[Q4W] Would you be supportive of your son marrying a woman who has slept around?

Cupcakelover1985 · 2021-03-22T21:08:00+00:00

Why would I be privy to their sex life to this degree?

And yes as long as she treated him well I’d support them.

nemma88 · 2021-03-22T20:32:49+00:00

I'd care a lot more about who she is, how she acts and how she treats my imaginary son rather than partner count, which I probably wouldn't know and while being a interesting statistic for those who are unable to differentiate between a stable and unstable woman, you (I? Most of us?) don't need a n count to tell you that.

I might make it known if I thought she was unstable. This wouldn't be determined by partner count alone because that's autistic.

crookedsummer2019 · 2021-03-22T19:15:37+00:00

Wjy would I know this amount of sexual detail about both of them? I think knowing all this is fucked up and a sign of some weird attachments issues and doing an OP asking this is tone deaf and fucked up.

athrowaway283222 · 2021-03-22T19:15:25+00:00

idk how i'd even know this information... and if it would matter had i known. i mean most likely if my son has a low n-count and is smart, he'll choose the right, mentally healthy woman with a similar mindset. on my side i'd just advise him to make sure they're really compatible before thinking with his dick (emphasis!!!), and for him not to settle but find someone he really likes and self improve to whatever extent possible for himself and to also improve his "quality" of choices (in whatever ways he ends up deeming important).

whoever he ends up with, i'd love just the same as long as she's genuinely in love with him, sweet and polite to us, preferably from a decent/similar background and similarly educated -- and they take any precautions necessary with marriage. it's not my marriage, not my business so i would not stick my nose into it, but i'd want what's best for him (and imo that's a respectful faithful woman who i can hopefully even treat like a friend, or like a real daughter as a daughter-in-law). edit: to be fair if i had kids, i'd also want to raise them to be religious and find a fellow pious person with strong moral/cultural values, but that's realllly nothing i can control, especially in the West 😃maybe depends on the next generation of any fellow religious people and where i choose to locate.

Sage_Planter · 2021-03-22T19:03:14+00:00

How on Earth would I even know that information? What sort of woman meets her boyfriend's mom and says "Hi Mrs. Stevens. It's so nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you, and also, my N-count is 57! Oh, no wait, 58. Sorry, forgot one." The only information I'd likely know about her sex life is that she's sleeping with my son, which in their thirties is none of my business.

Also, why would I want to know about my son's sex life? How would I know whether he's had sex twice with one woman or a thousand times with a hundred women? Do you talk to your mom in-depth about your sex life? I certainly don't. At this point, she knows I'm not a virgin, but that's about it.

Some of the questions popping up lately has me really questioning the kind of boundaries people have with their parents...

Ancient-Cucumber · 2021-03-22T20:19:09+00:00

Lmao!! What person in their right mind would go to their parent (any of them) and tell them how many people they've slept with, or how many people has their significant other has slept with? And what parent, also in his/er right mind would ask this?

thelajestic · 2021-03-22T21:55:45+00:00

How would I know any of this? Let's face it - I'm not going to know or care about any of this shit because it's extraordinarily weird to do so.

Sage_Planter · 2021-03-22T19:03:58+00:00

I wouldn't care and I can't imagine why I would be privy to my daughter-in-law's sex life in the first place.

My brother's wife was pretty promiscuous back in the day (my brother and I knew her and her sister socially before they started going out). I guarantee you my mom has zero idea what her sex life was like and has never given any thought to it. This isn't something normal people think about or discuss.

xkcd-Hyphen-bot · 2021-03-22T19:00:21+00:00

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GridReXX · 2021-03-22T20:17:02+00:00

If I got a sense she wasn’t in love with and wholly into my son I would let him know that. If I got a sense she was faking her interest I would let him know. Her n count is irrelevant to me.

Fit_Toe_329 · 2021-03-22T18:47:19+00:00

Lmao, no I wouldn't give a shit

mechanical_elves · 2021-03-22T19:02:39+00:00

He gets to marry whomever he wants. You can keep your opinion to your self.

Novadina · 2021-03-22T19:54:58+00:00

Why on earth would I care about any of this? I would support my son in marrying anyone he wanted to as long as she wasn’t abusing him or something. If he was happy with someone, that would be good enough for me. Her sex life wouldn’t be my business, I wouldn’t even want to hear about it. I don’t think I’d know my sons partner count either, except for girlfriends he introduced me to. How on earth would I know how much casual sex he has?

I promise you my mother-in-law doesn’t know my sex life history, or even her own son’s.

Do you people actually talk to your mothers about your sex life? And you expect your girlfriends to talk about her sex life with your mother also???

crookedsummer2019 · 2021-03-22T21:25:06+00:00

I would just want my son to be with someone who he is happy with, whoever that person is.

itsallhappening-- · 2021-03-22T21:50:22+00:00

I wouldn’t mind because shit happens and her body count has nothing to do with her character. She could easily be good for my son despite having her “hoe phase” which a lot of women have. I’d vet her and if her vibe is good and she seems nice I really don’t care. If she cheats and breaks his heart she’s dead to me also. Other than that, I wouldn’t really get in my son’s business.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-03-22T20:54:23+00:00

What would matter to me is if they are happy and treated well by their partners.

IcarusKiki · 2021-03-22T22:09:26+00:00

Why would I know that? And even if I somehow did as long as she didn’t have other red flags it would be fine?

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-03-22T22:15:31+00:00

Wrong questions. The answer is a negative utilitarianist approach. The right questions are:

Whether or not I will PRIORITIZE the well-being of a non-blood extension of the family over my blood sons' well-being?

The answer is NO, meaning I will always prioritize my blood sons well-being over a non-blood relative or non-blood stronger, even if that means submitting to a support role of his reasoned decisions that MAXIMIZE his well-being (and happiness).

The former is prioritizing my own comfortable/happiness over his own, not taking the least destructive path in terms of maintaining healthy bonds with my blood son and his family.

The sorority party girl whatever is simply irrelevant; she is not a priority and is only cared about by proxy of being selected by my son as the best partner for him based off the tools I provided him and raised him with confidently so.

As I said in this bad faith post (and distinction without difference that backfired e.g., mothers are always women and female, and females always give bad advice - but somehow mothers are an exception in this case) is simply inconsistent with the claims of Pill users here and seems more so a reactionary/emotional response to mothers in themselves (misplaced blame), rather than holding consistent a female (regardless of her status to the male), would be ill-fit in comparison to the father or a male figure to give her son optimizing advice; and acknowledge this fact as a woman is somehow "bad parenting," when she does not fulfill this role beyond what is hers.

Once he has reached adulthood, I have completed my role as a mother regarding instilling him with useful tools, morality, etc... as my responsibility as his caretaker. My only "role" then is trusting him freely as an adult to make the right decisions for his own well-being and only intervene if he is extremely destitute. He should not be "listening" to me anymore, but navigating the world efficiently and be well socially integrated into his manhood that he will be able to distinguish bad women from correct women; and still the onus is on the father to influence this. I have no interest in raising Mommy's Boys or extended over-parenting of adult children. Isn't this the main gripe with this sub, anyway? "Mom having too much influence in the son's life," ... It is a lazy schadenfreudian cheap shot.

It is this very phenomena that is causing these types of questions to even be asked today and breeding insecurity and resentment in males in the first place, yet you want women to answer this question in answer that does not reaffirm this held belief.

rft24 · 2021-03-22T22:32:21+00:00

i wouldn’t necessarily like it, but it’s not really my place to tell him not to. that’s for him to decide.

i’d just tell him to make sure he gets a prenup and make sure they each have their own lawyers to make sure it’s fair. i’d tell him that regardless of who he’s marrying though.

SmurfESmurferson · 2021-03-22T19:03:13+00:00

Why the fuck do I care what she did before she knew that my son was on this earth?

Does she treat my son well? Me/the rest of the family? Is she motivated and nice? Make my son happy? Then she’s golden

Punished-Atlas-B · 2021-03-22T18:55:16+00:00

its none of my fucking beeswax who my son marries im not foreign, im western. why on earth would i even know any of that. what planet are you all on

SaBahRub · 2021-03-22T19:56:26+00:00

Is she a cheater, mentally ill or a shitty person? If not, then yes. All else is irrelevant

smallrockwoodvessel · 2021-03-22T21:44:07+00:00

Why the fuck would I care

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-03-22T20:00:20+00:00

... what the fuck kind of question is this?

OmarNBradley · 2021-03-22T20:25:00+00:00

This question is so divorced from what it is actually like to be a mother of a son.

you have an average 30 year old son who has slept with around 5 women in his lifetime with 2 being ex-girlfriends.

My son is not 'average,' he is smart (albeit kind of lazy) and tall and good-looking and fit. By the time he is 30 he will be even more so, but I will never ever know how many women he has fucked or under what circumstances, because he will never tell me and I do not wish to know.

who slept with a ton of Chads who are better than your son in every way

Fuck you, nobody is better than my son.

racked up a 27 body count

Again, how would I know this? I'm not at Ohio State or wherever she is fucking randos, who is going to tell me all of this? Her? You've got to be kidding.

Would you be as supportive of her?

Supportive of her for what? I have serious doubts that my son would be happy with some ESFJ sorority queen, so if he brings one home I will advise him to have a looooooong engagement, and he will get pissed off and ignore me, as young men have ignored their mother's advice for generations.

Would you be as supportive of her as a clone of her that never had casual sex, has a body count of 2 who were both ex-boyfriends?

Again, you are describing an ESFJ sorority queen, and I know damned well my son would be unhappy with her long-term. (Source: His grandmother is one, it's the reason his grandparents divorced, it's the reason his father barely has a relationship with his mother.)

What are your thoughts in general in this situation?

That everybody who keeps asking these questions has zero idea that even mothers of sons are still women, still care about the things that women care about (hint: women don't care about N count), still want their sons to marry nice girls and have stable families, don't think that fucking hot teenage girls for three decades and then buying a mail order bride is something that their sons should do.

philomexa · 2021-03-22T23:45:30+00:00

Jesus christ y'all need to stop watching incest porn.

poppy_blu · 2021-03-22T23:50:39+00:00

Gonna defend OP here for a sec. Cause I get it. N count is a proxy for men who lack emotional intelligence, social acumen and experience with women. They don’t know how to recognize or vet for problematic behavior so they hang on desperately to the somewhat irrelevant details. They obsess over a number in the absence of being able to understand human behavior and be accountable for making smart choices.

Would I want my son to marry some emotionally damaged low class ho? No. No one would.

Would I care if my son married a well adjusted woman who treats him well and makes him happy who happens to have a count too high for the pearl clutchers? No.

And no I don’t want the standard comeback with the same “studies” you copy and paste weekly.

a former sorority girl who slept with a ton of Chads who are better than your son in every way

LMAO. Could you be any more transparent?

Mimoxs · 2021-03-23T12:11:17+00:00

I'd already be disappointed in him for 5 women. He's getting what he deserves at that point

StepfordMisfit · 2021-03-22T19:15:44+00:00

First of all, no Chad is superior to my child.

That out of the way, I'd be delighted my child found someone who makes them happy. I'd rather they marry someone with a sex drive that matches their own than any certain body count. A body count of 2 at age 30 might actually be cause for concern, but it's none of my business.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-03-22T19:44:57+00:00

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Mrs_Drgree · 2021-03-22T21:56:18+00:00

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Turbo_superbike · 2021-03-22T20:26:39+00:00

Virginity of the bride on wedding night is highly prized only in Islam and Hinduism...By extension the grrom should also be virgin on wedding night, and in Islam the grrom should be virgin on the night of his first wedding ..Virginity is not important Christianity,Judaism,Buddhism,Taosim,Shintoism

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-03-22T20:34:06+00:00

That would be none of my business. The only time I’d think of interfering in my future child’s dating life would be if I saw they were being abused. It would be hard to bite my tongue on some things, but I don’t even see this being an issue necessarily. She had fun but wants something long-term now. I mean it can be a red flag, but high n count men are more concerning than women imo.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-03-22T21:11:55+00:00

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2021-03-22T22:29:39+00:00

Like a scenario where my son falls in love with a good modest Catholic woman but confides in me that she actually had a wild past before converting to the faith?

Would you be as supportive of her?

Yes I would support them both provided she's a good fit for him now. People aren't perfect, plenty of our saints had questionable pasts.

Would you be as supportive of her as a clone of her that never had casual sex, has a body count of 2 who were both ex-boyfriends? If not, how much has your support decreased because of her sexual history?

Yes, just as I would hope his future wife would still choose him even if she had access to a clone who's never watched porn. Is that realistic? Maybe not. But I can't even hope for the best from others while not expecting the same of myself.

What are your thoughts in general in this situation?

If future me ever turns out to be a judgmental shrew about any of this put me in a time machine so I can slap her

FrivolousMood · 2021-03-23T10:39:37+00:00

We don’t care about N count. I’d much rather my son marry a sex positive woman with a high N count, versus a woman with sexual hang ups that result in a dead bedroom (which naturally leads to divorce).

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Sophiatab · 2021-03-22T19:58:17+00:00

It would depend entirely on the personality of my son. If my future son (or sons) was someone who prioritized sex in a relationship, I would hope he would marry a woman of similar sexual tastes who had a lot of experience. I would not want him to marry a virgin or low n-count woman because because the relationship would probably be a disastrous failure. On the other hand, if my future son (or sons) prioritized a belief that pre-marital sex was undesirable in a partner I would discourage him from marrying a non-virgin woman because the relationship would probably be a disastrous failure.

AngelWeyesDelRey · 2021-03-22T20:04:44+00:00

superlurkage · 2021-03-23T00:39:59+00:00

And we would care about this......why, exactly? How would we even know, if we weren’t insane crazy controlling mommies who read their texts and interrogated their friends?

Willow-girl · 2021-03-23T04:29:03+00:00

On what planet do people discuss their prior sex lives with a prospective mother-in-law?

neetykeeno · 2021-03-23T08:08:25+00:00

In what possible way is it my business and why have I raised a son who talks to me about his girlfriend in that way? It would have to be something quite extreme for me to express doubts or shun a girlfriend of my adult child, and this is not extreme. Maybe if she had an abundance of gross videos on pornhub or had been a drug addicted hooker well known in town for ten dollar gobbies behind the Macca's dumpster.

IOportA · 2021-03-23T14:47:08+00:00

Id give my son a reality check and if he still goes through with it I would start setting money aside for his eventual divorce

k_sugarplum · 2021-03-24T18:03:27+00:00

I'm very confused by this question. So from what you're saying, it seems that your supposed son has only slept with 5 women - 2 being former girlfriends, meaning 3 were one night stands or casual hookups - because that's all he could get. That means that his "low number" is not related to conservative views or attitude on sex. Why the double standard then? Also, why would a guy share such intimate details about his potential wife with his mother?!

emperorfrenchy · 2021-03-26T02:58:43+00:00

I would tell him hes smoking crack. That girl likes Chads. She just needs a beta male provider while she fucks the Chad. She will eventually crave the Chad after a while and cheat

Title	[Q4W] Would you be supportive of your son marrying a woman who has slept around?
Author	PickleLine
Upvotes	2
Comments	185
Date	March 22, 2021 6:43 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mausbo/q4w_would_you_be_supportive_of_your_son_marrying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-would-you-be-supportive-of-your-son-marrying-a.1189819 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189819

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