I dont want to generalize. I know both women and men can fill this way, but because I am a guy who grew up in a more traditional home this is my experience.

Men were taught to woo women. Ask them on a date first, do all escalating, compliment, get them talking about themself, etc. Literally taught how to make a women want you, but not much on how I feel.

Please do not take this as a gender "attack". It absolutely is not. So please bear with my venting and keep in mind again I am just speaking from my experience which is limited.

Keeping someone talking about themself is a key social tactic to get someone to like you. So its smart and you should not show up to a date and just talk about yourself. For me it has always felt a bit one sided. My job has always been to do the listening, asking intriguing questions, and stay interested. I notice I keep dates(not all) excited when they start talking about themselves, but when I start talking about myself they sort look like they dont know what to do.

I am taught how to try to read people's social ques to know when to escalate or not. Basically the weight is on me to get a person interested. Even when I come online to talk about my dating experience it always comes down to what I did or didnt do to keep someone interested. Essentially I am not wooeing the person enough.

And yes, I have a few dates that felt more balanced and I know women deal with men who arent very interested as well. But for once I would like someone to want to get to know me enough to actually feel like they are perusing that.

There is so much thought that goes into making a women remember you and feel special so they want another date. I rarely ever hear "did you compliment him?" etc, so there feels like less of an emphasis on how men feel.

I dont feel like a victim or think women or men are worse at this dating thing. I think old traditions are going out, but they are still here and we still live with them.

However, even when I am getting vibes that someone might like me I still feel like I am expected to carry the weight. Again, when I tell people things didnt work out its always interagating what I did wrong, how I didnt do that little thing that could have made her more interested. Its never how she made me feel.

Im interested in some female perspective on this. And also just to double up, I am not saying this is fact, im asking because I am open for listen to other perspectives on this.