Truly how important is “masculinity” to women?

ashpr0ulx · 2023-06-29T16:09:31+00:00

depends on the woman. i find masculinity incredibly important and it’s a pretty big factor on how i pick men. i think this is common where i live and in the circles i run with.

but some women like a less masculine man. metrosexual is popular in a lot of places. pretty boys are popular to a lot of women. but a pretty boy probably does better in the big city than in the deep south.

Medium-Grapefruit891 · 2023-06-29T18:36:38+00:00

Well just a week or two ago there was an article that went somewhat viral about yet another liberal woman complaining about how liberal men are not masculine and how that results in her and her friends not being able to find men that they found attractive enough to want to be with so I'd say that is a pretty good indicator. Especially when it is quite literally yet another in a long multi-year pattern of articles like this. So according to women themselves it's quite clearly pretty important.

duenebula499 · 2023-06-29T16:01:03+00:00

Might just be a difference in experiences. From what I’ve seen physical masculinity trumps most everything. I’m decently tall and have a decent frame and have had many girls initiate based solely on that alone self admittedly. My gf of 4 years told me a while back that she found me much more attractive after a started working out more and focusing more on my work than always seeing her. And that’s pretty consistent with what I’ve seen around me, at least I’ve never seen a guy over 6’2 struggle to get a girl. Although imo physical attributes seem to trump everything else. I’ve never had to act any particular way around girls one way or the other. When someone’s attracted to you it doesn’t seem to matter.

--throwaway · 2023-06-29T20:22:20+00:00

Being tall or at least taller is an absolute requirement but almost every woman. Everybody has a friend who knows a woman who dated a shorter guy but they are the exception to almost every other woman.

eefr · 2023-06-29T16:22:14+00:00

I like highly intelligent men with decently attractive faces and, ideally, facial hair. Broad shoulders are nice, don't care about height. I'll pass on men who act "dominant" or whatever. I don't need to be protected and provided for. I'm indifferent to ambition. Confidence is okay but not a requirement.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-06-29T21:50:34+00:00

I’ve become convinced of this by actually talking to women and having female friends and asking them about the guys they like and their dating history

You should only be looking at what people do not what they say. Also you have a very small sample that isn't randomized. So its likely you just know a type of person.

The type of women I would go for at least tend to go for a guy who has more of the “pretty boy” look than a manly one.

Maybe its because these women are younger and no surprise they are attracted to the traits of younger men.

They don’t care if a guy is muscular as long as he’s not fat.

The top rated body type among women is somewhat muscular or athletic.

They don’t care about height that much.

Survey show women prefer men who are at least half a foot taller than them and taller men do better in online dating.

modidlee · 2023-06-29T16:07:56+00:00

It's important, but a lot of women don't even realize it until they experience it. They may go for the "pretty boy" usually. But then the meet a more masculine guy and they love the way he makes them feel. They're used to feeling equal or even superior to the guys they date. But with the masculine guy they feel protected and taken care of. They find themselves doing things they didn't do for other guys and being more feminine when they're around him. And they like it. One of these days guys are going to realize how you make a woman feel will always be more important than how you look. The girl I'm seeing now blew off her friends on a Saturday evening because she said she'd rather stay home and cuddle and just be around me. That's not because I'm some GQ model. It's because she likes how I make her feel.

And you're talking about masculinity in strictly physical and material terms. There's more to masculinity than that. You have small skinny guys that are super masculine and you have roided out gymbros that are straight up bitches. I think it's true women don't care about masculinity as much if it's strictly on the physical level. They do care that a man has a masculine personality though.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-06-29T16:32:54+00:00

Depends on the woman.

Personally to me it's of non importance. I think masculinity is a performance other men do for other men to say they are man enough. I'd rather have a guy with a nice face softer features I'm more attracted to that.. than a alpha ripped super giga Chad.

And I find alpha male, chest beating hyper masculinity behavior obnoxious and childish.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-06-29T16:02:37+00:00

I’m attracted to masculinity and competence, confidence and physical strength. So are most of my friends, but we’re all pretty active and health conscious. But the men in our sphere are also kind and civic minded, good to animals and conscientious about the environment.

I don’t expect other women to prefer the same traits in men as I do. There is a lid for every pot, unless the pot’s requirements are far beyond what the pot has to offer.

RedBullfrog · 2023-06-29T18:18:41+00:00

My experience comes not from talking to female friends, but doing a lot of dating. I personally believe that a woman's actions say a lot more than her words.

There is natural masculinity and fake masculinity. Natural masculinity, something all men biologically have if they embrace it, is very important. Fake masculinity is a huge turn-off.

Unfortunately many men, expecially younger, are afraid of their masculinity and repress it and any chance. Obviously, if a woman is hanging around those guys, natural masculinity might not be important because few if any around her have it. But the moment a natural masculine guy walks in the door, she has forgotten all about the other men.

I would say the same thing goes for femininity in women. It' basic biology

DerayRevan · 2023-06-29T16:11:11+00:00

Well it's just your observation

Masculine characteristics like confidence,ambitious,height are globally desired by many women

That doesn't mean every woman you interact with automatically prefers it but you should be aware many even on dating apps desire this traits

Ludens0 · 2023-06-29T16:22:34+00:00

I am 35M.

I'm tall, more or less fit, did martial arts and sports all my life (I always practiced something, but never watched it on TV or did any following). I like motorbikes but that is in the last few years.

I think I may be aparently confident, but it is bc I just don't care about what others think of me, as I was a little bit outlier in high school. But it is not a "I'm the best here" confidence. It is a "I don't care" confidence.

That's all my masculinity.

I like videoganes, science and tech. I read a lot of non-fiction (psychology, sociology, sport, philosophy, politics...) I have a grade in computer science and work as a sysadmin. Have played D&D most of my life and even now sometimes. I'm femenine in my behavior, not agressive, not assertive, introveted, I care about others a lot, I give hugs to my male friends. I have been told by gay people that they think I were gay (I'm not).

Since I'm interested in women I have had women who I found attractive interested in me.

Gr4nd45 · 2023-06-29T19:58:02+00:00

Of course, people are different. But for the most part - it's quite important. Even as a teen, I got approached by girls older than me, simply because I had a deep voice. I don't have an advantage of being very tall, but I do have a masculine physique, and, considering from the glances I get, it's an advantage...

But I've gotta say - who cares if it's important to other people? I am the way I am, and it's important to me to stay true to myself. My world doesn't revolve around women, or any person.

odd_cloud · 2023-06-30T02:10:32+00:00

Well, women (men too) name things that are different from what they really like. I was recently at a party of approximately 10 couples and some singles. I overheard women discussing that height of a man isn’t that important to them. I looked around and noticed only one of 12 guys present was below 6 foot.

As for muscularity, I noticed that many women imagine a “muscular” guy as a super jacked bodybuilder, while a “normal” guy to them is actually quite fit. It seems to me, many women think a guy can have a six pack by running 10 minutes a day.

Dizzy_Television6179 · 2023-07-01T10:26:17+00:00

For women who value masculinity, it's a big deal.

For women who don't value masculinity, it's not a big deal.

Zombombaby · 2023-06-29T16:33:11+00:00

I've never really been attracted to masculinity. I like men but the whole bravado, super aggressive masculinity that incels and red pillers paint is such a turn off. I'd rather have a male partner be in tune with his emotional well being and a great communicator than a guy who feels like he can punch his way out of mental illness.

To each their own but I've dated the gym rat machismo man and it was so boring and downright unattractive when he tried to start fights with other dudes over almost any perceived slight against him. Even when he was the one at fault. Hard pass.

Sad_Top1743 · 2023-06-29T19:37:47+00:00

Hotter, fit athletic women prefer masculine by far.

Fraile zendaya types who have poor hormone regulation prefer soy boys

Uggos just take what they can get

AutoModerator · 2023-06-29T15:56:32+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Critical_Lettuce2899 · 2023-06-29T16:16:29+00:00

Key word is 'pretty boy', it makes up for the lack of masculinity.

lolthankstinder · 2023-06-29T16:25:41+00:00

I feel like women have baseline expectations for physical/cultural masculinity that often tends to be high but flexible. For example, if a woman is willing to date a shorter guy he needs to be muscular and/or high-attaining and ambitious. If a woman is willing to date an equally-attaining guy he needs to be taller. If a woman is willing to date a lower-attaining guy he needs to be very tall and masculine. Extremely few women are able to completely drop baseline expectations of masculinity and date a guy that’s shorter, less muscular, and lower-attaining.

RIPGeorgeHarrison · 2023-06-29T16:29:06+00:00

Reasonable people agree that masculinity is important, but there is going to be a lot disagreement over how much and what markets of masculinity is necessary to be successful. Take physical strength for instance. Women are going to say they would rather have a strong partner then a weak or average partner, but a lot of young women fawn over e-boys that don’t look outwardly very strong. Do they have some other markers of masculinity? Might these women run away from them in the real world? Idk but it can be a bit complicated because other things matter too.

Lolabird2112 · 2023-06-29T16:48:33+00:00

I’ve no idea what you mean by “dominant”. You seem to be using it interchangeably with confident.

toasterchild · 2023-06-29T17:11:00+00:00

It's only important if it matters to you. If you feel masculinity is required and you are not masculine it's going to destroy your chances because your inferiority complex will lead the way.

I know skinny guys who wear dresses who don't think it matters at all who do great with women. Embrace yourself and other people will too. Look down on yourself and so will others.

The line that women are attracted to confidence seems to trump everything else.

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-06-29T17:54:08+00:00

Very important.

towerofcheeeeza · 2023-06-29T18:09:08+00:00

I like masculinity. But I'm also bisexual so I'm also really into masculinity in women. In fact I care about masculinity more in women than men. Like my favorite fictional female characters are all super strong and could carry me. But that's in fiction too.

With guys masculinity is nice in theory but it's not the most important factor for me. I'd rather date someone who has similar interests etc to me than someone who's just big and assertive.

Also I don't need the person to look like Henry Cavill. There are a lot of cool hot guys who aren't super buff. Like Han from Fast and Furious. Or a lot of musicians.

But ot does feel nice to be with someone who is more imposing because I like to feel cute.

HeartCatchHana · 2023-06-29T20:45:12+00:00

I think masculinity is important, especially for looks.

EugeneCezanne · 2023-06-29T20:48:36+00:00

It's a complex topic, in part because a lot of vague qualities traditionally assigned to masculinity are actually gender-neutral in the modern world. But in general, the importance of masculinity is greatly exaggerated. There are so many slightly feminine, pretty "soyboys" absolutely slaying in the game these days.

Ultimately what's most important is being comfortable with yourself and playing to your individual strengths. If you're a masculine guy who's naturally comfortable in that lane, that's going to be what works best for you. If you're not, pretending to be that guy is going to be uncomfortable for everyone involved. The second most important thing is knowing your audience. I could walk into an alt-queer hipster bar in a major city wearing a sundress and pick up women, but that isn't going to fly at all in the big fratty sports bar down the street.

big_guy_not_small · 2023-06-29T21:02:57+00:00

It feels very important, at least to me.

I'm 6'5 and fairly built, beard, big jaw, basically I present very masculine. I've dated a range from alt women who go to art school to conservative women. I learned early on that they all lost interest if I didn't keep the "stoic masculine" persona turned on at all times, especially the first couple months of dating. When I was younger, I wouldn't have even labeled these things as inherently "non-masculine". I thought it was just being a normal human.

But this could be really subtle things like: any sign of neurosis, indecision, complaining about anything (even if she's trauma dumping on you daily), asking to split the bill (just pay it's not worth it), if you express any emotion make it about your positive feelings towards her, etc.

Another man's dating experience could be way different than this since they attract different women, so I'm not generalizing. But that's just been my experience.

I think a lot of people view masculinity as a dude acting super macho, demanding, and aggressive. When it's way more nuanced than that.

BackAgain12345678910 · 2023-06-29T22:23:03+00:00

EXTREMELY important. If you’re convinced it’s not, you haven’t experienced a woman’s behavior when you possess these traits

operation-spot · 2023-06-29T23:50:10+00:00

Personally, I like ambition since it's a big part of my life and upbringing. I also don't need a provider, but I want a partner who can match my income.

I don't know about others but I lowkey can't hear deep voices lol.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-06-30T00:40:11+00:00

Considering most men don't meet any of these or hardly any of these conventional attributes yet most men get laid anyway, and most of them before they're even old enough to really have a lot of these attributes it's not as important to the population of women as is said.

For instance, someone could like delicate waifish goth guys with eyeliner and also a guy with a big beard, a big belly, broad shoulders and tattoos.

Most people date people with incomes similar to them, most people don't have a good sense of style, most people don't work out regularly, most people aren't protectors or providers... yet people still fall in lust, and in love, and date, in wide majorities.

roskybosky · 2023-06-30T03:10:39+00:00

I am repelled by ‘masculine’ men in some ways. They can seem unintelligent or coarse, too big, and just don’t have the awareness that I look for. Talent is attractive, assertiveness is attractive, but what is most attractive is-does he have his life together, or does he live like a pig. Does he like animals and treats them well, is he logical? If a man has logic and can see clearly, fear of women disappears, misogyny is gone, he gives himself to the relationship. I like a slender man with nice features, youthful and funny. Not some lumberjack.

kamalaophelia · 2023-06-30T07:50:16+00:00

Preface: I’m bi

I don’t understand what feminine and masculine means in its core…

Like a therapist once told me: masculine is the destruction of the unwanted, feminine is the nurturing of the good

…. Tbh it strengthened my fear of men greatly

Then she told me to make a list of my feminine and my masculine traits. Video gaming, all of it would be masculine…

I felt devalued as a person. Told I need to feel more like a woman to be happy. When I needed to be happier to feel more like a PERSON. It hot so bad I found that the woman label made me feel less like a human and more like a something.

Anyway, my bf is masculine and feminine. Based on “traditional” ideas. He is strong and a protector, anyone looking at me wrong leads to him squaring up. He has “masculine” hobbies… but he squeals at cute animals, blushes at compliments and smiles shyly…

Gender, while I DO see it etc feels really performative and weirdly categorized in many ways.

So, I see the people having a gender and falling for them 🤷🏻‍♀️

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-06-30T08:44:29+00:00

Not as important as it is to manosphere men.

Most women I know like a healthy mix of masculinity and femininity in their partners.

Title	Truly how important is “masculinity” to women?
Author	controversyonly
Upvotes	15
Comments	98
Date	June 29, 2023 3:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14m8o18/truly_how_important_is_masculinity_to_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/truly-how-important-is-masculinity-to-women.1223898 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223898

Comments