Is kino absolutely necessary?

wtfOP · 2012-10-09T18:12:47+00:00

Short answer: yes

It's a level of comfort/confidence that you show to women when you can touch them. If they're comfortable with your touch, then that's one step closer to more intimate activities. I mean, at some point you're going to have to touch them assuming you're trying to escalate. Why not start right off the bat?

TrippAdvice1 · 2012-10-09T18:17:53+00:00

Super important. Touch is one of the best ways to connect with somebody. They feel closer to you and you feel closer to them. Kino could be the make or break in getting her number and/or her responding to your initial call or text. It's tough at first to figure out but the more you practice you get the hang of it. Start with light touching and move on from there. Kino also keeps you out of the friend zone. It lets them know you're interested in them for more than just conversation.

LS_NickHoss · 2012-10-09T18:20:20+00:00

Touching is like this in my experience and years of teaching...

Think of touch like a non-verbal conversation. It "says" you want to be more than just friends, yet you're not verbalizing it so it doesn't kill sexual tension.

As you build more sexual tension, the girl gets more excited and this also creates "compliance," or in other words, you're the man leading and she is following that lead.

Now, if you're going for a same night lay, you're going to want lots of touch and you're going to want her to accept it readily because it she doesn't, she's much less likely to jump in bed with you. No hand-holding = no kissing = no baby making. Makes sense. Test for it early. If she's pulling away and not moving into you and accept the touch, she may not be a same night girl. SNLs are often about finding the particular girl who is down, and touch can help you to test for that.

If it's daytime, save your touching. Be more concerned about coming across as normal, not creepy and the most you'll want is a touch on the elbow. If you start "escalating" or whatever, you'll come on way too strong most times... and there really is no point since you're not taking her home off the street 99% of the time. Save it for the date; you have to remember you're a stranger stopping another stranger on the street, not the cool dude she expects to hit on her in the club.

Now, if you're playing high stakes, for all of the guys out there who get into high-end venues, you're going to rock a more social circle style with less touching. A lot of the sub-conversation and sexual stuff will be built in other ways (verbal subcommunications, pre-selection, etc.), but you can't walk into a meat packing district or London club the size of a tuna can on a tuesday night and start escalating like no tomorrow on these high-end girls because it comes off as tacky and slutty. They won't accept it like in a regular old club with sloppy-drunk college girls. It's just a little different game at that higher level.

Touch is huge and it subcommunicates a lot of the right things when done properly since most guys not into this stuff don't do it. You just have to do it properly. If you're getting mild attraction in clubs but you aren't getting any further, and if you feel you aren't touching enough, that could definitely be a key missing piece for you.

10khours · 2012-10-09T18:44:57+00:00

Dude. I'm assuming that you are a normal human male and thus you desire to (eventually) have sex with the women you are meeting. You cannot have sex with a woman without touching her. How the hell are you going to have sex, or even make out with a women if you can't even touch her shoulder!

Not to mention, touch is the primary difference between a platonic and an intimate relationship. If you never touch a girl, she will never consider anything more than a friend.

Yeh it might be awkward the first few times you do it. But that goes for any skill in life. The first time you ride a bike, you sucked at it. But you kept doing it, and now its easy. You've got eye contact, that's the first step. Next, try lightly touching a girls arm when you are talking to them, or get in close and touch your leg with hers.

And don't decide for the women what is going to be awkward for her. Do it and see her response. It's extremely obvious if it's making her uncomfortable.

jw255 · 2012-10-09T23:32:28+00:00

Think of it like this...you can't go from zero touching to erect penis in vagina. That would be rape. There has to be something in between.

This is the main thing that puts you into the sexual category in the girl's mind. If you don't do this, you are quickly categorized as a friend or a low confidence loser and blown off. How do you think a lot of us can make out with girls who are complete strangers within seconds? Fucking direct approaches, clear intent, eye contact, sexual frame, touching, and proximity. Just you being in front of the girl, holding her by the small of her back, and looking into her eyes will make her want to kiss you. I've made out with random girls within 10 seconds doing this. I've even seen chode male friends jaws drop when I do something within seconds that they have never done...and who knows...maybe they spent months or years "hanging out" with the girl so that one day they could do the same.

Don't be a fucking chode. Man up. If you are attracted to a girl, you should naturally WANT to touch her. This shouldn't even be a conscious thought. She should turn you on in such a way that you, as a man, have this intense desire to be with her. Fuck social conditioning. Strip away all that bullshit. I live in Ontario and in the stuck up city of Ottawa. Who cares what these boring conservative motherfuckers think. Girls want to be touched. They want sex. They want it bad. It's natural.

tyty333 · 2012-10-09T20:51:45+00:00

Yes. This is something that I've discovered, and comparing times where I've kino'd versus times where I haven't, the kino has yielded far better results. Kino establishes that this isn't just two like-minded people hanging out; it's a man and a woman familiarizing themselves with each other in preparation for something else.

When you think about it, people go through large stretches of their daily lives where they don't touch anybody. So, when someone has that connection with them where they can comfortably touch each other, then it's a much more intimate and familiar interaction.

Captain_Bassdaddy · 2012-10-09T20:16:40+00:00

Tip from someone who used to freak out at any kind of touching from anyone. Just touch everyone, shake their hands, touch their shoulder/arm whenever you're walking away. Not just girls you're attracted to, all girls and guys. It just makes it more natural so that when it comes down to it the normal thing to do is touch the person instead of thinking 'oh, I have to touch her so she'll become more comfortable'.

Canei · 2012-10-09T21:15:54+00:00

Are you getting the point of all this?

KeroKeroKeroppi · 2012-10-09T19:18:05+00:00

Yes of course. If you really break it down then its the ONLY thing that's neccessary

taranasus · 2012-10-09T19:14:05+00:00

From what I gathered so far, seduction is not applying all techniques, but taking the ones you like and understand and applying them in such a way that it works for you.

For example it is recommended that you do little games to entertain the girl. I can't do that, I'm terrible at it and I don't even like to do it. I have so much interesting stuff to talk about why would I even bother. I also like kino, I like touching people and by learning a few kino tips I can do it without being wired.

Basically, take what works for you and apply it to your own stile.

FittersGuy · 2012-10-09T22:05:10+00:00

Contrary to popular belief in here, no it is not absolutely necessary. Eventually yes, you are going to want to touch her and touching her is kind of a requirement eventually.

In my opinion, it just makes things much easier. I've had many success stories without using kino at all, it's actually how I prefer to do things.

Always remember that advice and upvotes in here are done mostly by people who have done nothing but read about pickup and they think you have to do everything by the book.

Always remember there are many different ways to go about doing the same thing (ie picking up girls).

NoAttentionAtWrk · 2012-10-09T18:50:39+00:00

maybe you are a little physically hyper-sensitive to touch like I was. Essentially you are not broken or anything but it makes you always on the alert (if someone is touching you) and you tend to avoid touching others. there are other things like labels and some type of cloth which you cannot wear cos they distract you.

Kino is a big challenge. Kino is a must and it really helps your game! you can go on without it but u'll be missing something important.

I am struggling with my own hyper-sensitivity issues but I tried making sure i use kino. I have so far gone from "awkward" touching to "sometimes slightly uncomfortable".

ieatjellyfish · 2012-10-09T19:59:31+00:00

eablokker · 2012-10-09T20:49:31+00:00

Yes it is absolutely necessary to touch the person you want to be intimate with. That feeling of awkwardness and uncomfortableness when you touch someone is called intimacy. You can't get to being completely naked with them unless you both can become more comfortable being intimate with each other. That's what kino is for, the feeling uncomfortable and awkward when you do it means you're doing it right.

A great thing for you would be to take a ballroom dancing class, or other dance class with boy/girl partners. You have to touch lots of different women and move them around in a short period of time and you become more comfortable with feeling uncomfortable touching women.

Nabert · 2012-10-09T21:12:28+00:00

Kino is super important. You've got to touch the girl eventually, and you've got to make her comfortable with you touching her.

You don't go up and start hugging/groping random strangers, but it's not that out of place to put a hand on someone's shoulder if you're talking, or on their back if you're leading them somewhere, or even a high five if they do something cool. You can start with innocent kino like high fives or handshakes and stuff and make your way to more sexual ones as you progress.

It all boils down to showing that you have confidence in who you are. Touching is a vital part of communication between people. Friends do it, lovers do it, family does it, acquaintances do it. There's no reason not to engage in kino. It's part of what makes us human.

VoyPerdiendo · 2012-10-09T22:12:48+00:00

There is something you have to understand about kino. You don't kino just girls you wanna bag. You kino everyone. You kino your parents, siblings, friends, random people, ... Kino is a natural part of human interaction. Try to focus on kino from a social aspect, not seduction. You may have better results that way.

With time, kino will become natural to you, you won't even have to think about it.

2012-10-09T22:38:51+00:00

I used to be just like you man. Actually, no, I was way worse.

I had a pretty strong aversion to physical contact in general from people I wasn't familiar with. The problem is, that isn't normal, people touch each other, it's a sign of familiarity and intimacy between friends. We just grow up in an uptight society that teaches us that we need to be fucking gentlemen and keep our hands to ourselves, and it's kinda fucked up.

Here's how you can fix that, you need to reteach yourself how to kino. Start simple, there are a lot of guides which will talk about the levels of kino, but here's something you can use now.

Handshake>touching arm>touching back>arm over shoulder while sitting>holding hands

Those range from barely intimate/breaking the barrier, to being in the zone (personally I've never not K-closed with a girl that I've managed to hold hands with or sat down with and put my arm around her). If you can get used to doing the first few, eventually it will feel natural, and you will notice how much it improves all your social interactions and helps you close.

rmbarnes · 2012-10-10T00:28:13+00:00

Well to some extent it's vital because kino is touching and having sex with a girl involves touching her. Sounds fairly obvious, but some many guys focus on the verbals and do need to remember sex is a physical thing!

To other extents no. Like the whole thing of gradual escalation steps as per the dicarlo escalation ladder doesn't seem that important. I think you can go from basically just chatting in bad with no kino than back to yours and fuck her straight away with no slow steady escalation between.

To be honest the whole kino escalation thing seems to be more for guys than for the girls. It lets guys feel comfortable being physical because they slowly add more intimate kino, and when each stage isn't rejected they know they can move onto the next stage.

fartuckyfartbandit · 2012-10-10T00:36:50+00:00

Kino is important. But when you do it and how much of it you do is situational and there are varying degrees of application. I'm Canadian, I also pull women in Toronto all the time on business trips, and I recognize some of the modern frigidity you've encountered and lack of touching--it's not 'normal' and thus we try and wander away from it, and that's fine. Lots of relationships start with minimal or maybe even no kino. The thing about Kino is, it's like gasoline to the love fire, it escalates things very quickly and that is why it's considered so important in the pickup community because it establishes a physical rapport right away and allows you to move on to 'better things' rather quickly. In and out. This works great for bars or nightclubs where there is a feeling in the air that people just want some fuck, however when you pass a girl on the street, and she's got her guard up or not thinking about sex or anything like that, you need to be a bit slower and not as prominent with your kino attacks--hand shakes are perfectly fine openers. Do what you think feels right. Again it helps and its necessary, and all people Kino, but not all people come out guns a blazing, hand on the small of a girls back, pushed up against your dick and chest that I think you might fear.

ericishere · 2012-10-10T01:27:45+00:00

Absolutely.

AstroPhysician · 2012-10-10T02:18:04+00:00

2nd_class_citizen · 2012-10-10T02:30:13+00:00

For a newbie? Absolutely yes. Since your eventual goal is to fuck, the level of physical contact needs to be ramped up smoothly.

funkmasterfelix · 2012-10-10T03:46:14+00:00

yep. get to work

Stephen-Stills · 2012-10-10T04:48:10+00:00

How do you expect to kiss or girl, or have sex with her, or do ANYTHING if you can't simply touch her in a nonsexual way? Do you think all of a sudden she will just be fine with going from no physical contact to a lot of physical contact!?

2012-10-10T08:13:14+00:00

I think we would all agree here that sexual intimacy is (one) of the ultimate goals in pickup. It is also widely accepted that in order to have sexual intimacy, you have to physically touch the other person.

The Dicarlo Escalation Ladder

Check the sidebar.

leodoestheopposite · 2012-10-11T21:27:12+00:00

Depends. Do you just want to talk.. no. BUT, if at some point in time you want to find yourself naked in the same room with this girl doing some horizontal cardio... well, science states that it's impossible to go from just talking to nakedness without some escalation of some kind, therefore do a graph: on the left bottom side there's you and her shaking hands (socially acceptable touching between semi-strangers), on the top right side there's penetration (the ultimate form of touching), draw a line and you'll see that it's a uphill slope, it starts with light touching... escalates to more touching... etc.. that's kino for you.

Couple that with escalating flirting, from I noticed you.... to oh babe you look good as you ride me as if I was Seabiscuit... and you've got a roadmap of some sort.

benkulbertis · 2012-10-09T18:39:02+00:00

In my experience kino is really important. It creates a greater level of contact through touch that conversation can't reach. When you do this with a girl you've already been flirting with it can definitely help you escalate sexual tension. Knowing when its alright to make kino without it being weird takes a little practice, but is ultimately isn't that hard with a little experience. Just look up some kino advice on this subreddit and get out there and try it, its all you can do.

mctheebs · 2012-10-09T21:51:41+00:00

Kino is incredibly important.

Kino is the difference between being friendzoned and getting laid.

You have to break that barrier early on: a touch on the arm, a nudge with an elbow, something. You have to get them comfortable with the idea of letting you touch them.

Otherwise, how are they gonna know that you're interested in touching them in more intimate ways?

goaliebw · 2012-10-09T19:11:23+00:00

is kino really a must to be able to pick up?

This should be your question. "Is kino really a must to be able to build a connection?" You're not picking up, your building a connection which may lead to some fun later. and yes, yes it is.

thatunknownfamousguy · 2012-10-09T20:32:17+00:00

Yes I find it very necessary. Over the past couple of weeks I have being focusing on kino, and it works wonders. You just gotta start off light, hand on the leg or even your legs touching, any kinda of contact. Then work your way up from there

texture · 2012-10-09T21:14:36+00:00

Yes.

silverkiller · 2012-10-09T21:27:21+00:00

If you're not kino-ing, you're just being a stand up comedian.

TheDisillusionist · 2012-10-09T21:37:44+00:00

Are you asking if it's possible to go from hello to fucking someone without touching?

Probably not.

2012-10-09T21:58:12+00:00

Absolutely. I go in to touch, hug, or even kiss a girl on the cheek and gauge her reaction through that. For example, there is this girl that I am into, and when I get the chance I try to give her a hug, or even touch her hand and arm. Because she is only half-receptive to it, I know that I cannot escalate things as she is not fully receptive to physical contact with me, therefore slightly uncomfortable to be in that type situation and relationship with me.

lookiamapollo · 2012-10-09T22:04:45+00:00

Ponzzz · 2012-10-09T22:08:34+00:00

Kind of. Think of basic interaction with the opposite sex, there's a certain level of comfort that kino brings to the other person, especially with women. Once the woman is comfortable, she'll open up to you way more. A woman thats comfortable is also far easier to talk/joke/flirt with as well. I find the approach to be the hardest part, the conversation will happen so just let that happen.

Murphs_Law · 2012-10-09T22:29:35+00:00

Well there was a guy in college with me who was christened Touchy Feely Nat (or TFN), who had a real problem with touching women classmates once he had started a conversation with them. As a result of this I'm extremely self conscious of how often I touch women incase it comes off as creepy

ghlibisk · 2012-10-09T23:07:49+00:00

If you want to fuck a girl, she better be ok with more than a handshake from you.

2012-10-09T23:28:01+00:00

You should hesitate to think in absolute terms because it will affect your perspective on what needs to be done in any given situation. Most situations in life are fluid so if you think - "I must always kino," you will be in for some awkward situations at some point. But generally, yes kino is a very big positive in any situation with a girl. To understand why, it is important to understand the essence of a woman's sexual biology/psychology. So what is this exactly?

Females in a vast majority of species have evolved having to consider a profound principle when deciding on a mate - the fact that they can become pregnant. They have a finite number of resources to expend (eggs + time spent pregnant) compared to a male so what attracts females is much different than what attracts males. Males will look almost primarily at factors that demonstrate genetic health; aka looks. Females on the other hand have to consider the well-being of the offspring and the ability of the male to "protect" and support. What this has meant to me is that attraction from a female --> male is entirely subjective and dependent on your behavior rather than your looks.

These thought processes have been smoldering in the evolutionary smega for eons. Simply put, women want a man who can demonstrate confidence, comfort with physical interaction, and dominance. Kino transmits these traits in the most tacit way possible, and fires off signals in her brain that are not consciously controlled - it simply turns her on.

2012-10-10T00:31:02+00:00

It'd be kind of weird trying to have sex without touching her. But you can always try.

Reinheardt · 2012-10-10T01:41:14+00:00

Find out if kino is necessary on your own

ChikenArmy · 2012-10-10T15:38:01+00:00

Its everything if you want to get on her. Just start small and build it up

dave-gonzo · 2012-10-10T21:18:06+00:00

How are you going to have sex with her. If tou don't touch her?

Jamesvalencia · 2012-10-09T23:49:29+00:00

Nope, never needed it.

2012-10-09T21:25:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Is kino absolutely necessary?
Author	tyty333
Upvotes	124
Comments	137
Date	October 9, 2012 5:58 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/117g24/is_kino_absolutely_necessary/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-kino-absolutely-necessary.1340878 https://theredarchive.com/post/1340878

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