The narrative that young women not ‘settling down’ is the sole thing causing young men to be sexless/single is not true

sarkington · 2021-11-14T21:55:12+00:00

Women are settling down. As are men.

Just much later than previously

Ciao7991 · 2021-11-14T22:28:04+00:00

I'll throw one piece of evidence : height requirements. Others can refute the rest (quite easy to do tbh). Can you show me that there is anything like height in heterosexual dating that has the same influence? There are women out there who literally discard 85% of men based on an immutable feature and they are still able to date successfully, can you show me something similar with men?

TwentyX4 · 2021-11-14T22:43:48+00:00

The second piece of evidence seems to be data from online dating, which includes the famous okcupid ‘study’ even though the same study actually showed the messaging distribution for women was more skewed by attractiveness then for men.

That's not actually what the data says, as I explained in this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ot4qzd/what_the_okcupid_data_really_says/

The messaging data is surprisingly equal - although you also have to take into account that the larger number of male users and the fact that women don't send messages as often as men, means that a lot of guys are getting few messages and that feels like shit. I'm a good-looking, smart, high-income guy, who's a good person. In theory, I should be in high-demand, and even I'm surprised how infrequently I get matches, and how often I have to carry conversations online. Even when dealing with women that I know in real-life, I'm surprised how often they put very little effort into meeting up -- with the exception of when they're below-average looking, and then I actually see women making a decent amount of effort.

Nyanu · 2021-11-15T03:40:49+00:00

I'm already amazed at the gender gap on dating apps. If anything it suggest women are going their own way more so than men.

Physical-Pie748 · 2021-11-14T21:27:01+00:00

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HedgeRunner · 2021-11-14T22:06:09+00:00

It is not about sex (or the lack thereof), marriages, or even settling down.

The fact is that, due to dating market dynamics, women, especially young ones, have more options in dating, whether online or offline and thus naturally shift their preferences to much higher levels than their own simply because they can. (Because why not?)

Therefore men of any caliber is forced to date someone significantly below their preferences or expectations or not date at all and thus becoming "sexless/single/or what have you".

A related note to this is the popular notion that "women can access sex much easier than men" but that's just a corollary of the above - since if a woman goes against the norm and dates someone at her value, then literally hordes of men line up.

So to sum up, it's a culture problem (of dating up despite how much democracy focuses on equality) + a systematic access problem (no good matchmaking method except apps) that's exacerbated by tech (how many women you know pays for dating apps).

Men blames women for it and women basically goes "Well if the market is in my favor, why wouldn't I take advantage of it. I can either date dudes way out of my league or sleep around if I'm bored or hell, do both. "

This is also why a lot of men redpilled because you can't win a game in a system where you are inherently disadvantaged.

That's it - it's not that complicated.

ALso PS: Data are usually flawed and don't tell the whole story. I actually don't trust any data from any dating site, because if they actually gave true data on how disadvantaged men are on these apps, who's gonna pay them.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-11-14T21:37:28+00:00

The main issue is that women's standards raise with their perceived quality of living, so men who don't make the cut for the picturesque lifestyle that women want (this is also how women have their "dick-measuring contests" among the FSM) are ignored, and if there aren't enough of the men who do make the cut to go around, women are either going to share them or be single. That's exactly what is happening right now.

rredirt · 2021-11-14T21:28:55+00:00

Why everyone is getting pissed it’s okay women are fucking anything that comes around and also some hot men too, most men aren’t being fucked by them, just business as usual in the free market now applied to sex.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-11-15T00:11:39+00:00

Don't know how much I really believe that all this sexlessness is going on , from observation, being that I'm the mother of three sons, two of them in their early twenties now ,who had numerous friends over when they where teenagers, and in their twenties , Quite a few of their friends have babies from different individuals, changing girls like underwear is a common thing , and these young men are far from what a Chad is describe to be on this Reddit. Lol. Think people are having sex just fine , just have a percentage of people who for some reason think it's a life necessity , or they're obligated to it just like people who receive participation trophies for playing in a sport . Life is a competition , either get in the game , learn the rules , or be left behind.

YouRanAway · 2021-11-15T00:24:30+00:00

Why do people overlook the fact that both genders lie about how much sex they're having in opposite directions?

SowClips · 2021-11-15T04:56:20+00:00

The problem with this study, which is cited ad infinitum in the culture war, is that the margin of error makes the results meaningless.

vanillapopsicle · 2021-11-14T23:12:48+00:00

So hilarious how her whole post is basically just trying to tear the theory down, when thousands of men’s lived experiences say otherwise. Nor does she even attempt to offer an alternative theory, probably because she knows it would be annihilated.

Lady, when you have no agenda, what is going on is very clear. Girls just want to have fun. They want to marry - someday. They just don’t realize the guys they like don’t want to marry them and they don’t realize their power fades, until very late in the game usually. Many think the supply of hot guys is endless and/or think they’ll be the ones calling the shots, until the supply dries up and they’re not calling shit anymore.

LAndLight2 · 2021-11-14T22:50:37+00:00

``Furthermore, recent GSS data (which I had a thread until I accidentally deleted it cuz I’m an idiot) show sexlessness is falling among men and actually risen sharply among women since 2019, to the point where it has surpassed male sexlessness. So again how does this fit the narrative that women are sleeping with few men on a mass scale and refusing to date men in their league which is reason why men are sexless?``

Covid. From 2010+-2019 it was men being sexless for more than 15%

ToughAnswers · 2021-11-14T21:25:26+00:00

Basically it paints the picture that young men are dying to get married or settle down early while young women are rejecting marriage proposals left and right in favor sleeping around/chasing men out their league. It’s only when they get to 30 years old that women reluctantly ‘settle’ for a man in their ‘league’ who they resent for not being chad or stay bitter single cat ladies for the rest of their life. The question is, what is the evidence this is what happening?

I don't believe this is exactly the position, but rather that women go after a specific subset of men who aren't giving them marriage proposals because the men are better than them.

To that I would say only that settling is misery for both settlor and settlee, regardless of what it is "causing". By that same token, however, commitment is a very dumb decision in this environment.

Disposition11 · 2021-11-14T21:26:27+00:00

I agree, a lot of people see this societal phenomenon in black and white, either blaming men or blaming women. If it were that simple, the fix would be fairly easy by just having people adjust their own behavior, and we wouldn't be having this problem.

pearllovespink · 2021-11-14T23:30:16+00:00

Well done sister! I was going to make a similar thread but realized it was a waste of time. My question for the men was why do they go hard on young women for having sec in their younger years when very few of them are locking down meaningful relationships and getting married? If men took dating and marriage more seriously none of this would be a problem.

Mys_Atm · 2021-11-14T23:14:06+00:00

Regardless of redpill "theories", women under 30 tend to be with older men (because they are more mature, more financially stable... whatever), which makes for a large empty waiting room for men 18/25 and even older... it's the same in almost every culture in the world.

It's a fact, there is no reason to deny it, and above all, there is absolutely no reason to blame women for it.

AidsVictim · 2021-11-15T00:40:29+00:00

But I think the narrative being pushed on here that women would rather sleep around then settle down in be in a relationship is not true based on any statistics I’ve seen nor has it been my experience in real life.

Sleeping around a bunch is not ideal for (most) women and it is indeed silly to think the sole cause of sexlessness is every woman fucking chad. But it's also true there is a huge rise in sexlessness among men and women and women have far more power here.

IMO the situation can be chalked up to a few different trends

people are simply less social in general. Men can be almost entirely asocial and women tend to stick very closely within their existing social structures and if you aren't a guy in it you have very little chance with those women
collapse of traditional social-romantic functions - i.e. churches and attendent social clubs, parental/communal matchmaking etc. If you ask any the boomers here they'll just tell you to go to a bar/club without realizing that was only ever normal for part of the population.
men putting in less effort towards meeting women/aren't socialized in a romantic way
womens selectiveness - this is basically what the thread is about. It's clearly true women are much more picky than men (I don't think is entirely a bad thing in moderation) and have most of the power in modern dating, taken to the extreme they exclude the vast majority of men. It's both true (some) women are increasingly sleeping with the same top men and that women in general are simply less interested in having relationships/sex with "average" men.

It's probably true most women want serious relationships and commitment past college/early college age. The problem is the men they want those relationships with are relatively small in number. They compromise either by chasing the most desirable men hoping they "win" or accepting some average man at some point.

Women are increasingly socialized (by culture and hyper abundancy via technology) in a way that either they compromise being used by the most desirable men or simply being asexual/aromantic is preferable to being in a relationship with a "boring" guy.

Gabrielvrape · 2021-11-14T21:38:26+00:00

You asked for evidence. Here's an example.

https://www.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/qthpdw/literally_as_i_get_older_my_standards_increase/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Here's another

https://www.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/qtc0t7/it_never_ends_even_when_theyre_close_to_50/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

I'll just keep adding more if I find any.

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Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-14T21:17:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Megabyte7637 · 2021-11-14T21:53:37+00:00

What?

giftedguy4978 · 2021-11-14T22:25:48+00:00

Its not the sole thing causing young men to be sexless. Its just one of the reasons imo.

PerceptionTasty1495 · 2021-11-15T00:41:14+00:00

It's pretty much undeniable that women have an easier time getting casual sex. You even said it yourself and FDS is very clear about how "dick is abundant and low value". A woman can easily sleep with a guy way out of her league on dating apps due to the gender imbalance and the fact that men have far less to lose when engaging in casual sex with random strangers which causes women to get inundated with matches. Regardless of whether there is a "sexlessness epidemic", these facts are indisputable. We can say all we want that women don't want casual sex and would rather have a relationship, but that doesn't ignore the reality that the average woman can easily sleep with some guy with a six-pack very easily if she is willing to take the risks.

Even if what you say is true that less attractive women are less likely to respond to men out of their league, there are plenty of women who will. Unfortunately, these women also tend to be the most visible because anyone can install Tinder in a few minutes and come into contact with them. These women will probably end up getting pumped and dumped whether intentionally or not. There is a segment of women that do this, and these are the women that men generally try to avoid like the plague, and complain about on PPD. A woman who has engaged in casual sex, especially so with strangers, probably slept with a guy out of her league, because casual sex is casual sex for a reason. If he saw her as out of his league or his equal, he probably would have wanted to date her simply because of the difficulty of finding a partner of equal or higher value.

The real debate isn't over whether or not women can get sex easier. It's whether or not women as a group are delusional over their SMV and about how many women engage in "AFBB".

neetykeeno · 2021-11-15T03:46:46+00:00

I think a lot of young men have tried everything they can do without putting their phone back in their pocket and have no intention trying anything else.

DiamondLilyD · 2021-11-15T11:59:48+00:00

The main rise in sexlessness in general is paradoxically caused by casual sex.

With 'casual sex culture' being pushed by every libfem magazine, every media outlet, films and tv shows now, the entire music industry and of course porn, which most men start watching at age 11 and end up having their sexuality formed around it.

Taking care of a family was once the ultimate honour and pride for a man, but sleeping around and not committing (aka, the 'player' lifestyle) is increasingly seen as more desirable and cool to men.

A lot of men will try their luck in sleeping around, even if they're ugly, they flood these dating apps and bars IRL, trying desperately to get this lifestyle they've been sold.

The problem is, women don't want it. Most women want relationships and commitment and so the way that a huge number of modern men treat sex and relationships falls on deaf ears.

That's one reason why the gender ratio of dating apps is so extreme, women just aren't into casual sex for the most part.

That's also why so many men try to lie or manipulate women into sleeping with them by dangling the possibility of a relationship, they know that's what women actually want.

So more and more men become sexless because they aren't in long term relationships where they'd actually get sex and more women become sexless because we aren't interested in casual sex like men are.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-11-15T12:57:50+00:00

Women aren’t settling down as early because they’re chasing top dudes. Literally every study points to this. Marriage is later, male sexlessness is on the rise, especially for men at their sexual peak, and divorce rates are increasing.

So your CMV is more “why”. Well, cuz they can. Slut shaming is considered “not nice”, but incel shaming is still cool cuz no one gives a fuck about average dudes.

Y’all think it’s a coincidence that guys don’t want to work, wages are stagnating, and all this other society dwindling shit is happening at the same time?

TackleOk3608 · 2021-11-15T18:04:53+00:00

Most young men aren’t sexless.

BasketballMoomin · 2021-11-17T12:00:07+00:00

People are only as loyal as their options....for the most part

2021-12-11T15:06:10+00:00

Most young men are not looking to "settle down". They are looking for female companionship. PERIOD.

neonroli47 · 2021-12-28T16:08:22+00:00

GSS data said it did not show what blackpillers were pushing.

When i first saw all the buzz about 80/20 i was searching around in google and accidentally stumbled upon an interview with the social scientist mentioned here...then i lost it and couldn’t find it anymore. I think this is a great answer against the cynicism rampant here.

Title	The narrative that young women not ‘settling down’ is the sole thing causing young men to be sexless/single is not true
Author	SowClips
Upvotes	72
Comments	256
Date	November 14, 2021 8:59 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qtzb7j/the_narrative_that_young_women_not_settling_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-narrative-that-young-women-not-settling-down.1084074 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084074

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