If you’re upset that women dont ‘properly vet’ before the first date, you’ve never been on dates.

Fun_Push7168 · 2025-02-11T23:44:59+00:00

I love hearing bad first date stories.

That aside, most of the frustration comes from the fact that guys can see what women can't. Most of the time it would have been obvious to a man.

Same as women can see it easier with other women. I think it's probably less frustrating though for women seeing guys making poor decisions because well, we aren't the picky ones. I don't think women experience the same frustration unless it's involving a guy they themselves are crushing on. Watch him choose a woman with obvious glaring flaws. That's probably similar to how we feel watching a lot of women's choices.

Proudvow · 2025-02-12T00:08:16+00:00

There are a bunch of guys who can't even get dates. They were vetted out before the first date.

Main_Aside_3072 · 2025-02-11T20:55:37+00:00

I think generally speaking, regardless of gender and sex, a lot of people are awful at vetting, and they'd ignore the wrong things as long as they feel "the butterflies".

My issue with this is that society kinda put women on pedestals when choosing partners (i.e 'women care about personality and charm, men are pigs who only care for a pretty face') when in reality women are as bad as men when choosing a partner.

My controversial take is that women are normal humans full of flaws that alot of times don't know what they want in a relationship just like men.

Boniface222 · 2025-02-11T22:36:24+00:00

I use to not use the “These guys dont go outside” explanation

I will admit, I don't go outside. Dating is cringe.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-02-11T21:00:45+00:00

I think the “choose better” portion is less about the first date and more about staying with guys they later lament for extended periods of time rather than leaving.

When a woman agrees to a first date, she’s likely rooting for you to win.

John_Oakman · 2025-02-11T21:06:58+00:00

The time period where the first date was the start of the vetting process is actually pretty short: in the bad old days [for the more well off] families have already conducted significant vetting of the potential future partner before the [soon to be] couple even met (and for the majority of the peasantry most of stayed in the same village their entire lives, pretty much everyone has been passively vetted since birth, with corresponding low expectations all around). The mass movement of population brought upon by the industrial revolution basically destroyed those traditional forms as large populations are uprooted and thrown in environments surrounded by strangers, leading to the norm in which dating became the start of the vetting process (with all the dangers & pitfalls it brings).

Now with the advent of social media & online dating those new forms are now the start of the vetting process, with the first physical date being the cumulation of vetting already being done.

On a separate note, weirdly enough the history of employment has some parallels to that as well, from people being hired locally to the boomer take of walking into a workplace for a job to the online based shitshow that millennials & younger are familiar with.

InitialPaths989 · 2025-02-11T21:04:27+00:00

Dating women want the most desirable guy they can get to take her out. This will almost always conclude that he has lots of options or he views her as not in his league for a relationship. Only when this keeps repeatedly failing, do women stop to consider what types of men would be more into having a relationship with me. This is called af/bb and yes women can easily spot the difference between a guy in with girls casually or not as much.

Guys don’t have this problem, there’s no reason to not always go with your most desirable option. Because an average woman is just as likely to attempt to take advantage of you as a very attractive one. Also, by the time you have the woman on the date, it’s near equal chance at a relationship no matter what level of attractive she is. Most women aren’t showing up for dates mainly for sex like men are, with women there’s almost always some implied relationship interest.

PracticalControl2179 · 2025-02-11T21:04:15+00:00

When men say “vet better” they usually mean “go for less attractive men with less options because they are more virtuous”. It’s more of an attempt to get women to date less attractive men.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-02-11T22:17:47+00:00

I think usually they’re talking about choosing better in relationships vs first dates. However, there’s still a lot of hypocrisy and fallacies because it’s always assumed that she chose him for looks (which is shallow when women do it, but expected when men do), and it had to be obvious before getting into a relationship that he was a jerk (because attractive = jerk, duh).

In reality, you unfortunately don’t really know who someone is until you live with them for a while… and sometimes not until you are married with kids. And women do of course care about looks, but there is no consistent correlation of looks with personality.

Of course that doesn’t mean you don’t try to vet, but the true test is always time and how they treat you when you’re “stuck.” And well… then your time is already wasted and your stuck.

LOPI-14 · 2025-02-12T00:57:21+00:00

Why would I care about inability of people to properly vet before dating or your inability to understand what the "choose better" means in this context, which is entirely separate from dates and has all to do with relationships?

ViolentShallot · 2025-02-11T21:22:27+00:00

I know you're just a ragebaiter that "debates" until you have no more fallacies to throw, but I'll comment for the other people who might be able to at least understand.

"Choose better" doesn't mean choose guys you consider better by the traits you generally select.

"Choose better" means select guys based on traits like values and stability instead of looks and how exciting they are.

With that in mind, all your structure falls apart.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-02-11T20:46:08+00:00

Most women do good vetting, but definitely not all of them. Some of them do need this advice.

0kayz00mer · 2025-02-11T23:08:14+00:00

For the vast majority of women, the most physically desirable guy willing to commit to you will not be as physically desirable as the hottest guy willing to stick his dick in you for a night. If you calibrate your initial physical selectivity for dating based on attention from guys willing to stick their dick in you for a night, you’re gonna have a bad time. “Choose better” means don’t do that. You still have to vet and date. Just because a guy is actually in your long term league doesn’t mean he’s nice, or that you’re compatible.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-02-11T21:10:37+00:00

No one blames women for not reading a guy's mind on the first date.

Although it is women themselves who usually say that they have a "sixth sense" for misogynists and creeps, although unfortunately they cannot identify really bad guys.

The phrases "Choose better" and problems arise only when women systematically choose the wrong criteria for investigation.

That is, they do not focus on what the guy really is and what is wrong with him. No, all the "test criteria" fly out the window simply because the guy is hot.

And when men see this shit regularly, we simply cannot stop getting facepalm

And , no one (in their right mind) would blame a woman for seeing real red flags in a guy and leaving. It happens and that’s good.

LevelCaterpillar1830 · 2025-02-11T21:12:19+00:00

I have seen guys berate women for talking about their bad first date experiences.

According to this subreddit, women are suppose to give a guy a chance and not think the worse of men for no reason.

Here's what the thing is: Yes, reddit as a whole is full of idiotic asocial dubious entities, who mark the days where they leave the house for non-work related events in a calendar. Multiply this by 100x on dating subreddits.

Of course, a lot of the dudes here are gonna go "Ohhhh my lady but I am a gooooooood man and there's so many other gooooooooooood men like me out there just chooooooooose better my lady there are sooooooo many of us".

You also can't really blame men for not knowing what other men are like around women they're into when alone together. Men are all about fun and chats and jokes and effortless charisma around each other then you put them around women they're mildly attracted to in isolated environments and their brains shut down. Their horniness goes skyhigh, nothing they say makes sense anymore, they're getting tangled up on all sorts of shit, cringe-embarrasing jokes to impress, masculinity flexing for no reason, etc.

These behaviors often put off women because they make these guys seem both dangerous and undesirable simultaneously, which is a bad perception to give off.

The TLDR here is that men will keep, keep and keep telling you to "choose better" because they don't understand very much about each other. They know things about women, since they're looking to obtain something from them, but they're largely ignorant about the psychology and inner-workings of other men.

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Remarkable-Salt1074 · 2025-02-11T21:18:37+00:00

Doesn’t this mostly apply to online dating where you can’t vet through social circles? I am of the opinion that it is nigh impossible to vet out highly extroverted Machiavellian men and unfortunately women will fall victims to these men unless they are celibate and even then. I think men should have sympathy for victims of these men

If you don’t vet out guys prior to a date who put obvious red flags like “I’m a love bomber”, blatant misogynistic shit in their profiles, instas and boring personality/creep tells, then that’s on you if you had 0 desire to learn basic vetting (unless you had 0 guidance as a child, abuse, etc.) and you’ll have to learn the hard way that 6’2 rich/jacked Chad is not always what it’s cracked up to be but most intelligent women and men will learn.

wtknight · 2025-02-11T21:43:31+00:00

Yelling at women to “choose better” because of a couple of bad first dates shows an unrealistic view of dating.

The “choose better” criticism is usually because of women being in bad relationships, not them going on bad dates.

AssPlay69420 · 2025-02-11T22:06:01+00:00

Yeah, plus it’s a natural consequence of the norm of men being the approacher and women the approached.

You can’t blame women for handling it when they face the situation by default of social norms

RahLyt · 2025-02-12T20:28:58+00:00

I've been walking round fuming because women don't vet men properly.

I have nothing better to do. This feeling is what I dedicate my life to.

Independent-Key4328 · 2025-02-12T20:31:50+00:00

Just use your woman's magical intuition that you use to spot creepy, resentful incels.

LillthOfBabylon · 2025-02-14T18:07:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Barely-moral · 2025-02-11T21:09:15+00:00

According to this subreddit, women are suppose to give a guy a chance and not think the worse of men for no reason.

There is good reason.

Then when being open minded backfires on women, women are at fault for not choosing better.

It is their responsibility. Not their fault.

Then they become pickier and then we’re right back to complaining about men not being given the benefit of a doubt.

No need to give any benefit of the doubt if you vet.

Focusing on the first date part, alot of guys here dont seem to understand that going on dates is part of the vetting process.

I understand it and I find it stupid. Vet before dating.

If you dont have to, why would you want to waste time constantly giving interview questions for days on end?

I don't have to waste time on interview questions for days on end because I did my vetting before dating. If I have questions after the private investigator gave me the information I will use one single day to ask all of them.

The point of the first date should be to have fun, see obvious red flags, and an initial check for compatibility.

Before the first date I already know about compatibility and the absence of red flags.

Mental-Outside2202 · 2025-02-11T21:37:11+00:00

This reads like a femaledatingstrategy post. Down to the same lingo and everything.

shockingly_bored · 2025-02-11T21:06:04+00:00

So men are right that women don't go on dates because they like the men, but as a means of cynically assessing his suitability in a way that they get some benefit from (food, drinks, etc). Glad that's been cleared up then.

Title	If you’re upset that women dont ‘properly vet’ before the first date, you’ve never been on dates.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	241
Date	February 11, 2025 8:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1in8vcr/if_youre_upset_that_women_dont_properly_vet/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-youre-upset-that-women-dont-properly-vet-before.1543591 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543591

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