There are many benefits to having kids early and people who wait as long as possible are shooting themselves in the foot.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-03-17T10:39:37+00:00

The reason it’s seen as “too young” is because most people that age can’t afford themselves at that age let alone a kid. Most young adults struggle to get decent jobs, houses and healthcare (needed for child birth and pre/post natal care) are unaffordable, they don’t have a decent emergency fund saved or a nice retirement plan started. In short they don’t have their ducks in a row. Telling people who don’t have their life together to have kids just because they’re in their biological prime is unwise. No resources no babies. Perhaps the economy needs to be fixed before we try to shame others into breeding.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-03-17T11:46:37+00:00

Clearly, the solution to be as safe as possible from a medical standpoint is to have kids when both parents are mid to late 20s.

No? Clearly the best solution is to have kids when you are ready and able to support them.

You're not going to scare people into having kids younger.

relish5k · 2024-03-17T13:24:02+00:00

Benefits to having children at 33 and 35:

I really enjoyed my youth. My husband and I traveled, had lazy Sundays, built our careers, and enjoyed being young and free of responsibility
we can pay for our kids to be in childcare without compromising our lifestyle too much. I’m able to work less without compromising our lifestyle too much.

Cons:

might limit our family size. Not sure if I’m really up for a third pregnancy at 38
being sleep deprived in your mid 30s sucks

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-17T12:23:00+00:00

My in laws had my fiancé at 20 and 22, my grandparents had my mum at 19 and 20. In both cases, they would rather have waited if they had the choice, and their children would rather have had parents who were a bit older if they could choose. They had issues with not feeling like they really had time to find themselves and only really getting a chance at that in their forties (my granny desperately wanted to see the world and didn'tget the opportunity until she was nearing sixty), stunted careers and financial difficulties (my fiancé had to pay for his own university with no help), and unstable living situations when their children were young (my mum even had to live with her grandparents for a time). I'd certainly recommend putting off having children until you're at least stable and have a clue of where you are. There is no problem whatsoever with having a child at thirty, it's completely healthy and you can expect to see your grandchildren grow up if your children make the same choice.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-03-17T10:30:19+00:00

Having kids early in this economy is shooting yourself in the foot.

Having kids late is shooting their feet.

Pick your poison.

Novel-Tip-7570 · 2024-03-17T10:39:46+00:00

The “benefits” of having children full stop are debatable, but aside from the fact that you’ll waste the best years of your life playing house, unless you yourself have wealthy parents, having a child in your 20s is self-inflicted financial suicide, and a child who you forced to grow up on the breadline by choice is unlikely to thank you for it.

If you must have a child, do it in your 30s, and only then if you’re in a financial position to properly take care of it.

RubyDiscus · 2024-03-17T13:35:13+00:00

It's far better to focus on looking after yourself and on career before having kids.

You don't want to have kids when you are in a low paying job or just feel like you haven't got enough to support kids.

Everyone I know who had kids early is struggling in some way or another. Be it financially or with too much responsibilities (or hating their life now) which ends up holding back career or stunting it.

The benifits you listed, some aren't even that great. I had less energy in my 20s than now because I had untreated subclinical hypothyroidism.

1) You'll be a young grandparent too.

Not really a benifit.

2) You'll still be there for your child even if they're in their 40s and 50s.

I'll still be there for them then.

4) Fewer chances of autism and other disorders.

Autism is chance to be inherited from parents who already have it and not as much from old sperm or old eggs. The chances of disorders due to older eggs or sperm is negligible and if you are so worried you can use donor sperm

RinoaRita · 2024-03-17T12:15:07+00:00

We had to wait until 35/32 until we were financially stable enough for kids. Student loans paid down, approved for a mortgage etc. If we could have had that stability 5 years earlier sure but there’s no way we could have afforded kids without bringing them into poverty.

Champagne_george99 · 2024-03-17T14:51:55+00:00

Your social life will die, any hopes of saving will be gone and you will downgrade your life significantly unless you find a better job, that is if you already have the means to have a kid which a lot of people don’t. You will age a lot quicker not only to the process of having a baby itself (for women) but the constant stress and anxiety you will experience as a young dad, I went from looking like a 25 year old to a 35 year old in the span of a couple of years.

Been there, done that. Did things worked out in the end for me? Sure… with an immense sacrifice. I wished I had traveled more, I wished I could’ve enjoyed my life a little more. I love my kids to death, they were a blessing but what I am trying to say is you shouldn’t really be encouraging people to have kids when they are not ready.

Flaky-Ad-1499 · 2024-03-17T15:09:02+00:00

This post is so out of touch with current economic realities lmfao. Outside of fields like tech/finance/maybe trades, many people are simply not financially stable enough to have children in their mid to late 20s. Thinking about housing prices and daycare priced, plus everything else.

apresonly · 2024-03-17T16:11:37+00:00

it sounds like not having kids at all has even more benefits than this.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-03-17T12:25:04+00:00

i dont see why its anyones business

Ok-Map-7596 · 2024-03-17T11:01:17+00:00

The benefits are ending up as a broke single mother if you're a woman. Statistically speaking. If a woman wants to avoid this fate it's in her best interest to delay motherhood until she's financially stable and with an education. Usually this will be in her early to mid 30's.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-03-17T11:15:30+00:00

I did both first at 20 last at 36

There have been pros and cons to each of course, but I am a much better parents older than I was younger.

It’s something I have spoken to my older children about. I have apologised to them for not being as good of a mother as I could of been

It’s such a personal choice and has very little to do with anyone else

badgersonice · 2024-03-17T14:03:00+00:00

Clearly, the solution to be as safe as possible from a medical standpoint is to have kids when both parents are mid to late 20s.

Ok sure.

But I didn’t even have a stable life partner ready to be a father at that age. Hell, I didn’t even have any reasonable dating prospects in my young 20s. It would have been deeply stupid for me to have one-night-stands with whatever guys just so I could follow your advice.

Women who wait until their late 30s are usually making decisions based on their own life circumstances, not based on trying to fit some ideal life path.

I’d much rather have my kids old and in a stable married relationship like I did than follow your advice and take the only route for young motherhood that was available to me when I was young: single motherhood.

Frdxhds · 2024-03-17T14:32:49+00:00

Reason against: less time to enjoy your childfree life when you still have lots of energy. Kids are a huge obstacle for your ability to travel and enjoy hobbies

thedarkracer · 2024-03-17T10:34:57+00:00

Also, most people don't develop mentally or are financially stable until after 25 or 30 respectively. You really want someone to become parents in that age gap? And in this economy? Have you seen people with multiple kids or even one? Their life is hell in early years and not to mention you have an extra member to care for who can't take care of themselves and require 24/7 attention. Best to do when you can handle the mental load and are financially stable which is not in your 20s.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2024-03-17T12:53:48+00:00

Late 20s might be the sweet spot, and I’m not just saying that because I’m in my late 20s. Where I live a lot of people are established in their careers by that point, have been married for at least a few years, and might own a house or at least not a tiny apartment.

hearyoume14 · 2024-03-17T13:03:12+00:00

I will say that all of my relatives who had/adopted kids in their 30s and 40s wish they had them in them earlier.

What is realistic in this economy and what is optimal are two different things. The first 3 years of a child’s life are some of the most important ones. It’s essential that they have a constant and consistent caregiver that can give them individualized attention.When that doesn’t happen attachment issues form. Kids don’t stop parallel play until 4 anyway.

littlestircrazy · 2024-03-17T13:40:44+00:00

I think people bring up good points in general as to why people plan to have kids later.

There are a lot of reasons why people want to have kids in their 20s, but didn't.

I had the man and the plan...I wanted to start our family at 28. He changed his mind. I didn't find another man until 31, we are getting married this year at 33, and immediately trying for kids. It isn't my ideal situation, but it's what I got dealt.

In fact, a lot of my friends wanted to be settled with kids around their late 30s. We were all financially secure, so that wasn't the issue as is being brought up by most here. But it isn't just our luck to have it happen. Whether because we didn't have a guy who was ready, a guy at all, or because we struggled to get or stay pregnant, our 20s passed us by before we got there.

Many of my friends have had healthy babies in their early 30s, or have adopted at this point. And it's been fine and great.

The choice to have kids later is definitely becoming more common, but there are also many of us who would've chosen earlier but didnt ger that choice. A lot of times because men themselves are choosing to wait.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-03-17T14:53:07+00:00

No thanks. Childfree and happy.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-03-17T15:09:19+00:00

25 is young. It's hardly in the place financially to have kids.

Having kids at 30-35 isn't much different than 25. At least by 30, you're a bit more financially and mentally prepared.

Having kids isn't a walk in the park. People should have them when they are most prepared. Which likely isn't 25 or younger.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-03-17T16:42:11+00:00

There are many benefits to having kids but there are also plenty of negatives. Kids are expensive, stress inducing, and you probably should be able to give them a certain level of stability that a lot of young (and not so young) people can't really provide. My husband and I are 31/32, and as much as we'd like to have a kid, we're renting and don't know when we might have to start looking for a new place. I'm looking for work, he's got another year and a half till he gets his red seal and while things are fine for us as they are, a kid would royally fuck us over. We're not going to have a kid in a not-so-great position just because it might be beneficial to us when we're 70.

kayceeplusplus · 2024-03-17T17:20:45+00:00

I’m glad my parents are old lmao

Charming_Parking_302 · 2024-03-17T17:33:12+00:00

If you are lucky enough to have found a good partner, bought a house and have an etablished career so you can afford childcare in your 20s CONGRATULATIONS HAVE A KID. But for most ppl that's unlikely

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BlueMountainDace · 2024-03-17T14:00:29+00:00

If you somehow manage to either live in LCOL or have a really high income in your 20s, then I guess go for it.

Most young people live in HCOL and have low income in their 20, so it isn’t a good idea to have a kid early.

While you’re right, you’re never fully ready to have a kid, you still shouldn’t be wholly unprepared either. Being financially stable in your context should be table stakes because kids cost lots of money.

So, sure, a really slim population of people could successfully young, most can’t and shouldn’t

GlobeUnited · 2024-03-17T15:00:21+00:00

Grandparents more likely to be alive and active is another one.

Safinated · 2024-03-17T15:42:21+00:00

And there are many benefits to having them late as well

And I find them more compelling

Chapter 1, money…..

Longjumping_Gur247 · 2024-03-17T15:54:00+00:00

We got married when I was 24 he was 27. But we didn’t have kids till I was 34 and then 37. We spent the first ten years traveling the world, living abroad and having lots of fun while working and studying. Many younger parents resent not being able to do that if they have kids younger. In theory they can do that after the kids leave HS (if they have the funds, time off saved, and health) but the they would have missed out on the adventures when they were young and hot. I think what we did is perfect because when they do go to college we will be able to travel again and not be too old (and have a lot more $ then if we had started earlier). Also contrary to media, for the majority of women they will not have problems having and conceiving in their 30s.

Fast-Event6379 · 2024-03-17T16:21:07+00:00

Wayyy too much interfamily abuse on my end pal - got abused my entire life. Hell no it's not - I'm ending this spiral of breaking people because parents have weak pullout game, an additional person gets created and the parents refuse to see them as a peer and live over them. NOPE - never ever creating this again.

Oli_love90 · 2024-03-17T16:51:11+00:00

Some people probably wanted to have kids early but didn’t find their significant other when they were younger. Maybe they were together in their 20s but not financially stable. How do you propose fixing these issues so that people have kids earlier?

We all know the downsides of having kids later, people are not willingly saying “you can easily have kids at 38” they’re saying “its still a possibility if you really want children”

GojosLowerHalf3 · 2024-03-17T17:03:50+00:00

The only benefit I see is maybe the fourth one

Dagenius1 · 2024-03-17T18:32:09+00:00

Just responding to the title of this post to say that it is 100% correct.

Assuming you know you want kids, do not put them off as long as possible. You are hurting your chances of ever having them as well as robbing yourself of that experience of growing with your kids a little bit. You absolutely should aim to have them in your mid 20s..ideally 2 in that period. Everyone has a better chance at a healthy outcome if doing that.

If you’re 25, don’t have kids and want them…take a moment today and ask yourself what the path to having a child looks like from here. Maybe some of you are on the right path with a partner that wants children as well. Great. Some of you might be on the wrong path and this would be a time for you to get on that and make the right and necessary moves.

Kids are an all or nothing proposition. You will wake up at 50 and either you had them or you didn’t. There is nothing that replaces them or will fill that desire inside of you. Make having them a higher priority in life.

If you are choosing to be child free, no problem. I respect your choice.

operajunkie · 2024-03-17T20:21:05+00:00

Would rather have a baby with my last egg than when I’m financially, emotionally and practically unstable. Easy choice.

throwaway316stunner · 2024-03-19T17:31:48+00:00

Having kids?!

Man, at 33, I’m trying to just find someone who’s genuinely interested in me first.

AnnoKano · 2024-03-17T11:43:51+00:00

You are missing the elephant in the room OP, the fact that having kids at 25 is not economically feasible for most people, especially those who attend higher education.

I was looking after kids at that age as an assistant in an after school club (well actually I was a bit younger) and at the time felt I definitely had enough energy to be looking after kids. I was also making a few dollars an hour and was living paycheck to paycheck. Now I'm working in a decent paying job and can keep myself and my partner afloat, but until she starts working we simply can't afford to have kids.

ThisTimeForRealYo · 2024-03-17T11:04:19+00:00

Just don’t have kids at all. Easy peasy

Something-bothersome · 2024-03-17T11:11:09+00:00

If only it was just a medical consideration right? How nice that would be.

lle-ell · 2024-03-17T11:18:55+00:00

Sure, but unless you either have rich parents or are okay with you and your family being poor, it’s unwise to have children in your 20s. Also, the difference in maturity between a 22 y/o and a 32 y/o is quite significant.

tadL · 2024-03-17T13:48:52+00:00

Honestly that's just scares and selfishness. You want to consume like stupid.

Afford...money ... I was able to feed 2 kids and a demanding ex with 100 euros a month in our weakest time. Our kitchen was full of food. Always and ice cream too. Kids had cloth and we had a home. Now I am single parent father and not rich but we have all we need and doing luxury things like spending 100 euro on Saturday to visit that eat there. Not a problem

You don't need a 1k phone or a 50 bugs monthly mobile plan nonsense. You don't need a big TV and netflix and other garbage. Sit down with a board game like I do. It's way more fun. Read books. My kids love when I do that. They demand it. Play with toys. Some matchbox cars and a free paper box from retail and build a cool new secret base and enjoy the fantasy of your kids. Go out with a ball. That's cheap as hell but gives so much joy. Buy cheap used old bikes and drive around.

Stop making excuses. The idiots don't wait to reproduce. And they already start to take over. Schools are a mess because their kids are lazy as fuck. Playing video games all day. And the parents sit on Instagram and the other garbage. That's not good for you and the children.

You are seeing where it's going right now.

But you have to stop being selfish and just think about yourself. The kids don't care if they eat sushi and fancy shit or just spaghetti with tomatoes sauce. And all parents know they prefer that cheap dish anyway. They don't care if you go to a 5 star hotel or a cheap camping trip. They love to be with you. So stop spending time behind your damn phones. (And before people ask I am now sitting and waiting to bring my kids home from their forced weekend with the mother)

Scale down your needs. The earlier you have kids the faster they are gone and your burden is over. Imagine you are 40. Kids are 20 and out. Now you have all the freedom in the world. Build wealth go on vacations where you want. And know that with 70 you will have a birthday and all your children and grandchildren will come and love you. They will not ask if you made 6 figures and all that bullshit. And when your grand kids are born you can even spend time with them because you are not fucking 80 and useless.

All problems you have is because you think you have to consume. That's all most of you care. You all are running around like free billboards. You pay to advertise the company for free. Fucking stupid. Stop wasting money.

Elixier_55555 · 2024-03-17T11:14:46+00:00

The only reason l was able to legally adopt a child as a single woman in my early twenties, it was because l was financially stable...Yes, other things helped, but money was the major factor... My finances were checked and re-checked. The process wasn't easy.

Now why do l say this? Its because not everyone is financially stable enough for a child. Or mentally ready. Yes l understand you were steering towards biological, but l think its not entirely off to share my experience. Especially not in our twenties when most of us are just starting out & trying to gain our own stability. I was just lucky. I'd even say it was a miracle. A child is very very expensive. And its a life commitment with no breaks. From formula, to diapers, to them outgrowing things every month, to doctors appointments, among many other needs...

And do keep in mind, sometimes a child ends up with health issues, be it physical or mental. Which means extra resources (Consider allergies, formula allergies for example, there's certain more affordable brands that your child might not be compatible with. And you may be forced to buy a more expensive brand) And not everyone has not just material resources, but human resources as well. I for example, save a lot on babysitting fees because my elderly parents choose to help out on that. Otherwise, that would be another huge bill for me... Also, not just the kid. But how about complications on the biological mother? Not everyone has an easy straightforward birth...

Tiktok might make it seem like majority of youngings are millionaires. But most of us are just average people trying to navigate through life. Our brains aren't even fully developed yet. With long ass shifts especially in my field of work that leaves us with little time even for ourselves... In thirties, most are/will be better off, so that would be ideal. But for now, no...

Title	There are many benefits to having kids early and people who wait as long as possible are shooting themselves in the foot.
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	2
Comments	116
Date	March 17, 2024 10:25 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bgudn5/there_are_many_benefits_to_having_kids_early_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/there-are-many-benefits-to-having-kids-early-and.1426283 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426283

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