Gym and looks isn’t everything

Fun-Presence-601 · 2024-08-26T04:29:10+00:00

I completely agree with you. This is something I recently had to learn as well—that there’s a big difference between looking attractive and being attractive. It’s a distinction that often gets overlooked in the self-improvement space.

srwat · 2024-08-26T07:07:52+00:00

It is worth adding that yeah, you need conversation skills to actually communicate, but the more gym you have towards the ideal lean body type, the less perfect you have to be when you take fun risks conversationally. You will be allowed to make more mistakes and opportunities for recovery will be much easier for any conversational fumbles assuming they are not grave.

Essentially both skills are synergistic. Looks just make it easier to open the door. Conversational skills gets you the ability to not get “kicked out of the house” once your looks get you into the front hall.

Looks really just need to be good enough where your visibility to who you are interacting with actually exists. Nothing extreme.

happyFatFIRE · 2024-08-26T04:39:52+00:00

You haven’t been foolish hitting the gym four days a week. You invested in your health more than most of the population and you’ll get your return on that once you are older. See it from that perspective.

Jironasaurus · 2024-08-26T05:16:24+00:00

Congrats. Most men don't even realize this all their life. You realizing it now means there's still time to work on what's important - your character and personality.

Sandvicheater · 2024-08-26T06:22:56+00:00

Gym and looks isn't the end all be all but its sure as hell a foot in the door especially when it comes to women's minimum physical standards.

kshades25 · 2024-08-26T19:23:26+00:00

One of the biggest players in my high school was a fat guy. He was fun to be around and just oozed confidence. No hesitation what so ever when it came to hitting on women. It was inspiring. Cool guy, too

SenorPuff · 2024-08-26T06:10:19+00:00

Looks get you to the table. Conversation skills keep her there.

fvckCrosshairs · 2024-08-26T05:59:08+00:00

Gym is not the solution, it only helps the process

OarsandRowlocks · 2024-08-26T07:10:38+00:00

hitting the gym 4 times a week

exercise 20 hours a week

5 hour sessions? Epic.

zebekias · 2024-08-26T06:06:18+00:00

Mystery nailed it: we have biologically evolved to respond to survival & replication value. For a man a woman has mostly replication value (good DNA, aka attractive), for a woman a man has mostly survival value. A man better have the qualities to assure her’s and her offspring’s survival.

Thus, while good looks will get you on dates, if your life is a mess, you won’t get second dates.

ItsMePrashant · 2024-08-26T05:24:39+00:00

What did you do to improve social skills?

TripleDigitNomad · 2024-08-26T11:14:50+00:00

Your physical appearance gets your foot in the door. Your behaviour and actions afterwards determine whether or not she'll let you come inside.

Longjumping_Act9758 · 2024-08-26T05:30:50+00:00

And it's also possible that you're meeting the wrong women. If you meet someone that's incompatible you may think it's you who's the problem when in reality you just don't jell. Just be the best version of you and try not to be somebody else. If she doesn't like you don't beat yourself up and move on.

handsome_B_wunderful · 2024-08-26T16:49:20+00:00

I think the guys that say looks are the most important thing are guys that can actually talk to women and get second dates but they don't get much chances because they get rejected because of their looks.

LustfulLoveQuest · 2024-08-26T15:43:41+00:00

Honestly that first bar (attraction) is probably the hardest to overcome. The second bar (maintain) is apparently something many guys struggle with.

Imo, relationships are all very similar. Whether it be family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc. You must also be as engaging and respectful of women. The only difference is just keeping things sexual and interesting with these types of relationships.

So if anything maybe just focus on being friends with women if you can’t keep them. They probably already want to fuck you if you’re in shape.

Whathappensnextokay · 2024-08-26T04:49:29+00:00

This is something I’ve been coming to terms with. In the last year, I have developed into the 9-10s area of attractiveness (face, body), but very sad reality when you realize you can attract but not keep. Now working on personality to match

assukkar · 2024-08-26T07:23:57+00:00

20 hours a week in the gym? Doing what?

MrAnonPoster · 2024-08-26T12:58:23+00:00

This is so much nonsense.

Women date because of the fantasy they create in their head, not the bullshit you tell them. In fact, you need to spend the least amount of time talking as that talking absolutely ruin the fantasy they create. That's why looks matter and that's why the clothes matter and that's why ( incidentally even thought it is stupid ) your instagram shit matters

It is not a gym. It is *being lean* while being *reasonably visibly muscular*. This means your fat ass need not to be someone who can bench 225 for 10 reps at 25 percent body fat. You need to be someone who can do 10 full ROM pullups with a dead hang at 10-11 percent body fat i.e. less of bodybuilder and more of an MMA/footballer/tennis player built. Every god damn time someone yaps "It is not the gym, i go to the gym and i'm not getting any" that someone has a cute little belly or a double chin. If you are spending 20 hours in a gym and you aren't that 40 hours won't help because even 10 hours would be more than enough.
You. Must. Dress. For. Your. Built (1). Why? Because she is interested in you *because of the fantasy she created in her head, not for any other reason*

Thats why women fuck MMA guys/tennis players/footballers whom they do not know and game ninjas spent hundreds of hours trying to close skeezers

SuperPoop · 2024-08-26T14:23:27+00:00

the benefits of exercise are more than just the pickup game. It's investing time and energy into yourself. The epitome of self love.

I agree with your one point though. I see a lot of AFCs in the gym thinking that an extra inch to their bicep is going to make the women fawn all over them. Working on your personality and developing your ability to connect is a lot harder for dudes. It requires a lot of self reflection and getting uncomfortable.

garlopf · 2024-08-26T06:34:05+00:00

My problem is the reverse, pretty girls are seldom interesting, so whenever I see a pretty girl I just assume she is no good and ignore her🤷🏻‍♂️

janissarymusketeer · 2024-08-26T09:45:05+00:00

It isn’t everything but it’s your base and building block. Your social freedom, game, whatever you call it is only your ability to deliver your SMV (which is 80% looks)

MeteoraRed · 2024-08-26T15:35:58+00:00

You need atleast a base level of attraction to begin with ! being average joe/obese won't even draw attention, conversation skills are super important, no denying howver to reach that stage you need confidence and hitting gym and body positivity helps in boosting that a lot !

Dinkinflicka43 · 2024-08-26T18:40:27+00:00

Yeah, you can’t just be a meat head who can’t communicate.

shinn497 · 2024-08-26T18:54:37+00:00

I think physical attraction is , at most , 20% of total attraction. And physical attraction can include dress well and good hygiene.

jackthehat6 · 2024-08-26T20:39:11+00:00

you need both.

You MUST be good looking (according to her tastes). wihtout that, your 'game' and your pushpull lines and self amusement and cold reads blablala are just white noise

game get's your foot in the door. From that point you need basic social sklils and the ability to flirt and stuff (game)

nordik1 · 2024-08-26T22:07:31+00:00

It’s more than 25% of the game because it gets you the opportunity to even display your social skills (or lack thereof)

The guys who aren’t in shape or attractive won’t even get to the part where showing their social skills even matters

Informal-Rhubarb5271 · 2024-08-26T10:13:52+00:00

To be successful I think you have to have a holistic approach. As you say physical appearance is only a percentage, but so is facial care, as is the way you dress and so on. Every factor that you improve can probably compensate in a small way for some other lack. For each girl, though, each variable may be more important than others. In my opinion face and sociability are among the 2 most important.

Independent-Cable937 · 2024-08-26T15:20:10+00:00

Well when there's competition, you want to be the best candidate. Looks maxing helps a lot

OaklandRaider1983 · 2024-08-26T05:25:36+00:00

There's nothing wrong with hitting the gym and keeping yourself in shape. You definitely aren't wrong for that. But yeah, personality is the number one thing women care about.

Quit_Later · 2024-08-26T13:54:32+00:00

Agree heavily. Had a couple instances with friends where we were initially soft rejected based on their demeanor and body language but remained grounded in frame and used the line, “We aren’t flirting rn btw, we are already in situationships with someone”. Continued joking and next 30 minutes of convo the women ended up heavy flirting and being heavily receptive. Moral of the story is to be unbreakably confident.

Smooth-Balls-010101 · 2024-08-26T14:15:49+00:00

You've learned what all gymbros eventually learn; that getting jacked gets more attention from guys than girls!

1rotimi · 2024-08-26T12:43:42+00:00

I think most men know the gym isn't enough, but it's very important since looks get you in the door. You also don't need to spend that much time in the gym to get results

DrJr23 · 2024-08-26T18:44:05+00:00

I realised this too. I think being social is even more important. While going to the gym and being in shape will get you looks, it doesn’t make you seem interesting. Having hobbies does. I’m starting to cut back on gym and move to hobbies where I can meet people.

appolonysian · 2024-08-26T13:53:52+00:00

If you don’t have confidence and social skills to back up your looks, very few of your leads are going to go anywhere. Speaking from experience

Most women are the exact inverse of men when it comes to attraction: intangible > tangible assets

FeeExternal7165 · 2024-08-26T17:59:15+00:00

It’s utter bs! Just think: how would you land a girl in first place if you aren’t attractive!!??? These things are secondary.

It’s like a book, people will pickup a book if it has good cover, and the ones who have bad cover, nobody cares to pick it up, or even to open and read it. Because they wouldn’t go through the pages since the first impression has been down for them.

vladiVP · 2024-08-26T06:37:39+00:00

You could ve tall jacked and handsome but if you a goofy ahh no girl will like you

pendragon2290 · 2024-08-26T13:51:23+00:00

As someone who is at 210 with a dad bod, I can confirm gym isn't everything.

icxcnika1 · 2024-08-26T09:39:36+00:00

Definitely, looks matter as well but confidence and the vibe a man gives off are the most important.

For men it's difficult to understand because our attraction functions differently. But it's understandable from an evolutionary lense: Men primarily look for a woman with good genes (good looks), whereas women also look for a capable and trustworthy protector/provider. The best way to find a man like that is by sensing his personality and vibe because a strong/attractive body alone doesn't tell you if he possesses these traits.

This doesn't mean that women don't also look for casual sex at times, but their brain doesn't reward them as much for merely having sex as it's nothing special for them. It rewards them more for finding the right guy to have sex with, this is done by subconsciously/emotionally testing a guy's personality and vibe.

Xero_Darknezz · 2024-08-27T03:57:52+00:00

It should be obvious that women want someone they can talk to who has a backbone and isn't just eye candy. Do you date women just for their looks, or do you want someone you can connect with? Fitness is obviously important, but you need game to actually make anything happen.

natetooka · 2024-08-27T06:35:18+00:00

Well yeah… it’s the same vice-versa imo. She could have the most perfect body/ass in the world with a pretty face, but if that attitude/personality is completely opposite, that shit scares me. Who am I gonna talk to once that beauty fades and I’m old with no genuine connection to her mind and spirit. Nah, I’m good.

gusthesuperbrawler · 2024-08-26T11:11:03+00:00

I am actively working on keeping that masculine , not backing down mindset in a conversation. I have improved on flirting a ton. Mainly when a girl has a controversial opinion on a date it is hard to think I need to fake agree or being understanding but in reality challenging them and standing my ground is what I need to do more of.

gusolsen · 2024-08-26T15:31:51+00:00

The sooner a man learns this, the faster he can improve his dating life.

The biggest lever in this are are your dating social skills - confidence, charisma, flirting abilities

AromaticPlant8504 · 2024-08-26T16:29:50+00:00

Don’t fall into this mindset even though it may be true. It ruined my physique and motivation to train.

waleedy25 · 2024-08-26T12:47:36+00:00

I'm in you with this but believe having a strong body and feel good about your self will be a plus to your confidence, many said this to me that their confidence Level sky rocketed after their physique got stronger.

OkEmploy7185 · 2024-08-26T14:33:25+00:00

The gym can help u be more social too but u gotta take action

Khower · 2024-08-26T14:43:35+00:00

Looks is something to keep you focused and help get you confident.

You will never get and keep a relationship based on looks.

xXXxIZeusIxXXx · 2024-08-26T19:03:04+00:00

cope, I have insanely good looks irl and even more astonishing pictures on tinder, guess what still nothing, game is life blackpill is for losers

EmersonScarpell · 2024-08-26T11:24:14+00:00

This is the reality. It's why it's Important to work on yourself in other areas of life as well. Don't just be a gym bro who works on his body.

newerahat22 · 2024-08-26T23:56:36+00:00

I think ones motivation to go to the gym should not be to improve your looks for women..... I go to the gym to get stronger, build self defense skills or to perform in my job. It blows my mind how many men are in the gym just there to build muscle with the goal of impressing some women....

ghostsforglory · 2025-01-18T19:59:21+00:00

I'm 6ft and 33 yrs old and have been lifting weights for last 14 years so loads of muscle and superior physique to vast majority of men. But I get 0 results online dating. In person some girls have called me hot, good looking, sexy.

But I am brown and only attracted to white women. I think this is why online dating is impossible for me and waste of time. Online dating is best for white men or some black men

LegitimateTutor8535 · 2024-08-26T07:06:33+00:00

Confidence in body drops when you work out. The bigger the muscles the smaller the heart.

ZenoGeno · 2024-08-26T12:07:45+00:00

I mean if anything this post confirms looks are everything, you said you can land a girl with an attractive girl, a person with no looks on Tinder absoltely cannot do that.

Yanksrock615 · 2024-08-26T12:13:06+00:00

Well yes this true. Improving your looks and physique is just about getting in the door, which a lot of people can’t even do.

Away_You_3787 · 2024-08-26T07:53:35+00:00

I just can't hold an interesting conversation

newrisingsun70 · 2024-08-26T10:39:18+00:00

It’s ok to have insecurities. The best is to accept yourself as you are. And stop this masculine frame thing

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-08-26T11:34:56+00:00

The number one thing to keep a girl is that she has to know other girls want you. This is easy to do. If you are at a certain level girls will check you out as you walk together and she will pick up on that straight away.

Maxspawn_ · 2024-08-26T15:31:10+00:00

Hitting the gym isn't important, not for everyone. In my opinion as long as you have the social skills and are decent looking you're fine. But the idea you need to spend years of your life getting gains, gains, gains, gains is just a rat race, just be yourself. Do what makes you happy and you will be a happy person and therefore a desirable person.

DNUS5 · 2024-08-26T11:49:35+00:00

Its not 25% its more like 5% just saw a study wirh 50.000 partisipants.

Many_Froyo6223 · 2024-08-26T11:42:10+00:00

“You need to be able to connect emotionally while maintaining a masculine frame.”???????

Dawg what is this. Talking to women isn’t a video game where you can max out your stats with hyper specific qualities. That sentence is so unhinged, and honestly this whole post us out of touch. As corny as it sounds, the best way to speak to anyone is by being your authentic self and treating them like an equal. That’s all it takes, none of this conversation-maxxxing bullshit. Good luck though, I hope you figure it out one day

Title	Gym and looks isn’t everything
Author	d4n0wnz
Upvotes	423
Comments	179
Date	August 26, 2024 4:26 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1f1fn9g/gym_and_looks_isnt_everything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/gym-and-looks-isnt-everything.1528403 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528403

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