My stbx called me a narcissist during our separation

AdrianInLimbo · 2023-08-05T09:19:30+00:00

Everyone is a "Google Psychiatrist" now.

All men are narcissists and abusive... Even if they're not.

rootron80 · 2023-08-05T13:11:38+00:00

Mine told me I was controlling because I didn’t want her to go out partying two nights a week and not come home because the kids always ask questions of. Why does mommy not come home? Then come to find out the “friend” she was going out and partying with that I had never heard of in my life at that time, is now her boyfriend after our divorce, and I have found out since the divorce from close, friends and family members of her that they were together long before we were not together. But still, she says the reason for divorce is, because I was controlling. Lol

Long-Review-1861 · 2023-08-05T10:19:30+00:00

It's the standard term every women uses in divorce when they are actually the abusive ones

XxJustadudexX · 2023-08-05T06:10:22+00:00

It’s a buzzword right now, a mark of low intelligence. Like how my stbxw said I’m “emotionally abusive” for… I literally don’t know what. She never elaborates

Fwooply · 2023-08-05T06:43:49+00:00

How do you argue that you're not gaslighting?

captainchippsixx · 2023-08-05T13:16:36+00:00

That’s a common tactic. They scream at you that your a narc, controlling, toxic, etc.

But in Reality they have the narc traits, controlling attitude and what they allow you to do, and have made the relationship toxic.

Women invent a narrative in their head because they have no accountability for what they have done. So once they leave they have to have a story they now believe that they did everything they could but my ex was so blah blah blah.

Guys when you hear these words on a date after divorce, think twice about believing them.

No-Exit6560 · 2023-08-05T06:32:46+00:00

Yeah, accusations of abuse and addiction being thrown around like beads at Mardi Gras is pretty much standard operation procedure.

Rollercoaster72 · 2023-08-05T06:52:53+00:00

I can't say what it is. But I do have an opinion which might be off... it is just a thought

I think though that self-determination is a big part of it, the right of our own hapiness and seeing mann and women as equals with the only difference that women can make children. Which is basically all fine and great. This all started with the third feminist wave, which started in the 90's and is now more known I guess. Lots of laws were made in which women benifit. Which is ofc great.

But men basicly didn't have such wave or weren't aware of it and remained very often in the 1960's and are at the moment way way behind women considering self determination or development or having a concept of hapiness at all. Also men have become less and less masculin over the past 70 years bc many of us were raised by women only and many of us are just a product of how a man should be in the eyes of a woman. Which makes us soft and uninteresting on the longer term.

Also family is being shown everywhere as patchworks which are presented to be awesome. They can be ofc but I doubt that is the case in the large majority. It's like, you can have a family and a great fuckbody and somebody who brings in the money and even feel happy aaaall day long etc etc and you can be it all if you like.

This is all needed and yes we need to be equal but the balance is totally and totally off.

My seperation and soon to be divorce was mainly my fault. Still my stbxw is kind of fair to me, she earns less then me but doesn't want any alimentation, wants the kids stay in their used environment which is our apartment which is too expensive for her so I stay with the kids. Which is a pratical reason (eventhough I still don't get it entirely) eventhough she can go for childsupport and alimentation so she could stay but thinks that's unfair, we always lived like my money is my money and hers is hers. I just lost my job which a judge wouldn't care about cause alimentation is calculated by the income of the year before, but now stbxw will financially support us till I get back on my feed. So yeah whatever shitty reason there is to divorce the sideeffects are treated fairly. Which is rare I think. Perhaps it's bc she wants to be friends but she knows I don't and won't. Still in this situation a less thoughtful and kind woman would ripe me out and throw me for the lions. And that happens as I can read here all the time. Even with totally false aquisations like all being narcists or abusers... but hey winestein was one of the first and aren't all man the same bastards?

With more rights (for women) there are also more moral responsibilties which aren't learned yet. Women are also in general way more cruel then the soft men we have became. It's like the big scream we are the ones who were surpressed for millenia's but forget we aren't in general the men they should be angry with.

And yes last and not least, yes there are now sooo many Instagram divorce lawyers, channels to be happy and if your stbxw didn't watch it online, friends have been telling about this all the time. When my stbxw started doing yoga in a groups where 40% of the women were already divorced, my first thought was oh no no no no... and now 5 years later 70% of that group is divorced... they give eachother tipps about how to divorce quickly and fair (sure) and all want to be in love again (age 40-55) as if it's a lipstick with a new color....

That divorce causes a trauma to kids is just a sideeffect they solve with some extra therapy hours.... which is ofc bollocks

We men raised by females are kind of the remains of the wish for a "normal" family but those days are all over... which ofc can end our society sooner then we can think...

Just a thought

BaburZahir · 2023-08-05T12:14:23+00:00

Pop psychology is big business. How convenient to be able to label you a Narcacist making everything your fault. Let them play their victim games.
If anyone studies something enough they will see it in everything without truly understanding it. Like when you start looking to buy a certain car suddenly you see that model more often. They will put you under a microscope and your every action will confirm their suspicions. Confirmation bias.

Benzon22s · 2023-08-05T07:57:24+00:00

The term narcissist is used by therapist to help women blame men so they don’t take any accountability of a failed marriage….my ex called me that too and sent me videos of of what it means and I was like well realistically you do the exact same thing …women get bored and leave the marriage that a reality no one talks about yet blame it on men BS

CrazySanta7 · 2023-08-05T12:36:00+00:00

The most overused word around. Don't pay attention to it. Most don't know what it really is. It's really more about self hate than people can fathom. People actually deal with narcissists, but unfortunately, they are not believed because it's so overused. I got called a narcassost for posting a gym picture. Haha. Gtfoh.

LobstersMateForLife · 2023-08-05T13:04:41+00:00

Ya my STBXW said the same thing after physically abusing me and denying it lmao

Women are all into pop psychology these days because it helps them stay away from taking responsibility for their actions.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-05T12:26:22+00:00

Here’s some statistics I found regarding narcissism.

Odds are you are a narcissist the facts speak for themselves:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14c7ouf/new_study_shows_approx_55_of_men_in_us_are_covert/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_content=2&utm_term=22

thenotknown2022 · 2023-08-05T15:57:44+00:00

95% chance your wife is the narcissist.

the number 1 tactic of a narcissist is to call the other person a narcissist, so that you sound like an idiot replying.... naaaa-uhhhhhhh you are.

berzerker5000 · 2023-08-06T06:20:59+00:00

Exact same here bro. My wife is getting advice from 20-30 something millenials in the counseling field to empower woman to break the chain of the patriarchy and also battered woman in recovery groups whose ex husbands choked and pulled guns on them. She thinks I am emotionally abusive because I disagree with her batshit woke words are violence feminism and thinks God is telling her to divorce me, and therefore she is a victim of domestic violence and only ever married me 10 years ago and had 3 kids because she was a co-dependent victim of my narcissistic love bombing manipulation because she couldn’t find her voice until now and she better get out now before I enter narcissistic rage and beat her even though I am the most mellow guy on the planet and feel bad if I kill a spider.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2023-08-05T16:16:26+00:00

How rude of her.

Odds are neither of you are narcissists.

Mostly all humans have narcissistic traits, which doesn’t make you a clinical narcissist. It makes you human!

AmbitiousPosition705 · 2023-08-05T17:33:42+00:00

This most definitely seems to be an epidemic of sorts, lots of guys (including myself) with very similar experiences. My ex has spoken out on social media since our divorce and tried to claim a handful of different things, all of which were untrue. I don’t mean to claim that myself or my marriage was perfect (obviously it wasn’t), but those claims were only put out there to garner sympathy and make her feel better while putting me down. I saw some of her friends and even random strangers alluding to me being a narcissist, without actually knowing me or our relationship. Towards the end of our marriage and at the start of divorce my ex was on IG and TikTok a lot, without a doubt being inundated with all sorts of opinions and self-help influencers. I have nothing against social media and use it frequently myself, but it can be destructive.

There’s also nothing wrong with therapy, but like anything else it’s dependent on the therapist and what is being put into it. I’ve been seeing a good therapist since my divorce and it’s helped me immensely, but I had to do some research to find the right one. My ex’s therapist has been good to her, but got way too involved at the end of our marriage and wreaked havoc on our agreements and plans.

Bipolar_investor · 2023-08-05T21:09:03+00:00

She's probably one of those borderline personality disorder wives. Read about it if you've never heard this term.

occoptionplaya · 2023-08-05T23:07:49+00:00

Welcome to the club. I'm a "narcissistic" person too. Lol.

dnbndnb · 2023-08-06T09:20:56+00:00

Calling you a narcissist is simple blame shifting for her own actions. I’m quite sure my ex- has called me that and more. I’m also quite sure I’m about as far from a narcissist as one can get. Don’t let it bother you.

Heddlo · 2023-08-06T11:20:58+00:00

Sounds like my ex wife. Also called the police on me when I went round to say good bye to the kids she had banned me from taking on holiday "because of my mental health". I said "that's fine. I'll wait here and chat to them in person".

Ironically, she punched me in the face a few times and threw crockery at me during rows. Yet I was the abusive one...

Illustrious_Cut_1839 · 2023-08-05T10:30:08+00:00

People go to therapy because they are unhappy and need to learn about themselves. Once they learn why they behave or tolerate certain things in relationships they make mindset changes. If they are unhappy, and conclude that their partner will not evolve with them, they end relationships.

Retying3043 · 2023-08-05T15:31:27+00:00

Unrestrained female nature.

Female Nature 101: - Briffault’s Law - She was never yours, it was only your turn - Genuine desire can not be negotiated. Negotiated desire only leads to obligated compliance. Obligated compliance only ever leads to resentment. - Alpha fucks, Beta bucks.

We used to have restraints on the aforementioned, such as religion and social shaming/stigma. Currently, the church is more focused on giving people (women) a “fresh start”, rather than holding them accountable for their poor choices and bad behavior. Socially, we used to have at-fault divorce, shaming for promiscuous behavior and pregnancy out of wedlock, divorce was seen as a negative social status, among other things. These restraints are no longer present, and female nature has been allowed to fully express itself.

Check out: “Dutch Divorce Rate Skyrockets In Response To Alimony Reform” by Thinking Ape on YouTube.

Social media

Women are hive-minded. If her friends are doing something, then she needs to be doing it too. We have all seen it. Friends vacation somewhere, she has to vacation there too. Friends wear certain clothes, she has to buy the same clothes. Friends eat certain food, live in a specific neighborhood, watch a television show, put kids in certain activities, etc. Specifically related to divorce: a woman who has friend(s) who divorce is significantly more likely to get a divorce. Women have literally zero consideration beyond “are my friends doing it?” when making decisions.

Social media has allowed the hive mind to rapidly propagate. A woman can watch a video of another woman spreading her propaganda, read the comments section, and be completely assimilated. The influence of the female collective is much stronger than any other influence. They will always be loyal to the group before anything else.

MoodyMusical · 2023-08-06T04:06:14+00:00

Nobody wants to reflect on themselves. It's much easier to blame someone else. Cries of abuse are the ultimate way to avoid personal responsibility.

Also there's nothing wrong with therapy and it's pretty shitty you insinuate there is. It is definitely something to be proud of.

Chance_Refrigerator7 · 2023-08-05T15:11:15+00:00

Is it because she started to see patterns where you thought she would stay blind?

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-08-05T16:46:05+00:00

Divorce/custody battle turns everyone in armchair psychologists.

berniefl44 · 2023-08-05T21:39:30+00:00

Yea, I told mine I’m sorry if I ever acted like a narcissist and she told me it’s not an act “you are one” lol

matthewcoy · 2023-08-05T23:02:52+00:00

If you make it hard or difficult for them to cheat you will be labeled as toxic, controlling, or abusive

Title	My stbx called me a narcissist during our separation
Author	ww3historian
Upvotes	50
Comments	88
Date	August 5, 2023 5:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15inbxb/my_stbx_called_me_a_narcissist_during_our/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-stbx-called-me-a-narcissist-during-our.1230237 https://theredarchive.com/post/1230237

Comments