Let's be Honest Here About Virginity

TheDreadnought1 · 2017-07-31T22:57:33+00:00

The only thing I have to say is that I'm M20, virgin, and currently extremely dissatisfied with that. I'm figuring out my mistakes and problems and working on it, but still, even tho I'm young and trying to care as little as possible for what others may think, I'm still really bothered to be a virgin and 'cause I can't see me losing it in the near future (specially because I'm just studying atm and living with my parents, and will stay like this at least till the end of the year)

I'm even seriously considering hiring an escort for this "issue"

Throwawayanthy · 2017-07-31T21:18:09+00:00

I say 30 and over

nobody2000 · 2017-07-31T23:30:04+00:00

I guess it depends.

If I found out through the grapevine that a particular person was a virgin, I probably wouldn't think much of it. Maybe they're timid or religious or asexual. Some people just get old enough and it's not a priority. I think once some people hit a certain age with their virginity intact, they just focus on pursuing other endeavors.

If it was way more apparent like - this person openly talked of their virginity in a self-deprecating manner...then I'd say 30. It then becomes uncomfortable and weird.

Apocalypse487x · 2017-08-01T02:29:40+00:00

I'll be honest. I stayed a virgin because out of respect for my parents religious beliefs. I was never religious. I didn't eat bacon until I was 28. I didn't drink alcohol until I was 28. I didn't have sex until I was 29.

I ate bacon on accident when my friend ordered me the wrong pizza. I had alcohol because I said fuck it. I need a drink. I had sex because I met someone I loved. Religion and other beliefs about abstinence actually hinder you in the long run.

For me sex had to be intimate. I don't want to randomly bang random girls. It's not hard but I like things to be meaningful.

I'm sure everyone will have a different opinion, but this is mine.

taversham · 2017-08-01T00:40:16+00:00

(26F non-virgin here) I don't think being a virgin at any age is inherently a problem. I do prefer to sleep with guys who have at least a bit of experience, but it isn't that big of a deal. I view it the same as the fact I prefer guys with dark hair, but that doesn't mean I'd never date a blond.

It would depend a bit on the reason why. There are lots of reasons why someone would still be a virgin well into their 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. Focusing on other things in life, religion, or needing longer than average to develop their social skills and confidence. That's perfectly fine by me, as long as I'm capable with developing a connection and intimacy with the guy right now, I don't care about his past much - whether he's banged 500 girls or zero isn't going to be a dealbreaker for me.

What's important is a person being happy and content in themselves. And if you believe being a virgin is the sole factor in making you feel unhappy with yourself then I'd say a) you're probably mistaken, but b) you can always hire a prostitute so you can experience your first time, and after that you'll have the virginity hurdle out of the way and you can focus on defining yourself by your other attributes. Sleeping with a prostitute may not have the emotional intimacy that you might desire from sex, but in purely practical terms, having a professional with you will mean you lose your viginity in are pleasurable way than 99% of those of us who lost it during ill-informed teenage fumbling.

souljabri557 · 2017-07-31T21:48:56+00:00

What age of virginity is high enough to give you the visceral gut feeling that something isn't right in a person

This has nothing to do with whether it is in fact a bad thing for said person or not. That being said, I would say around 26 or 27.

When is the age at which it is actually personally hindering to be a virgin? I would say around 35-40.

greengardenmoss · 2017-07-31T21:55:20+00:00

I know two virgins who are turning 40 this year. Both women. One is an anesthesiologist, Muslim, has been taking care of her mother with health problems. Slim, below average face. Freckles. She makes over $300,000 a year. Can't find a date.

The other is Texan, also a woman. Gorgeous face could be a model. Long straight blonde hair, blue eyes. Probably 50-75lbs overweight. She's a heart transplant surgeon, not sure what she makes. Evangelical family background but she is less devout...waiting for marriage just became a habit. Stopped looking for dates years ago, lol, more important things to work on. She's a great aunt.

QuellonGreyjoy · 2017-07-31T22:37:58+00:00

I would say once you hit the early 20s its a problem if someone can't figure out dating or sex. By then people have left school, most have encountered the opposite sex in life or university. Doesn't matter if they're a virgin or not, if they aren't willing to learn or adapt inside and outside the bedroom then it won't end well. People are mature enough to drop that relationship and not waste any more time.

As for virginity it only becomes a real black mark at maybe 30. Someone may be surprised and scared off in some cases. Unless they were waiting till marriage, I would briefly question how they've been that 'unlucky' for so long

I know you said you don't want hopeful answers but realistically, being a virgin shouldn't hinder anyone 90% of the time. In fact the most hindering it does is in the mindset of the individual, by lowering self esteem and making them desperate.

Either its a one night stand situation where it shouldn't mentioned at all, or it's where you're in far enough that it doesn't matter, they'll sleep with you anyway.

forget4 · 2017-07-31T23:22:57+00:00

Looking at these replies it makes me wonder how bad I am. Im about to turn 23 and have been lead on many times by women who just wanted my attention whdn I wanted to date them so I have low self esteem and havent gotten past making out. Ive asked my friends, a few girls I dated, counselor, and people who dont know me that well, where I fail and could improve on and yet I am always just told my positives. I am very nice, a gentleman, have good looks, etc. Yet the only thing I ever got was that Im too available. That doesnt seem to reflect the countless rejections Ive had or have an impact on thsm and after seeing this post my eyes have opened up more and I feel worse. I dont even know where to begin to improve since I am never around women that are available or around. With my last year of college at a small, off campus site coming up, which my ex goes to, I feel like there isnt any kind of hope for me. So should people in my situation just give up at this point?

Ser-Joe-the-Joe · 2017-08-01T04:22:47+00:00

I knew some kid in college who was a virgin. Was super handsome and nice, had no problem talking to girls. But said he was waiting for the right one. Soon the whole campus knew, we went to a small semi-religious private school. Not sure if he ended up losing it ever, but i do rememver him graduating and still being a virgin, and him complaining about the types of girls at our school alot.

I think eventually if you keep waiting for the right moment, you'll end up missing it. So you either just pick a girl, or say fuck it and bang a random. Honestly i believe the best sex you can have is with someone you care about, because there is a huge mental aspect to sex. You can only be animalistic for so long and not have any emotional attachment. Both are fine, because sex is great and feels amazing. But if you put "being a virgin" on a pedestal, you can seriously fuck yourself up mentally.

But to answer your question simply. If you're 28 or 30 and you havnt ever had sex, and the reason isn't religion, there is something wrong with you.

mbillion · 2017-07-31T23:55:49+00:00

First off sex is no big deal. in our age of birth control, condoms, etc, stop placing such a big value on it

Second, 16-18 the real truth is this is when your female counterparts are going to start having sex. Its not a competition between dudes, the real trick is whether your "target market" are going to find it weird

Third, if youre super worried about it hire a pro. If you are worried about getting caught book a plane trip to costa rica, amsterdam hong kong whatever. Just get the awkwardness of your first time out. ITS SERIOUSLY NO BIG DEAL.

Four, if you find sex dominates all your non-sexual interaction find new friends

Five, seriously stop placing all the emphasis on sex - ITS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL

dudeman1345 · 2017-07-31T23:50:23+00:00

I can't believe people are saying early 20s. 17 is the average right? So early 20s would just be lagging behind the average age just by a few years. Being behind the average by a couple years wouldn't "do nothing but hinder you" I would honestly say 30 is when I would question what the reason is.

TheExplodingKitten · 2017-07-31T23:59:57+00:00

What age of virginity is high enough to give you the visceral gut feeling that something isn't right in a person?

late twenties

DeepNeed · 2017-08-01T02:55:17+00:00

At what age does it become a problem that some men can't figure out dating and sex?

It's hard to put an actual age to this question. But if you are out of college (or around ~24) and haven't figured out the dating game, you are in serious trouble. After college things only get more difficult. You'll simply have less opportunities to meet women. And if you manged to get that old without figuring out dating, it means that there is something wrong with you and you have a ton of work to do.

For the record I am speaking out of experience and my life has not gone the way I wished it would. I got my first real girlfriend at 30 and I would have lost my virginity to her if it was not for my time with hookers. I lost my virginity to a hooker at 22 and had sex with a handful of hookers off an on throughout the years till I met her at college. I was an older student, she was 10 years younger and it was a glorious but very short period of my life.

Unfortunately I've been single for a few years since then and I still don't have any clue how this game works. Worse is that I've gone back to the hooker route which only fulfills the basic need, and leaves so much empty.

What you really need to do is make friends with guys that are good with women, who go out to bars and have parties. This may seem easier than it really is because I've been unable to do so.

brianbria · 2017-08-01T04:07:32+00:00

This is my honest answer. I think you're insecure as fuck, and you want a number to relieve you of your insecurity. Kind of like a person who is unsure if they are ugly or hot wants a definite rating out of 10. but the the obvious problem is that there is no number. My immediate answer would be somewhere around 30, but that's a lie. Because there are guys who start late and do really well with women and people. I think the average 30+ year old male who is a virgin will lose confidence, AND I also think a guy of any age even past 30 or 40 or 50 can get good with women if he keeps his mind clean and secure and chooses to get better at his social and interpersonal skills. Most won't, but some level headed guys will rise to the occasion. It's always a choice. Similar to people who say "what age is it too late to start exercising?" there is always some 90 year old guy doing a marathon proving everyone else wrong.

throwingawaymytv · 2017-08-01T02:10:08+00:00

You want an honest reply? Here's one. (LONG - skip to the end for the short answer, read on for context)

First I want to share my experience with you. I lost my virginity at 19. At the time, I felt like it was the most important and defining thing in my life. I knew that many of my friends had already long since done the deed and I felt like I was somehow less of a man than them due to my inability to even have a relationship that lasted longer than a few months. I tried not to let it show on the outside but it was slowly eating me up. I hoped things would change once I hit college, but I was in a program that was all wrong for me and in a bad living situation so I just spiraled down into a pretty dark situation.

Want to know the funny thing? I don't even remember the first time I met the girl I lost it to. My soon-to-be roommate introduced us during a smoke break, outside our dorm I think? I honestly have no clue. They went to high school together. I didn't even see her for months after that. Some time later, I ended up going to a halloween party with her and (while under the influence of some cool drugs) decided that I had to have her. She came back to my place with me and a few friends after the party and I acted in a way that, looking back, I am seriously not proud of - because I thought it was how you had to act to get sex and my inhibitions were pretty well lowered. Amazingly, it didn't completely torpedo my chances with her as a couple weeks later we went on our first date.

It was my first real date since high school. I'd had a brief thing with a girl in my freshman year dorm but it was never really like that, we just hung out a lot and did stuff with my roommate/his girlfriend. Anyway, we went on a couple dates and then one day we met up and she told me she just wanted to be friends. I have a bit of guilt over this because I pretty forcefully said that wasn't an option, it was either keep dating or goodbye. And this was entirely because I knew this was my last best chance at losing it, or so I thought at the time. Somehow it ended up not being goodbye and a couple weeks later after seeing a friend of mine perform in a play, we went back to her place and were fooling around. Well.. she asked me if I wanted to, and we did. I was so nervous I couldn't even finish, even after 30 min. But I digress.

I ended up dating that girl for the better part of two years. And it was a terrible, toxic nightmare of a relationship. But we both stayed longer than either of us should have, because we were each other's first love and the sex was dynamite. And for me, part of me was terrified that I had somehow lucked out and once we broke up I wouldn't be able to find anyone else who'd get it on with me.

Well, I was wrong about that. I've been with a fair few women since then. Hired escorts a couple times, even. No long relationships, and I didn't turn into some PUA stud who goes home with women weekly. Honestly I'll never be that guy. But I've had enough sexual experiences at this point that I'm pretty well satisfied for where I'm at in life right now, at 27. And I think that's what people mean when they say that after you've done the deed, you realize it's not that big a deal. It's just another part of life. I'm a lot more concerned right now with finding another serious relationship than I am finding someone to fuck. I'm careful though, because one crazy relationship was enough for me. So nothing long term yet, but I've got my ear to the ground. And sex is not the primary thing on my mind.

ANSWER STARTS HERE

I told you all that because I wanted to give you context for my answer. I thought it was a problem when I was 19, a huge and life-defining problem. I thought a lot of the things I didn't like about myself would change after I had sex. I was wrong. A lot of them are still there, I just don't blame them on lack of sex anymore. I've worked on them honestly. And I honestly think it's not until a person - man or woman - hits their 30's that what they think is a problem might begin to be seen as a problem by the people around them.

Let me be clear that I think this is because sex is viewed as something that is intrinsically tied to adulthood, even seen as a rite of passage. And when it comes to light that somebody who has been an adult for a decade or more has not gone through this rite of passage, it casts them as someone who is seriously under-developed in a fairly fundamental aspect of being an adult human. Adults have sex. If you haven't had sex, you're kind of not an adult. Not in any way that practically matters of course. You have a job, pay your bills, vote, have hobbies, friends, whatever. But it's a value judgment that all people intrinsically make about each other, and it happens amongst people who've had sex as well. We judge each other's choice in hookup, compare LTR partners and look down on those who we deem to have made choices we never would. But these value judgments are being made by people who are evaluating each other as equals - as creatures who have experienced and understand the value of sex and relationships. Someone who does not have this experience by their 30's can only, inevitably, be viewed in a negative light.

And in truth no one answer in this thread is right, because as you've seen everyone has their own opinion about it. Some will see anything older than 20 as weird, some will know that it doesn't happen right away for everyone and see late 20's as fine. The best thing is for you to look for people who will not judge someone not having much sexual experience. And don't say you're a virgin if it doesn't come up. No reason to offer that piece of information, even if they comment, just say you're not experienced. Unless you're explicitly asked you don't have to tell.

Most importantly, dissociate things you don't like about yourself from your virginity and try to address them directly as things that you want to change, regardless whether you have sex or not. Believe me, those things will still be there after you've had sex. Being a virgin is not the cause of them. By focusing on bettering yourself purely for the sake of being better you will make a lot more progress and end up in a better place than if you did it for the purpose of having sex. Don't let it get to the point where you start doing things that might go against your moral code because you think they'll get you laid - like I did.

TL;DR: I'm super good at procrastinating when I should be working on my final project. Your self-esteem issues exist alongside your virginity, not because of it. IMO you have probably until your 30's until people really start to judge you harshly for it. In the meantime work on bettering yourself for the sake of being better, don't bring up being a virgin unless you have to, and try not to feel pressured. When you find the right person it will happen.

Garthanthoclops · 2017-08-01T03:01:15+00:00

I don't think it's fair to quantify this. Losing your virginity shouldn't be about how old you are, it should be about how ready you are. Let me give you a story about myself.

Going through high school, I was never one of the "cool kids." I was ok looking, sure, but acne and braces combined with a lack of fashion just took away any appeal I could possibly have with most women. On top of that, I was nerdy and kind of strange. One benefit which I will thank myself forever for was my academics and dedication to my schooling. I graduated #6 in my class and got a full ride to a major university.

My high school was special, I took only college courses and graduated with my AA. Coming into college I joined ROTC, and was on a fast track because I had so many credits. Thus, I was 2 years ahead and all my peers were 2 years older than me. And before I go any further, yes I was still a virgin. I graduated college with honors and got a commission in the army as a "distinguished military graduate," fancy terms for top 20% of commissionees across the nation. Still a virgin.

At this point, I am now in flight school with the army. I turn 21 a week after I get there. I finally have begun to get rid of my acne and develop a fashion sense, and suddenly I find myself very attractive (in a non-conceited way). However, due to a lifetime of being single (no sexual contact and only kissed 2 girls) I am starting to get depressed because I think I should be able to get women. College graduate, one flight school, good looking, and I have a pretty good personality. Well finally I start seeing this girl from tinder and I finally lose my virginity. The result was nothing spectacular. I was waiting for that moment forever and it just wasn't what I was expecting. I couldn't finish and got tired after 10 minutes, and I thought maybe something was wrong with me. I had finally lost my virginity but it didn't feel like anything had changed.

Fast forward about a year and a couple other shitty romantic encounters, and I finally decided that my obsession with trying to pick up women and get attention was driving me crazy. I was not happy, and I realized that would not bring me happiness. So o focused on myself. I began going out to bars to have fun with my friends, and I made a point of enjoying myself. It was working, I was suddenly not obsessed with women after years of beating myself up over it. Come one night on a vacation with some buddies and I somehow end up going home with this HB9 (I'm not one to believe people on the internet saying how hot the woman they hooked up with was, but I can post pictures to back my claim if it is called into question). Best sex I had ever had. I went back to her every weekend for a month and lived in a little fantasy world.

Fast forward to now and I'm doing pretty good. I just got out of a 6 month relationship and while yes, it does hurt, I will get passed it because I have been through worse. I don't have problems with women, and I have no regrets about my past (well not "no" regrets but very few significant ones). If my journey has taught me anything about sex and losing ones virginity, its that it isn't about how old you are, or when it happens. It is all about if you are ready for it. I was not ready when it happened even though it was all I thought about. All the emotions I felt after that night with the HB9 were what I was expecting to feel when I lost my virginity, and that is because I had already come to terms with myself and was truly happy with my life. It's cliche to say "love yourself" or "just be happy," but there is some validity to that assessment. You need to accept where you have come from and what you have been through. Your life is unique, and you shouldn't set expectations based on what others have experienced.

Sorry for the long post, but it's genuine.

newtothelyte · 2017-08-01T04:31:00+00:00

It absolutely becomes a problem. The longer you wait to have sex, the more unprepared you'll be emotionally and physically when it actually does happen. I knew a girl who waited until she was 28 to have sex, and afterwards she became so emotionally attached to the guy. It was beyond excessive. It was weird because she was a very reasonable person throughout all aspects of her life, but when it came to this she lost it. The encounter clearly meant more to her than the guy.

Now she's dealing with all these kinds of problems yada yada exploring sexuality men are dogs.

You hear the same story with folks who are heavily religious and wait for marriage to have sex. I think the problem age is 25.

Throwawayanthy · 2017-08-01T03:54:01+00:00

Haha yeah but I'm saying at 30,you should be somewhat ashamed of it not at like 22.

A_Suffering_Panda · 2017-08-01T05:54:28+00:00

Virginity is a symptom, and nothing more. If you went to a doctor and said "Doctor, I've had this really bad cough for 6 months now, it won't go away", he's never going to reply "Oh, you're totally fucked, might as well give up now". He would figure out what's wrong with you based on context. By trying to lose your virginity, you're essentially making random stabs at what may be wrong and seeing what happens. You should be trying to fix the things that cause you to not have sex, not the fact that you've never had sex itself.

IronManSeduction · 2017-08-01T07:35:48+00:00

I will answer with a very personal story.

I was a virgin up until 26 years old. I was bad with dating and didn't have any steady girlfriends.

At 26, I brought a girl home after a second date and we went back to my room. I fumbled around with my condom because I hadn't actually used one, and she asked me if I needed help. After I finally got the condom out of the package, I was so nervous I went flaccid. We did not end up having sex that night.

She asked me if I was a virgin, and I said yes it was my first time and I was nervous. She told me it's okay it's no big deal. 3 days later I invited her over and we had sex and I lost my virginity.

Looking back then to where I am now, losing your virginity doesn't make a whole lot of difference. We make it seem like it's such a life-changing milestone, but it isn't. It doesn't unlock some sort of super power, nor change who you fundamentally are. Your shame of being a virgin is strictly in your own head and what you believe the societal standards you're not measuring up to.

Now, perhaps you may say I lucked out with a woman who was understanding, but I don't think it's luck. I think it's because most girls are reasonable people, and if they like you enough to want to have sex with you, then they're not gonna get hung up on the fact that you're a virgin.

Freevoulous · 2017-08-01T08:23:06+00:00

IMHO: around 15-16 is the best age to lose your male virginity.

Past 21 is still ok-ish, beyond 25 means either there is something wrong with you, or soon will be due to frustration, after 30 - significant damage to your character and self-worth, frustration probably already broke something inside you.

Source: lifetime of observing my male friends and comparing their fates. Early fuckers gained a lot of self-confidence early on and this carried them forward. Everything in a dude's life is about momentum: the earlier you start fucking, the earlier you get your first serious job, the earlier you move out of your parent's house the faster you will mature and wise-up.

Essentialy, all the important stuff you should start doing as early as legally possible, and then keep doing more and more of it, better and better, and let the momentum propell you forward, and expand your life exponentially.

Banged a girl? Use that positive energy you feel to chat up 3 new ones.

Got a sweet job? Invest your first paycheck into your next 2 side-jobs.

Took a trip to Mexico? Cool, but now you're much further south, why not take a flight to Brasil? And while you're there, bang some local girls and make business contacts so the trip could lead to even more sex and money!

Booster93 · 2017-08-01T09:12:55+00:00

let me help if i can, if you are a guy that has not had sex yet and is willing to do whatever and feel helpless, start from scratch and lift for 1-2 years (Build Muscle) and change your body type, if you reach an 8/10 body (see most of your muscles in the mirror,6 pack, looks good with your shirt off), then go out and see what happens. read mark manson religously and just start going to events and see what happens. You have nothing to lose

2017-08-01T16:35:32+00:00

As a 20 year old this thread makes me feel awful about myself since I've never kissed or anything like that. Ugh. Just don't feel at times that a girl could be attracted to me and it sucks.

yolarosh · 2017-08-01T17:36:25+00:00

I'm 40 and still a 'virgin'... It was a big deal to me leading up to my 40th birthday, after that it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Mostly because I'm just now starting to experience what my teens would have been like if I wasn't such a insecure and socially awkward mess when I was 20. Only the past 2-3 years I've started to experience and enjoy attention from the opposite sex, before that I didn't even consider myself worthy of a woman's attention, all those missed opportunities, don't get me started. Now I don't recognize that creature I was during my teens and late adolescence, my close friends can attest to this. People who see me after some years are always flabbergasted by my appearence and personality 'but you were so quiet shy and fat back then ....'. And I managed all this without a relationship and/or sex. I'm not proud of being a virgin and it really does hinder a healthy mental development into an adult, but I haven't jumped off a bridge yet so all in all I'd say I've done well all things considered. But I do still have some selfesteem issues especially when attractive women show interest in me, because how will they react if they find out I'm inexperienced at 40 ?. Huge mental block, but only that, a mental one.

SyrusDrake · 2017-08-06T16:28:23+00:00

I'm turning 27 in three weeks. After reading those replies, I think I'm gonna lie down for a few hours and have a little cry...

solarbang · 2017-07-31T21:52:17+00:00

18-20. When you are a grown adult, you have freedom. Nothing holding you back. By then someone should have tried to get frisky with you or accepted your advances. If you haven't by then, start trying to figure it out, get some real feedback. Could be looks, weight, religion, etc. Most everyone does it at a young age, and each generation it's younger. If you have made it into adult life (18-20) something's wrong unless you are actively saving it. There's really fat dudes getting it on, and even ugly dudes. There's dudes that punch women in the face, bounce in and out of prison, getting it on.

Khower · 2017-07-31T21:31:54+00:00

I feel like if you've entered your early 20s and still haven't figured it out and are still a virgin. It's cause for concern. Personally(22 m) I haven't slept with a virgin since I was 17 and wouldn't consider dating one

ToxicRocketry · 2017-07-31T23:17:27+00:00

No age, as long as you don't let it get to your head.

EDIT: Coming back to this thread and looking through your profile, I see now.

You're a virgin in his early 20's who's freaking out over not getting some and want some affirmation that being a virgin is totally to blame for your predicament.

That is not a good way to go about trying to lose it, buddy. Neither is it true.

stvr--gvzr · 2017-08-01T03:42:49+00:00

I just wanna say that everyone is on a different timeline in life and if you let it consume you, it will be a problem. If you focus on the other beautiful things life has to offer, you will be much happier. Sex is truly not the center of life. I feel like our society forces it into our lives at all times. I'm a woman, I personally feel that it's scary the way you guys are talking about sex like it's a 401K.

TheNewBrian8916 · 2017-08-01T04:41:23+00:00

It becomes a problem when it negatively affects the quality of your life. It's that simple.

Polaritical · 2017-08-01T06:55:53+00:00

I'm 23 and anyone I'd have sex with its definitely something I'd take notice of. There are situations where I find inexperience outright hot, but 100% virginity intimidates me personally so I'd probably need some decent sort of emotional attachment or absolutely no emotional attachment and oodles of physical attraction to de-cherry someone.

For me I think 25 is the age where you start questioning why they're still a virgin.

At 30 I think it becomes a huge red flag. I'm not fucking 30 year olds yet so I can't imagine that scenario

I feel like most virgins would disqualify themselves as sexual candidates long before I explicitly found put they'd mever had sex.

A persons sexuality has no baring on whether I'd be friends or get along with someone.

raimondi1337 · 2017-08-01T07:59:19+00:00

I lost my virginity at 19 and it was very anticlimactic (hah), didn't really effect my life at all. But I'm 24 now and starting to have real adult relationships and real adult life issues. I'd say anywhere between 22-25 is when you enter the real world and your potential partners are looking for life companions and maybe kids, not experimentation and discovery.

adviceqqq · 2017-08-01T08:39:36+00:00

I would think the person had some sort of mental block about sex (perhaps PTSD, or they have an extreme irrational fear/unlikely sexual "dream scenario") if they were in their 30+ and a virgin, just because there are normally many opportunities for people to meet someone to have sex with, I'd think they'd need to miss out on all of them.

It seems to me that reasonable person that possessed a normal libido and no particular apprehension toward the idea of sex would have hired an escort to lose their virginity and get some action here and there even if they didn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I would definitely allow for some wiggle room, as I have one friend with a low libido who doesn't date, and one who didn't have sex until late in medical school because although she desired a partner and sex, she was busy and socially awkward.

TBH there is not really a difference between a virgin and non-virgin. The "weird" part about being a virgin that long is that most people desire to have sex and do it. So virginity implies no desire for sex (something unusual) or no success in getting what one wants (in a world where it is not difficult to have sex if you aren't picky about your partner.)

a_terrible_sound · 2017-08-01T09:27:20+00:00

I'll just say that the amount of virgins weighing in on this thread doesn't surprise me in the least.

natephant · 2017-08-01T13:29:59+00:00

It depends on your lifestyle. If you are here in this sub, you are most likely living a lifestyle where being a virgin after college is probably pretty bad.

Freshman year of college is usually where everyone who wasn't getting laid in highschool already lose their virginity. Like... without even trying.

I would say after college is a problem only because it becomes more difficult... you need to have attributes... you need to actually meet women, have somewhere to go, someplace to 'go back' to. Etc. you can't just chill in the rec hall, put everything on your meal card, then go back to your dorm and fuck like porn stars and not have it matter that neither of you have jobs.

rawbface · 2017-08-01T13:31:40+00:00

At what age is being a virgin "weird"?

I'd say around 25 or so IMHO.

But being a virgin is never "bad", really. There's likely a point in your late 20's where lack of experience can hinder you, but anyone who's worth a damn is going to see past that.

Sad_Sleeper · 2017-08-01T15:14:35+00:00

"if you work hard and believe the universe will always help you catch your dreams. "

This is what i beleve in . 25 years old virgin. I found out about seddit last july. And now i am really different than what i was 1 year ago. I thought that i am introverted of some sort, but i like to party and i love traveling, so highly doubt it. Also when facing depression i try to stay positive, i know i am on the right track, i am improving myself every day somedays more than other, but still Improving.

So to all the whining guys out there, man up and start approaching. There is a whole new world out there.

throwawaytinder2 · 2017-07-31T22:58:55+00:00

I'd say 25 ish.

EDIT: I think the perception or opinion is going to be different for everybody.

SadFinance · 2017-08-01T00:16:12+00:00

I would say 25 and over. As soon as you're 25 you've already most likely gone through college and established a career unless you are going for a masters or phD. College is really where you should be able to branch out, and interact a lot with the opposite sex. Once you leave it gets a little bit more difficult.

tempnamethrowaway · 2017-08-01T01:54:43+00:00

I'm 20M virgin, had around 4 opportunities to get laid but didn't because I have tight foreskin and am afraid it'll be a problem and I'll be embarrassed.

I'm not pleased with it but I don't make it too big of a deal. Most of the time I don't even remember I'm a virgin lol.

Yankee_Fever · 2017-08-01T01:30:20+00:00

I'd say 20

2017-08-01T00:16:17+00:00

Its not a problem if you research sex (aka watch quality porn) beforehand, so when the time comes, you're ready.

Title	Let's be Honest Here About Virginity
Author	illusivegman
Upvotes	98
Comments	178
Date	July 31, 2017 9:08 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6qrgto/lets_be_honest_here_about_virginity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lets-be-honest-here-about-virginity.1431289 https://theredarchive.com/post/1431289

Comments