Is it worth it?

FindingMyPrivates · 2023-06-14T10:09:40+00:00

This is how I see it. A lot of the women my age,30m, usually have kids in tow. Usually they also have most of the time with them. That’s means if you are in a serious relationship with her , you will be expected to contribute as a father. Yet you won’t have the authority of a father. In cases where the dad is dead, incarcerated, or completely left(I’m talking out the country) then maybe you can be the acting father. If the dads there , than your just subsidizing his kids.

In my case I have my children 50% of the time. If I seriously date a women who has children, I’d be expected to contribute. Specifically the ones that have primary custody , which is what I’ve seen. This means I will give my income to children that aren’t mine and my actual children won’t be spent on as much. How are they going to view that growing up?

Sure you can find a women without kids but good luck at anything above 30. Just have fun, mess around, don’t take anyone seriously. You learned from thsi divorce.

jgjg9999 · 2023-06-14T08:50:16+00:00

I'm with you, we're probably both not ready to date. I'm in my 40's now, my few attempts at dating I see red flags that remind me of my X and bail. I also think about how all of the worst times/worst I've ever felt since I was about 13 years old was the direct result of a woman.

Plus I was married right out of highschool for just over 20 years, the last time I dated I literally popped the collar on my lettermen jacket and let that bad boy do the work.

In my opinion dating now sucks, I wasn't having any fun so I pretty much gave up.

Things might change, who knows. I just live for myself now and at least I know what to look out for now so that I don't put myself back in the guillotine.

21YearsofHell · 2023-06-14T08:35:43+00:00

Yes, women can see men as other than dollar signs, definitely!!!

For example, my stbxw sees me as pound signs…

Token_or_TolkienuPOS · 2023-06-14T13:34:47+00:00

The Important thing is to set your boundaries straight from the beginning and don't concede just when they get comfortable in the relationship.

Don't let them move in with you, don't get a place together or let them keep too much shit at your place to resemble a cohabitation situation.

Go 50/50 on everything from the beginning.

Don't pay for their kid's shit. Don't pick them up from games or take them places. She must see from the get go that her kids are just that, hers.

Don't entertain any talk of marriage, babies etc.

Jealousy, the inability to acknowledge and apologize when they are wrong, using their "mental health" as an excuse to treat you shabbily, on cue tears are all things to be shut down immediately when they rear their ugly heads. Failing that, get out.

SecretDoctor8121 · 2023-06-14T08:45:49+00:00

Dating nowdays???No...whit your mental state??No... Sure there are some nice ones but they are long gone bro(married kid etc etc) Not all women like that btw.Some just walk away instead of yelling n shit. Btw im an abuse survivor however we can't be healed properly...the scars will be there forever...its up to you how you presents it. Personally I don't give 2 cent if im alone for the rest of my life.. You know what is called my man? Freedom n thats worth than any pussy or GF ever will be.

jimsmythee · 2023-06-14T14:21:08+00:00

Caveat, I did get remarried. I was married to a woman that found pills (after 5 years of marriage) and became the most toxic, narcissistic, horrible wretch I had ever met. After divorce, I dated a lot, and then I got remarried to a nice sober woman. We are very happy.

After I got divorced, I have super powers. I can smell an addict from 3 miles away. Addicts do whatever they can to hide their addictions; some are good at it, some are bad at it. I remember telling one woman, "I am going to just end this. I need to be honest. I can't deal with you and your problems with the booze anymore." It's not just problems with booze or pills. Some women have problems with "retail therapy" and they have this overwhelming need to spend every last f$%*%g dime they have on the stupidest sh1t.

Other super power? I can now, "turn things off." I was dating this woman and things were good, not great, but good. I just realized I didn't want to be with her long term, as she was messy, and had two large dogs and tracked dirt and mud all over her house. I just dumped her and walked away.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-06-14T10:20:42+00:00

No dude , just wait another 10 years get the Sexbot… the traditional bio ones are broken .

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-06-14T10:17:41+00:00

I dated for a while, but eventually just stopped. But while I was dating I would trade them off at the first sign of crazy. Some of them were able to hide it for a long time. But it eventually showed up in all of them.

relationshiptossoutt · 2023-06-14T19:23:59+00:00

This sub is full of misogynists, just so that you’re aware. You can take their feedback with a grain of salt.

I’m coming off my first break-up since the divorce. We were together a little over a year and our relationship was wonderful. We broke it off because she wanted to discuss a future life together, but I’m not in a place where I’m ready for that. I’m not sure I will be. My marriage was hard and I don’t want to repeat that with such an intensely intertwined life.

But a relationship with a woman that is loving, connected, intimate, and reciprocal sound great to me. I also just need a little distance within it, time to spend alone or engaged in a hobby. I think I need my life to be pretty free and pretty balanced.

I think as we move through life post-divorce, we shouldn’t look at women as the enemies or a large group of people who can’t think independently. We shouldn’t blame all women for the issues we had in marriage or let the bitterness lead us. But we do need to set up limits and boundaries for ourselves, and be clear about them for the women we date.

Even despite the break-up I just had, yes, it was worth it. I got to fall in love again and even had the great honor of experiencing heartbreak again. It’s painful, but it’s also part of life and is kind of beautiful when done on your own terms. I don’t want to become a bitter man so afraid of being sad that I end up being empty instead.

Acceptable_Photo6956 · 2023-06-14T10:45:56+00:00

This is a question that will get as many different answers as there are people. It depends on your own individual feelings and situation. For my own part I'm a hypocrite. Because I have no interest in dating anyone again. That said, I also recognize that might not be how I feel about it three years from now.

InWeGoNow · 2023-06-14T12:35:22+00:00

I just recently started dating again after a couple years removed from divorce. There are enough women out there that are also single, lonely, and just want to have fun being with someone. Just make your intentions clear early on.

habitmelon · 2023-06-14T13:29:00+00:00

I believe it's worth it, but start by obsessively focusing on building yourself up. Physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Be so at peace with and proud of who you become that women come to you and you have to fight them off. It will take time. It will be worth it

Weary_Landscape_7098 · 2023-06-14T16:11:21+00:00

Is it worth it to try to date again after divorce?

I vote you spend some time working on yourself and level up.

I just don’t see myself getting married again.

Same here. Never again.

Do all women yell at their husband and call him a jerk?

No, but I'm sure it is a common experience among those of us who have been divorced.

Do all women hate their husband for no reason?

No, but lots do. My ex-wife included.

Is a man ever enough for a woman?

No. There's always something he could be doing better, whether it's working more and bringing in more money (but somehow magically spending more time with the family), being in better shape (even though the stress from a shitty marriage is keeping him awake at night and there's no time meal prep or work out between working more and spending more time together as a family), doing more housework, being a better father (even if he already does most of the parenting) and the list just goes on and on. Men have the burden of performance.

Do any women see men as anything other than dollar signs?

A very small minority, from my experience. And if they make lots of money, they usually expect their partner to make lots of money, too (which is why so many power high-level corporate women are single or unhappy, because they think they deserve a super high-paid guy simply because they make lots of money). Ladies, the pool of men who are 6'2"+, gorgeous and in amazing shape, make $250k+, and are actively looking for a high-earning woman in her late 30s who is a single mom of multiple young children and puts her stressful career before her family and her spouse, is vanishingly small.

I just got so abused and I’ve been disappointed and betrayed by every woman I’ve ever met in my life

Welcome to the club!

Nvbnkng84 · 2023-06-14T11:38:18+00:00

From my experience, don't do it. Focus on you and your goal . Travel dotting you've never done. Put you first for once bc one you get past the dating phase a woman will switch up and show you what they know you want and once they get comfortable it's down hill after that and your spirit will get sucked out eventually. Imo if you do want to date. Don't do it in the USA. Women here have no respect for men and often have disdainful feelings for men based on their daddy issues or another man that was in their life and will take it out on you. If you're single enjoy it! Get a woman that likes you more than you like her bc the respect level is different and will go hard to make you happy. Imo traditional woman outside the USA is the best way to go. The modern woman feminist thotiana get the bag mentality doesn't exist in those other countries like Thailand, Brazil,Caribbean. It their but not like the USA.

EvidencePlz · 2023-06-15T03:38:14+00:00

Definitely not. Today’s women are living, breathing STD carriers and you are just one lawsuit or false accusation away from ruining your career and future all over again. If it’s just sex you need, there are way better options available. But if you are talking about a romantic/emotional/committed relationship, I’d strongly advise not to do it. In today’s fascist feminist gynocentric world you literally have to force yourself to be a shameless cowardish beta cuck simp to even go anywhere near approaching a woman. It’s really not worth it if you have an ounce of respect for your own masculinity and male sexuality.

At the end of the day though, you do you and you do whatever you think is better for you. I’m not gonna hate you if you don’t pay heed to my advice. I’m just giving you a warning. What you do with that is entirely up to you.

CRobinsFly · 2023-06-14T14:43:52+00:00

I think it is still worth it, barely. Never ever marry again though. Get a vasectomy, too; and dont tell women you have, either.

I have chosen to understand women rather than love them. This is a reference to The Free Agent Lifestyle and Coach Greg Adams. It is empowering A-F. I have a fwb at the moment (who wants to be my GF) but I am perfectly satisfied with our 'relationship' and if she leaves, I will just replace her or be fine being alone. My emotional attachment circuit has been eliminated

To address some of the aspects you've referenced and before I get attacked with NAWALT claims, let me say "you can believe whatever you like, my experience and the experience of the majority of other people has shown me":

All women deride and bash their husbands behind their backs. If you doubt this, ask to see her texts and messages to other people about you.

No man will ever be enough for a woman, eventually. She'll become unhappy with him at some point. See the wealthiest and arguably the most attractive men in the world are unable to retain a woman.

Men are attractive to women because of their resources and MEAT they can provide. It's not necessarily money, but all men will pay for a woman in some way.

In a relationship, the only way you can control a woman is to ensure you're always her best option at all times and that she believes it. I deliberately used the word always because that's exactly how it is - does that seem sustainable?

darkblash69 · 2023-06-14T10:01:47+00:00

Too soon junior.

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-06-14T12:19:48+00:00

You said all that and still wonder what women are like! The motto should be, “date until death” and never wed.

hkbk2011 · 2023-06-14T13:02:36+00:00

Unfortunately, there’s no western woman who value traditional value. You have to look outside of this country.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-06-14T15:35:24+00:00

Date? Sure. Marry? Never again.

animalx3 · 2023-06-14T08:09:54+00:00

For you? No. I’d not recommend because you’re negative. You need to work on yourself and work through whatever is going on in your head. Me? I’m having a blast but I’m a set no expectations and have a good time kinda guy.

Classic_Dill · 2023-06-14T14:33:02+00:00

I'm back lightly dating again and its fine, you go on a date, vet them thoroughly (questions, body language, tone) and decide if there an FWB, a possible keeper or break it off. But....ALWAYS be honest with them tell them, communicate what you're actually thinking and dont mislead them, crazy!! how it works out, not one angry women with me yet since dating, honesty goes a long way guys.

Drjaydvm · 2023-06-14T14:39:45+00:00

I think it’s worth it if you like having a woman in your life. I’m dating a lovely woman my age with kids the same age that is remarkably chill “for a woman” even after a year. You know what’s the best part? If she starts acting up I can just leave 🤷🏻 You don’t have to put up with nonsense, there are millions of women out there.

hikeruntravellive · 2023-06-14T12:36:07+00:00

Do you really want to find out? I’m sure there might be a decent woman out there that’s not in it for the money but why take the risk. I date and I’m always clear with the females that I will not ever get married again. If that’s a problem then we best end this now. These days, especially successful, middle aged women are open to cohabitating without marriage.

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2023-06-14T14:44:43+00:00

You are going after the wrong women.

Afroviking1 · 2023-06-14T16:38:37+00:00

Bro, you need to expand your horizons. I don't know if you travel much, but non-Western women (not the Instagram thots in different countries) are much more pleasant, feminine, and reasonable.

barbpallatts · 2023-06-14T14:48:28+00:00

I did yell at my husband because he was a compulsive gambling, drug addicted, alcoholic who couldn't seem to ever be honest. Wasted so much money and so much sanity and peace for me. I loved him with all my heart and I was married to him for 25 years (together almost 30). I have 2 grown sons and just filed for divorce. I have accepted that he wont change. But, I will admit that I DID yell at him before I accepted that he wasn't going to change. When I got lied to over and over and over. And told to leave and verbally abused. Otherwise I wouldnt have yelled. I am also scared to date again as I have the feeling all men are addicted liars.

007--Chill · 2023-06-14T19:41:18+00:00

Did this happen before you got married?

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-06-14T22:08:01+00:00

You are welcome to date again. Just don’t move in with anyone, support anyone financially or get married again.

Kenuven · 2023-06-14T22:46:09+00:00

Nothing wrong with dating. Just be upfront with marriage and, if applicable, living together are off the table.

Imsosadsoveryverysad · 2023-06-15T00:04:46+00:00

Is it worth it? Yes, at the right time. I met somebody 3 weeks after my separation date. We were crazy good together. Like awkwardly better than my ex wife and I in every way. It was so fast I couldn’t figure out how to handle it. Why/how the F is this perfect person here so fast?

We just recently cut it off because my divorce finally finalized. The changes in custody took a toll on my kids I had to put them first. I moved out. Too much happening at once. I also had to delay this persons intro to my family because of my timeline. My kids would not have been ready for their dad to have a girlfriend. I’m now mourning 2 relationships instead of 1.

I view myself as a relationship person and think I’ll probably get married again at some point. But in the right timeframe matters so damn much.

dadplup · 2023-06-15T03:08:19+00:00

I've been divorced for about a year and a half and although I've thought about dating I just haven't wanted to, nothing to do with women being single moms or not I'm 48 I just haven't wanted to

It's scary to start all over again I think I'll be fine on my own, but if I do date, I probably won't get remarried but that could change too I refuse to let the life i had with my ex dictate the rest of my life

It would be better to make your life about you than what they did to you I'm just saying

1antinomy · 2023-06-15T05:13:38+00:00

I only date short-term & if they start pushing the “what are we?” bullshit — I get out of there immediately

Long-term relationships just isn’t worth the trouble these days

Waaay too many things that can go wrong — cheating, DV accusations, paternity fraud, financial abuse, verbal + physical abuse, sneakiness, manipulation, single moms, boss babes, etc

All of these come in some form with 99% of the women you come across

If you choose to date seriously, just know that you CANNOT escape the negatives of female nature

Dangerfield85 · 2023-06-15T20:08:49+00:00

Look up Coach Greg Adams / Free Agent Lifestyle

mofofromthenosho · 2023-06-15T22:16:57+00:00

I got divorced at 48. Have a great girl now which was the end result of a lot of dating. Probably one of the most fun times of my life !

Introduction_Organic · 2023-06-14T14:02:47+00:00

Do all, no the the overwhelming majority yes. Is it worth it probably not

Decon_SaintJohn · 2023-06-14T14:59:08+00:00

It seems, what we're all lacking in, is an education and training in the means of seeing psychological red flags at the start of a relationship, be it friendship or romantic. Unfortunately, it seems you're going to come across more people with psychological issues than not. Therefore, the chances that you'll find someone who isn't screwed up are very slim indeed. Or better said, its all just a crapshoot! Good luck!

Perplexed_pat · 2023-06-14T16:27:55+00:00

Some are super loving, pretty, sensual, and charming in order to manipulate you into giving them all of your time, money, and attention without overtly being an asshole. When they don’t get it they become anxious, clingy and super needy.

I’ve tried your flavor and the one I mentioned. In the end it’s all la croix and bubbly, choose your flavor, I have yet to find a Coca Cola.

But really, it’s about defining your values and boundaries and learning to enforce. Think with your body sensation beyond your penis. I’m just getting into dating again. Had a date with a beautiful and intelligent woman last weekend. She gave the hints, but I sensed a trauma bond forming( we both shared too much in convo) and decided not to make a physical move. It was hard because I really wanted to rub flesh, but I have the self awareness to know that I naturally open up to a damsel in distress. Once I have sex with that kind of women they trap me with shame.

Think of dating as a learning experience and stay detached from the outcome. Know your values and boundaries and learn to walk away without shame. Dating is how we’ll learn to someday be with someone. Don’t settle and treat it like any other skill you’re trying to develop. It takes a lot of practice and that’s going to require many subjects. You’re not missing out, people come and go.

Is it worth it?

Comments

Don't date a single mother

Pay attention how a female treats her ex especially when she's angry that's how she'll treat you. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others.

Get with a woman that like you more than you like her.

Get with a woman that agrees with traditional values

Title	Is it worth it?
Author	XxJustadudexX
Upvotes	43
Comments	68
Date	June 14, 2023 7:06 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14912pc/is_it_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-it-worth-it.1222387 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222387