What sort of woman stops a man from having his kids 50/50 for no reason?!

Glum-Leadership4823 · 2025-06-03T07:51:29+00:00

I spent $10,000 over 8 years to get more than one night every other weekend. I had been a glorious alcoholic who had sobered up just before divorce but the damage was done and there was no convincing her that I was in the process of changing. I never pushed hard and was always civil even though I endured verbal and emotional abuse I felt it was only karma. Then one day I gave up. I was never going to win even though my record was clean. I moved out of state for 2 years and when I moved back my ex couldn’t give me the kids enough I think she was sick of them 24/7. But I had changed. I went from doing everything I could for my kids and waiting with baited breath for my one night, not sleeping and spending everything I had left on them to finding them to be a huge disruption in my life. It has been so long since I lived with them and they have changed so much I have gone beyond being able to figure out how to communicate with them and just don’t care to anymore. They are a reminder of the life I used to have and the pain that came with it. I love them, I pay for them, I spend time with them, and I don’t like anything about them. Don’t be like me. Keep fighting as hard as you can for as long as you can before you lose all hope and become as irritated and ambivalent as I have.

Hungry-Praline-9176 · 2025-06-02T06:11:04+00:00

Sounds like borderline personality disorder

Quantum_ADR · 2025-05-31T06:58:24+00:00

Your frustration is real. It’s shared by many CoParents who are deeply committed to being present and involved in their children’s lives. What you’re describing goes beyond a disagreement between CoParents; it touches something much deeper. We’re talking about your identity as a parent, and your desire to actively nurture your relationship with your kids.

That sense of identity can feel threatened when time with your children is reduced to percentages. It can feel like a judgment. But in reality, these CoParenting decisions should be about how to help your children thrive in both homes.

We often see how CoParenting Mediation, when done with a focus on trust, safety, and a commitment to the children’s well-being, can open space for a different kind of conversation. One that shifts away from blame and control, and toward collaboration. At the end of the day, no matter how strained things may feel between the adults, one truth remains: your kids do best when their connection to both parents is protected and supported.

It’s not just about physical time. It’s about each parent’s capacity to be emotionally available, consistent, attuned, and able to communicate - with both the children and each other. Those are the qualities that shape healthy attachments and secure development.

Sometimes, the legal route feels like the only option - but mediation can also be a path worth exploring, especially if there’s even a sliver of willingness to refocus on the children’s experience rather than past grievances.

We’re wishing you strength, clarity, and forward momentum toward your family’s North Star - the best interests of your kids.

NotDefensive · 2025-05-31T02:17:47+00:00

She tried for 80/20 and told me a judge wouldn’t give me that because I gave the kids baths on Monday instead of Sunday. Apparently that’s child neglect in her reality.

I have 50/50.

4st4rt3s-c4ptn · 2025-05-30T13:51:11+00:00

My ex lost her mind when I said I wanted 50/50. She said it would be “bad for our kid” and that I “didn’t know what it was like to be divorced”. I got 50/50 in the end, but not after a slew of snide remarks and insults and being accused of not having the best interest of our kid in mind.

008muse · 2025-05-30T12:14:26+00:00

sounds like a bitter woman. Dealing with similar man. Keep your cool. How old are the kids? She’s likely scared you’ll “win their hearts” over time and she’ll lose them. Sounds very controlling and emotionally abusive if you ask me.

random_attention · 2025-05-30T03:19:06+00:00

What does the divorce decree say?

biscuts99 · 2025-05-30T03:04:18+00:00

Take her to court.

Mental_Cobbler_9419 · 2025-05-29T03:43:11+00:00

Do you want to hear a woman’s answer to this question? Let me know.

First-Sail8421 · 2025-05-29T02:13:40+00:00

OF COURSE IT’S THE MONEY! Always follow the money: more custody = more CS. Mine lied under oath repeatedly, said she would make it so I only saw the kids ‘after church on Sunday.’ I fought her lies and mendacity, and the GAL sided with me across the board. She still made out like a bandit on alimony and equitable division bc I do very well and saved a ton over 15 years of marriage while she stayed at home with a full time nanny to take tennis lessons, go on girls trips to Miami, NYC, and Taos with the furs and LV handbags, and lounge by the pool at the country club. All that wealth - which I had built for my kids - destroyed now bc of her selfishness and avarice, but I do have > 50 percent of my kids’ time, and I will recover financially while she languishes. So f her, the horse she rode in on, and the personal trainer she rides every night.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2025-05-29T01:34:53+00:00

My man, you don't ask for anything you do it, take her to court and dig your heels in on that hill and don't budge 1 night a year less then 50/50 and show her and the courts you're ready to fight and I guarantee you'll get it

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2025-05-28T22:51:14+00:00

My STBXW went for 100% custody and I went for 50/50. No idea why except to be vengeful for finally figuring out who she truly is (she cheated, lied etc. I got proof). Once you know the truth about a liar you are enemy number one. Guardian Ad Litum recommended 50/50 which is what I got.

Going back for a follow up appointment with the GAL because she has been abusing our 11 year old son as well as calling our children “bitch”.

Mother’s Day weekend I had my kids. Our son refused to see his mom on MD.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2025-05-28T21:53:33+00:00

It just blows me out because I hear so many women complaining that their kids Dad's don't want anything to do with them!

Women complaining doesn't make it true. I'm fairly certain the vast majority are rationalizations that divorced women give to people who inquire about lopsided custody arrangements. It absolves them of responsibility and is much easier to say to people than "My children don't see their Dad because I'm petty and vengeful so I deprive my ex husband of time with our children".

NoLeather3109 · 2025-05-28T20:08:15+00:00

I think the court system is all about “what’s best for mom” while pretending that it’s all about what’s best for the kids. At least that’s the only thing that makes sense to me. My ex definitely feels that getting maximum money out of me is best.

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2025-05-28T19:02:24+00:00

Because she wants it to be known that she is the better parent.

LionAR1999 · 2025-05-28T17:49:41+00:00

Another BS reason my ex gave me was…she wants them to have something “routine to be consistent” and wants them to “grow up in the house they’ve been in”. Both bullshit as we can make 50/50 “consistent” and they are going to have 2 homes. Not 1. All BS from the real reason. I haven’t complained much because the 4 months in I keep taking the kids on days she should have them because of her hectic work requirements and will actually have them 50% time, if not more…it’s just not what the court order says.

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2025-05-28T15:40:34+00:00

what's visitation supposed to be according to the terms of the custody agreement?

MasonBlake_ · 2025-05-28T14:21:30+00:00

Been living this myself… She pretends she wants “what’s best for the child,” but somehow that always translates into her full control. Mediation? Just a stalling tactic. Delay, play the victim, run out the clock, and frame you as difficult while she stays the “primary parent” by default…

Meanwhile, I’ve gone through two years of: False cooperation. “Binding” agreements she later backpedals on. A legal system that rewards indecision and drama as long as mom gets her way…

You hold the line, and suddenly you’re “rigid.” You show up consistently…and they call it “conflict.”

But here’s the truth: If you don’t build systems to track, plan, and lead…they’ll bury you in plausible deniability...

LionAR1999 · 2025-05-28T13:41:21+00:00

Ego, Reputation, Control, Child Support, sometimes it being frowned upon from societies norms. I have about 46/54 and she just couldn’t go 50/50 and the state i’m in doesn’t allow 50/50 unless we both agreed to it. I still don’t know the reason why, and I’ve asked multiple times but I’m sure it’s a combination of a few things I mentioned above.

gaelorian · 2025-05-28T13:16:15+00:00

Unless there’s actual issues with violence, finances, or drug/alcohol dependency a spouse that fights against 50/50 is a shitty human being.

2025-05-28T13:02:54+00:00

Because she’s a woman. They’re all evil in divorce.

Finance-UK · 2025-05-28T12:35:12+00:00

My alcoholic STBXW is the opposite. She's happy with me doing 100% of the childcare. Her life revolves around sofa surfing, getting drunk, self harming and having hook ups in cheap hotels. She came out of rehab last week, next day she calls me and I could tell she had been drinking.

Ginpo236 · 2025-05-28T12:15:47+00:00

I'm on the same boat as you. No reason not to have 50/50 other than her ego.

Separated for a year, had my son 50/50 and he's thriving in school and I'm the one taking him for haircuts, to the pool, out with his best friend, etc. You name it, I get it done. Our divorce isn't final and my lawyer says I just gotta keep it up until the final order is signed.

LonelyNC123 · 2025-05-28T12:15:07+00:00

First....most women act that way in divorce. In most states the law lets them do that. They do it because they CAN.

adl3026 · 2025-05-28T12:10:10+00:00

It's motivated by one simple thing......MONEY. The less time you have your kids the more money you have to pay her. It's greed plain and simple.

PrestigiousDrag7674 · 2025-05-28T10:39:27+00:00

Obviously it's revenge...

MeatcleaverCK1 · 2025-05-28T09:08:36+00:00

Because some women hate their ex husband more thant hey love their kids :(

CommercialConcern828 · 2025-05-28T09:03:23+00:00

Save the money and detach and improve.

She will bring the kids to you.

Exactly65536 · 2025-05-28T08:43:01+00:00

Isn't child support a good enough reason?

I mean, she can have all the other reasons - she can do it out of spite, or to assert her dominance, or she can genuinely believe the kids are somehow better with her than with you. But if we have financial incentive in place, it's always safe to assume people are pursuing that.

Of course you will be spending more if you split 50/50, but that's the spending of yours over which she has no control. As opposed to child support, which, I assume, she is spending at her discretion.

So basically what you are offering might be a bad deal for her. She loses more than she wins, financially.

If that's the case, the way to get more time with the kids would be to spend more money. Unless you have a good argument for the court, which you probably don't.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-05-28T07:32:32+00:00

She weaponized them to hurt you &/or to get more child support. I would say she is trying to do parental alienation, but as the kids are not falling for it, it's not working.

I don't know any father that wants to have nothing to do with their children. Some women who are complaining are bluntly lying. I know a case where she said to everyone, including her own family, that their father didn't want to see them, while in reality she asked for a protective order and now the father can't see them or even get near them. Her own brother was shocked when i explained him with proof that his sister is doing everything in court to block him from seeing them. Yours is probably speading that variant of that lie about you not caring about them...All stories have two sides

Gattsama · 2025-05-28T06:21:38+00:00

Unfortunately, if your eX is truly vindictive, she cares more about hurting you than helping the kids. And she mostly likley does complain to others that their Dad is not involved in their life. How she struggles as a single mother but overcomes it through the love of her children, etc.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-05-28T05:24:41+00:00

Is there a court order in place? If not, Why don’t you just tell her you’re keeping them an extra day. She’s acting like the primary caregiver and you’re reinforcing that concept by seeking her permission to spend time with your kids.

jimsmythee · 2025-05-28T05:17:02+00:00

It can be for a few reasons;

My exwife refused to work. So she wanted me to have visitation only for these reasons;

To maximize CS $'s.
To make a better case for getting alimony if she had the kids full time.

In reality? She didn't care how much time I had the kids. She wanted the $'s.

And in divorce trial? Judge ruled against her and gave me 50/50 custody, which meant that my CS Obligation to her was minimal and she was denied alimony.

Mangrove43 · 2025-05-28T05:15:00+00:00

My ex broke custody agreement a lot.

warwww · 2025-05-28T05:04:09+00:00

What’s interesting is that these connotations will mean jack sh** in a few years. Let her focus on the title and you on spending quality time with your kids.

Some parents are concerned with or high off a title. “I’m primary parent”. What the hell will that mean when your kid is 21 and either wants nothing to do with you, despises you or has cut you out of their life?

Focus less on the title and more on ensuring that you have a bond with your child and raise them to be decent and responsible adults.

It could be a myriad of reasons, the top two usually are money and control. Human nature is very simple at its core. Very rare you’d find a fair person out there, some will often and naturally feel entitled to more.

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-05-28T04:43:19+00:00

I did it to ensure my wife never got 50/50 so I always had primary custody. She struggled with mental health and substance abuse issues (the reason for the split) and was never able to be clean and sober for more than couple of months. Except for the three months or so she was in jail.

I never paid child support and only a tiny amount pf alimony so it wasn’t about money. It was about the ability to make decisions for the kid. Maybe that’s why your wife does it.

SteveSan82 · 2025-05-28T04:37:41+00:00

Money. She wants more. The more your kids are with you the less she gets

Betterbythedaycoach · 2025-05-28T04:32:37+00:00

3 main reasons. ..Money(yours), control, and appearances to try and make you look bad so she can look like a hero in her own world. Keep fighting for your kids man. It sucks to go through it but it’s all worth it in the end.

Title	What sort of woman stops a man from having his kids 50/50 for no reason?!
Author	Jaded_Language9126
Upvotes	44
Comments	65
Date	May 28, 2025 4:20 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kx800e/what_sort_of_woman_stops_a_man_from_having_his/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-sort-of-woman-stops-a-man-from-having-his.1553305 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553305

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