjoy (“rough sex” is not included in my search).

I’m not search about your other question pertaining to the science behind it.

Helea_Grace · 2022-09-20T19:22:14+00:00

I don’t like it.

I’m not vanilla by any regard. But any degradation or humiliation kinks are a Hard no from me. If I don’t feel like my partner respects me I’m not down. Idm what other ppl like but it’s one of those ‘your kink is not my kink’ situations. And Rough sex in so far as I’ve come across it usually means men jackhammering into you without much else. That’s… fine. But it doesn’t do anything for me.

But bdsm wise I’m more of a switch, not a pure submissive for sure, so I like power plays going back and forth rather than a guy dom-ing me & that’s it

Title	Rough sex
Author	lucasanderson24689
Upvotes	18
Comments	147
Date	September 19, 2022 10:03 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xi7owa/rough_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/rough-sex.1132501 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132501

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