In your opinion, how would you like men to introduce sex into the relationship?

zeezle · 2025-03-31T05:44:07+00:00

As a woman that message skeeved me out completely.

Obviously we don't have all the context, but specifically what made me go "ew, fuck no" was the part where he says "You're way too beautiful to be wasting time on boring dates."

That's just a fucking rude and insulting thing to say. He basically just outright says "actually I've been bored to death this whole time, I don't actually like you or your personality, I just want to use your body for sex instead of wasting time on all this boring talking and spending time with you."

Some of the stuff before that was phrased in a corny way but that was what made me turn on him into full agreement with that lady.

It's been way too long at this point for me to remember exactly how my husband and I first discussed it. I'm pretty blunt and high libido and he was inexperienced and at some point after the first date we had a text conversation about preferences, likes/dislikes, limits, etc. but I don't remember who started it... probably me. I can say confidently he's never said anything that gross to me at all though.

For the record what would have made the message acceptable to me is if he'd kept the "I can't stop thinking about you", complimented her looks, but also included enjoying spending time with her and then asking politely if she is interested in taking things to the next level. Bonus points for something cute that makes him seem like a caring and attentive lover without being braggy. But of course what would be fine with me isn't universal to all women. Some may not like the same sort of approach that would go over well for me.

RoseyButterflies · 2025-03-31T06:14:58+00:00

The guy doesn't know what he's doing and is cringe that's what went wrong 😂

The part where he said she's too beautiful for dates is where he fucked up majorly

Specialist-Age9387 · 2025-03-31T06:48:53+00:00

“Cut the small talk.” He was saying he wanted to “get to the point.” He was telling her he was tired of getting to know her and wanted to bang. That’s offputting and clumsy to boot. He said dating her is boring. He doesn’t like her. Men who like the woman enjoy the dates.

The way to introduce sex is to start by initiating light physical contact. Sit close. Hug or kiss at the end of dates. The rest comes naturally. I know that’s a frustrating answer but that’s how it happens in my experience.

What you don’t say is “let stop talking and just fuck” unless your intention is causal sex. In which case, be up front about it and find someone just looking to fuck.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-03-31T04:33:42+00:00

She's dating for a relationship.

He's saying "fuck all this boring 'getting to know each other'" bullshit, I wanna nut!"

His issue is not going after women who want casual sex

When dating for a relationship, women are already well fucking aware you want to fuck us. The point of dating is to get comfortable with each other and determine compatibility for a relationship. Dating isn't supposed to just be the "boring part" before sex, it's supposed to be exciting and part of building a natural intimacy that lends itself towards physical intimacy naturally

It's not something men have to formally introduce

And for him to call dating boring is rather insulting and objectifying for someone who is looking for a relationship

Poppy_Luvv · 2025-03-31T08:27:15+00:00

Not over a text.

S0yslut · 2025-03-31T11:45:00+00:00

What he did was not morally bad. From a woman’s perspective that man basically just told her he just wants to fuck and she isn’t worth being romanced so I would have blocked him too. There are a lot of guys who don’t genuinely care about us saying all those things he said to her to us constantly. You just don’t realize that because you’re not a woman I guess. That is why it is up to men to show that you’re interested in us because we genuinely don’t know.

Also I do not prefer sex to be brought up in a reckless way it makes you seem gross and unclassy. My husband and I got tested first and understood that I wasn’t on birth control and would be wearing condoms. So as you can imagine it was not a spur of the moment thing we just did, it was planned. Every time after that was spur of the moment but I liked that he showed he cared about his health and family planning because I care about those things.

Kissthecrybaby · 2025-03-31T05:48:34+00:00

This isn’t about him just wanting to have sex, it’s about the fact he completely objectifies her and says dating her is boring lmao he basically just said ‘sex is the end goal and I’m bored of jumping through hoops to get it’.

Tylikcat · 2025-03-31T04:41:43+00:00

We're missing the most important part of the story - the context. We don't know how often they've gone out, and what their interactions were like. If I met and had a coffee date with someone where we chatted about, oh, intellectual things, and didn't kiss, and I didn't think we were especially flirting, and then they text me with a lot of commentary about my body and how they wanted to have sex... I could definitely feel creeped out. I probably wouldn't have told them to go fuck themself unless there had already been some negative contact, but then I wasn't involved in the post above. And maybe there was.*

A lot of this is knowing how to read the room. (And yes, it's harder for some people than others. But it is also a skill you can practice and get better at.)

It also depends a bit on the social circles you're in. There is a special place in my heart for what I call "geek verbose" where people frequently say things like "I would like to kiss you, is that okay?" I've seen some amazingly awkward people manage to work out that they're attracted to each other, even across some pretty heavy oblviousness - and it's flippin' adorable. But not everyone is into that. (Subcultures really complicate things here. There isn't just one set of social rules, and this gets even more complicated when you travel.) Finding a subculture that you can navigate comfortably can be part of the solution - but social cues are important.

* Once upon a time I went on a couple of dates with a guy I'd been flirting with. We kissed, we talked, it seemed to be going well.

Then he wrote to me and told me he was making the mistake of going out with someone he wasn't physically attracted to. Which... alright? Bye, then.

And then a few weeks later he sent me long post about how he missed me, and how he'd been jacking off and fantasizing about spanking my ass (which he described, um, at length.) BTW, we'd never discussed spanking, and it is not my thing.

I don't think I told him to fuck himself - I don't think I responded at all. Which, BTW, I don't think counts as ghosting considering he'd already told me he didn't find me attractive. Instead, I called my housemate over and read his letter aloud, while we both interjected commentary and talked about what a psycho ass he was and how I'd dodged a bullet.

SnooCats37 · 2025-03-31T07:58:26+00:00

Sex should happen naturally, it shouldn’t need bringing up like that, either you’re really hitting it off, loads of chemistry, things are getting a bit steamy or you’re not.

OnARolll31 · 2025-03-31T17:10:41+00:00

Terrible message to send. As a lesbian, I wouldn't ever send something like that to a woman, its so disrespectful. Continue doing what you're doing and just let her come to you. Give her compliments, be flirty, but ultimately shes going to be deciding whether y'all have sex or not, not the other way around. Women don't like to feel pressured into it. Hold off on it and tease her until she jumps your bones.

violet4everr · 2025-03-31T11:15:20+00:00

The text message in that bumble post was kinda cringe ngl as long as you can gauge that I think you’ll be fine gauging when to bring up sex aswell. Don’t overthink it. Also I think bumble girl was looking for a relationship and that message was giving off major “fwb only” vibes.

Is that what you are looking for aswell? Because if so you can certainly shoot your shot more- IF- the girls your going for are similarly minded which in the scenario you described (girls you get high with, casual stuff) seems the case. And when I say bring it up- I still think initiating physical contact is the best way to “bring it up”

thelajestic · 2025-03-31T11:47:12+00:00

His message is just a bit random and weird. Unless you've already established through chat that you're meeting up precisely to have sex then I think it's best initiated in person. You can see how the vibe is and go for it when it's appropriate instead of just messaging out of the blue when the recipient might just not be in a sex mood.

If I'm initiating sex with someone I don't know well then I'd use body language and cues firstly to show that it's on the cards (sitting closer, leaning in, progressing to light physical touch such as on arm or knee) which gives them the opportunity to decline/put in some distance if they're not feeling it. That normally then provides the opportunity to lean in for a kiss and while kissing do the whole pressing up against, touching bits etc etc. Generally when guys initiated they'd go through a similar pattern and I think in general it works well. Need to pay attention to signals/body language though and stop if you think they're uncomfortable/are not clear if they're into it (you can always verbally check with them too before escalating).

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-03-31T11:43:37+00:00

oh my god, thank God I'm old and will be dead soon

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attendquoi · 2025-03-31T12:57:13+00:00

Yeah, I got slimy pick-up line vibes when I read that. Also, and I'm sure I'm showing my age, but I'd ghost any guy who tried to have that conversation via text.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-03-31T13:58:40+00:00

They wouldn’t. I would

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-03-31T14:32:16+00:00

Well, the guy in that link implied that he doesn't care about spending time with her, just likes her for her body. That's why that didn't land. Spending time with her and getting to know her, he considers "boring dates". His message was a little silly up to that point, but that point of "You're too beautiful to be wasting time on boring dates" was horrible.

Most guys I've interacted with would just at some point ask "Do you want to have sex?" or "Are you open to sex?" etc. No denigrating my time spent with him, just being straight forward. Might throw in whether he will bring condoms, the kind of things he's open to (Ex. "By the way, if we end up having sex, I only am up to it if we use condoms" "Do you like [XYZ fetish] during sex?" "Anything I need to know if we end up having sex at the end of this date?") Then again, I'm in the kink community, where people are slightly more open to actual open and honest dialogue.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2025-03-31T17:31:51+00:00

Because his text message reads as, "you're really boring, but I would like to fuck you." I'm not sure whether he's so stupid he doesn't realize he's being rude, or if he's negging on purpose but doing a terrible job at it. It's also weird that he's doing this over text message at all, rather than initiating in person. I don't think it's bad to bring up sex after three dates but that's very obviously not the issue here!

Overall just screams terrible social skills. I'm guessing those first three dates were kind of a mixed bag.

Sophiatab · 2025-03-31T18:53:50+00:00

Three or four hours after our wedding ceremony is fine with me.

AnonPinkLady · 2025-03-31T13:34:35+00:00

In my experience the sex conversation shouldn’t be initiated with one long weird ass pick up line. It should be done with sensitivity and maturity. “I’d like to take things a step further with you and have sex together. Do you think we’re ready for that?”

Title	In your opinion, how would you like men to introduce sex into the relationship?
Author	DenyDefendDepose-117
Upvotes	5
Comments	137
Date	March 31, 2025 4:17 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jnuzjl/in_your_opinion_how_would_you_like_men_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/in-your-opinion-how-would-you-like-men-to.1548172 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548172

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