Do you believe in a soulmate or that a happy lifelong marriage is possible these days?

akihonj · 2022-06-30T06:00:30+00:00

No, I've not seen any evidence that it's true.

If you take into account that women don't need men for financial reasons anymore, it begs the question was it ever true to begin with.

Late-Kangaroo6081 · 2022-06-30T08:19:27+00:00

Yes, a happy life long marriage is possible is possible if you marry at age 30.

And die at age 29

gronk4198 · 2022-06-30T07:34:52+00:00

You can love women or understand women, you cannot do both

eyesayhello · 2022-06-30T08:36:53+00:00

Did. Don't now.people change over time and the kindest woman can turn into a bitch in rough times.

Theedon · 2022-06-30T06:25:27+00:00

No, that Soulmate shit is romantic mumbo-jumbo. I do think you can find someone that checks most of your boxes but not all of them. Then you have to compromise a little and that is ok. As for marriage part 2, nope not going to happen. I am currently dating a girl that knows this and is ok with it.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-06-30T07:02:30+00:00

“Soul mate” is a myth. She is not one-in-a-million, but rather one-of-a-million.

Sea-Mission-6316 · 2022-06-30T13:40:00+00:00

No. I'm older and have seen very few happy long term marriages in my life. They do exist, but the odds of being in one is about the same as winning the Powerball lottery even if you work hard at it. People change over time. And when women reach the age of menopause, all bets are off. Those hormones are no joke, and they have a huge impact on the women's health and outlook on life. I've watched women who feel anxious and irritable due to raging hormones blame their discomfort on the husbands. They then kicked the husbands to the curb in an attempt to self soothe. Some regretted it later and tried to make amends with the husbands, but too much damage was done. Most husbands realized how peaceful life could be without having to walk on eggshells anymore and had moved on with their lives. May God help you younger guys if you decide to marry.

Ruggiard · 2022-06-30T08:13:41+00:00

Nope and yes! I am convinced that believing in a soulmate is what makes a happy lifelong marriage impossible. If you assume that there is someone who magically complements every facet of you and who anticipates every emotional, psychological need of you and lovey you despite all your flaws and once you find that magic person, everything will be fine, then you're set up for disappointment.

I'm just divorced and my ex-wife thought exactly that. She believed that if there is difficulty and hardship in a relationship, it must be that she hasn't found the perfect match for her soul and needs to look elsewhere.

Any relationship will involve conflict, work, getting through difficult times and sometimes feeling incomplete, misunderstood or abandoned by the persond you trust most. We are all flawed and we should accept that our partners are too. If you can manage and negotiate that in your life, you will be better set up to have a happy and lasting relationship.

Should you legally bet half of all your stuff on that to succeed? Hells no! There are some reasons for legal marriage: if it secures children, if you actually manage a tax advantage by getting married or a green card. Don't get married out of romance or love. Don't get married unless it makes financial and legal sense for you.

Try_Number_8 · 2022-06-30T11:56:30+00:00

I don’t think women ever believed in soulmates but it is helpful to women for men to believe in soulmates. I’m not saying this is by design but just stating it as a fact. Lifelong marriage that is mostly happy is possible when both parties are getting what they need from it, but unfortunately you’ll have to figure out what a woman needs on your own because you wont get all the necessary information you need to keep her content from her words. Most men don’t see the divorce coming because they didn’t pay attention to the covert messages that come from the woman. Learn her language but don’t tell her you’ve learned it and be the best man you can be that would attract other women. Your wife is happiest knowing that she’s got a prized commodity. Be that commodity.

vector5633 · 2022-06-30T05:15:37+00:00

Nope!

DeJohn123 · 2022-06-30T12:28:34+00:00

I think lifelong marriages ARE possible, but you HAVE TO WORK AT IT. Both sides.

I DO NOT believe in soulmates. I think this is what is happening to a lot of marriages. "Oh this is hard. If I was with my true soul mate, I wouldn't have to work so much at this" More women than men fall into this category, as their looking for their knight in shining armor. They quickly give up when they realize that it takes commitment and compromise to stay married.

RiotChamp · 2022-06-30T05:19:12+00:00

Used to. No longer do.

romworld · 2022-06-30T08:48:30+00:00

All relationships have an expiration date now. My gut says no way someone getting married today will ever go the distance. Not when we live to be a hundred and there are so many temptations out there. So many distractions that take a person in a couple away from why they got married in the first place. No way. If you get married today, there should be a pre-nup full stop. This isn’t the 1950s. The romantic notion of marriage is just a nostalgic echo from movies, religion, old family members (who have been married forever but hate each other), friends who mistakenly got married and act like it’s the best thing ever, etc etc. No, the modern thing to do is like the Europeans. Live together as partners, don’t mix finances and be open about the type of relationship you’re in. Like can you count on them to call an ambulance if you’re laying there bleeding because you sliced your hand off off while butchering the Thanksgiving Turkey. Find these things out in advance, live a happy life. Fuck marriage!

Shitpostradamus · 2022-06-30T12:34:42+00:00

I do believe in a soulmate, but not the fairytale kind of soulmate that many people seem to subscribe to these days…

You MAKE someone your soulmate by working together through the good and bad times, learning about one another and what each other needs, committing not just when it’s easy, and by accepting each other as flawed and messy beings.

Love isn’t the fuzzy butterfly feeling and that’s what society has forgotten. Love is when you’re pissed off that your SO did something stupid last night, yet you still make them their cup of joe when you wake up. Love is a choice, not a feeling

throwawaytheresties · 2022-06-30T21:47:23+00:00

Marriage has undergone drastic changes in the last 50 years. What used to be a life-long commitment, unbreakable barring the most severe circumstances, has been relegislated into something entirely new thanks to the lobbying efforts of radical feminists and the divorce industry. In trying to make divorce “fail-safe” for homemaker or lower-earner spouses, the bad ones included, society has made marriage “unsafe” for virtually everyone else.

Marriage was a worthy goal for a man about 50 years ago. Today, not so much. Some things changed in our culture: legalized abortion, no-fault divorce, domestic violence laws and the concept of marital rape. The changes themselves were not wrong, except the principal benefactor of these changes are modern women.

And modern women have a sense of entitlement that is not possible to satisfy. They expect to have it all - and they are being told that they should have it all - that their whim and feelings are most important. Somehow they expect to juggle a marriage, career, parenting and social life with no hassle - and when it doesn't work, the husband is the first to suffer. We live in a world where arguing with your wife is considered emotional abuse, telling her that she is spending too much is being a control freak, and wanting regular sex is misogyny. These same women cannot cook, clean or handle the kids without stressing out, but we men are expected to make it better.

Women are taking advantage of men in every way possible, and the government is enforcing this scrupulous behavior. To sum the current circumstance: women have choices, men have responsibilities. Marriage only benefits women. Men accept all of the risk. Marriage amounts to a no-win struggle of mutually assured disappointment.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. – Charles Schwab

Marriage today has the potential to be the most damaging decision a man can make in his life – it’s a legal extortion scheme. You’re betting a woman half your net worth that you’ll love each other forever. Marriage is handing a woman an axe, then putting your head on a chopping block in the trust that she won’t cut it off. It’s not reciprocal. The modern state of matrimony has become the legal equivalent of gambling. Getting married is like betting half your stuff she won’t cheat on you. No matter what she contributed, or did not contribute to the marriage, half of your stuff is hers. If you are not married, she has no claim on your assets, nor you on hers. That fact alone makes rejecting marriage the smartest financial move a man can make, and lets you avoid career slavery. Marriage used to be a business and social partnership for the accumulation and conservation of wealth and the raising of children. Now marriage is the new retirement pension for modern women, rewarding them for breaking a contract. A woman that won’t take your name in a marriage will gladly take your house in a divorce. You can get the same effect of marriage by selling your house, giving all your money away and have someone castrate you. There is no incentive for men to get married. Society has stacked the deck against men in modern marriage.

Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like I love you so much I’m gonna get the government involved so you can’t leave. – Jim Carrey

CrazySanta7 · 2022-06-30T12:43:11+00:00

What answer are you expecting on a divorce sub? 🤔

defectivechive · 2022-06-30T13:40:28+00:00

Honestly, I don’t think I could ever trust a human being 100%again.

TerdBrgler · 2022-06-30T14:18:34+00:00

No. There are no soulmates, and a happy lifelong marriage is unlikely. It really is up to the woman you could find, because after all they are slaves to emotions and if they are not kind and gentle at their core, it’s hopeless. What made marriages lifelong in human history was that love wasn’t much a part of it. People married to form alliances or to just combine resources so they wouldn’t starve to death alone. Men went off and did their roles, women stayed home and did their roles, and the two would meet for meals and bedtime. Both were distracted by nonstop work. only in this age of leisure time and over sharing of philosophies have women conceived they need this fantasy life that no one can provide or sustain. They may learn this lesson in their OLD AGE, so I suppose the only happy lifelong marriage can happen among OLD people with not much life left.

trashlymctrashface · 2022-06-30T18:30:06+00:00

Absolutely not. It’s not realistic in the least bit. I haven’t seen. Hell even my parents split after 34 years.
All I do know is, I’ll never overlook red flags, I’ll never trust another human being fully, and I’ll never let anyone take half of me again.

76ersPhan11 · 2022-06-30T12:18:14+00:00

People come and go. I believe some people are meant to be in our lives at a certain time, but not always forever

postalmaner · 2022-06-30T12:42:23+00:00

I don't think I the energy to develop a relationship with someone, and a have very little trust now.

I probably have PTSD from the divorce process. I see lots of couples where the first thing I think about is "huh, that will be an ugly divorce" or "I wonder what their divorce will look like".

I had some really good counselling sessions and that highlighted how much I miss being able to talk to someone. I miss connecting like that. But that was one-sided as I was dumping in one direction, and didn't have to handle their unloading.

CRobinsFly · 2022-06-30T05:52:19+00:00

No. Society is F'd - soulmates dont exist anymore.

Brit_100 · 2022-06-30T07:24:32+00:00

‘Soulmate’ is horseshit. That’s a fairytale told to little girls which gives them insane expectations as adult women.

But a happy, healthy and productive marriage/lifelong relationship? Yes, that is possible. As long as that’s what you want, and you’re willing to accept someone who is good enough to play that role, and they accept you the same. But don’t expect perfection. It doesn’t exist.

keyshawnscott12 · 2022-06-30T06:51:06+00:00

Idk I'm 22 single my whole life

tinrooster2005 · 2022-06-30T12:25:08+00:00

I think it's possible to have a good marriage, but the possibility you'll find it is about the same as the lottery odds. There's a guy out there, who wrote this book called the book of numbers and basically he spent the time and gathered all the statistical and environmental data on finding "the one". If you're hopeful I wouldn't read it because the numbers are quite apparent on your odds, even when you have everything going for you.

Longjumping-Can-6083 · 2022-06-30T16:10:22+00:00

Not for the younger generations. Too many options and therefore temptations for both sides. If things get tough, they give up, if people lose a job, they give up, if people get sick, they bounce, if someone comes along that fulfills one more check box, they leave. My neighbor tossed out her boyfriend last week, guy just finished rebuilding her whole front gardens and was taking care of her. She called the cops and they told him he had to leave after returning from working all day. I know there is more to the story but people don't even try to work on relationships anymore.

I have no plans to even start dating again let alone the idea of getting into a relationship.

Abject_Buyer_1678 · 2022-06-30T16:35:51+00:00

Hahahaha. Nope!!!

LiveByYourWits · 2022-06-30T16:52:04+00:00

Yes, life long marriage is possible. Shared religion helps a great deal.

JD-Anderson · 2022-06-30T18:40:43+00:00

70 years ago I’d say it is certainly possible. I saw many marriages that ended only when one spouse died. I also know several couples that have been married 60 years or so and they are obviously in their 80’s and 90’s now.

But you are asking “these days”. I don’t like dealing in absolutes, so if a person knows enough people you might run into a couple my age that stick it out for their whole lives. But those are outliers. In general, no, a happy lifelong marriage in a post feminist society is very close to impossible.

As per soulmates? No, no such thing, never was.

stent00 · 2022-06-30T22:50:29+00:00

Soul mates are like unicorns. They don't exist. I'm not expecting to find me my counterpart... Women will always find a way to leave your ass.

lostcirian · 2022-06-30T05:14:42+00:00

Yes. Commitment, common goals, honesty, respect and working together. I haven't found it yet but I believe. I was twice married. I thought love and attraction was enough. It wasn't. I am older and wiser and maybe one day I'll try again. I don't know about "soulmate" but lifelong marriage still can be seen, it still happens.

MathForPay · 2022-06-30T05:38:03+00:00

Yes. I see it all around me, but for reasons I’ve learned the hard way, it’s eluded me twice. I haven’t given up hope - in fact I feel more confident that the next partner will be even better.

Both my marriages and relationships were short, so the clear lesson here is to not jump all-in too soon.

oneknocka · 2022-06-30T10:39:54+00:00

I believe soulmates come in different forms. I have a really close female friend that i believe is my soulmate but there’s almost no possibility we will ever be together.

Concerning lifelong mate, after over a decade of being single i do believe its possible to find that lifelong partner. You just have to be ok with compromise.

WorkingItOutSomeday · 2022-06-30T06:21:01+00:00

I absolutely do but not for me personally anymore. So often it comes down to timing.

peoplearestrangebrew · 2022-06-30T10:36:36+00:00

Not anymore.

Automatic_Arrival251 · 2022-06-30T16:38:36+00:00

Marriage should be like a driver’s license and expire every four years unless renewed. People change situations change and nowadays people bolt at the first sign of trouble instead of trying to fix it

Physical-Pie748 · 2022-06-30T17:20:51+00:00

SecretDoctor8121 · 2022-06-30T20:04:46+00:00

Nope and nope...these are fairytales.Im living in a hard rock reality where tbh everyone just looking for their intrest and how can they take advantage of each other...its disgusting but it is what it is.

Steevicus · 2022-06-30T22:42:50+00:00

Statistically yes. Eventually one persons who is concerned about the being will find the equal match. They will love, grow, protect, and care together.

But don’t plan on that being you. The odd don’t favor you for that relationship.

b757pilot · 2022-06-30T23:54:11+00:00

No. Just an illusion.

Crushed_95 · 2022-07-01T02:07:00+00:00

By the numbers its rare to have a happy lifelong marriage. Of course there are marriages like that but they are extremely rare.

dogsrule2019 · 2022-07-01T03:30:53+00:00

Nope.

cleats4u · 2022-07-01T12:35:33+00:00

Maybe for 1 in 10 men. Statistically 5 out of 10 men will get divorced (2nd and 3rd marriages fair worse), 3 will live in varying degrees of misery financially/emotionally. 1 in 10 will commit suicide. Odds are at some point your going to get completely screwed. And not in the good way.

JSNTFS · 2022-07-01T21:40:21+00:00

Sure I think that a lifelong happy marriage is possible. Do really think that every couple that stays married for life is miserable? The only problem is that it's such a huge gamble. Since I don't want kids there is zero reason for me to take that risk again.

pyrodemon1337 · 2022-07-03T03:58:32+00:00

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2022-07-05T12:47:10+00:00

I thought my parents are the example They been together over 30 years

Though, i hardly believe it is possible in current society

People have too much choice, that they no longer value what they got And this levelling up for women, is non ending story

So, hardly possible to find a soulmate

The only option is that she wants to build something with you extremely and is ready to give up anything

Other way around never works

And..try to find such a committed women nowadays There is no reason for them to commit nowadays Even having kids, is not a deal breaker. They alway want stuff and things

daisysquirrel · 2022-07-18T06:05:09+00:00

Don’t give up hope!! I’m a 37 year old woman who’s a catch (smart, funny, empathetic, not clingy and very attractive). I lost my dad during the pandemic and I was working as an essential worker so it really jolted my life. It forced me to do intense therapy and realize why I was so emotionally attached in relationships and afraid of commitment. Now I’m finally ready to commit and hope to find a confident man in his 40-50s to marry. But so many single men are avoidant because of trauma. If only we could all fix ourselves and live our best lives!!

Title	Do you believe in a soulmate or that a happy lifelong marriage is possible these days?
Author	WhiteSeth23
Upvotes	18
Comments	76
Date	June 30, 2022 5:09 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vo07f9/do_you_believe_in_a_soulmate_or_that_a_happy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-you-believe-in-a-soulmate-or-that-a-happy.1121996 https://theredarchive.com/post/1121996

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