The dating game has changed

wtknight · 2023-09-14T12:56:36+00:00

Re-flaired CMV as this post is making an affirmative claim

Aussielefty · 2023-09-14T13:18:53+00:00

This is facts!

WilliamWyattD · 2023-09-14T14:23:44+00:00

The strongest form of the male argument is that yes, dating has changed. And OK, men are being judged more physically. But while women have lowered the weighting of various non-looks mating criteria, they have not done so to the extent that concern for looks has increased. Thus, all in all, much more is being demanded of men overall than of women. A degree of extra selectivity beyond what can be justified by women's greater reproductive costs.

It would indeed take some transition time, but men could probably handle being judged on looks to the extent women are if men were not also being judged on many other things women are not.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-09-14T16:46:03+00:00

We'll see the rise of a new breed of man. A guy who gets plastic surgery, wears makeup, wears shoe inserts and lifts and uses steroids. If the ROI is better compared to putting effort, taking them to dinners, buying cars and houses, then this is what will eventually happen.

neverendingplush · 2023-09-14T15:07:28+00:00

💯. I keep saying this. I am not mad at women for dating who they find attractive, and if men fail to live up to that then that's our individual problems as men to assess how we want to go forward .

Can't count how many times I see post where men are saying they make this much money, have a house, am a doctor etc.... and then get mad when their partners only see them as wallets and ask resource. Like bro that's what u marketed yourself as, a wallet. Men do not understand how to be sexually attractive. I mean look at dick pics, like why.

The only reason most of us are alive today is because our mom's didn't have access to tinder, and our dad was the best thing in her immediate social circle within that time.

purplish_possum · 2023-09-14T14:53:41+00:00

They say generals are always fighting the last war. However, after sustaining enough loss even the most pigheaded at least try to adapt.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-09-14T12:51:16+00:00

Men are “hip to the game”? Yes I’m guessing that things are quite different than in 1965,

CityChris76 · 2023-09-14T14:37:48+00:00

The dating game has changed in the US for three reasons; 1.) expectations have changed - it’s ok to not get married and have kids, 2.) social media, and 3.) dating apps.

1.) We’re also taught to never settle. So many people will never settle due to unrealistic expectations. Maybe you’re dating/swiping in the wrong strata?

2.) Social media paints an unrealistic picture of life as pictures are framed to look amazing and the best moments are captured to make peoples lives appear to be exciting and sexy. You’re able to instantly connect with others when you’re having a bad day. It might make you feel better in the moment but you never get the chance to sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning. People are quick to dismiss and move-on. This is bad…

3.) Dating apps let you pick the matches that you like the best. The problem is most people don’t do a good job at judging who they will truly like after getting to know someone. I can say the dates and girlfriends I had pre-dating apps were mostly with women who I would have never matched with or they wouldn’t have matched with me (This is after seeing some of their profiles online years later and talking/messaging with them).

Specific_Boot_8572 · 2023-09-14T19:40:08+00:00

It has changed as well as many other things, some for the better and some for the worse. Dating is hard, and so is life. Everybody has different perspectives, interpretations, thought patterns, goals, morals, etc. and connecting romantically just doesn't happen sometimes. When you think about it, you're more likely to not hit it off. Yeah, there's definitely shitty people out there (this encompasses all people, not singling any group out) and it can be really frustrating sometimes.

I am a guy and I compromised my principles several years back out of that frustration and fell into the stupid cycle of sleeping around, ghosting, etc. I tried to convince myself that each new woman I slept with made me "more of a man, hotter, cooler"....whatever, but deep down it made me feel more empty, lost, guilty, and pathetic. I cut it out and don't do that anymore thankfully. I don't care if being chivalrous, behaving with decorum, living with some ethical values.....basically not being a total asshole, doesn't get me as many dates or relationships because living like that sucks - and I am convinced that many people who treat others this way are much more miserable and depressed than they will ever disclose. Unfortunately, it took me acting like a real boner for a while to realize all this and I wish I could take that back.

It took me a long time but I have learned that holding yourself to a higher standard, not treating others with contempt, being your best self, having fun meeting new people (even if they kind of suck), regardless of whatever new "dating rules" someone on TikTok concocted yesterday is the way to go. I've found I hold my head higher by not getting pulled into that nonsense.

I'm not advocating laying down and being a doormat - being overly chivalrous or proclaiming you are a "gentleman" is weird you gotta be flirty and all that so please don't get me wrong here, but avoiding the stupid and blatant bullshit that gets thrown out there more frequently these days is a must. I couldn't care less if someone "got the ick" for some absurdly trivial reason and they don't want to date me - that's good because I don't want to date them either. Don't let it all get to you. Take a break if you need to, nothing wrong with that. Just remember that if you start doing things or treating people in ways that make you uneasy - you're now likely part of the problem and correct it as quickly as possible. Just my two cents, went way longer than I originally intended....thanks for reading if you made it this far.

ratboi34 · 2023-09-14T13:18:51+00:00

The game stays always the same. You gotta adapt to the meta tho.

Berzabu · 2023-09-14T14:59:52+00:00

Human biology and psychology haven't changed, just the way they reflect on society.

meteorness123 · 2023-09-14T18:34:04+00:00

God bless women for that. I dont wanna be seen as a working donkey. Finally, I am free.

obviousredflag · 2023-09-14T13:21:03+00:00

What part of the dating game are you talking about? Marriage and kids still happen, but at age 30+ (in western countries, minus the ~~medieval~~ mid parts of the US) on average. Of course, if you look for marriage and kids at age 22, you will hardly find similarly aged women who want to start a family or marry.

Appearance always mattered and people still overwhelmingly date looksmatched partners. Rather than attractiveness filling the void left by money, protection and the like, the new traits to show off are emotional intelligence/regulation and potential to stimulate personal growth.

We moved up the pyramid of needs: https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

As people do not require a partner to meet their basic needs, they WANT partners who can help them and accompany them on their journey to meet their highest level needs: esteem and self-actualization.

Self-Esteem Needs: These needs include factors like self-confidence, achievement, respect from others, and recognition. In the context of relationships, individuals in Western cultures often seek partners who can contribute positively to their self-esteem. This might manifest as looking for partners who admire and respect them, support their goals and achievements, and provide emotional validation. People may value partners who make them feel confident and valued in the relationship.
Self-Actualization Needs: Self-actualization represents the realization of one's full potential and personal growth. In Western cultures, individuals might seek partners who can help them grow, both personally and intellectually. This can involve shared interests, challenging each other to achieve personal goals, and supporting each other's passions and pursuits. Partnerships that foster self-actualization often emphasize personal development, creativity, and the pursuit of fulfilling experiences.

shanshkrishur · 2023-09-14T19:35:59+00:00

and don’t need men for money or “protection” so physical appearance matters more

Umm… their “lizard brains” (subconscious) still do care about it. That’s why surveys and studies still consistently find that women prefer men who:

(1) Make more money than them. It doesn’t change no matter how much they make. If a woman makes $100,000, she thinks she deserves a man who makes even more. If she makes $1,000,000, then she wants men who make even more. There’s no logical reason other than backwards rationalizations about “keeping their lifestyle” even though the option isn’t a binary between having an even wealthier husband, or a broke husband who’s going to leech off of her. IMO it’s just projection onto men of how women usually behave if they were the poorer one, as shown by historical gender norms.

(2) Are physically and emotionally superior to them or others. Universally, physically dominant traits like height and large frames, as well as emotionally dominant traits like stoicism and “confidence” are still as attractive as our caveman days. If firearms are a thing now, and women can get a hold of them, then why the need for men with tall height and large frames? If men can get by without needing to dominate fellow humans and go after large prey animals or fight off predator animals with their “confidence”, then why is ”confidence” (aka an amalgamation of character traits not needed for success in today’s world) still necessary? This one is usually replied to with the enlightened answer of “I like what I like” (notice there’s no rational explanation, because there isn’t one in our modern age except that it’s just women’s generic wiring to find these traits attractive even though they are no longer advantageous).

RepresentativeBook62 · 2023-09-14T16:17:32+00:00

Being chivalrous means a great deal to women as long as the chivalry comes from a place of strength.

For your average "nice guy" who acts asexually and comes forth on his knees as a sexual supplicant, chivalry means nothing. But for men of a better caliber, some chivalric behavior is quite endearing to women.

The game ain't changed all that much. Just the men who come across as asexual are suffering, but they always have. The only difference seems to be a lot more of them.

toasterchild · 2023-09-14T17:21:55+00:00

Are we really trying to adapt our are some people just obtuse? The world has been this way for many decades now really. Most people get it only the handful getting dating advice from their grandparents and Disney movies seem to be left out of the loop on this.

Safinated · 2023-09-14T14:26:27+00:00

The dating game has been this way for 50 years. You young uns just have no perspective, unsurprisingly

gneuni · 2023-09-14T14:30:17+00:00

I agree that it changed due to online dating and feminism but I disagree with the implications. I'd argue that because of these artificial new dynamics, many men have become insecure and soft which many women despise naturally. Applying "traditional game" works much better for a man since you lost almost all competition

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-09-14T15:21:10+00:00

Dating hasn't really changed.

Women no longer care about marriage and kids

Plenty of women want marriage and kids. Plenty of women want marriage without kids.

don’t need men for money or “protection”

Yup, we want men. Not for the money or protection or perfect 10 face but for their companionship, kindness, loyalty, and adding fun to our life.

so physical appearance matters more.

No, it doesn't.

We’re all trying to adapt

Based on what I see in this sub, it doesn't seem like folks are trying to adapt.

Suddenfury · 2023-09-14T17:29:24+00:00

I think one thing is that now women can date and marry without their fathers approval. Which means that traits that impress the father, like jobb stability and jobb self-sacrifice, becomes less important.
Some men are still spending so much time trying to impress the father (Slaving away in a patriarchal work environment), while they should be trying to impress the daughter (Doing expressive things like art, dancing and music)

AutoModerator · 2023-09-14T12:42:54+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

wtknight · 2023-09-14T12:55:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

KlingKlangKing · 2023-09-14T16:01:01+00:00

Jus hav kunfiduns brah!!

CombinationMore4630 · 2023-09-14T16:34:18+00:00

Man.. where is this place where chicks were looking for kids and marriage through their 20s?

I'm from a big city. All the chicks I knew wanted to party.

Change your circles and go get laid

As it has always been.

Meet a woman on your own standard organically.

63daddy · 2023-09-14T17:19:24+00:00

In many ways it’s the exact opposite. Most women still want to be provided for at some point, often when kids come along. Women still want to date up and marry up as much as ever before. Hypergamous attitudes still persist.

Their complaint about how hard it is to find a good guy reflects that it’s harder than it used to be to find a guy who is able and willing to be that provider.

Almost every woman I’ve ever met who says she’s independent and doesn’t want to rely on a man ends up being a stay at home wife and being supported at least for a while. Similarly most “independent”, single women I come across are very bitter and jealous.

orbstnedifnocdesab · 2023-09-14T17:48:42+00:00

looks and height which is majority of genetics. over ur personality and money

jha_avi · 2023-09-14T18:29:14+00:00

I don't know what has or has not changed. I don't even know what women want. I have seen ugly, good looking, poor, rich, assholes, kind hearted guys get a gf. Like there was no parameter where a guy is rejected except maybe me. I might not know what women want but I do know what they don't want and they don't want me.

So this topic has nothing for me.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-09-14T20:58:37+00:00

I’ve never seen a chivalrous guy who has trouble. Unless you mean the Renaissance fair type of chivalry. Then they should read Don Quixote

Ectoplasmic1984 · 2023-09-15T04:13:20+00:00

well men still approach women and make the first move, do the asking out, i don't see women ever doing that more often

Title	The dating game has changed
Author	melindabrown2023
Upvotes	69
Comments	125
Date	September 14, 2023 12:42 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16ihfvy/the_dating_game_has_changed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-dating-game-has-changed.1231795 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231795

Comments