I hate dating as a man

StopMissingExes · 2022-05-08T19:27:59+00:00

According to the book Models by Mark Manson, I see you can do two things better:

You should be less invested vs how much the women you are dating are invested.
No need to be perfect, find comfort in your vulnerabilities. Be open about them. Please understand that being vulnerable doesn't mean you cry in some corner, that is surrending. It implies you are unapologetic about your thoughts and don't change to please the folks around you.

Rn, you are just performing. Performance will attract performance. We need to be confident to attract confident folks around us, which is a really difficult task that will take lot's of efforts. But we must keep on trying to reach there. I want to be there as well.

Rn, if you feel the woman has lost interest. Let it be. It is her loss. Move on to the next person.

USCGReady · 2022-05-08T18:56:56+00:00

It gets tiring having to be perfect every second of every interaction with a girl fr

boredjamaican · 2022-05-08T20:14:51+00:00

Stop chasing women who don't want you if she can't meet you halfway then she's clearly not interested so move on.

DontTakePeopleSrsly · 2022-05-08T19:13:27+00:00

Just think of it as filtering out toxic b¡tches. Eventually you’ll find a decent one.

4566557557 · 2022-05-08T20:39:44+00:00

Stop chasing women who obviously have no interest or aren’t picking up any slack on their end. You’ll know when someone is interested as they will make an effort to try to meet up with you and speak with you.

Extra-Boysenberry · 2022-05-08T19:19:22+00:00

200 plus matches? It’s more like a 1000

HomeschoolProm · 2022-05-08T21:07:48+00:00

I’m the same way mentally atm, I talk to a few girls but then turns out they are in relationships. I got dumped back in Dec and I suspect cheating but can’t prove it, meanwhile i see how easy it is for a girl to get a guy versus the other way around. Honestly I feel like I’m losing motivation in general bc I feel like the only way to see a result is to stop and lower my standards to none

Tgyuu · 2022-05-08T21:20:59+00:00

At least you’re getting matches on those apps man, some of us aren’t even getting that despite tons of effort

noonewonone · 2022-05-08T19:36:23+00:00

It works both ways. A lot of other guys talk themselves out of dates. While you do have to standout, I find the bar is still relatively low out there.

Kirk_Falcon · 2022-05-08T19:38:42+00:00

That sounds miserable, which is why I don't usually suggest anyone do it.

Instead, go out, do things you love that both men and women participate in.
Anyone you meet there, you'll already have something in common. Too boot, if you're having a good time, you'll be the best version of yourself effortlessly.

Don't have hobbies? Start trying different things until you find what's fun.

TheMatrixMachine · 2022-05-08T19:39:01+00:00

You’re dating the wrong girls

electrisio · 2022-05-08T19:06:24+00:00

The conflict between the lizard brains need to reproduce and the trials and tribulation of dating is a low level form of mental torture (lol).

Also when it goes perfectly right and they ghost you anyway. The price we pay for dating 7s + and not being in the top 5-1% of men. If only I was this age 10 years ago.

Lon4reddit · 2022-05-08T20:21:52+00:00

Read Mark Manson

NilacTheGrim · 2022-05-08T21:00:51+00:00

Try being married. It sucks too for altogether different reasons. Either way we are doomed. Best have fun with dating now tho while you can. Maybe don't take it too seriously. Try random things. Once you are married that all ends.. and you look back fondly at all the dumb shit you did while single and all the dumb thoughts you had back then.

So .. enjoy this time!

leelbeach · 2022-05-08T21:20:18+00:00

Totally get what you mean man. I haven't been able to get a date in years as I feel like you have to be perfect in your entire interaction with them.

fewbar2021 · 2022-05-08T19:35:11+00:00

Best advice I can give is give it a rest for a sec. Yes, it can be tiring. But youre only successful if you enjoy doing that stuff and feel good about it. The better you feel, the better she will. And if not, she wasnt interested and you may have missed something. That happens to everyone, aint nothin to be embarrassed about. Just shrug and move on. If she texts you back like “why’d you ghost” just tell her why. Maybe she’ll get it. No harm no foul.

drunkcherries · 2022-05-08T20:48:10+00:00

It’s not that much better as a woman tbh. Just because we have more options doesn’t mean they are good options.

Modern dating sucks.

Queen_Aardvark · 2022-05-08T20:09:01+00:00

Sounds like a lot of emotional labor 🤔

PuroPincheGains · 2022-05-08T20:22:31+00:00

Well why are you having trxt conversations? You learned some keywords and thought that's all of seduction huh? Texting is for setting up logistics. Worry about being interesting on the date.

putcoolusernamehere · 2022-05-08T20:23:50+00:00

Yeah this has been getting to me a lot lately. When I was younger I embraced the challenge, but as I’m hitting my late 20s and the clock is ticking on my dating prime, it just gets absolutely emotionally exhausting to be constantly rejected, flaked on, ghosted after date 1, etc. almost happier alone than putting up with all that.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-05-08T20:59:23+00:00

Great post, and I think you summed it up pretty well. Now that you understand the game the next step is not to play it. Live your life for yourself and stop putting so much effort into the hunt.

MonthFragrant · 2022-05-08T21:36:56+00:00

That’s why I feel meeting women in real life is so important. There’s a lot more expressed in social interaction like body language, mannerisms etc. which, if you’re a relatively confident and down to earth person makes it a lot easier to stand out and create attraction

Justwatchinitallgoby · 2022-05-08T21:41:34+00:00

Yeah…but it’s nice to get laid. Especially on a first date. 🤗

Atibana · 2022-05-08T21:47:22+00:00

Although this is an unpopular opinion it’s just as bad for girls just differently. Impossible to find a guy who doesn’t want to just have sex, guys never wanting to label it etc. yes some women fool around too but not nearly as common.

Zenis · 2022-05-08T22:10:46+00:00

If you think “witty banter” is a chore you need to perform, and you claim that you’re putting forth boring conversations, it might make sense why you’re not having success.

Not saying that to be a dick, but if the initial part of dating seems like work to you rather than a process you enjoy, she will feel objectified—like you’re going through the motions just to fuck her (whether it’s true or not).

notLOL · 2022-05-08T22:13:01+00:00

Be busy. Save the wit for in person.

Reuse logistics that have worked. No need to keep being inventive

These-Calligrapher · 2022-05-08T22:37:43+00:00

Sounds you like you aren’t enjoying yourself during these interactions. I get being disappointed if things don’t work out. My advice is enjoy the process. Enjoy the dates and have fun with the girl. Don’t concern yourself with impressing her or saying the right things. Just have fun and entertain yourself. Include her in said fun and enjoy your time with her, independent of the outcome. In this way there is no heavy lifting. Just you enjoying life and letting someone else in on the enjoyment with you

2022-05-08T22:39:15+00:00

like a lot of people are saying; online dating just probably isn’t for you.

It’s not really for a lot of people, especially guys that aren’t in the top 5% of the demographic in their area’s vision of high attractiveness.

for most women it’s more like a game. they even swipe for eachother over wine lol it’s a community experience that most don’t even take seriously.

but that’s not a bad thing. It just means that you have to lean more into your interests and embrace “free association” ie: saying whats on your mind whenever you feel like it (within reason). any kind of hobby you’re into, don’t be afraid to hang out with interest groups, or volunteer, or even talk about them with your date if she’s not in those circles.

It’s ok to have pauses in the conversation. Remember, you’re not there to entertain her, no matter how much she might feel that way. You’re there to figure out if she’s someone you can connect with and if she isn’t, it’ll sting no matter how many times you’ve been rejected and that’s just part of the game.

That being said, you just gotta take some time to yourself, then get back on the horse when you feel ready.

ValyrianSigmaJedi · 2022-05-08T22:45:34+00:00

From my experience, if a woman doesn’t have genuine and organic desire for you from the beginning, there’s nothing you can say or do that will change that and if you do try to convince her to have desire for you, it’s going to backfire at some point.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-05-08T20:38:49+00:00

Stop with the self-victimization posts. This sub is supposed to be about being ballsy and taking control of your dating life. Wallowing in self-pity is the opposite of that and leads to even more misery. You’re not a victim. Everyone gets rejected. This idea that women are on a tower laughing down at you is not going to help in your success

TLu_03 · 2022-05-08T20:27:58+00:00

Gotta risk it to get the biscuit

originalgainster · 2022-05-08T20:08:57+00:00

Well, you can always turn to the bussy.

WindJammer27 · 2022-05-08T20:37:29+00:00

A couple of things...first, don't think that women have it any easier. She may have 200 matches, but 98% of those guys will end up being lame, and she's got to try and figure out which ones out of that group aren't. Then there are the ones where, if she tries to let him down gently, he's gonna get pissed off due to some weird sense of entitlement just because she matched with him/actually sent him one message. The process sucks for women too, just in a completely different way. Understanding why is a great way to provide an experience that won't suck for her.

I like planning dates, but maybe that's just me. It's fun thinking about stuff like location, atmosphere, and the menu.

And if you find yourself having to force the conversation or the date in general...just stop. A date is just as much you evaluating her as it is her evaluating you. If she isn't engaging you, if the conversation isn't fun, don't be afraid to walk away from it. If I'm on a date and conversation with her is like pulling teeth, I will end it early, thank her for her time, and be perfectly fine with never seeing her again.

Working_State_2521 · 2022-05-08T19:27:38+00:00

100% agreed. Dating is a joke and a waste of time

ihasagi2urdicc · 2022-05-08T20:15:40+00:00

thats our job as men i guess...

InfectionRx · 2022-05-08T21:01:25+00:00

LMAO same. i gave up on men dating as a gay man. then i eventually met this other dude and i think we might end up being boyfriends.

this goes for both men and women, i realized people whom are not okay being bored/doing nothing/etc in a relationship dont really last long. theres times where yea youll literally do nothing other than spending time with each other, laying in bed all day or watching netflix, etc and both parties have to be perfectly ok with it.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-05-08T21:03:14+00:00

You: “Hey i have to tell you something, i thought you look cute so i wanted to find out of your personality is cute too, my name is Tom…”
She: “Oh wow, thanks, My name’s Karla”
You: “Oh no, a Karla?… My mom warned me about girls named Karla”
She: Why?
You: “I don’t know… she told me they bite… Should i be scared you are gonna bite me”
She: Haha… Not for now! but we’ll see (she plays along)
You: “Oh, shit! I’m gonna pretend like my heart didn’t just go from 0 to 100 real quick”
She: Haha, nah I’m kidding.. I don’t really bite. I’m a nice girl”
You: “Nah, you look so evil, i bet your head twists around like the exorcist”
She: Haha, you ere exaggerating.
You: I know i’m just messing with you… I’m loving your sense of humour.
She: Thank you, but it’s because you are really funny.
You: “So… If you think i’m funny and I like your sense of humor… I guess now I need to know your zodiac sign?”
She: Oh haha, i’m libra and you?
You: No way!! I’m libra too…
She: Wow really? What a coincidence!
You: Yeah… Hey listen… Let’s just get married Karla! We are perfect for each other.
She: “Hahahaha, you are crazy.”
You: “Come on! We are Libra! I’m sure your friends will make great maids of honor”
She: “Oh for sure, they would love to be maids of honor”
You: “I tell you what, we get married in Las Vegas and then we fly off to the caribbean”
She: Ok but only because we are going to the caribbean”
You: You are my wife now, you better give good massages
Her: “Sorry, i suck at giving massages”
You: What?! And you say that now? I want a divorce
Her: “Wow, that was a short marriage”
You: As they say in my country: “Short and good, twice as good”

So basically this is how you could make a conversation fun and flirty, rather than making a boring job interview style conversation

There are books like this one that teach you how to be have better conversations, so you skip the interrogation mode and can build attraction through conversation.

themanbat · 2022-05-08T20:45:33+00:00

You could always try dating as a woman.

StereoFood · 2022-05-08T21:15:57+00:00

What do you mean? You just have to be yourself, wing it and let them see a goofy version of you until they realize you are lame af and go to the next dude that seems cool.

Let me guess, “then don’t be with that person.” Oh, ok. Just never get laid then. Siiiick. Let me guess, “life’s not about sex.” Right, because society doesnt value high body count. women don’t flock to players like flys to a lamp.

underrepairintx · 2022-05-08T21:18:34+00:00

I just wish they would legalize prostitution. I mean, if I have to pay for the date anyway rather not have to put my emotions out there as well.

princesssbrooklynn · 2022-05-08T22:15:51+00:00

Just say you need to work on your personality, it’s not hard if your yourself but it yourself is boring and not talkative- then your trying to be fake. it’s not fake planning, and should be enjoyable talking to someone your interested in

If your naturally witty- banter is not an act. stop being fake.

Andress1 · 2022-05-08T20:01:13+00:00

Then don't do it. Quit dating.

This sub is for people to discuss how to improve their chances at dating not to whine.

Woujo · 2022-05-08T21:07:39+00:00

You should retitle your post "I hate being a man."

Part of being a man is taking the lead and creating the emotional experience. If you don't like that, you should become gay and start dating guys.

I was just texting this woman from Hinge right now, and the conversation got kind of boring (mostly because of me).

Oh I get it. You are just whining because of you are not working to make your game better.

2022-05-08T20:51:40+00:00

Yes it sucks but venting will not accomplish anything.

Either improve your skills / life or throw in the towel is my suggestion.

Bryanvilla96 · 2022-05-08T21:04:00+00:00

Get off dating apps to begin with lol

Popular_Rush · 2022-05-08T21:33:14+00:00

200? HAH, more like 2000 plus matches

Deep-Advice7587 · 2022-05-08T21:41:18+00:00

Tbh if you don't enjoy dating and find it hard, why date in the first place? I don't think it's fair to just blame your gender for it.

maxwe11 · 2022-05-08T21:46:53+00:00

Sounds like you are taking this way too seriously. Shouldn't be that much stress to take someone out for a drink, chat, and see if there is any sort of connection there.

2022-05-08T22:22:31+00:00

Can you elaborate on the 1st point please? Like I should play it cool? Reply to her text after 2 days?

Effective_Elk_4719 · 2022-05-08T22:51:37+00:00

Dating apps suck for men unless you're in the 5% that women are actually swiping on. I've had way more success with cold approach. Not much we can do other than get our money and looks up as much as possible.

ResponsibilityKey427 · 2022-05-08T22:58:00+00:00

If you aren’t attractive please do not use dating apps for your sake.

Also cold approach is terrible.

samogdenart · 2022-05-09T02:11:21+00:00

Title	I hate dating as a man
Author	Everlast23
Upvotes	318
Comments	131
Date	May 8, 2022 6:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ul8dko/i_hate_dating_as_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-hate-dating-as-a-man.1260182 https://theredarchive.com/post/1260182

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