Why do you believe that men have an obligation to disclose their intentions to you?

KombuchaEnema · 2022-10-31T00:46:58+00:00

To clarify:

Do you believe a man should answer honestly when asked the question, “Do you want a long-term relationship with me?”

Also, if a man hasn’t decided, do you believe he should say something along the lines of “I haven’t decided yet?”

FineDevelopment00 · 2022-10-31T00:59:45+00:00

Honesty is common courtesy, and it isn't limited to men in my book. Both men and women should be honest in dating instead of hamstering ways to screw each other over and lazily following the bare minimum (if even that) of whatever their perception of ethics is while blaming the opposite sex for their own actions.

ohdiddly · 2022-10-31T01:03:28+00:00

As you’ve implied, it’s a two way street; I’m always upfront & honest about my intentions, so I expect the same.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2022-10-31T01:14:33+00:00

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zabrak200 · 2022-10-31T02:03:53+00:00

Because sometimes men have really fucked up intentions and time is fleeting.

Why would anyone want to spend even a week nay a day with anyone that isn’t upfront about what they want?

Imagine you date someone for a year, and eventually it becomes known that they have an incompatible ideology to yours. The relationship will end, and that year together could’ve been spent doing anything more productive.

This is easily avoided by being upfront with your intentions

2022-10-31T00:50:00+00:00

I think that disclosing your intentions/what you’re looking for is the first step in successfully navigating dating.

You’re looking to match with those you’re compatible with after all

Nihi1986 · 2022-10-31T01:01:49+00:00

There's only one intention I care about. Sex. Specifically, I'm not doing it until marriage. We could save a lot of hassle for both of us by being up front and honest with each other. But he's not obligated to preserve his time and hard-earned money I guess.

MistyMaisel · 2022-10-31T01:25:33+00:00

If a man doesn't know, he should say that.

I say that I don't do casual or hooking up or fwb. If he cannot communicate clearly, he shouldn't be dating.

It isn't just on me to make sure I don't get hurt. It also falls to the other person not to hurt me with his indecisiveness.

And if he knows, he should say. Anything else is duplicity. This is wrong.

And men know it.

womandatory · 2022-10-31T04:08:26+00:00

It’s called ‘consent’ and everyone seems to be raving about it. Many women don’t want casual sex. If a guy is trying to have sex with a woman and he knows she wants a relationship and wouldn’t have had sex with him if she knew he just wanted casual sex, then he’s misled her, because she didn’t consent to sex without strings.

If you aren’t sure what you want, fine, say that, but women have a right to be pissed off if men lie to them to get laid. Bro out there racking up those body counts you all hate so much? You should be pissed off with guys like that too.

riceweight · 2022-10-31T02:03:54+00:00

We’re dating. If you’re talking to me, the lowest bar is that you’re not wasting my time. This goes for anyone in life. If I’m sitting at a table with you, we’re both there in good faith and honesty. Parents, friends, coworkers, etc. there is some abstraction with politeness, but everything should be clear enough so that we both know what’s going on. If I say I’m looking for “something serious”, a guy should understand that I’m looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage. That’s what a serious relationship means for most people. And if he sits there and nods and smiles and AGREES, that means he’s looking for the same thing. So if he propositions me before 6 months of official bf/gf status (I’m taken, but if I was single again I’d tell men I’d wait a year before penetrative sex), then I’d be very pissed and have a low opinion of him and warn my female friends about his duplicity.

KikiYuyu · 2022-10-31T03:31:40+00:00

Do you think getting your heart broken is fun? I mean, how do you even have to ask this question? Are you so different and alien from most people that you're just fine with getting used or scammed in relationships?

Blame_the_Muse · 2022-10-31T00:57:40+00:00

They don’t have an “obligation” to do anything

But being judged as not hot/interesting enough for a relationship hurts

medlabunicorn · 2022-10-31T03:39:29+00:00

Why is it so hard for so many men to be honest? Seriously, this is a low fucking bar.

Spiritual-Spell-9351 · 2022-10-31T03:26:35+00:00

This is a loaded question because disclosing intentions would require HONESTY from both parties, which is often where the collapse happens.

Yes you can use your words and ask but that would mean the other person would have to give you a clear, honest answer. More often than not it’s, “I’m not sure I want to put a label on it yet” or deception or silence so the other party can string you along.
If you don’t get the answer you want, you should stop seeing them, but again, that’s not what happens. It’s usually either a deceptive answer or a ‘let’s see where things go.” And in our desire for love, we want to wait it out.
If the man hasn’t decided if he wants a relationship or not, then there needs to be a time frame established there. I’d say if a man can’t decide if he wants to be official by date number xyz, then that’s when you have to pull out.
It’s not a problem that men aren’t an open book (neither are women btw) but it’s more the fact that many don’t disclose their intentions to never pursue a relationship and cover it up with the ‘I don’t need labels/ I don’t believe in labels.’ It’s fine for men to be silent about some things, but when they feel that women are getting serious and are angling for a relationship, it’s their duty to disclose how they actually feel (and same goes for women)

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-10-31T11:50:30+00:00

humans didnt evolve for this sort of direct communication particularly in the realm of sex and romance

just because mens mixed signals hurt womens feelings doesnt mean men have any "obligation to disclose" anything. dating is painful and full of missteps

LTBR1955 · 2022-10-31T04:59:50+00:00

For the same reason you think a gold digger should be clear about her intentions of using you, unless of course you don't mind end up finding out after many a wasted years, you were being used .

I defend men all the time on this sub, but the nerve on such questions 😒

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-10-31T03:24:26+00:00

I don’t know, maybe because screwing people over is a shitty thing to do?

SnowBorn6339 · 2022-10-31T02:34:16+00:00

Well the problem that many women encounter is that a lot of men tend to weaponize their niceness to get what they want from us. Some of them pretend like they want to date us, lead us on, make us feel special and protected, only to leave once they’ve gotten enough sex or they find someone they like better. It can feel very manipulative and shady. So, a lot of women prefer a man to just be upfront that all he wants is sex rather than stringing us along emotionally. And this does not apply to men who simply don’t know if they want a relationship yet and are testing the waters; that’s perfectly ok and not what I’m talking about here.

LillthOfBabylon · 2022-10-31T10:15:04+00:00

Why do you feel that it's a problem when men aren't a completely open book?

Because that's what men expect of women and whine when women aren't open books.

LaloTwins · 2022-10-31T00:50:24+00:00

This post def breaks the subs rules

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Upstairs-Rip-604 · 2022-10-31T03:54:07+00:00

It’s fine for a man to keep it a secret that he loves a woman.

I don’t think it’s fine for a man to date multiple women at the same time. This is particularly wrong when he hasn’t told one of the women that he’s currently dating other women too.

neetykeeno · 2022-10-31T03:58:24+00:00

I don't care about that stuff.

I do think it is a problem when a person says they care about another person then goes on to systematically disadvantage that other person as much as possible. I mean that's shit isn't it? Like y'know wasting someone's fertile years by being deceptive....or getting an oopsy accidentally on purpose pregnancy. If you tell someone you care you shouldn't massively disadvantage them.

w1se_old_tree · 2022-10-31T04:22:11+00:00

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Smergmerg432 · 2022-10-31T04:27:02+00:00

I want to know if I should risk worrying about getting pregnant or if this person isn’t worth it and wouldn’t be there for me.

thetruth19023 · 2022-10-31T04:28:07+00:00

It is in my opinion that the dysfunctionality of modern relationships is that the benefits of non-requirement in dating open up a higher chances of physical, emotional or financial profitability. so both parties play a guessing game to see what (if anything) beneficial can be manipulated out of the arrangement

Versus risking having absolute requirements for the engagement of your time and risking no possible beneficial suitors

Samiam0911 · 2022-10-31T04:54:25+00:00

It’s not necessarily a problem since most casual relationships seem to revolve around ambiguity. Being an open book isn’t necessary either…I think being honest about being monogamous or not, you’re not interested in a relationship, ect is not meant to be accepted, no one has to accept anything. You tell them what you want (sex/fun/companionship whatever) for clarity within the situation. For her to know what it is and choose to be with it. That way when you have to part ways you aren’t the “bad guy” using for sex or whatever the girl is providing. Knowing your motive yet refusing to tell the other because you know they’ll decline is big time predatory energy and simpy for a man.Most oftentimes men don’t even like the woman they just like whatever comfort she brings. I’ll never forget when my guy associate was showing me text a long time ago from this chic he was messing with, said he gave her disclaimer and she’s going on in texts sending pics of herself, talking about “it’s the woman you love” in a self deprecating manner and said “don’t have nothing to say about that huh?” Him:” I couldn’t do nothing but laugh at that one” and she carried on with him until he found another…smh…stop feeding into fantasies and delusions plus staying in situations too long fellas.

rurunoa · 2022-10-31T04:56:41+00:00

im gonna ask anyways. i would say they have the obligation to be truthful. if our intentions dont align ill just drop him LOL

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-10-31T06:10:57+00:00

Best way is to be upfront and honest, this is for both the sexes, cuts out so much crap

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-10-31T06:35:53+00:00

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ElectricBugs · 2022-10-31T07:34:00+00:00

So in one breath you are saying women should just ask, but in the next you're saying that women shouldn't complain if men aren't a completely open book. So why is it that women are the problem if they are asking and men are not being forthright? If women have to communicate and you're putting that responsibility on her, then you should also be putting the responsibility on the man to be honest and open when asked, i.e. communicate too.

mandoa_sky · 2022-10-31T08:18:39+00:00

if you want me to be 100% honest, then i expect the same courtesy.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-31T08:39:55+00:00

I think they have an obligation to answer questions honestly, and people usually ask what the other person wants. If they don't ask, it's generally because they already said what they wanted, and to stay away if you don't also want that. It's a problem to lie, it's a problem to not respect my boundaries, and it's a problem to waste my time.

KekeSmall · 2022-10-31T11:47:05+00:00

When a man is serious about you, then you don’t need to ask anyway. Even if you do ask, if he gives you anything but a definitive answer, he’s not worth the time.

Sophiatab · 2022-10-31T13:35:24+00:00

Absolutely, I am honest with them. I expect them to be honest with me.

Think_History_5682 · 2022-10-31T14:08:39+00:00

They dont part of determining if you are

"a good fit"

"Have chemistry"

"There's a spark"

"there's a connection"

Etc etc

Is sorting out how they are in bed..

Ive dumped and ghosted women that are great and we click otherwise but are atrocious in bed. I'm not gonna bother working on it bc usually women are hostile and imoblie when it comes to any criticism about their sex behaviors... it's their frickin egos and they all take sex so seriously. It's ridiculous.

punk_baby333 · 2022-10-31T14:18:29+00:00

Personally I don't understand why people would try to be so dishonest with their intentions. Do people have the obligation to act with honesty in integrity? Not really. Would they be a shitty person for not doing it, imo yes. It's not difficult to just be honest and forthcoming, yet for some reason people don't want to do it, the motivations for which being completely self-centered and uncaring of others.

If you want a relationship then can't you simply use your words and ask about it?

I can and do. That doesn't mean men can't simply lie. I have to be extremely careful about how I engage in relationships because we unfortunately exist in a world where people don't mind treating others like shit.

If you don't the answer you want then can't you just stop seeing him?

That would be the course of action I would take, yes.

What if the man hasn't decided whether he wants a relationship with you or not? What is he supposed to disclose?

He's supposed to disclose that he's not sure yet where he wants things to go. If he's not interested in a relationship with me or he's not sure if he his, then I don't see a point in continuing things romantically or sexually until he's decided.

Why do you feel that it's a problem when men aren't a completely open book?

It's inconsiderate and manipulative. When I begin a relationship, I am forthcoming with my intentions, I ask about my partner's intentions, and I expect an honest answer. I do all this for my sake and the sake of my partner. I want my partner to fully understand what they're getting into and I want the same understanding from them. The only reason they would lie or omit the truth is to try and manipulate me into continuing engaging with them romantically or sexually in a way that I'm not okay with. In my opinion, that is a shitty thing to do.

Lyzard96 · 2022-10-31T14:58:40+00:00

If he wants to keep the relationship in tact, then honesty is kind of a necessity. Simple as.

2022-10-31T15:35:09+00:00

yes.

i'm just not interested in shady people.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2022-10-31T17:01:26+00:00

Dating with intention of a goal preserves youth. Safe guards mental well being.

venusianfireoncrack · 2022-10-31T18:36:00+00:00

Men are always talking about wanting honesty and transparency from women. You don’t think that should be a two-way street? Also it’s not bc women have timelines. You could be wasting a woman’s time if you don’t have honorable intentions with her.

Any-Bottle-4910 · 2022-10-31T18:46:44+00:00

Everyone should just go ahead and watch “He’s just not that into you.”

It should be shown to every girl (and boy) in middle school. My girls all watched it, and are doing well. The eldest is married, and the college kid has a nice guy for a boyfriend. Incels take note- she’s a classic prom-queen type. Cheerleader type of Beautiful, student athlete, every guy notices her. Her boyfriend? Cute enough I suppose, but not a Chad in any respect. But… he’s good to her.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-10-31T21:53:58+00:00

Here are my mansplained answers to your questions.

If you want a relationship then can't you simply use your words and ask about it?

Most people feel anxious about directly asking for a relationship.

If you don't the answer you want then can't you just stop seeing him?

Many people feel an emotional attachment to their partners and its hard to break up sometimes.

What if the man hasn't decided whether he wants a relationship with you or not? What is he supposed to disclose?

When he knows he doesn't want to a relationship he should disclose that.

Why do you feel that it's a problem when men aren't a completely open book?

Many men give vague answers as a way to cover up the fact they don't want a relationship. Women hate that.

No_Boat_3188 · 2022-10-31T22:23:23+00:00

So, first of all it already depends on where you meet said man. Meeting someone through mutual friends or a hobby will always beat online dating. If it has to be online dating, choose a site where people look specifically for LTR. Be honest about what YOU want from the very beginning but don’t pressure him. And then simply pop the question

rilakkumkum · 2022-12-02T02:11:37+00:00

So we don’t waste both of time 💀 I’m really straightforward for that exact reason

Title	Why do you believe that men have an obligation to disclose their intentions to you?
Author	w1se_old_tree
Upvotes	28
Comments	183
Date	October 31, 2022 12:24 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yhvc8z/why_do_you_believe_that_men_have_an_obligation_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-you-believe-that-men-have-an-obligation-to.1137638 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137638

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