Men are not upset about not being able to date, they're upset about not being able to participate in hookup culture.

bjwindow2thesoul · 2025-07-18T11:09:57+00:00

Theres a lot of men being upset about either. Anecdotaly ive seen more people being upset about not being able to find a relationship than not being able to sleep around. But I agree that ive got more sympathy for the former group than the latter

IgorXY · 2025-07-18T11:16:50+00:00

Both? Like it's not like men who can't find hookups have a line of ladies who want commitment with them. I admit I am not attractive enough for this lifestyle, so what now, am I not allowed to complain? I also admit if this was not the thing, like if no one had sex before marriage, I would not care about it. I just want to be normal, and social media over past 40 years made it clear that hooking up is normal.

Sorry I have zero sympathy for these men.

We know, lol. Still you post about them like clockwork.

Being promiscuous is for attractive people.

Go be promiscuous if you want to, leave us uglies alone.

lesliecarbone · 2025-07-18T11:23:54+00:00

I think many of them crave validation. Unfortunately, they crave a pathetically impoverished sense of validation from the feeling of being sexually attractive based on their physical attributes.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-07-18T11:42:34+00:00

I rarely side with incels/pure redpillers here, but I really don't agree with this take at all.

I think the most struggling of struggling men focus on casual sex because they look at things in a linear fashion. They see a progression from teenage relationships centered largely around kissing/making out/light touching to casual sex, to settling down, and assume that's what everyone does even though it's only what some people do. It's, yet again, a videogame brained mindset that needs to be pushed back on.

Because some people never have casual sex or do any of that stuff outside of relationships.

This videogame brained belief is also often extended to women, which is why it drives SOME men absolutely batty here to know that she was with other men before him, because she has a basis for comparison that isn't being a stepping stone on his fictional "leveling up" journey. Making out is a level 1 Xbox achievement. Sex is probably level 3. Marriage to a woman that both enjoys his personality and his body is level 5 (I'm making up level since I don't really play videogames, and I've never owned an xbox), and the steps must be completed in order.

It's a very stupid and linear way of looking at things. They see "a relationship" as marriage, and don't realize that every year, millions of virgin teenage men enter into relationships with women they're attracted to before having sex with them, and this "relationship first" status doesn't preclude genuine attraction or good sex.

Furthermore, the notion that casual sex is reserved only for attractive people is wrong, too. Ugly people have casual sex all the time - it isn't some gatekept thing that only hot people get to participate in.

There are LOTS of good men out there who don't think like this. But the ones who do are fixated on their next "achievement" so they won't even begin to think about a relationship until they feel they've had at least as much casual sex as they imagine the average guy has. Ironically, this mindset is going to make that kind of guy unattractive as both a short and long term partner. The most frequent and wild sex takes place in committed relationships if the right mindset in the bedroom is cultivated. The guys who think like this can't yet imagine themselves in a situation where they're getting enthusiastic sex - so the idea they'd walk away from enthusiastic sex is simply a revenge fantasy.

It's very reasonable to not want to feel settled for, however. Genuine attraction is something men and women should both be screening for during dating, including that of their partner towards them.

HOWEVER, 99% of men would NOT "rather sleep around indefinitely" - that honestly sounds exhausting. Sure, it's fun when you're younger and you want to have different experiences with different kinds of women, when there seems to be a never ending supply of people coming and going from your life through school, summer jobs and programs, extracurriculars, hobbies, family friends, and friends of friends when practically everyone is single, but that does diminish as you get older. And when they meet someone who is that enthusiastic about him and has a personality he enjoys, that much will be clear. The ones who struggle with commitment often have unprocessed trauma and/or avoidant personality types - I was like this at times when I was younger, too, depending on the person I was with. But when someone really good comes along, you'll want to commit. The sex is good, the companionship is good, the attraction is mutual, and if you really hit the jackpot you find you want a lot of the same things in life and can start slowly building together. In that situation, neither person would want to walk away because starting over is going to be giving something up.

The solution is correcting the misguided beliefs and videogame brained approach to relationships, not dehumanizing "men" as a whole and making all of us seem like nothing but one dimensional woman-seeking penis missiles.

LionheartMfn · 2025-07-18T11:13:02+00:00

It's not that they want to participate in hook up culture, they want to be just sexually desired, not only because they have to "deserve" something and "buy" her, when other attractive guys can do nothing to get it. I totally understand those guys

Training-Cook3507 · 2025-07-18T12:07:28+00:00

It's sad to see so many women spend so much time trying to invalidate men's struggles.

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2025-07-18T11:12:15+00:00

This interpretation is not entirely correct. A lot of guys never get to experience what it's like when a woman finds you attractive, hence the hookup vs husband material. And a lot of women will happily settle for a guy they don't actually find attractive and turn him into the beta bucks.

Is it really that bizarre for guys to want to feel sexually attractive?

HotOutcome9161 · 2025-07-18T12:20:02+00:00

Most people will never have the opportunities that people who are very good looking have.

If you are a man, you are most likely not good looking enough to participate in hook up culture.

If you are a woman, you are most likely not good looking enough to get a rich husband.

Both could still succed if they throw all their standart out the window.

OliveBranch233 · 2025-07-18T11:12:32+00:00

I think "just be aro," might be up there with "just sleep with men," in terms of deflection lmao.

TermAggravating8043 · 2025-07-18T11:37:51+00:00

It is porn that making lots of young men think everyone’s having gangbangs left right n centre

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gtbreddit1 · 2025-07-18T12:29:16+00:00

Men are upset about not being able to date women who would otherwise hook up with them.

RahLyt · 2025-07-18T11:26:14+00:00

Lol you don't have sympathy for men that want to have sex and not date.

What do you want us to debate?

throwaway73737828 · 2025-07-18T11:31:24+00:00

No its because you fuck the guys who are hookup material, and you deny sex or prolong it so much with the guy who is bf/husband material. If you fuck the guy who is your bf/husband consistently we wouldnt try to be players or fuckboys

Astrophane97 · 2025-07-18T11:22:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

growframe · 2025-07-18T11:59:23+00:00

I literally saw a dude here complain that women who withheld sex until they were in relationships were "using men for commitment," another where a man was complaining about being "relationship zoned," another where a man says its "better to be hookup material than husband material,

When you see a woman complaining about being pump and dumped or only being used for sex, is your conclusion that's an asexual who hates sex?

Clutterboxx · 2025-07-18T12:12:45+00:00

No, just admit you're upset you're not attractive enough to participate in hookup culture and resent the fact women want commitment before sleeping with you.

The men that woman slept with before didn't have to jump through hoops so why is she making the guy she supposedly loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with wait?

Does she actually love him or is she just manipulating him into staying with her because she has very few redeeming traits aside from her pussy?

Also the notorious "friend zone," I don't neccesarily believe men experience like or intellectual stimulation at this point, just empty sacks of flesh. We need to acknowledge a large % of men are aromantic or at least incapable of bonding with women.

A lot of what women consider "friendships" with men are just keeping the guy as a surrogate boyfriend for money, physical help and emotional support with no obligation to return the favour because you aren't dating and she "doesn't want to give the wrong idea". She is using you while claiming to be a friend or just using the friend label to reject you while keeping you around.

Crying bc the comment section is full of men who lack reading comprehension skill and fully agree with me 💀💀💀. Pls refrain from commenting unless you're saying something contradictory.

I think the mods should just ban you for posting ragebait.

nightcall379 · 2025-07-18T12:44:23+00:00

Men often actively resist commitment and look down on women for being interested in romantic ideas.

As they should, because women lie

When women split men into two categories: "the ones who get unconditional love no matter hoe degenerate they are", and the "Beta-providers to settle for in loveless, exploitative, abusive relationships"

Men absolutely should take women's "desire for commitment before sex" as an insult

I literally saw a dude here complain that women who withheld sex until they were in relationships were "using men for commitment,"

And he's absolutely right

When a woman will have sex with a sexually attractive guy behind a stinking dumpster 10 mins after meeting him

While the average guy has to put a ring on it to get the same thing? Lmao

And he's wrong for taking that as an insult? Lol

No, just admit you're upset you're not attractive enough to participate in hookup culture and resent the fact women want commitment before sleeping with you.

You're completely misrepresenting the argument

The point is that women lie about it

Women lie about the fact that the sexually attractive guys will get unconditional sex, while the majority of men will have to become their slaves to get the same thing

And even then it will only be a degenerate loveless parody on what the sexually attractive guy got the same day she met him

99% would rather sleep around indefinitely than date a single woman

And there is nothing wrong with that

When a sexually attractive guy does the same thing, women idealize him for it

It's a badge of honor for women to be used for sex by a sexually attractive guy

It's only bad when the sexually unattractive guy(in other words, the majority of men) want the same thing

Again, the point is that women lie about this

Fyi nothing wrong with being uninterested in romantic relationships, I'm the same way, however I don't lie to people who want that

Then women should stop lying to men about the double standards they have for the sexually attractive and unattractive guys

Being promiscuous is for attractive people.

Then again, women need to collectively stop lying about it

AreOut · 2025-07-18T11:08:45+00:00

nah, a lot of men don't care about hookups nor do they have time for it

empireofadhd · 2025-07-18T12:08:14+00:00

There are many different forms of inequality in our societies and depending on demographic and age group ”wealth” is defined in different ways. When I was 8 it was a turtles action figure. When I was 15 it was sex. When I was 20 it was university program or future prospect and coolest parties. When I was 25 it was jobs. 35 kids and house and career. Now I’m approaching 45 and it’s health. When I’m 60 it’s going to be grandkids.

I also belong to the blackpill demographic. Through I have managed to do well financially now later in my life I have always been behind the curve socially and wealth wise when we consider it from a wider perspective esp when comparing within age group. I still am. I have no family, few friends, never had a girlfriend and no kids.

Men who complain about women like this tend to be in late teens or early 20s where access to sex and relationships is the most important. I think the progressives are really messing up because they care about inequality in every other aspect except for when it’s men who experience it. I’m not meaning women should sleep with undesirable men etc. Just accept that this is a consequence of inequality and how it manifests among men. Theis anger about inequality (which I carry) will continue to fester in this generation and follow them into adulthood. No amount of ”messaging” from the left will fix the core problem: they don’t care about men becoming poorer and loosing out. I

I used to be a leftie when I was younger but the older I grow the more I hate them.

No-Hovercraft-455 · 2025-07-18T12:27:26+00:00

I think it's a bit more complicated than that. It tends to be main complaint related to being "husband material" is not that they don't want to marry, it's just that many dudes feel unwanted and gross and want women to validate they are good enough, and because of how men view sex they want that to be by instant lusting.

I think every gender has some fantasies of being wanted so much that all sense leaves ones head, but those dudes you hear whining are already bitter with very bad self confidence so instead of being a nice fantasy (like it's for most people) that kind of thing becomes their desired solution for self esteem problems.

Majority of rich and famous men want to be married like most of all the other men so it's not that they take issue with concept of being husband. Some might not want to be monogamous and they usually lose their partner/partners to it but they don't really think about that when trying to get married because it has other benefits for them. They also don't really love women but that's neither here nor there, the red thread is they very much do want to be married but being viewed as husband material hurts weak ones ego because they think it's the opposite of being wanted in the way they think they need to be wanted to fix themselves.

Boring_Meat2550 · 2025-07-18T13:33:26+00:00

This looks like bait so I'm not going to bite. Just be specific when you speak about "men". Most men aren't redpill men. That's all.

ViolentShallot · 2025-07-18T11:58:59+00:00

Men often actively resist commitment and look down on women for being interested in romantic ideas.

Not really, no. The core difference is that men are willing to fuck women they aren't willing to commit to. From the point of view of those women, "men actively resist commitment". But they are missing the last unsaid bit: men resist commitment to them.

I literally saw a dude here complain that women who withheld sex until they were in relationships were "using men for commitment," another where a man was complaining about being "relationship zoned," another where a man says its "better to be hookup material than husband material,"

The negative feeling comes when commitment is demanded to you specifically. Not when it's demanded in general. If I meet a woman that requires commitment before sex no matter what, that's a smart woman. If the woman requires commitment before sex, but she can make an exception if the guy is attractive enough, of fucking course I will feel considerable rejection towards that woman if she asks me for commitment.

No, just admit you're upset you're not attractive enough to participate in hookup culture and resent the fact women want commitment before sleeping with you.

Now, here, "resent" is the wrong word. It's not resent; it's just a horrible idea to give commitment to someone that considers you a second-to-fifth tier option.

Also the notorious "friend zone," I don't neccesarily believe men experience like or intellectual stimulation at this point, just empty sacks of flesh.

The "friend zone" is a situation where a woman accepts commitment but has no intention of having sex. It's not "empty sacks of flesh", it's "person I want to have a relationship with".

We need to acknowledge a large % of men are aromantic or at least incapable of bonding with women.

That literally doesn't track. Not wanting to give relationship-level commitment to someone that considers you a second grade option at best isn't "being aromantic", it's being reasonable.

Sorry I'd rather not beg and plead just to coerce someone into something they don't want, I'll stay single forever.

If you have to beg, plead and coerce it's likely because you're trying to get someone to commit, while that someone knows he can do much better.

Fyi nothing wrong with being uninterested in romantic relationships, I'm the same way, however I don't lie to people who want that or complain nonstop about it.

Again, it's not being uninterested in romantic relationships. It is being uninterested in romantic relationships with that person.

Being promiscuous is for attractive people.

But then you complain when attractive men don't commit... make up your mind?

LogicalRun5792 · 2025-07-18T12:13:35+00:00

You really need to find healthy hobbies outside of ragebaiting on reddit. The vast majority of men out there are well and truly aware that they are average and not hookup material. You are just bent out of shape that they don't sit down and shut up so the leftists and feminists can screech about made up slights.

petellapain · 2025-07-18T12:33:57+00:00

Women get to enjoy both, men don't. Of course you can't empathize with men on this. The idea that women are empathetic is a myth

Lopsided-Oven-2677 · 2025-07-18T12:34:53+00:00

I honestly don't get what this post is about? Like some men might get upset they can't participate in hookup culture, others might be upset they can't find a relationship, point being, it depends on the guy and everyone should have a right to be upset or complain about things.

ComprehensivePipe448 · 2025-07-18T12:50:04+00:00

The men women hookup with and want to date , are far different from the men who women don’t hookup with , the ones who resist commitment aren’t a large proportion of men however, 1. They’re good looking so they’re the most desired 2. Since every women wants a goodlooking men and it’s proven women don’t acknowledge existence of unattractive men , the actions of those men represent every other men 3. All the good people who are goodlooking and want to commit get snatched up very quickly so u rarely see them on the market

The men who complain are usually those not dating but can still observe everyone else flirting and daying and see all the BS that occurs

Aimeereddit123 · 2025-07-18T13:12:29+00:00

‘Aromantic, or at least incapable of bonding with women’. THIS 🎯. It’s so sad. My husband literally has no clue how to be romantic with me, or how to bond and blend into an ‘us’. It’s just ‘me’ and ‘him’. I’ve NEVER truly felt coupled with him. We lead completely separate lives. Always have. He’s just not interested in anything deeper, no matter how important it is (was) to me. At the end of the day, if we are still willing to have sex with them, they just don’t care how unfulfilled we are throughout the day. They just don’t. Sex or not is their entire barometer of the relationship. Yeah, the running male narrative you’ve re-posted here sounds just about right. So sad. Men today are not the men of yesteryear. Porn brain rot and the misogyny that comes with it, has made sure of that. We are objects, not worth the time and effort and self-searching it would take of them to make us truly happy and content. If at the end of the day, we will still F them, they are fine. 😑. If we stop, they may or may not ask what’s wrong, and to actually FIX it, is a whole other thing…..

Shoddy-Cherry-490 · 2025-07-18T12:42:21+00:00

Between men feeling entitled to get laid and women feeling entitled for commitment, what’s the difference?

Popeoath · 2025-07-18T13:11:55+00:00

Being promiscuous is for attractive people.

There have been studies showing that overweight women and less attractive women are more likely to be promiscuous, actually. Many attractive women know they don't have to put out for attention, so they just choose not to.

Anyway I don't get why you guys overlook that a lot of manosphere dudes would be fine not hooking up as long as their romantic partners hadn't either.

Title	Men are not upset about not being able to date, they're upset about not being able to participate in hookup culture.
Author	duckingretard
Upvotes	1
Comments	159
Date	July 18, 2025 11:05 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1m2zdyb/men_are_not_upset_about_not_being_able_to_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-are-not-upset-about-not-being-able-to-date.1557469 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557469

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