The Same Romantic Approach Is Judged Differently Depending on Attraction

CombinationStrict537 · 2026-05-19T04:30:50+00:00

Agreed. I think a lot of women don’t want to feel shallow for rejecting most men over lack of attraction, so the rejection gets reframed around the approach, timing, intent, confidence, “creepy vibes” instead.

rando_dud · 2026-05-18T16:03:54+00:00

The universal way is:

1 - Be attractive

2 - Don't be unattractive.

As far as approaching successfully, it requires assessing mutual attraction via body language and acceptance that it's rarely there in the first place.

mcmlxiv1 · 2026-05-18T16:02:23+00:00

Everything depends on your face. Things like what you say come after that.

Women don’t want to admit because it means guys won’t jester as hard.

Men don’t like it because it makes them give up hope.

So we keep on this merry go round, endlessly making excuses for why things turn out the way they do.

But one thing most people miss. Is that most women aren’t nice by default, too much scare tactics and insecurity make them mean as hell.

They genuinely have to be in a good mood and other situations need to line up to hold okish conversations, there is no real need for them to be decent human beings to men.

But the issue is men take that as a challenge and think that this is something they can control.

You can’t.

Some people ( a lot of women) are just pig headed and insecure. Then lash out on men for sport.

But dudes take all these negative experiences and blame themselves.

If someone is an asshole that’s not your fault, it doesn’t mean you need to try harder or cater to their whims or do more shadow boxing with the ghost of PUAs.

It’s our instinct to find romantic partners so just keep trying until you find the 1 in 1000 nice woman, and hope she stays the same.

pie-mart · 2026-05-18T16:03:54+00:00

Tje main reason there isn't a universal way to ask women out is because every woman has different needs and wants and desires. Treating us like theres a secret way to all of us is an issue yall created

It has less to do with how attractive you are but how the woman in question feels about the interaction and your approach

What works with my friend, I find annoying

What works with me, my friend feels is not enough effort

Etc etc etc

70sJungleBush · 2026-05-18T18:00:41+00:00

Rules:

Be attractive.
Don’t be unattractive.

They tell you this on like day one of dating. Can’t believe ya missed the class.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-05-18T17:54:17+00:00

That is because attraction is a large part of romance. It is very logical

Content_Concert_2555 · 2026-05-18T15:53:38+00:00

Women are allowed to have a reaction about how they’re being asked out even if it’s just a preference or an ick or whatever. If you take a no without being an asshole and move on most will have the maturity to brush it off.

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-05-18T15:47:58+00:00

Attraction does play a part. But the individual woman is the biggest determining factor. If you’re going to approach just be respectful and take a no gracefully.

NiaMiaBia · 2026-05-18T15:56:12+00:00

Are you familiar with “the halo effect” ? Because this is what’s happening and it’s not gender specific.

krackedy · 2026-05-18T16:01:10+00:00

This is different women having different opinions on how dating should go.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2026-05-18T20:17:58+00:00

I think many women would argue it is about reading the fucking room. If you flirt with me when you should know you have no chance, have had no indications of interest, then obviously I will react poorly. So no you have an innate repulsion response that everyone gets when someone they find unattractive exhibits their sexuality. But you also have the issue of why this motherfucker would do that when he should know better? Is he crazy? Dangerous? Even if not, how awkward is this no EQ bastard gonna make things?

Solondthewookiee · 2026-05-18T15:50:06+00:00

Yes, people can have different opinions based on how they feel about someone.

My wife grabbing my butt is cute and playful.

A random person grabbing my butt is violating and illegal.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-05-18T16:04:29+00:00

So, this is where people may disagree with me, I'm not ignoring it, I'm presuming it. You should not be approaching someone you don't think is attracted to you. I'm a firm believer in a called shot and a more or less done deal on this front. Attraction is part of the consent process and if you don't know it's there, you're an idiot for approaching.

If you're not, I mean the hottest of the hot smoothest talker sell sand on a beach type of human, you probably shouldn't be doing cold approach. And if you do, of course I'm criticizing you because you could more or less know there wouldn't be attraction there so you're basically bothering another person on this desperate hail mary attempt to make something cosmically unlikely happen.

The same is basically true in all other cases. If you ain't Jim and Pam from the Office, why the fuck are you approaching your classmate or coworker. You like being hurt and hearing no and skeezing someone out? Makes no sense.

The same would be true for asking out a friend after developing feelings. If she's not sending you those signals back, what are you doing. You're pining and praying for a dream that won't come true. It should be more or less a done deal, not something being bet on by all onlookers. You should know that you know this is a thing and if you don't know, don't do it. Don't boots on the ground storm the beaches.

Yes, attraction is key here. It's not an annoying side factor, it is the key factor that separates someone from being stupid to approach and smart. That's not some injustice or gotcha.

And the more you don't know the answer to attraction, the more your method and how you go about things is going to matter because you don't have a forgiving audience on your hands.

Afraid_Fondant_7903 · 2026-05-18T22:09:21+00:00

this is the dobler-dahmer theory from how i met your mother

Fifanegro · 2026-05-22T12:52:05+00:00

OP I totally agree with you the rest are coping. The perfect social contract is this women reject politely men fuck off and when I say fuck off I mean fuck off. Don't linger or pine or get emotional say no problem have a good day and be on your merry way the only answer to alot of your attraction issues is self esteem self confidence and physical fitness. I am a priest for the gym cause it saved my life every thing got better after I achieved a physique that I was proud of. People became more welcoming women more open and it doesn't mean I don't get rejected it just means my self esteem doesn't hunch on this one human female not liking me. I like me I like who I became. Trust me any young guy reading this the gym man make that your first love the world will give you love back.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2026-05-18T16:49:04+00:00

I agree with the other posters that say that taking rejection well is the most important part. This is an autonomous human being, not an object. They don’t owe it to you to bend to your will just because you want something.

That said, you need to pick up on social cues in each of these situations.

If you see an attractive stranger in public, say, shopping ina grocery store, don’t ask her out. You know nothing about her other than that you find her physically attractive. This is objectifying. If you find her interesting, try to strike up a conversation first. See if you vibe before trying to see her again. If she looks like she doesn’t want to talk, back off.
If you meet someone in a social setting, like a bar or party, same thing, don’t ask them out until you have a conversation or hang out with them for a while. Again, gauge the connection.
If you’re classmates or coworkers, the stakes are higher, but you also have the opportunity to get to know them better. Don’t make a move unless it’s obvious that they’re really into you.

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Ego-Waffle0824 · 2026-05-19T01:18:33+00:00

Tight_Banana_9692 · 2026-05-19T18:38:46+00:00

This is true for you too, women just don't approach you. If you were an attractive man and women approached you the way men approach women you would see that this reaction is natural and obvious.

I would also be careful to take words like this on face value.

“Why can’t men just let women exist in peace?”

That is an emotional reaction to something that just happened that they wished this happen, it doesn't necessarily reflect what they actually think the world should look like. Even for the man that just approached, they might not actually wish that man literally never "bothered" another woman again.

Fundamentally the problem is that men are expected to take initiative, probably many reasons for this. It might not even be true that men are expected to take initiative, it's just they are more willing for the most part. Ironically at least some of the women I have talked to have said they don't want to approach men because they don't want to bother them. Of course, side effect of that is if you let others take the initiative that leaves you without control of how that initiative is wielded.

Best advice I can give is just make yourself easy to reject. Women don't like rejecting men (and believe me, you wouldn't live rejecting women either), so make it easy for them and you would get less of a reaction.

Ok-District2873 · 2026-05-29T19:55:27+00:00

Just to clarify, are you complaining about (1) women or (2) people giving advice/opinions online? Like its completly understandable and expected that each person has a different expectation of the ideal way to be asked out. And to a lesser extent, what they consider creepy. However, if you are talking about the second situation, then I do see your point.

love_in_october · 2026-05-18T16:04:36+00:00

Now, I somehow doubt you're talking about different men asking the same woman out.

You're talking about different men asking different women out. (If there's anything in this that isn't totally made up from the red and black pill narrative.) Naturally, responses will vary.

ThatBitchA · 2026-05-18T16:21:03+00:00

Of course there's not one size fits all way.

People are different and want different things.

Obviously, attraction plays into it. But it's not always attraction. A lot of times the method can impact the attraction.

I'd wager it's more often the method than attraction.

y2kjanelle · 2026-05-19T11:58:59+00:00

I don’t understand the level of social incompetence it takes to be a grown ass man and not have figured out there’s no one size fits all approach.

Like what kind of dumbass post is this? Well duh different women have different opinions on different approaches. Why do men need that to be explained?

I’ve approached men more than half this sub has approached women. Guarantee it. Some men have responded positively, some were totally not interested, some were outright rude, some were even racist towards me despite literally also being a POC, some have been glad I approached, some thought I was too easy, some couldn’t believe I would go for them.

Be respectful, back off if interest isn’t reciprocated and don’t be a mf creep. There’s no perfect approach.

If you want to plug in X all the time to consistently get Y result, take a math class.

Title	The Same Romantic Approach Is Judged Differently Depending on Attraction
Author	UpperInjury590
Upvotes	76
Comments	119
Date	May 18, 2026 3:43 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tgqhb5/the_same_romantic_approach_is_judged_differently/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-same-romantic-approach-is-judged-differently.1580675 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580675

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