Why do these guys care so much about tinder? Why not just meet girls through their friends/acquaintances?

luv_sosa · 2020-04-04T19:42:11+00:00

https://www.washingtonpost.com/resizer/F7u6KHmhNPetOQlfIHcYSKfWZ68=/arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost/public/ARQXH32AVQ4KTP4255WUYDHHUQ.png

You can also make friends with guys who know lots of girls.

Much easier said than done.

Make friends with the popular social butterfly nerds.

This doesn't exist.

Then she can collect your insta and ~~stalk~~ research you

Instagram is also a huge component of online dating, the fact that you even mentioned it proves this. Many college girls DM hot guys through insta and get together that way.

Also, your post is clearly aimed at men with poor IRL social status which would be reflected through their social media, if they even have any (few followers, no group pics, etc). Nobody, man or woman, wants to associate with a man like that. Good luck building a healthy instagram from scratch in 2020.

sirpsychosexy8 · 2020-04-04T20:21:24+00:00

You're 20. As you get older the social networks you relied upon dissolve and it increasingly becomes difficult to find new ones that are as remotely fruitful. This because everybody has to start paying their own way and doesn't have time to just fuck around. Pretty women especially, become quite particular and deliberate in how they spend time and it quickly becomes a feedback loop where access to all of them is only for top level men. They aren't hanging around malls or intermural sports teams or discussion groups, they are hopping from venue to venue, insulated from the general public. and when out in public doing normal chores, avoidant of advances.

KV-n · 2020-04-04T20:05:33+00:00

I agree. Meeting girls through friends is always the best way to go. Problem is most people these days don’t really have friends.

Reed_4983 · 2020-04-05T01:50:04+00:00

Because western society and specifically the USA is incredibly atomized and individualistic. It is not a collectivist society at all. Once you're a man and you're at your mid 20s and single, people are automatically more fearful, judgmental of you and you're incredibly less likely to be included in new social/friend groups.

Most guys only options are either tinder (which isn't much of a option for most men) or relying on coming across a woman once in a bluemoon that might express some lukewarm interest in you and see where that leads to. Often times it leads to nothing and for many men, it's this cycle ad nausiem and many just eventually burn out and became intellectually dishonest copers (mgtards) or intellectually honest but still bitter lonely copers (blackpill, incel, forever alone, true forced loneliness so on and so forth).

Dating for many men is almost nonexistent, it's mostly just circumstantial luck (being at the right place, at the right time). That's why the colloquialism "get lucky" is used because for many men, coming across and meeting a woman interested in them is purely circumstantial and situational luck.

p_and_q · 2020-04-04T19:58:24+00:00

> I'm 20

After college it becomes much harder to meet people.

Braincellular · 2020-04-04T23:06:27+00:00

Easier said than done. Social isolation is epidemic, many people are stuck in jobs that make it harder. Not everyone goes to university and lives in urban areas or college towns. You're 20. It's easy to meet people if you're in university, especially if you live in student housing. Lots of people in college don't even have friends (being a commuter student sucks). This has really been done to death already, there's all kinds of other factors at work, maybe of them external.

You join a sport or hobby

You'd be surprised at how many of these things are total sausage fests. Because every guy has the same idea and girls stay away because they get constantly hit on.

This online stuff is supposed to be like a supplement to your dating life not the center of it.

The thing is, why not use every strategy at your disposal to meet people especially nowadays. Sure, OLD is bullshit, but so is everything else. Just keep your expectations low.

Don't be the weirdo who spam approaches random girls on campus because then they're thinking "does this guy not have a friend group to meet girls the normal way?". It can work some time but you're starting on the wrong foot.

What's wrong with approaching? Yeah you'll probably feel awkward and embarrass yourself and get rejected a lot, probably most of the time. But you have to start somewhere. Even you admit it can work for some. It's easy to call it "starting off on the wrong foot" when when you have options through your social circle and don't have to do it yourself. Consider yourself lucky if you don't think this is necessary in your life, believe me.

Just meet girls the normal way like a normal dude.

No such thing, your normal isn't everyone's normal. Don't presume.

abaxeron · 2020-04-04T23:28:57+00:00

Then the girls invite you out

Khekh!

Okay, I'll admit - I had ONE case of a female friend trying to "arrange" me with her other female friends.

From her church group.

Knowing that I'm an atheist.

I still don't know if it was a joke/mockery or she simply didn't think through.

reluctantly_red · 2020-04-04T19:32:51+00:00

For people many years out of college and particularly for those who don't live in bustling urban areas internet dating is often the only game in town. That said tinder is probably not the best platform for most guys.

YoureNotAverageLoser · 2020-04-04T19:29:09+00:00

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YoureNotAverageLoser · 2020-04-04T21:19:33+00:00

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Visserman75 · 2020-04-04T21:18:59+00:00

Women treat unattractive men with disgust or at best with indifference. Good luck making friends from there.

studioardere · 2020-04-04T20:28:04+00:00

I don't get it. Why should it be better to "ask X about you" than talking to each other directly.

And what's about the "you flirt with their friend" BS?

You're 20, stop playing stupid mindgames. As long as you think that's how it should go I don't think you're the best to give advice

wtknight · 2020-04-04T22:11:49+00:00

A lot of them probably don't have many friends, and the ones who have some guy friends probably have guy friends who don't know many women.

pongaminbloom · 2020-04-04T23:48:54+00:00

If you date someone in your social circle and the relationship goes bad, then your ex and whichever of your friends they date after you will remain in your life forever.

If you meet on Tinder, then you will never see them after the breakup. The people they talk bad about you to will be people you're never going to meet. They won't date your friends, and there will be no love triangle.

Slyfer_Seven · 2020-04-04T20:28:14+00:00

I don't think it is simple as you put it. When I was in the military, everyone was just mixed together in the barracks/dorms so, these socially ignorant dudes you speak of, would be grouped up, through association, with the more social people and we'd all go out and hit the town together. We'd end up playing wingman for a lot of these guys, or some would, more nefariously, use them to catch grenades.

Either way, most of them would come out of their shell enough to talk to girls and hook up/get in to a relationship. All good right? No... They would then end up knocking up some girl, or getting married too fast and just generally fucking it all up. You know the whole trope of military dudes and dependas? That is the result of taking people that can't figure out how to socially interact with anyone and guiding them towards women.

They still end up bitter, resentful, beat down dudes except now they have baggage and kids. A lot of these people complaining don't need exposure to social groups, they need to fix themselves and become fully functioning adults... then, you know, join a club or some shit

smokecheck1976 · 2020-04-05T09:12:26+00:00

In the world I would have chosen for myself, I wouldn't really know about reddit, or it's various sub-forums, or about most of these "dating" sites. I would have been happily married these last six or seven years, and happily planning out my early retirement. Neither fate nor my ex-wife intended that for me.

I don't know how old you are, but I washed up at 36 years old in a new city where I knew a total of one person who also isn't from that city. Making friends at 36 is hard. I have work or I have my kids. Married men's wives don't want you hanging around them, supposedly they'll discover how great single life is. You don't fit in with the younger crowd. The women that are available to date run the gamut of issues that make them mostly unsuitable for relationships, and outright deadly marriage traps. If you can find a group, most of them have been friends since high school and you are the oddball. So, it becomes sort of dating apps or bust. The only saving grace I have around here is that the average guy my age around here that is single is a complete loser. As in meth using, lives in momma's basement, is at best partially employed, struggles to keep his 30 year old beater that he bought in high school running loser. Against that, the thought of enjoying a night every now and again with me looks enjoyable and a better relationship.

SuitableStart · 2020-04-05T12:08:42+00:00

Men are not allowed to flirt with women in most public spaces such as universities, bars etc with the safe space crap. Unless you are Chad of course then you can break the rules.

lazylurker53 · 2020-04-04T21:32:22+00:00

Uhh...their presence and involvement on a reddit gender debate sub should give you some idea of their social skills...

xXxINCELFAGGOTxXx · 2020-04-04T21:49:31+00:00

Tinder is a major validation factor. If a girl chooses you just because of your pretty face, it's feels nice. Just my theory. I've never used tinder though.

Kingfull · 2020-04-04T23:56:45+00:00

but you are just assuming that everyone would have better chances in the real world than on dating apps. the type of woman who'd ever be interested in me doesn't exist in my circle of friends.

Monkey_Jerk · 2020-04-05T06:20:51+00:00

boys flirt with girl they find cute.

And they'll only flirt back if the guy is good looking, you can't force them to flirt back with someone they don't find attractive. Or do you expect them to be flirty just because the guy makes a move? That's very entitled of you.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-04-05T07:20:00+00:00

I ask this question all the time.

You walk into a bar, its 10 guys for every 1 girl in there. Are you really going to go through the grind of having to compete? Why not just enjoy a drink and use any other setting to find girls?

Same applies to tinder.

Eastuss · 2020-04-05T08:39:56+00:00

Most guys need to go through lot of attempts and rejections, "friends/acquaintance" do not bring enough new women for you to frequently find potential partners.
Getting female friends and acquaintance, in decent numbers, require you to be popular. In highschool most men didn't have female friends. Guys who know lot of girls won't befriend you if you're not a chick magnet yourself, they'll push you away, ostracize and bully you until you stay with the other unpopular men, the shutin nerds. Because befriending you will repel women.
Sometimes your ideal partner is not in your demographic circle. You need to reach one by yourself.

You're just an attractive extrovert who use this post to humble brag about how it's easy for you, but you're quite unobservant and superficial.

You join a sport or hobby (girls have to partake in said activity).

I knew a dude who used his sport as a way to meet people, he found one gf in 10 years who deadbedroomed him, and he was sightly above average in looks. I've had a lot more success by approaching women randomly without prior social circle, and I'm a lot less attractive.

Funilly, even though I think online dating is shit and that you have better chances cold approaching, I lost my V-card on an online dating site, and found a lot of weird friends circles there. Notably lesbian friend circles, who surprisingly brought me a lot more sexual opportunities than I thought, seems like sticking to social norms is just shit. ;)

wtknight · 2020-04-04T20:05:00+00:00

[removed]

YoureNotAverageLoser · 2020-04-04T20:03:49+00:00

they don't have friends who know girls and they don't go out

TwentyX4 · 2020-04-04T23:29:36+00:00

You're in college. Colleges are now 58% women. This puts the ratio at nearly 1.4 women : 1 man on the average college campus (perhaps even higher on your campus). It's no wonder it's easy for college guys to talk about how easy it is to get girls - the girls in college are desperate because there aren't enough guys to go around. If every single college guy had a girlfriend, it would still leave almost 1/3rd of the college girls single. It will be different when you get out of college.

Most major cities have a gender ratio of too many men. I didn't know it at the time, but after college, I moved to a city with a surplus of men, and my neighborhood was 150 men : 100 women according to the US Census. (No, it wasn't San Francisco, where there was a surplus of gay men or something like that.) I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong to explain why dating was so hard.

You're still playing on easy mode.

2020-04-04T20:18:23+00:00

That limits the pool

Smoogs2 · 2020-04-04T21:18:34+00:00

I found some success in online dating. Why not do both? Guys care about it because it works or they want it to work.

mangolover97 · 2020-04-04T22:17:41+00:00

Considering how many men here say being friends with women is pointless and that female friends are worthless I doubt that’s an option they have. They won’t go make female friends themselves and if their other male friends hold the same views, then there probably aren’t any women for them to be connected with.

pixelatedlizard · 2020-04-05T07:42:33+00:00

Because most redpill guys dont know any women irl, and the ones they do can smell their degenerate thought processes a mile away.

AdolfGandi · 2020-04-06T10:05:52+00:00

Nobody on this sub is "a normal" dude. Even the RP guys that actually lift and learn game still didn't start out normal. Some guys don't know how to flirt.

Plutonic_blue · 2020-04-09T06:39:16+00:00

Most women these days are already taken, hung up on some fuckboy, simply wont be interested, or dont care about a lot of men. Theres really not a lot of options out there for men. And Tinder is a complete fucking waste of time for men if you're not a total perfect package. Its really sad when you think about it. Online dating was suppose to be the crutch to balance things out but most women use it for their own ego, validation, or just for entertainment, not what the actual purpose of what online dating is. Simply put, majority of mens options overall are pretty low these days.

Simp_Gulag · 2020-04-13T02:35:38+00:00

The great thing about online dating is that you’re dealing with a pool of women that are already looking for a man (if not you specifically.). If you have good pics you can get results with no peer group at all (great if you don’t trust most people!)

Barneysparky · 2020-04-04T22:26:22+00:00

The vast majority of users here are socially isolated.

Even though we are socially isolating as a rule there is a difference between a person with a household/garden to maintain, one who skypes or texts with friends and a person living in a room alone.

PeppyHydra · 2020-04-04T19:32:25+00:00

Lmfao you think I want to befriend women? Women only really have 1 purpose in my life and it's not being friends I'll tell you that much.

I gotta be honest, I value female friendships very little, and it certainly isn't for lack of trying. I've seldom met women interesting enough to have a conversation with, let alone ones who challenged my world view or raised deep issues I really had to think about. They all conform to the mold and that mold is boring, generic and uninteresting. Only their bodies interest me. Tinder is a perfect shortcut.

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Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-04-04T21:10:43+00:00

Why do peo

dylang92 · 2020-04-04T21:48:24+00:00

Validation.

vargstrike · 2020-04-04T23:27:55+00:00

You must be really attractive for that to work for you. Most girls don't want to have sex with me.

YoureNotAverageLoser · 2020-04-05T00:01:45+00:00

[removed]

rus9384 · 2020-04-05T07:54:31+00:00

Because an average person does not have a large expanding social circle.

With that said, I don't think OLD is a viable strategy online. Cold approaching on social spaces is way better, because sex ratio is not screwed.

BruhMoment45886 · 2020-04-05T17:54:48+00:00

So you're saying I need friend groups to approach women? I'm screwed.

Guys like Tinder because they assume sex is almost guaranteed at "dates". I'm not a good looking guy so it wouldnt be worth it for me to even try.

LillthOfBabylon · 2020-04-05T18:45:54+00:00

Why not just meet girls through their friends/acquaintances?

You assume that they know women offline. Or that their friendships are that strong.

tetraacetic · 2020-04-06T00:33:59+00:00

Then the girls invite you out and you flirt with their friends

lmao ok, I've never encountered this. I can maintain nice and friendly acquaintances with women, but never anything more. The opportunity doesn't even seem to present itself, and I don't want to be pushy with girls and insist to hangout outside of school/recreation/hobbies.

In my view, the only way for this to work is you have to be lucky enough to encounter a cute, single girl and start off as friends. You hangout and become good buddies. Eventually you'll become comfortable with each other and you can start using dark or dirty humour. You can share secrets, maybe go to big events together. Soon after, you'll know if you like her as more than just a friend and bring up the idea of being more than just friends with her.

NaturalDestiny · 2020-04-06T05:15:44+00:00

Because a large number of people are using Tinder.

dylang92 · 2020-04-06T12:15:36+00:00

because you are a boy and girls flirt with boys they find cute

See, here’s the thing though, for your concept to work her friends have to find you attractive. You think women just flirt with any dude and find every guy cute? Nah, you could easily hang out with her friends and not a single one of them will find you cute because of some sort of physical trait (like being short).

goneaway2thewind · 2020-04-04T19:56:05+00:00

[removed]

majani · 2020-04-04T20:01:54+00:00

Any random schmuck can fumble around in a social circle and one day stumble on some girl who kinda likes them. Things like PUA and game are for guys who want to go beyond stumbling on pussy and take control of their dating life

RahLyt · 2020-04-04T22:07:29+00:00

To be honest with you I'm just a hoe and need new girls every once in awhile.

Title	Why do these guys care so much about tinder? Why not just meet girls through their friends/acquaintances?
Author	YoureNotAverageLoser
Upvotes	19
Comments	187
Date	April 4, 2020 7:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fuzgx8/why_do_these_guys_care_so_much_about_tinder_why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-these-guys-care-so-much-about-tinder-why.360569 https://theredarchive.com/post/360569

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