Why do a lot of straight men have a hard time accepting their partner's sexual experiences (especially when it comes to an extended amount of casual sex)?

Green-Quantity1032 · 2024-03-07T18:37:42+00:00

EDIT: reddit ruined the ability to make paragraphs, wtf is this shit

People tell themselves all kind of stories.

I don't really care for the stories, as they differ from person to person.

"She didn't respect herself, why should I?"

"She gave them her body for free, why should I pay for it?"

"Why buy the cow if she gave the milk for free?"

I mean, I can definitely sympathize with the feeling of wanting the girl to be at least as attracted to me as she was to past partners, so if she waits 3 dates with me while having 1st-encounter sex with others it will cast some doubt over that desire of mine.

But - regardless of stories - evolutionarily it comes down to paternity certainty.

You can't allow yourself to invest resources in a woman who gives you low paternity certainty.

If she was promiscuous, she's on average more likely (this is well documented in the literature) to be promiscuous in the future, cheat, and have unstable relationships.

Now hold on - that's not to say that "every promiscuous woman cheats", or any bad thing about being promiscuous - it's just that on average that's what happens.

So male evolution has developed "bad feelings" about sensing a woman you plan on investing heavily in, being promiscuous.

It's even a low-status symbol between men - "your woman is loose, even crazy Joe banged her!"

How that "bad feeling" manifests in every man is different.

Also, not every man has a big intensity for that bad feeling.

Some people (more on the trad side) can't bear to think she had more than 1 boyfriend before them.

Others consider 15 as normal.

Some don't care a lot, some can't bear the thought.

But on average - men care about it, especially if she's really promiscuous, and not just your average city girl who had her fun (so it really depends on your peers and what's deemed acceptable around you).

TL;DR

Evolutionarily it makes some statistical sense to avoid investing heavily in promiscuous girls, in practice men then have thoughts and stories about the matter, and they tend to not like it.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2024-03-07T19:28:36+00:00

Women absolutely do care about this, many won't date a man who is inexperienced.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-03-07T13:14:47+00:00

She had fun and validation of her sexuality. You did not.

She had enough with measurably better guys and doesn't want same fun with you, she just wants to settle.

Soul_vaccine · 2024-03-07T19:00:39+00:00

Man I’ve had girls refuse to watch movies because they knew I’d seen it with another girl, refuse to eat somewhere I had taken other girls etc.

They were uncomfortable that I ate food with another girl, or enjoyed media with another girl. I think people can understand that sex might be a little more weighty than Ace Ventura.

Podlubnyi · 2024-03-08T00:59:56+00:00

Women dont seem to have an issue with this, almost not at all

Try telling a woman that you used to have sex with men and see how that goes down.

odd_cloud · 2024-03-07T14:54:19+00:00

Men who have a problem with promiscuity were not allowed in the promiscuity club.

An analogy for you to explain how it feels like. Imagine you study at a college and you’re in a stable group of peers. They don’t want to talk to you at all. You’re ignored when you start a conversation with them. Then, couple of years after your graduation, these people reach out to you and say they’d really like to hangout with you, but you need to rent a place and pay for the drinks.

You’d probably have little desire to hangout with them.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-03-07T13:12:30+00:00

go to the n count thread bruv

Men care because biologically they can't confirm paternity. Women don't care because generally men who can achieve a high count are high value. It's pretty basic.

SamuraiGoblin · 2024-03-07T22:55:54+00:00

It's because of the difference in reproductive roles. Females carry babies, so they know a baby carries their genes, but males have no such guarantee. This simple fact is the root of most issues in human dating. The more promiscuous a woman is (or was) the more likely she is to carry anther man's child. And it is genetic suicide for a man to devote all his time, energy and resources helping to raise and protect another man's DNA.

Of course, I am not talking about modern society. Many men are altruistic, adopting, foster parenting, and step-fathering, but it is their choice. Evolution made males incredible jealous about female sexuality as a simple evolutionary mechanism to mitigate the issue of unknowingly murdering a 3.7 billion year unbroken lineage.

So men are innately more jealous about sexual infidelity than women. Females on the other hand evolved to be more jealous about emotional infidelity, because that is the bond that gets men to devote their resources. If another woman can steal a man's heart away, his resources/protection disappear along with it.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-03-07T13:24:52+00:00

Instinctual programming in our brains to counter the possibility we may be raising a kid that is not ours or we are at risk of getting cucked.

ThrowawayHomesch · 2024-03-07T17:40:08+00:00

Most men don't want to be in a long term relationship with a woman who is more sexually restrictive with him than she was with any of her previous partners. They are okay having casual sex with such a woman, but not entering into a long term relationship. They find the idea of being in a relationship with such a woman as disgusting and revolting.

As for why? I don't know. There's probably some reason behind it in our evolutionary past where guys who cared about their long term partner's sexual history were more likely to pass on their genes compared to guys who didn't. But it's not something we can actually explain. It's kind of like asking us to explain why we like our favorite food or favorite music. There's no rational reason behind it.

tiddermacss · 2024-03-07T14:48:33+00:00

why should we accept it? can you give a reason

shonenhikada · 2024-03-07T17:06:02+00:00

Studies show that a woman's chance of cheating of you goes up with her sexual partner count. Once it hits 20, there is a 1 in 3 chance that a woman will cheat on her man.

In addition, a woman's satisfaction through a 10 year period in marriage is directly tied to her sexual partner count. It's found that the more sexual partners a woman has, the more likely she will be dissatisfied in her marriage.

gopher_glitz · 2024-03-09T01:53:56+00:00

The core of the issue is parental certainty. Humans are decedents of mammals going back countless generations. There's no way for a man to know if a child is his unless his female partner is faithful. If she is ready to fuck random strangers, this is an unsettling pattern of behavior.

Being mammals that require 9 months of gestation and years of rearing, sex and pregnancy is very biologically expensive for females. Hence why females are much more choosy in their sexual partners, which makes sense. Even if a man or women is using contraceptives and she has a very high degree of certainty she will not become pregnant, this doesn't mean she will become sexually attractive to an otherwise sexually unattractive man.

Hence why even though DNA tests exist, this doesn't alter the core DNA instructions deep within men when it comes to wanting a partner who is faithful due to the parental uncertainty that they face.

Being cheated on while being heavily emotionally invested is like losing a child. Men don't ever fully recover.

Rejecting promiscuous women for emotional investment is simply a defense mechanism. The ick is real even if we don't want it to be.

Also, promiscuous women tend to be damaged, unstable and suffer from substance abuse. All poor indicator of a worthwhile emotional investment.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2024-03-08T02:15:17+00:00

The self-doubt of not measuring up is at least part of it.

I firmly believe you have to prove yourself against all of the best traits, cumulatively speaking, of the men a particular woman has dated, and bedroom ability is very important too. It's like that Scott Pilgrim shit (though I haven't seen it myself, I understand the concept)... you quite literally have to beat all of her exes.

wtknight · 2024-03-07T17:39:02+00:00

I don’t know about other men, but I find the concept of having sex with a stranger gross. I don’t care if a woman has had sex involving love with past boyfriends, though. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-03-07T14:07:42+00:00

While most dudes would “like” to be all about casual sex and racking up numbers, most dudes aren’t actually capable, nor do they really want it after they start pulling. So they don’t like to be reminded that they never got to play “the game” in the first place.

Is it insecurity? Probably. Is it FOMO? Probably.

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No-Rough-7390 · 2024-03-09T19:26:08+00:00

I think the main issue would be if it’s clear that there was some kind of desire differential between previous guys and himself.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-03-07T19:25:10+00:00

Loud cretins in internet aren't a "lot of straight men". It's just small group of loud cretins in internet.

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