Do you believe that male sexuality is shamed in modern society?

LoveScoutCEO · 2023-05-01T01:30:29+00:00

It is tricky. At one time male sexuality was controlled by tightly restricting sex to after marriage or in bordellos. There was not much in between in the US from the 1830s to the 1920s. Men won a lot of opportunities during sixty years following World War I, but many have been lost today because of pressure from the left and right.

Yes, you can have a live in girlfriend or even two with a little imagination. It is not against the law or at least those laws are never enforced, but at the same time if you follow the courting behavior you see in Hollywood movies from the 1910s to the 1990s you will be in trouble and might go to prison.

At one time the casting couch was not just a Hollywood thing, but pretty common in any business with a lot of female participation. Look at the 1960 movie The Apartment. What happened to Shirley McClain's character is what happened to millions of blue collar girls in the US throughout the 20th century. They slept with their boss. Yes, it still happens, but the risk a man takes doing that today is huge.

Those pushes have come from the left, but the right has pushed back against prostitution which was about as American a business as you could get until about 1910. Literally every big city had large Red Light districts and many women were prostitutes and then drifted back and married and settled down. This happened all over the country, but especially in the West.

The right has also pushed back on things like abortion, which sticks men with bills for kids they did not want and child support. Today they are trying to go after internet porn and will if the GOP runs the table in 2024 or 2028.

But for intelligent, sexually attractive and socially adept men it is a great time to be alive. They get to be pursued - at least sometime - and they can have a dozen girlfriends if they can manage the logistics. These guys never paid for hookers or worried about sleeping with their secretary - they didn't have to.

It is men of average and below of average sexual value who are screwed in the United States. That is why so many guys go overseas, because the standards are different. And often they are good guys and end up in great relationships.

brattcatt420 · 2023-05-01T02:53:51+00:00

I think sexuality is shamed entirely in the US, and that it varies by area on how much.

Dress codes for example. Boys are shamed as if they can't control themselves around a girl with a tank top on, but a girl is shamed for wearing one at all.

I think men are shamed more when I comes to sexual orientation though. Which turns in to even more internalize shame.

JumboJetz · 2023-05-01T04:19:28+00:00

Shamed? Not really. I’d phrase it more as male sexuality is seen as threatening and predatory.

begayallday · 2023-05-01T09:33:02+00:00

Yes, I think male sexuality is shamed in the US. I also think it very much cuts both ways. Men/boys are treated like uncontrollable slaves to their hormones with regards to dress codes, but at the same time, women/girls are treated like a shameless seductress for wearing leggings or a top that shoes their shoulders or midriff.

Men are shamed for being virgins or sexually inexperienced and women are shamed for having too much experience. Often when that’s not even true. I was called a slut starting when I was 13, just because I had large breasts. I wasn’t even sexually active at all.

Neither one is okay. Neither one is acceptable. People of all genders should be challenging these ideas and pushing back against them, because they are damaging to all of us.

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-05-01T11:43:20+00:00

Current shaming culture towards Men is still the same since I was kid in the late 90s-2000s.

Men self pleasuring themselves = Gross!
Men struggle to get girlfriends = losers!
Men paying for intimacy = Something is wrong with him!
Men using online dating = Yikes bro, talk to some real people

Society runs on a hyper-sexuality now. Women's sexuality is view as beautiful and Mens is vilified as ugly. This video is a great little nugget

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5u13\_Bdw5eY&ab\_channel=AlexanderGrace

TheDustLord · 2023-05-01T02:35:37+00:00

Absolutely is. Male sexual attraction to adult women is normally framed as objectification, sexualization, or some other thought crime.

Hekinsieden · 2023-05-01T04:18:06+00:00

Sex sells and all the companies wanna sell it to you. Everything is about getting Men hooked and thirsting for sex. Questioning the sex quest gets you dismissed or called jealous.

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-05-01T18:37:21+00:00

Hell yes. So is female sexuality. I assume you’re talking about the US here. It’s entirely unfortunate. I think male sexuality is shamed a little bit more, for two reasons:

There are more women than men whose gut-level lizard-brain desires line up with a loving monogamous LTR. There are more women than men who damn near don’t have a sex drive outside of a loving monogamous LTR. If your libido only shows up in an LTR it is possible to have a high libido which is 0% “dirty”.
Men have more spontaneous desires as well as fetishes, which are still very acceptable to shame in most circles.
Homosexuality in men is way more stigmatized than in women. Duh.

This is not to say female sexuality is not stigmatized, just stick around this sub. Also, the whole “what was she wearing” genre of beliefs sucks ass.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-05-01T08:33:27+00:00

I think yes in that male sexuality is thought of as predatory. However, this is also used to defend and excuse a lot of problematic male behaviour, most of which is socialised to excessive proportions. So it's a weird little dichotomy where it's both shamed, but the more problematic areas are actively encouraged by our society.

TurtleDickSlap · 2023-05-02T01:05:21+00:00

If I say "I don't want to date fat women" I'm called an incel, mYsOgYNiSTiC, "small dick energy", etc. all in an attempt to shame me into accepting things I find undesirable.

Women can openly shame men for things beyond their control and they're celebrated as "empowered."

JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-01T01:25:10+00:00

girls to wear “less revealing clothes” so that the boys may be distracted, is in my eyes, a form of shaming

Yeah, shaming girls for being “an occasion to sin”. That shames girls for possessing bodies, treats them as not only less-than but also makes them responsible for the behavior of boys and grown men.

Boys don’t get shamed for their sexuality, their behavior is dismissed as “boys will be boys” and “you know how boys are”.

Sexuality is shamed when it is unwanted or unwelcome, but that is required for a polite society to function.

Society doesn’t want men to pursue women, men want to pursue women. So long as men are pursuing the women who are mutually interested, there are no problems.

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-01T03:43:45+00:00

I'm intrigued female dress codes became about shaming men in your example. A simpleton like me would think that's about shaming and controlling a woman's sexuality and portraying men as victims of unfettered female sensuality. Frankly, most young girls dressing for school are not doing it for male attention. Men seem to think so, which in my book says it all.

Equally curious the idea virgin shaming would be exclusively about men, as if women face none at all. And as if society is telling them this when in my experience, the only people tormenting virgin men is each other and themselves.

To answer your question about society shaming straight male sexuality: not unless you assume straight male sexuality is that of a rabid dog unable to stop themselves from drooling, humping, howling, and otherwise behaving like animals. I don't assume that. I think society in general has a predisposition to both exploit and encourage this lack of discipline in both genders, while also largely lionizing and celebrating a more disciplined approach to sex. And it just depends who you're talking to which you're you're going to be hearing.

I think society tends to celebrate male sexuality as not only the most valid of sexualities, but also the default mode of expression. Everything else is other.

I think men tend to think how they wish to do things is the most logical, reasonable, and rational aspects of sex and everyone else is the weirdos. I think male sexuality is so pervasive and encouraged that even most lesbian sex is presumed to be about pleasing men. (Quite a stroke of genius that). And school girls with bare shoulders are doing it so the boys will notice. Madone.

I think the only reason men think their sexuality is shamed is because women in particular have stopped accepting this and are pushing back. Equality feels like a loss when all you've known is privileged positions.

No, your sexuality isn't being shamed. Bad behavior is being shamed. And this isn't new. Society has shamed a lack of sexual discipline for most of history. It just so happens we're finally making some progress on getting dudes to stop acting like how they go about expressing their desires and what those desires are just inherently are correct because their penis wants that.

valleyheartyo · 2023-05-01T02:18:19+00:00

It's population control..,. The agenda

MrHustleTopG · 2023-05-01T04:58:03+00:00

Heavily shamed even by other men to the detriment of other men

ThorLives · 2023-05-02T03:02:18+00:00

Yes, it's vilified. There is a belief in modern society that male sexuality is "problematic" and things would be better if male sexuality was more like female sexuality.

I wish I could find it again, but there was a great post on another subreddit talking about how feminists labeled male sexuality as bad and predatory, and now lesbians and trans-men (i.e. non cis men who also dated women) were going out of their way to make sure their sexuality was seen as very different than male sexuality towards women. The post was basically calling them out saying that none of this "my sexuality is not like those predatory straight cis men's sexuality" argument would be necessary if they hadn't labeled straight men's sexuality as bad and predatory in the first place.

I've also seen trans-men in the bropill subreddit who were worried about being seen as inherently bad and predatory once they transition to being male. Obviously, being female is seen as good and being a man is bad. "Women are wonderful" and all that.

All of these ideas are quite common: the male gaze is bad. Porn is violent and predatory. Men exploit women for sex. Older men who date younger women are predators. Men who go overseas are exploiting women for sex. You can see the male/female divide in how society views teachers who have sex with students. Male teachers having sex with underage female students are scum. Female teachers having sex with underage male students? Society doesn't even know what it thinks about that. The fact that there's a divide says a lot about it's views on male and female sexuality.

I've also seen liberal fathers talk about how they wish their daughter was lesbian because all of those bad/predatory men are out to get her, whereas the women she would date are seen as good. Conservative fathers do the same, except without the "I wish my daughter dated women instead" stuff. Instead, they do things like try to intimidate boys, sometimes half-joking about having guns.

It's kind of weird because I was raised very religious and conservative. Sexuality (for both genders) was seen as a problem and needed to be confined to marriage. This meant suppressing sexual desire until after you were married. Then I moved away from religion. The non-religious, liberal parts of the US also has plenty of bad things to say about male sexuality, and also believe deeply in the idea of suppressing, confining, and limiting male sexuality. It's basically treated like it's a dangerous wild animal that wanders our neighborhoods and can never be completely eliminated. Overall, I think liberals would be more happy if most men were asexual because it would eliminate the potentially dangerous male sex drive. This is probably part of the reason women love gay men as friends: because they're sexual desire is not aimed at women, which eliminates the problems associated with "predatory" male sexuality. Liberals are much more welcoming about female sexuality than conservatives are. Kind of weird that both sides of the political/religious spectrum as so negative about male sexuality.

Here's a related article "The Danger in Demonizing Male Sexuality" (written by a woman) that clearly takes the position that make sexuality is seen as bad and predatory. The whole article is worth a read. A quote:

Cis men are also in the position of the cultural desirer, never the desired; many genuinely believe that since “no one” finds them sexy/since their sexuality is considered threatening, no one wants to hear what they have to say about sex.

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-danger-in-demonizing-male-sexuality/

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-05-01T04:10:30+00:00

Not really. Men are allowed to have a sexuality. “Boys will be boys.” Women are shamed for being sexual at all.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-05-01T10:31:21+00:00

In Canada it's illegal to buy sex but legal to sell it....ya society shames male sexuality.

I've also been rejected for being Bi...

You are also shamed if you're still a virgin for too long.

But shame isn't a bad thing, it drives me to be better.

dowehavetoreally · 2023-05-01T05:07:41+00:00

3rd wave feminism was a two-edged blade. Vilify all elements of male sexuality relentlessly, and give even the absolutely worst female sexual behavior a big thumbs up and call it "empowered".

Absolutely make sexuality is vilified.

The purple haired angry girls are here because daddy wanted to fuck mommy.

SO TOXIC! lololol.

SierraMistSoda · 2023-05-01T01:06:14+00:00

Back in the 60's women could wear just as revealing clothing around a college campus as today and it was fine. In 2023 like 90 percent of men watch porn and culture is generally sexualized I actually think its more difficult for women to go outside in the same coverage their grandma once wore because of hyper sex minded males. It's really scary to be stared at or even have men try to just stand closer and closer to you to make you feel scared and uncomfortable. Male sexuality in not the same in this hyper sex internet world than it was for grandpa looking at playboy.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-05-01T02:22:18+00:00

"Porn addition" isn't questionably real at best and the vast majority of self-identified "porn addicts" don't remotely qualify. I would argue the myth that it's real and common is a form of shaming male sexuality.

Female sexuality is also shamed in modern society and I think a lot of men forget that or just see that shaming as totally normal and reasonable vs their shaming, which is Very Bad. I'd even argue that the porn addiction stuff shames female sexuality as well -- kinky women and sex workers get blamed for male brutality.

operapeach · 2023-05-01T07:00:38+00:00

Lol being rebuffed is not being shamed

Men get away with sexual abuse on a routine basis because male sexuality is…… shamed?

Men are held to much lower standards of sexual behavior and control because male sexuality is shamed?

Nah, I don’t think so haha. Nobody is going to shame you if you don’t push for something a woman doesn’t want. Keep your hands and your eyes to yourself like a civilized person.

Kliere · 2023-05-01T01:48:06+00:00

"Take dress codes for example. When adjusting dress codes for girls to wear “less revealing clothes” so that the boys may be distracted, is in my eyes, a form of shaming. It’s labeling male attraction as so powerful that a guy can’t be in the same room as a girl with her chest out and not go bananas."

That's because it's true, teenage boys are incredibly hormonal and you'd be hard pressed to find one that can pay attention if a girls chest is out. This is just basic physiology.

wtknight · 2023-05-01T02:18:36+00:00

It depends. I think that the male desire for promiscuity should be shamed. On the other hand, I don't think that men cold approaching women for potential relationships. So it depends on what part of male sexuality one is referring to.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-01T06:04:03+00:00

If straight men are shamed, who's even accepted? They're seen as the default, even to the point where men are called straight out unattractive because they aren't attractive to straight men.

ta06012022 · 2023-05-01T03:40:00+00:00

just_a_place · 2023-05-01T06:31:55+00:00

Of course it's shamed. 🤨

The real question is: Do we give a fuck? 🤔

We do not apologize for our sexuality, the world can suck it if they got a problem with that.

nicoleberry16 · 2023-05-02T02:23:21+00:00

It's encouraged, not shamed

Safinated · 2023-05-02T08:42:50+00:00

I believe that disregard of consent and lack of mutuality is shamed, as it should be

Separate-Ground3196 · 2023-05-01T12:28:55+00:00

My parents kicked me out of the house when I told them I’m a heterosexual man.

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SecondEldenLord · 2023-05-01T13:00:46+00:00

Male sexuality and preference is shamed. Nowadays women for whatever reason prefer more feminine men than masculine men. And men are shamed for their preferences in women all the time.

LingonberryGood3915 · 2023-05-01T19:42:44+00:00

male sexuality and maleness is even partly criminalized in some western counties. its not just shamed, its demonized.

INFPneedshelp · 2023-05-02T18:12:41+00:00

Maybe a bit but no where near how badly women are shamed for their sexuality. And women's dress codes are shaming their sexuality far more than men's. Tehy are the ones who get in trouble for not complying.

00Marvelight00 · 2023-05-02T23:17:23+00:00

Male sexuality is shamed if you are a sub 8 man aka not Chad.

Title	Do you believe that male sexuality is shamed in modern society?
Author	whoistherango67
Upvotes	65
Comments	122
Date	April 30, 2023 3:46 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/133vaoy/do_you_believe_that_male_sexuality_is_shamed_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-believe-that-male-sexuality-is-shamed-in.1217201 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217201

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