Irl dating online dating, in your experience which one is more optimal and why?

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-07-22T16:07:27+00:00

Irl and is not even close

Treacle-Flimsy · 2023-07-22T15:58:23+00:00

Irl is just easier, at least for me. I've never really had much success on dating apps and to be fair I found them incredibly demoralising. Irl you just talk to person, maybe you can leverage a moment to your advantage, it's not just your looks but also your rizz and social awareness

ChiStoner · 2023-07-22T16:35:15+00:00

Irl approaching is technically better because you’re automatically shot to the front of the queue of guys who are potentials. She may still reject you, but you’re automatically first seen. So if she for example matched with 50 guys that day on a dating app, if you approach her irl, you’re currently in front of all those guys. It’s about exposure.

Also one thing women think about that guys don’t really think about is safety on the app. Women on there are legit terrified of being assaulted or killed. You have to remember you are still seen as a random man from an app until she gets to know you. Irl makes this easier for a man because she can automatically gauge what you look like, behavior, etc without the anticipatory meet up that had to take place.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-07-22T15:50:49+00:00

The point being made when people say “get off the apps” is that the apps are only ONE way of meeting people, and if you’re not being successful (cuz they’re heavily skewed in favor of conventionally attractive people) meeting IRL can give you an opportunity to showcase traits that aren’t showcaseable on the apps

EdwardTheeMasterful · 2023-07-22T17:15:39+00:00

Neither if you were born male and under average height… Or in plenty cases are average height.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-07-22T16:17:52+00:00

If you are just an average dude whether is irl or online, the results are the same and the behaviour of women are the same. The best part though about online dating is that rejections hurt less and no woman can accuse you of anything or spit in your face, and yes, that happened to me.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-07-22T16:35:31+00:00

I've had more success irl dating than online. Online dating you have to be heartless in some ways. Because if it doesn't work out or you get a barrage of red flag behaviors. Then it's on to the next obviously. And that's hard when you are looking for connection. Because you can connect with someone and realize your dating goals are different. You may be more intentional and they may be more casual. So obviously not going to work and you have to cut it off. Even though on paper and interactions they were good or just not that into you and wanted to browse more. It's a lot more time consuming and for it to work you have to keep a roster and keep your options open.

Irl at least you can prescreen them out a little better and have less of the I'm meeting a complete stranger. I've meet you a few times so you kind of know what you are getting into before hand. I guess if that makes sense.

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-07-22T19:39:24+00:00

I strongly prefer meeting IRL. There are too many people on OLD making it harder to choose just one, plus it feels sterile looking at someone on a screen.

SnooCupcakes9990 · 2023-07-22T20:21:55+00:00

Online dating is only good if you are a top looking guy. If you hear otherwise you are being lied too!

My buddy is a model looking guy on Tinder and he sleeps with 3 different girls almost every week. They do not even go on a date. First time they meet it's sex right away.

If you are a average looking guy, it will destroy your confidence. You will not be getting any matches and when you do, talking to them will be like talking to a rock.

IRL is way better as most women do not get hit on all the time, they do not have 1000 matches waiting for them and they are able to see your personality, instead of focusing on only looks.

Online is a big waste of time for average looking males.

throwaway164_3 · 2023-07-22T15:58:59+00:00

For me (mid 30s male), online dating has been a godsend

I’ve been on ~ 200 dates thanks to online dating, resulting in a handful of hookups, casual and found my current GF through it.

Whereas, IRL I had a total of zero dates (turns out the two I thought were just dates were just being friendly). I’m very certain without online dating I’d still be a virgin, single and miserable.

So at least for me, IRL i feel like I’m invisible to the type of women I’m attracted to (not fat, not religious, likes the outdoors and is kind)

Genetic_Prisoner · 2023-07-22T16:07:03+00:00

Online dating is pretty much my only option. I have terrible approach anxiety and generally won't approach unless i am drunk. Online dating however completely removes all those irrational fears as i know the other person is also interested in me since they swiped right. I know if i did approach irl i would definitely be more successful, but my anxiety won't let me just walk to a random stranger and hit on them.

EdwardTheeMasterful · 2023-07-23T00:38:32+00:00

Women only want men who are tall

kkkan2020 · 2023-07-22T16:41:11+00:00

if online dating is any indicator of how people treat people... is there any point of the average man existence? i mean from what i read on these forums on how badly average men are treated in all aspects of life... there's no point of their existence.

SierraMistSoda · 2023-07-22T16:46:09+00:00

As a women online dating has been great. I use the apps regularly and should use them more but sometimes they get overwhelming because of how guys speak there. It amazes me how many men go on there thinking women are as horny as they are. Most men on those apps that I am attracted to are not ready to settle into a relationship yet sadly so I mostly go on dates just for the fun of being taken out. I have been more picky about where he takes me lately because if I'm going to do my hair, makeup and wear a cute dress I do feel it should be out for drinks, or dinner if he's inclined. No more coffee dates, going for a walk dates, ect. Those are just very low effort and don't feel like they are worth my time when I can get better dates and do those types of things alone or with my friends.

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wtknight · 2023-07-22T16:25:14+00:00

I've always preferred meeting women online, but not through online dating. Any other way is probably better than that.

Jazzlike-Actuary-99 · 2023-07-22T16:28:36+00:00

Dating apps are fine (but with downsides). They are not any worse than people hooking up when they are partying. Perhaps even favorable because partying usually involves alcohol.

Beebum5 · 2023-07-22T16:31:15+00:00

I’ve never used a dating app and if I ever do I know I have reached rock bottom lmao. To each their own, I just find it weird

tinasnow-poty · 2023-07-22T16:46:56+00:00

I get a lot of dates from apps but it always fizzles out after a few dates. All my relationships have come from meeting in person so idk why I even continue to use apps

Environmental_Day558 · 2023-07-22T17:08:11+00:00

I met my fiance on a dating app 2 years ago. I just moved to a new city for work so I didn't know anybody. It was in the middle of a pandemic so everybody was masked up, places were closed and people were social distancing. Meeting somebody IRL in that situation wasn't likely to happen so I turned to bumble.

I like the fact that online I can pre filter people. For example I set a filter to only show women who don't have children and don't want any. That way I don't have to waste time getting to know someone just to find out they want kids one day.

I do understand people's wariness of dating apps especially men's. Most apps at best have a 3:1 ratio (4-5:1 if you exclude bots, OF sellers, and ones not taking it seriously) so unless you would normally have sucesss outside of them then you probably won't have success with them. I think dating apps are good if people dont get their hopes up and use them supplimentally

NJFlowerchild · 2023-07-22T17:09:45+00:00

OLD might help with initial connections if you're attractive and your problems meeting people come from being neurodivergent. If you're lower than average you're definitely going to have better luck irl. If you're attractive and have good social skills it would benefit you to do both. If you're unattractive AND lack social skills you need to be able to change one of those things or have 0 standards.

2023-07-22T17:25:16+00:00

IRL all the way, but online dating has a lower barrier to entry.

Online dating is solely based off looks, the quality of your profile/bio, and where you are on the algorithm. It has absolutely no regards to who you are and personality. The reason terrible men and fuckboys do so well is because they illicit responses responses by sending outrageous and provocative messages which boosts them up the ladder compared to other men. No matter good your social and communication skills are there’s a weird feeling almost evolution level intuition about texting a potential date back and forth, I would even include FaceTiming and video chats. This is why the best strategy for online dating to meet up ASAP.

IRL is better especially for long term because they are mostly warm approaches, while OLD is basically digital cold approaching. Not to mention that speaking, build rapport, flirting/bantering, and deep conversations flow a lot better and differently face-to-face than behind a screen.

Nihi1986 · 2023-07-22T18:07:46+00:00

Irl is more effective for obvious reasons but it requires a context that might or might not happen.

Online dating seems as easy as matching but then it's lots of relatively boring and akward chatting unless you know how to do it, and even then, you never know what will happen.

I mean, in real life the potential attraction and connection happens easier and is far stronger.

You should probably try both things if you have the time and energy, not really much reason to chose one. Personally, I go with Irl when I can because my good qualities are more noticeable that way, I apparently seem more confident and fun in person (or so I've been told) but I have dated with apps too.

The main problem with apps is that there are many other men approaching her, so even if you match she might feel overwhelmed. Irl you have all her attention.

bison5595 · 2023-07-22T18:12:10+00:00

IRL is better. You immediately get to see what they look like, in that moment. No filters or photo editing. No 5 year old pics, 50lbs ago. You can't show personality through pics. You claim to be funny in your profile. Well, here's your chance. AOL back in the day was fun. There was no profile pics. People read your profile, then IMed you. A/S/L? You talk a bit, then pics would be exchanged. Things happened in a different order.

badfirstdate- · 2023-07-22T18:22:44+00:00

Irl leads to something better when it’s successful . Online is easier but outcome is worse.

For example meet a girl irl and she’s into you, it will lead to something better

Vs

Matching on an app, and then going on date.

sexualdeskfan · 2023-07-22T20:46:38+00:00

One thing that never gets talked about on here is using dating apps to meet people you already know or have some connection to IRL. I find that when there is some connection no matter how small people are way less flakey and put in more effort because it feels like more a natural connection.

VTHokie2020 · 2023-07-22T21:39:57+00:00

I have a few friends who kill it in OLD. I think they played it perfectly and the algorithm snowballs them.

I'm like the only guy in our friend group who meets women irl. I've had way more success irl.

Sillysheila · 2023-07-22T23:44:51+00:00

I dated online initially but I didn’t go through a dating app. Tbh I’d say neither. I’d go with a third option and say: meeting someone either on a website or in a real life setting in a club based on your interests is the easiest thing.

I would hate if I had to do online dating through an app I don’t even mind even guys complain about it to be honest. My husband and I met on deviantart because we liked the same tv show and movie fandoms lol

BatemaninAccounting · 2023-07-23T00:09:15+00:00

Online dating is far superior. You already know what you have in common, can make a decent guess at stuff you're different on, and then have an entire conversational space to explore each other's life experiences.

Honestly just writing that out, maybe this sub's males that have issues dating just aren't extroverted enough to enjoy getting to know women/people. Would explain why they often don't have large friend groups or zero (female) friends.

xdivinex22 · 2023-07-23T03:37:17+00:00

I mean, dating apps are just a platform we use to meet people. When you eventually meet in person it’s “real life”

FaradayBurka · 2023-07-23T04:24:20+00:00

Online dating brought me the love of my life and we are still together, so it's not even close.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-07-23T05:09:07+00:00

I’m too old to have ever done any online dating but I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed it. I don’t have any social media except for this Reddit account. I’m happily married to a man I met online but not through a dating app. Even that was jarring to me after a life of IRL dating. We communicated for a long time via email & phone calls before we even exchanged pics. I showed the pic I sent him to one of my younger dating app user friends who was like “WTF!? That’s the ugliest picture of you I’ve ever seen!”. It was like a business headshot, lol. He apparently liked it and I liked his. Meeting up in real life was pretty great. 13 years later & we are still really happy together.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-07-23T13:25:35+00:00

Real-life dating is so much better by a significant magnitude. You can get to know someone first as friends or acquaintances before deciding to pursue dating them. With online dating, you have absolutely no idea what you’re getting yourself into simply by looking at a profile.

BrummieAMN19 · 2023-07-23T14:09:01+00:00

For me online dating and I say this as a pickup artist. It’s a far more efficient way to meet and bang loads of women. If you know how to create a good profile, know how to text women and know what to do on dates you never even have to do a single cold approach. It’s ridiculously easy to get women straight to the house on dating apps in England they have such low standards. I barely spend any money on women from online dating.

There’s PUAs that have body counts of 350-400+ from online dating alone, can set up 10 dates in one day and never having done a single cold approach.

However cold approach I prefer because of the spontaneity of it. Women off online dating are extremely boring, predicable and have no social skills whatsoever. I see it as a game where input X will get you Y since they all behave the same way and respond to the same stimuli. Nightgame I like the obstacles to overcome and I find women to be more socially calibrated and more attractive.

infps · 2023-07-25T14:10:58+00:00

IRL is better for almost anything. When I'm doing business development, I'd rather be at a trade show talking to people directly -- there's body language, charm, ability to (accurately) project trustworthiness. It's harder to just "forget" about me or make the default non-decisions when we meet in person.

Meanwhile, online is all SEO, eyeballs, dwell time and numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers. You get .3% response and click through and another 5-15% of that is buys. It's cold, senseless, chugging through humans. It's created to benefit the ad companies and platforms, neither the buyers nor the sellers.

Dating and Job Finding apps -- similar. Who designed the tool and what behavior do they get the most money from? If that doesn't line exactly up with what you want, maybe you don't want to use that tool. As much as people may argue for an economic invisible hand, when the incentives don't line up, they don't line up and you have to be objective about that. The platform might be making their money from a randomized reward schedule, for example, or some branding as "elite" in some way, or any number of things other than your intention for being there.

I feel similarly doing nearly anything online. I tend to want to engage, put myself out there, and really say what I feel, let my personality come through. But it's still just faceless 1's and 0's to most people. It's still easy to swipe, scroll, or etc, and just go to the next person, creating the appearance of a bottomless well of replaceable parts. "Compelling" online hasn't existed much since thelastpsychiatrist.com and a few other very special examples (maybe early Taleb). I wouldn't try to find a lover in that space.

tjohnson718 · 2023-09-24T17:59:49+00:00

I noticed there's typically two schools of thought regarding the OLD vs IRL debate:

Online dating only works for attractive/above-average men

In-person pickup is better for average men because they can boost their attractiveness level "in the moment" through utilizing their personality/charisma/charm etc. as opposed to their looks or status.

Unfortunately, the things that often gets missed in these conversations is that online dating has now allowed women to have easier access to a wider pool of attractive men. A dating app for a woman is like browsing a store on Amazon, except that this store only has above-average men in stock.

The biggest advantage of OLD for women by far is the increase level of control and agency that they have over their dating experience in a way they never could quite replicate IRL. The apps let her filter for men of a certain age, height, body type, location and even ethnicity. A woman can hop on Tinder and literally be shown nothing but men who are over 6ft with an athletic build located within a 5 mile radius of a wealthy suburb or zip code.

Compare that to IRL where women cannot decide in advance which men are going to find her attractive or will try to "shoot his shot" nor will she able to enter a space where there's a concentration of pre-qualified men without having to claw her way or be handpicked into a VIP section at a nightclub, a college team's dormitory or any other environment that is otherwise heavily walled off.

The above factors mean that unless you become an attractive man, no form of dating is going to be advantageous for you going forward.

Title	Irl dating online dating, in your experience which one is more optimal and why?
Author	MajesticRate1818
Upvotes	12
Comments	161
Date	July 22, 2023 3:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/156n9rg/irl_dating_online_dating_in_your_experience_which/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/irl-dating-online-dating-in-your-experience-which.1226125 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226125

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