Wife admitted to not loving me

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2024-09-19T20:57:10+00:00

It never ceases to amaze me. Most people fall in love and get married in less than a year. Then they act surprised when years later no love is left.

Classic_Dill · 2024-09-18T13:59:23+00:00

It’s a shock to the system, but the first thing you need to do is accept that this is happening, acceptance is the first phase and healing. My gut says you overdid it, you probably did too much! You put her too high on a pedestal, Look back, did you treat her far better than she treated you? Did you make her a celebrity, which would make you a fan? You have to take some time off before you even start dating again and get to understand relationships and where you fit in as a man. The truth of the matter is this, she was over a long time ago and the possibilities that she’s already cheating on you is pretty strong, cover your butt! If you have a joint bank account? Get in there immediately and take half, get a lawyer, pay the retainer fee and the divorce papers at her, this thing is cooked and I think it’s good for you mentally and physically, you need to get back to square one, and get to the point where you have self-respect and you would never allow somebody to treat you this way, I do not believe she has treated you with any affection for a long time! When you see those patterns begin to change? You have to start taking action, never let a red flag get by you, cover your bases, get a lawyer and file for divorce. And stop doing things for her! And when the divorce is over? Stop communicating with her! You’re gonna save a lot of money and you’re allowed to emotionally drop the rope on her, you don’t have to wake up every morning wondering how to make her happy or what she’s gonna be like that day, go get a dog or something, but cut her out of your life forever. you also have absolutely no reason to deal with her family anymore, let her drive people places or pick things up or take care of them.

willowtrees_r_us · 2024-09-18T03:17:46+00:00

So what did you learn after being with her? Meaning what did you learn for the next chick

upvotersfortruth · 2024-09-18T01:38:52+00:00

This sucks, but she already seems to know the drill and it's out in the open. At least she's appearing to be civil about it. Cover all your bases in case it gets hostile. But this one's not salvageable.

Worried_Baker_9462 · 2024-09-18T00:52:25+00:00

So she's just gonna upgrade to a different model.

King_Flavko · 2024-09-18T00:11:41+00:00

What...is going on.... is this a theme this year? Are all men going to be single in 2025?

Should we be planning a BBQ?

theoracleofosiris · 2024-09-18T00:09:51+00:00

She needed you that’s why she “loved” you. Now that she doesn’t need you anymore….

DenyHerYourEssence · 2024-09-17T23:13:04+00:00

Women have the coldness of assassins when they are done with you. As shocking and hurtful as it is to experience, just know that it’s the result of evolution and all you can do is move on. It does make it frustrating though to see society portray men as the cruel/toxic gender…

El_kawashi · 2024-09-17T21:47:13+00:00

Bro, I’m always going to the same thing you are the only thing is we don’t have a kid together, but we are married the and a house together! You are definitely lucky on this one!

georeddit2018 · 2024-09-17T21:42:29+00:00

She is onto the next victim. It is what it is. Learn from this and be careful next time.

Low_Distribution5188 · 2024-09-17T20:54:13+00:00

I was hesitant before signing

ThrowForChristSakes · 2024-09-17T20:05:35+00:00

Well, sounds like you served your purpose.

Look in the mirror and reflect…

Change what you don’t like to see, and go talk to someone, it’s going to be rough.

probebeta · 2024-09-17T19:09:03+00:00

Are you sure you'll be saving a lot of money? How long have you been with her and how's your income vs hers? I don't want you to panic but system is ruthless to men in your position. You could be liable for child support for a child that's not yours. Get out of this fast... You'll be glad you did.

PostmanWiggy · 2024-09-17T18:56:10+00:00

Thank you all for your words of advice and encourement.

sicrm · 2024-09-17T18:51:24+00:00

you either get someone’s best or you get their worst.

there’s no middle ground.

it’s clear which you were getting and now you see the end result. chalk it up to a lesson learned and take some time to figure out next steps.

No_Career_559 · 2024-09-17T18:29:04+00:00

Damn, I am going through a somewhat similar scenerio right now. My wife and I have been at odds for 3 weeks now and are slated to seek marriage counseling. But I have no confidence this will work as she has already said she will want to keep the house. Leaving me to find a new place to live. This will be the hardest chapter of my life and maybe I shouldn't focus on how this will make me feel, but more so how it will affect our kids. We will have joint custody but it will never feel the same. I did all the chores for the family. Laundry, cleaning, dishes, yard work, etc. She does all the finances as that is her professional back round and she gladly takes in on. I am afraid to ask her if she is still in live with me. The thought of living alone depresses me.

Betteroffalone1111 · 2024-09-17T18:26:34+00:00

Never simp for a single mom, don’t try to be a super hero, all she sees in you is a $ sign. I learned the hard way too, you don’t have kids with her or have any financial ties cut her loose and find someone that actually want to be with you

Confident-Crawdad · 2024-09-17T17:54:56+00:00

Wait until her inner gaslight comes on and you become the worst thing to ever slither up out of hell.

rjm101 · 2024-09-17T17:25:14+00:00

Honestly it just sounds like she wanted a number 2 to help her with the bills and kids. I guess just another reason not to date single mothers. It's sad to see but if they can solve a lot of problems just by marrying a stable guy they can tolerate living with then they'll do that.

silmarp · 2024-09-17T17:02:19+00:00

It seems you don't understand women.

Treat her like a queen and she will treat you like a peasant. That is the golden rule.

Look dude. In the movies this "I will do my best, pay all the bills, cook and do the dishes and she will do nothing" it great, in real life though such attitude is a pussy repellent. No wonder she doesn't like you you are not manly.

No woman can respect a man that doesn't respect himself. You are not respecting yourself. You made yourself into her maid. She thinks herself above you because of that.

In fact you need to teach yourself to live for yourself, it seems you are living for others. Watch some videos from Strong Successful Male on youtube and you might learn some useful tricks.

It might not seem like it but she is doing you a great favor. Now you can do whatever you want. Stop doing stuff, stop paying stuff. Your money should be spent on your objectives, not hers. Your time should be spent on yourself. No her.

koboboba · 2024-09-17T16:33:13+00:00

You need to grow a pair of balls and not ignore women mistreating you. Once the disrespectful behavior starts and you accept it, it leads to this and worse. She just used you as an ATM. You need to be ready to leave as soon as any women starts games or disrespectful, don't ask her why or talk because lying comes naturally to women. Just see how they act, that's the only real sign.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-09-17T16:15:04+00:00

This sounds like she's in the late stages of her exit affair. I'd try to find out what's going on. It will piss you off but having clarity will help the healing.

47omek · 2024-09-17T16:07:54+00:00

Just because the house is in her name doesn't mean you don't have any equity in it. Unless the house was completely paid off prior to marriage you're entitled to the difference in equity from date of marriage to now ie. mortgage paydown and property value increase. Fight for what you're owed.

dnbndnb · 2024-09-17T15:51:58+00:00

I know a couple, long married, grown kids in their 30’s no less. Per my ex-wife “she never loved him”. Is genuinely nasty to him. Puts him down in front of others. They almost split a few years ago but he hung in there. He should have left. She’ll never care about him. You dodged a bullet brother. You could have been with her until a time where maybe you had a health issue, and she’d just look at you the way a kid looks at a bug. Or worse, she could have had a health issue, and you’d be playing nursemaid to someone with zero gratitude.

inktape_co · 2024-09-17T15:06:40+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. I am exactly in the same situation. I have been with my wife for 14 years (married for 7) and she admitted that she no longer loves me in “that way”.

I admit that I haven’t been the best person nor husband to her over the last couple years post covid since our lives were drastically changing again after the whole lockdowns. But I never would’ve thought she’d lose the “spark” in our relationship. Like, I suppose any other guy, I have a high sex drive and my wife doesn’t. I almost always initiated “fooling around” together.

I think I was too pushy, not giving her enough space. Took her for granted. Put too much pressure on her and now, the love is one sided. She wants a divorce and I respect her enough to walk through the steps in a civil and calm manner but I am shattered. I have no idea what to do with myself.

If it is any constellation, you’re not alone in this brother. We will survive, one way or another.

Exactly65536 · 2024-09-17T14:40:58+00:00

You have to take into account the fact that it's very unpleasant to tolerate sexual advances from someone to whom one is not attracted.

People mix up sexual attraction and love, and her declaration most likely is about the former, despite the fact she made it about the latter, possibly out of annoyance with your unwanted attempts to engange in sex.

Why did you took offense? I mean, not having sexual drive and even not being attracted to you is not something your wife directly controls. And also it's not something she owes you.

mr21vp · 2024-09-17T14:33:47+00:00

I bet she never did that to the daughter's father....

Round-Ad-6667 · 2024-09-17T14:15:01+00:00

She's going to have karma hit her, I can only imagine she was doing some shady stuff honestly, you deserve much better! Praying for you my friend 🙏

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-09-17T14:01:49+00:00

How is a woman that never wants to fuck you, perfect for you?

You deserve so much better.

When a woman is in to you, there will be zero doubt dude

Quiet-Ad960 · 2024-09-17T13:52:33+00:00

Women typically don’t end one relationship until they’ve got another poor sucker lined up. Her calculated and cold demeanor, dropping this on you out of nowhere, showing no signs of giving AF about you. Classic signs are there. She’s got someone else in mind to take over lawn care for her.

BanjoKfan64 · 2024-09-17T13:50:34+00:00

Been there. Sorta same, I did way more in my relationship then my Ex, she would do stuff only if she wanted it and benefited from it too. I paid most the bills, always helped and showed up to her family and friend stuff, cooked, laundry, dishes, grocery shopped, DD for her (She would for me sometimes, but only parties we went to together, I would be at home and leave to go get her for hers or drive her before hand and pick up later), always looked out and did what I could.

I was not perfect, I def did not always react well during tense times or fights, I def had my own shortcomings and bad moments. 100% I did, but I thought she would see how much I did for her. Nope- She told me she was not in love with me and then a few weeks later after a bad fight said she wanted a Divorce.

I'm starting to accept it is what it is. For once I don't have anxiety over her coming home and just telling me what I am doing wrong or her being mean to me in front of people.

Passive_Tuna · 2024-09-17T13:48:06+00:00

You better get your name off every bill or debt that she could screw up.

Title	Wife admitted to not loving me
Author	PostmanWiggy
Upvotes	68
Comments	75
Date	September 17, 2024 1:41 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fizkf8/wife_admitted_to_not_loving_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-admitted-to-not-loving-me.1530502 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530502

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