The friend zone isn’t real. “Be honest and say no” also applies to “be honest and tell the girl you like her”.

MongoBobalossus · 2025-04-17T23:48:46+00:00

Once again, don’t invest romantic energy and feelings into someone who’s not reciprocating them.

RapaxIII · 2025-04-18T12:15:19+00:00

"Hey I like you"

"That's great, but I think we should be friends"

That's literally the friend zone

AsturaeConiecto · 2025-04-18T08:45:09+00:00

Takes two to tango.

Friendzone is real as in you both maintain it that way.

Plenty of women have zero friendzoned men, and some women have a dozen. Some female behaviors enable it, and some stop it before bad patterns emerge. Can't be entirely the man's attitude.

And yes, for the male side, it is fixed with more sexual assertiveness.

First time I got friendzoned, I still told the girl I was interested and I was into her, didn't stop it from happening. Your intentions being known aren't sufficient, you need to actually not accept doing emotional labor and the kind of things girlfriends expect of boyfriends without romantic and sexual behavior.

That is for the actually active friendzones. Then plenty of people complain of being simply treated like an acquaintance/friend by women they socialize with, AKA no spark, but without actually some form of bf/gf behaviors. It's also fixed by sexual assertiveness.

BrainMarshal · 2025-04-18T00:35:38+00:00

If you advocate for yourself then you acted too soon. You're gonna get got either way you go.

Also, "Let's just be friends" will always exist because it is an option that a woman can respond with.

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-04-17T23:37:58+00:00

While I don't believe the "friendzone" is a thing, I think you've gotten mixed up on what some guys consider the friendzone to be.

Typically if someone is talking about the friendzone, they aren't referring to a girl where the guy is stuck on an infinite loop of "should I or shouldn't i" while hoping the girl will just notice how great he is. They're referring to incidents where a woman will reject him but will intentionally string him along afterward because she likes the validation and attention and uses his feelings toward her as a way to get that validation.

Does that remove any responsibility on the man's part to put his foot down and set boundaries? No, but i think its a distinction that should be made.

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2025-04-18T07:52:04+00:00

I don't really get the "friendzone doesn't exist" thing. I mean, there is a lot of persons who are friend with someone but are expecting more. I do believe that you are not "put in the friendzone", this is a chosen situation, but using the word friendzone as a way to describe those kind of asymmectrical relationship seems acurate to me.

Hoopy223 · 2025-04-18T00:27:11+00:00

Umm yeah OP is full of it.

Plenty of friendships are shallow or one sided. Fairweather friends or whatever. Maybe she likes the emotional support or help at work.

It’s not sex specific either. Guys friendzone other guys. People (esp narcissists/manipulators) like having followers and fans.

meisterkraus · 2025-04-17T23:42:42+00:00

Then why do women that put men in it get pissed when they get a girlfriend?

Ok_Wishbone3535 · 2025-04-17T23:46:51+00:00

While I agree with, I think the problem is that it's not tribal knowledge for a lot of men. Men have been BOMBARDED with music and media showing you can get into a relationship via being friends. That only works if she's interested. We were taught wrong by media and music. Ultimately I agree.. can't bein the friendzone, if you don't agree to it.

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Normalsasquatch · 2025-04-18T05:47:29+00:00

I've found if you don't care if you're put in the friend zone, you're more likely to get dates.

I think it's so women know they can trust you or something.

That and you're not just desperate and gonna obsess about her.

As a guy it can sound nice to have a woman obsess about you, but that's not real partnership. And if your break up she will stalk you. Ask me how I know.

Also, you can be honest and tell a woman you can be friends with her cause you like her too much, if it's true

Either she cuts you off or she dates you. Either one is healthier for you than obsessing about a woman that doesn't want you.

Life-Income2986 · 2025-04-17T23:46:06+00:00

We should also have a discussion on why these men still want to have sex with someone they now know for a fact doesn't want to have sex with them. Anyone who still wants to have sex with people that don't want to have sex with them is a sex criminal waiting to happen.

Popular-Cabinet-3039 · 2025-04-18T13:38:22+00:00

The friend zone doesn’t exist.

The friend zone absolutely exists, when used to describe the very real phenomenon of people developing attraction for a friend that does not reciprocate. The only reason this is controversial is because women have a tendency to “back burn” men and resent being called out on it.

Also, women simultaneously claim to be mind readers that can reject men based on latent, buried misogyny, then simultaneously claim “unwelcome surprise” when their male friend confesses. More often than not, everyone knows exactly what’s going on, and just allows things to simmer under the surface rather than be direct.

why couldn’t he just clearly state his intentions upfront like a man, and accept what comes with it?

No man does this and gets away with it unless he’s a super model. Women want dancing monkeys, and “vet” even men they’re attracted to through indirect, cowardly interactions that allow them plausible deniability when they decide the man is a little too awkward or, God forbid, “stable but boring.” Women and feminine men call it flirting.

The only difference between an indirect man who’s friend zoned and an indirect man who’s fuck zoned is that the fuck zoned man got what he wanted.

justdontsashay · 2025-04-17T23:44:51+00:00

This is somehow mostly accurate, but also misses the point.

Your description of this situation is so centered around the guy “being nice” and not being brave enough to say what he really wants.

It’s not just “being nice,” it’s pretending to care about being someone’s friend. It’s faking a friendship in the hopes it will give you access to sex. I’ve been on the other side of this a number of times in my life, and it hurts when someone who I actually valued as a friend, who seemed to want to be friends, suddenly lets me know that the whole time he was wanting more, and when I let him know that the friendship isn’t leading to anything more, I lose my friend.

Men who do this, and then expect pity for being “friendzoned,” should be called out for what a shitty thing this is to do to a friend.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-18T03:44:51+00:00

People can develop feelings after the fact

Dertross · 2025-04-18T15:33:28+00:00

You didn't demonstrate the friendzone isn't real.

The friend zone doesn’t exist. You need to be a man and tell the girl you like her directly & stop being so scared.

Mot of the friendzone term comes from "I like you as a friend" which happens when you ask the woman out. It's not like men are just pretending to be a woman's friend and waiting for her to offer sex at some point.

Also tired of the implication that men can't develop attraction to a woman after getting to know her.

musicissoulfood · 2025-04-18T16:53:42+00:00

The friend zone doesn’t exist. If you allow yourself to be out in the “friend zone” then you simply can’t handle the full rejection.

If you can choose to be out in the friend zone or not, then by definition the friend zone exists. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

flyingpilgrim · 2025-04-18T21:17:14+00:00

I think what a lot of people conflate as the "friend zone" is being led on. It's having someone make you invest a disproportionate amount of time and resources while the other person keeps things vague and ambiguous, until they no longer want that pursuit. People are allowed to change their minds. They are allowed to reject people, no one is obligated to have another person. At the same time, you are allowed to be internally frustrated if someone flagrantly wastes your times. That isn't an excuse for bad or inappropriate behavior. You are not entitled to someone's love or body, but they are also not entitled to your time or commitment.

coping_man · 2025-04-19T01:51:33+00:00

the friend zone is real but when a woman doesn't scream in bold 48 pt helvetica that she is into you... believe her.

desiringyouall8 · 2025-04-19T02:32:57+00:00

The problem with guys that get friendzoned is that they consciously allow themselves to grow in attachment to a woman while just remaining her friend. While a man might generally be expected to initiate a romantic relationship, he should not allow himself to become attached to her without her reciprocating his feelings first.

However, I think some men become friend zoned because they develop feelings for a woman who they genuinely started out having a platonic relationship with before.

petellapain · 2025-04-19T03:58:19+00:00

The friend zone is a nebulous set of social conditions that help women gain maximum attention and utility from the most amount of males possible while allowing women to maintain plausible deniablity. It thrives in its vagueness. Denying its existence is a fundamental aspect of its utility. It can't be identified or called out without the accuser becoming maligned as a creep/loser/entitled.

Here is how the friend zone functions:

Due to lack of telepathy, men must rely on social cues and body language to know if he should attempt to express sexual interest in a woman, because asking directly is a certified ick. This expression is always inappropriate among strangers(unless the man is hot). So its only possible among aquintences at the very least. Women have built a paradoxical set of cues that can be interpreted as simple friendliness or the green light to flirt. This is on purpose. It puts the burden on the man to decide to escalate to flirting so she can reject or accept advances depending on her mood, all while maintaining a position of passive innocence. " She flips her hair and smiles at every one, but also that was totally a signal to go for it, only a square would miss it. Tee hee."

This is where all non-hot men reside, the friend zone. A platonic starting point that could(wont) evolve into a sexual relationship if the man can build attraction(he can't). It is an unwinnable position for the average man. He never has the signal. But because the signal is also not the signal, everyone can blame him for misunderstanding social cues and failing to make a move while simultaneously blaming him for misunderstanding social cues and making a move on a women who wasn't interested. He is the cowardly asexual and the unwelcome creep all at once. He is wrong and bad when he acts, wrong and bad when he does not act.

This trap that women have intentionally built to filter out romantic advances from unwanted men while maintaining maximum attention and favor from the largest pool of men has caused approaching to become a loathsome endeavor on the level of jury duty or tax preparation. It is referred to as the friend zone. Everyone knows what it means and how it works, even those who smugly deny its existence.

Vaudeville_Clown · 2025-04-19T09:24:03+00:00

Correct on the whole, but there is one exception.

If the following happens: 1. A guy shoots his shot and is turned down 2. He takes a step back, remain friends but possible a little less close. 3. He then looks for other single women. 4. She doesn't let go but starts to sabotage his attempts at finding someone else. She will call and pretend she's having a crisis at the exact time when he is out on a date with someone else.

This means she wants him to remain in orbit with his unrequited affection.

That IS friendzoning, and it's a real shitty move, not to mention, it means she's a psycho.

EDIT: If the main problem here is the word "friendzone", let's invent a new term for this type of person to at least have a language to describe it. Emotional leech, vampire diva, affection junkie. That might work.

Reno0vacio · 2025-04-20T06:59:51+00:00

The friend zone exists before we forget because you misspeak. So I don't understand why you say it doesn't exist. The red pill now that's a real thing. The blue pill and many inexperienced men won't admit it doesn't exist, or that they're in it.

I know that wasn't the point of the post, after all.. but I don't like it when people try to pass something off or make a claim in such a sneaky way.

OldPyjama · 2025-04-24T14:18:08+00:00

I don't entirely agree. If you tell a woman you're romantically interested in her and she tells you "let's just be friends", she technically wants to put you in her friendzone.

The good news is you're under no obligation to enter it. Just gracefully accept the rejection, wish her the best and part ways. If you want to put yourself through the emotional pain of actually going and staying in this zone, then that's your business but don't complain if it hurts.

Like I said yesterday in another thread: if being in this friendzone hurts you, then fucking LEAVE. She's not entitled to your friendship, just like you're not entitled to a relationship.

Accomplished-Pin3073 · 2025-04-18T04:04:35+00:00

A lot of “MEN” on here have no real dating experience & they just get info from Reddit, other sites & the opinions of people who lie on the internet lol lol

Key_Spread_3422 · 2025-04-18T02:38:32+00:00

Most people are just terrible friends. And if being in the friend zone is hard being in a relationship is even harder. Most just want sex but can’t afford a call girl

SherbertDense1415 · 2025-04-18T03:57:28+00:00

Friendzone is made up by betas who are ashamed for heir beta bitch passiveness. It is what it is. At least have the balls to admit that making a move or generating seduction in a woman makes you anxious and so you avoid it.

Kreeps_United · 2025-04-18T04:26:56+00:00

Getting "put in the friendzone" is when you tell a girl how you feel and she says she just sees you as a friend or brother.

Title	The friend zone isn’t real. “Be honest and say no” also applies to “be honest and tell the girl you like her”.
Author	ConTrikster
Upvotes	28
Comments	181
Date	April 17, 2025 9:06 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1k1nqcn/the_friend_zone_isnt_real_be_honest_and_say_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-friend-zone-isnt-real-be-honest-and-say-no.1549924 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549924

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