Does “The woman you marry is not the same woman you divorce” ring true for you?

pg19792022 · 2022-02-13T21:52:46+00:00

My wife was generous when we married. She’s still generous now, but not with me.

Protomize · 2022-02-13T21:41:31+00:00

The risk that marriage ultimately suffers from is that you are gambling your future livelihood and half of your assets on someone else who is guaranteed to change overtime. It’s funny how marriage is all about love when it starts and all about money when it ends. That should tell you something.

No-Reception-911 · 2022-02-13T22:31:42+00:00

My Christian ex-wife is literally now a witch. Like altars to false gods, spells, etc.

syro23 · 2022-02-13T22:32:55+00:00

Absolutely! Almost unrecognizable from the woman I married. I married a happy, playful, loving and caring woman. I divorced a depressed, uncaring, rude, selfish bitch.

CaliDude75 · 2022-02-13T22:23:11+00:00

For me, I think it’s a matter of being naïve and optimistic when I married, and just worn down and cynical now. There were a lot of warning signs, and probably earlier opportunities I should have taken to get out, but I just kind of held out hope until I couldn’t anymore.

liftreadhikefish · 2022-02-13T22:52:13+00:00

Yes, but to be fair I'm not the same man either.

henrysmyagent · 2022-02-14T04:10:24+00:00

Most men only meet the REAL woman they married at the divorce.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2022-02-14T05:18:02+00:00

This is unfortunately true for me. She was loving, nice and made me think we had a great future together. In divorce, I found out how heartless she was. Despite being the father of her child, she tried to soak me for every penny she could get. It is what it is obviously, but I saw her true colors and how fooled I was. Didnt know that someone you spent 15 years with could be so uncaring. Gentlemen beware, once it goes south, she doesnt care one bit about what you did for her or your present situation

Rough-Area4765 · 2022-02-14T01:59:18+00:00

I married down to earth normal woman that was living paycheck to paycheck with no more than $1000 in net worth.

I divorced a selfish feminist that pawned our children to become a millionaire.

stoic50 · 2022-02-13T22:45:07+00:00

Likely true. But I'm not the same person I was when I married 18 yrs ago either.

akihonj · 2022-02-13T22:45:57+00:00

Yes, a thousand times over.

ueeediot · 2022-02-14T01:03:51+00:00

Mine changed on the delivery table and has steadily declined ever since.

InAJam_SoS · 2022-02-14T02:21:26+00:00

Don't forget that the family court system is set up in America to make the main family provider the mark. The system is funded, lobbied, supported, and run by the same attorneys, Judges (ex-Attorneys), administrators and peripheral professions that reap big financial benefits from it being incentivized for women (mostly) to change and get their pay day too. You'll have to be the bad person because it justifies their reasoning. You are an abuser, you are the narcissist, you are the unreasonable one who can't be trusted. Therefore, I must be on my own and receiving my monthly stipend and monthly stipend for the child that on I can raise because you are not fit to be anything more than a visitor to the children.

2022-02-14T03:33:51+00:00

It's always true. When you are dating she's auditioning to be your wife. Once you marry her she gets all the power. Most women become intoxicated with the power they have in divorce and you never truly know who your wife is until you get there.

vector5633 · 2022-02-13T21:58:11+00:00

Yep! Woman you married is not the same one you divorce. Been there done that. So, yes, it's very true!

Jbr74 · 2022-02-14T16:10:00+00:00

3 years post-divorce here, I dunno, the warning signs were there, I think I was just too stupid to see them. She was always a spoiled, entitled, narcissistic princess.

etienne1962 · 2022-02-14T23:19:27+00:00

We are just sperm donors and/or wallets to most women.

DisJr · 2022-02-13T23:09:45+00:00

Thinking back, think the signs of what she is now were there. Just didn't recognize it. What were perceived as white lies. Her reactions to events, people, etc.

dukecharming1975 · 2022-02-14T00:58:51+00:00

Well, when I married my ex wife I thought she was a loving, loyal and empathetic woman. All three of them were gone by the time we got divorced. All stemming from her not being loyal.

ABBucsfan · 2022-02-14T02:22:47+00:00

Good at acting more than anything I think.. along with degrading mental health. Came across as very compassionate even if she loved attention a bit too much..very involved in church and seemed like she really believed. also seemed adventurous and wanted to try different activities for first time etc. Never wanted to be like her mother who was narcissistic, cruel, petty

After marriage quickly started to see she could actually be quite petty and shockingly dishonest. Not being the center of attention also weighed heavy on her.. the adventurous side started drying up pretty quickly and suddenly just became a home body. She also started expressing some very weird unbiblical opinions and once we didn't see eye to eye in some of those matters refused to pray or study with me. By the end she was very much like her mother.

JayZ755 · 2022-02-14T07:43:59+00:00

I got left for someone who she knew before we ever met, who was single and available when we got married. I would marry her and have kids with her, he was a commitment phobe at the time and would not. Then he decided to be a stepdad, and I got kicked out. So in my case I would say it did not happen, the one now was the real one all along and I just was lied to during the marriage.

Gattsama · 2022-02-14T09:46:43+00:00

I dont know... I can see things now that I couldn't see before. I really had both rose colored and delusional glasses on. Maybe she's always been the same and I just couldn't tell. But after 17 years... something must be different.

More importantly I am different. I am wholly different. I'm not as naive, innocent, peaceful, self assured or confident. I feel small and scared in ways I didn't were even possible for me. I feel worried and hurt. Guilt and shame. I've grown a lot as a person too. But I've been totally transformed by marriage.... Not the same person

hombredelgato · 2022-02-14T13:56:37+00:00

There was a moment (several actually) when I was looking at her through the zoom call screen, during a marriage counseling session, and I was puzzled because I didn't recognize her at all. It seemed that I was looking at a stranger.

I believe what I was seeing was the absence of the mask of my projections of who she was, and I was finally seeing her for who she is. Over time I've come to understand that she was always this person.

So Rich's statement should reflect more of your own ability to see the truth versus some idea that she has transformed into an unrecognizable person over the years.

IMHO.

patrickjhowley · 2022-02-14T17:21:02+00:00

My ex claimed that who she is now is who she authentically was the whole time. She was not being true to herself and me by proxy. I spent 20 years living with an illusion. The person she revealed herself to be is not someone I would even be friends with. To answer the question: the person I observed being married to is fundamentally different to the person I observed at the end of my marriage. These days I try to observe this person as little as possible. If not for the kids the observation rates would be zero sightings per lifetime 😃.

pegleg_legal · 2022-02-14T00:47:13+00:00

The woman you thought you married is not the same woman you divorced. Same woman, marriage just brought out her "best self" ...

InWeGoNow · 2022-02-14T01:38:49+00:00

My wife was very driven when I met her. So driven that anything I did was eventually seen as holding her back. No change, just a different place to channel that energy

jimsmythee · 2022-02-14T17:51:18+00:00

100% for me.

I still love the woman I married. She worked full time, drove a car (without crashing), saved her money, wasn't a pill popper, paid all of her own bills.

The woman I divorced? Chronically unemployable pill popper. It's been almost 5 years post divorce. And what? She's still an addict. Still crashes her car multiple times a year. Can't weather a $300 storm. Her last crash, she had let her insurance lapse, because she couldn't afford the $300/month for liability only insurance a compact car. Glad I'm out of that mess.

relationshiptossoutt · 2022-02-13T23:10:29+00:00

Nah, my ex is the same. I just used to really like our differences, but with kids and age, the differences got to be too much. But she’s who I always knew she was.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-02-14T04:43:26+00:00

The bitch I married, is the bitch I married.

DeJohn123 · 2022-02-14T13:29:49+00:00

I don't even recognize the person my STBXW is anymore...

RepresentativeOk5968 · 2022-02-14T22:10:02+00:00

Yup. Dated 4 years before proposing. Married for 5 years after that. However, at year 3 of the marriage, she changed and became such a different person. I never would have thought her capable of cheating on me repeatedly like she did and just not even feel bad about it. I knew she had some trauma in the past, but it's like she developed all the mental health problems at once. She used that to explain her behavior but I kicked her out regardless. I'm sure she is still out there getting all the strange D she can handle. I doubt it will end well but it's not my problem anymore.

bacon-wrapped-steak · 2022-02-14T01:01:34+00:00

Yes, but no.

Feinixaway · 2022-02-14T15:22:08+00:00

How's that book? I've been following some of his work.

boxofchocolatenow · 2022-02-19T02:01:29+00:00

Absolutely true. Do not even doubt it. Absolutely true. Things might change later, but during the divorce, the fangs and devil horns come out.

saygrace2 · 2022-05-25T19:58:26+00:00

Absolutely

NoShitsGivenAtAll · 2022-02-14T05:05:51+00:00

This is too vague that it could be true by definition. You, subjectively, could claim that your wife changed just because she asked for a divorce. It's a meaningless statement.

pilotbrown16 · 2022-02-14T00:41:46+00:00

For me I thought so in the beginning. But we have honestly grown closer. Still pissed about it but have managed to get more from here now than years before. I wouldn't be surprised if we end up back together after this truly. Wouldn't mind it now that we have managed to communicate finally and connect in a lot of ways we never did.

Still pissed about the other guy, but fuck it I plan on sowing lots of seed and showing how happy I am while she struggles a little for once to understand my prospective.

She's a good mom and woman and we have agreed to when I've asked for so honestly starting to have second thoughts. But in the end I need this to start fresh. What ever happens with us happens after the fact.

Title	Does “The woman you marry is not the same woman you divorce” ring true for you?
Author	Chip512
Upvotes	59
Comments	87
Date	February 13, 2022 9:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/srto3q/does_the_woman_you_marry_is_not_the_same_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-the-woman-you-marry-is-not-the-same-woman-you.1100815 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100815

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