Comp heterosexuality is much more of a man thing

bluestjuice · 2026-04-12T16:35:16+00:00

I think probably I agree with you that comphet is even stronger for men than for women. Men tend to face more bigotry for exploring their sexuality or being bisexual.

If I were to venture a hypothesis, my guess would be that comphet mainly gets talked about through a female lens because a personal experience of comphet can only be analyzed and discussed after the point of recognizing it and starting to unpack or challenge it. It's not really fair game (nor very productive) to tell other people they're experiencing it if that's not how they're experiencing their sexuality. My guess would be that it's more common for women to notice and start to challenge the role of comphet in their lives for the reason you describe.

MarioWilson122 · 2026-04-13T04:29:32+00:00

The way this gets framed is already selective. “Compulsory heterosexuality” is almost always talked about like women are the main victims of it, when men are punished way harder for stepping outside heterosexual norms. If a woman does not follow the expected path, people are far more likely to soften it, excuse it, or support it. If a man does not follow that path, the backlash is harsher and more immediate.

He gets mocked, questioned, emasculated, treated like he failed at being a man. That pressure comes from other men and from women too. Women help enforce it through attraction, respect, and how quickly they lose both when a man falls outside the expected role.

So if the concept is supposed to mean society pressures people into heterosexuality, then yes, it applies to men too, and in many ways more harshly. Society is obsessed with keeping men locked into the women-family-provider track. That is why men get less room to deviate and more punishment when they do. The reason people do not talk about it that way is obvious. That version does not fit the usual narrative.

pie-mart · 2026-04-12T16:48:49+00:00

Yeah men do deal a shit ton with not ascribing to heternormative status quos

Tje issue is that red pill men tend to desire political groups that emphasize toxic masculinity and ALPHA bs that only deepens things

Like if you're single and alone and a virgin. It shouldn't matter. And to be a real man should just be being a man and identifying as one

There shouldn't be rules that regulate if you, a born male, can identify as a real man

I would listen to red pill men if they didn't vote for Christian ideals and republican ideals that emphasize masculine and feminine gender roles

Tylikcat · 2026-04-12T19:06:34+00:00

I'd usually say "masculinity", but hetnorm gender roles do as well.

Masculinity is much more rigidly policed - partly because women have fought a lot to give ourselves some room. But also because men tend to position themselves as having power, and there's all this constant bickering about whether men are good enough to be part of those holders of power.

...though I do also wonder how much the urge to make hierarchies is just a male thing.

mandoa_sky · 2026-04-12T16:37:29+00:00

you're not wrong. it is one of the key tenets of the patriarchal society. why else are conservative men so against people insinuating that they might be bisexual / gay?

ladybird_00 · 2026-04-12T17:20:39+00:00

Heterosexuality isn’t a gender role

Cheeky_Leeky · 2026-04-13T06:52:20+00:00

Comphet comes for everyone but I agree it’s harsher on men in ways, it can ruin your social circle if it comes out you like men in any way.

As a bisexual I basically get told I am immune to it but infact we actually get another layer of Comphomo aswell, sounds rediculous but if you come out as a bi man people more or less expect you to be gay from here on out, and if your seeing women in any capacity you are treated like a liar and manipulator because obviously your a gay man leading the poor girl on

KayRay1994 · 2026-04-12T18:13:06+00:00

You’re completely right. Men generally face a lot more pressure to adhere to gender roles, and homosexuality/any kind of bicuriosity tends to be frowned upon. Like I straight up think “gay!” As a playful insult is a direct result of this.

Of course it impacts everyone, but I do think its effects on me are underexplored

G-M-Cyborg-313 · 2026-04-12T18:09:10+00:00

I'd have to agree, i think the reasons are two sides of a nasty coin. Women exploring their sexuality is alot more "accepted" because it's often fetishised. But men are rarely the centre of sexual focus so they're pushed away from exploring these things.

Mindful_Insights · 2026-04-13T17:36:47+00:00

I agree that it’s different for the men trying to break from the gender/sexuality roles/identites. I haven’t heard a man sing, ‘I kissed a guy and I liked it’, while it’s aggressively pushed on women to be more fluid.

StaleSushiRolls · 2026-04-12T16:46:34+00:00

My opinion is based on vibes alone.

I sort both agree and disagree? For bi men, sure, they are extremely reluctant to date other men because society hammers in the whole "gay=less of a man thing" into their heads and as we learned, being bi is also a turn-off for straight women, the other group of people they are trying to date. A lot is at stake.

If the man is full on gay, however, I find it.. harder for him to bury? Men are much more "explicitly" sexual, on average. If he wants another man, it going to become very obvious.

Lesbians, in my experience, question a lot more. They are confused a lot more. It feels like they need a clear comparison for it to finally click. A lot of lesbians seem to be happy with a man in a relationship, the sex is just not doing anything for them. Again, on average.

This is my experience talking to queer people.

Destinyciello · 2026-04-12T16:38:09+00:00

Human nature is heterosexual by default.

All sorts of deviations exist. But they are not the norm.

It's pretty simple to comprehend why. We need a female and a male copulating to continue the species. If that wasn't the norm. Our species would have died a very long time ago. No need for social pressure when your brain is already wired that way.

penislmaoo · 2026-04-12T16:49:50+00:00

this is totally true, but your wording may be a little different: among straight men, there is a compulsive masculine presentation that includes not appearing homosexual. I also feel like it is significantly more often enforced by straight women then straight men. Toxic men are the exception obviously, but most other men hate them too: it's the casual attacks on thier sexuality by the women in thier life that make men most heasitant to show affection for thier friends.

I go to one of the most progressive colleges in america. and even here, when a self-identified straight man will, say, make a comment praising another man, girls often joke that he's acting "kind of fruity" by saying that. Basically, public affection among straight men is heavily discouraged and anyone who does it regularly is called gay. Another thing is if a man's friend is in a bad relationship, and he says that his friend deserves better then that girl, straight girls insult him by being like "well why dont you date him then" and basically frame any expression of care or praise for other men as gay. This response is usually in a playful way, but it is still obviously framed as a insult.

Another one i see is the whole "men want to be treated like women these days" thing is often found hand in hand with questioning the mans sexuality when he stands up for his needs. A lot of gay men i know with many straight woman friends confirm that even girls with gay friends are wierdly homophobic towards straight men.

anyone have any similar experiences?

brazenbull09 · 2026-04-12T19:17:36+00:00

Most people still hold straight men to a very gender essentialist position, even the most progressive of individuals are uncomfortable with a straight mans liberation from gender roles and gender performance.

I can understand it when it comes from someone who aligns themselves with the redpill and conservatism, but even progressives are failing.

I mean...the same women who claim to hate toxic masculinity simultaneously love the phrase "men used to go to war"

Gay men are always ready to sacrifice their identity for a quick jab at men, using homosexuality as an insult to men.

Lesbians competing with straight men to see who is more masculine (in a patriarchy sort of way)

People just arent ready man

OffTheRedSand · 2026-04-12T17:05:46+00:00

I do agree men suffer much much harsher consequences for not presenting socially approved masculinity, but you do realise for “com het” to be present these men have to be gay or at least bi right?

I was intrigued with the title but I feel the body doesn’t hold.

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Purple_Nectarine2084 · 2026-04-12T17:10:11+00:00

Comphet is not the same as heteronormativity. It specifically refers to how women are socialised into looking up to men, and thus will be predisposed to showing interest in men whom they perceive to be superior to them in any meaningful regard.

So it's basically the same as hypergamy.

Logos1789 · 2026-04-12T20:02:50+00:00

I disagree. From Katy Perry’s song to K Pop Demon Hunters, there an increasing appetite to see women shed their compulsive heterosexuality.

It makes sense too, because women’s survival depended on men…why would they choose likely death by insisting on only being with women?

JustSpace807 · 2026-04-12T23:16:53+00:00

Obviously yes. Men have rigid expectations from society, biology, women and other men. Straying to far outside the line can make you a outlier and it’s a competitive world for men.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-04-14T18:31:21+00:00

Hard times make strong men. Strong men make good times. Good times make weak men. Weak men bring hard times.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-04-12T16:35:21+00:00

Not according to lesbians and bi women who thought they had to fuck and reproduce with men, women who realized they can/should “decanter” men, or women who center men out of tradition/religion/conservatism

So, quite a few

p_fulga · 2026-04-12T16:50:40+00:00

As a bi woman with a lot of queer friends, I've never noticed anyone here shying away from talking about men or the issues men are more likely to face when deviating from being heterosexual. The thing is that in order to even make it to that point, men have to have already started questioning and accepting that possibly in themselves and that initial hurdle is a lot harder to cross for guys.

You can think about how even as early as elementary school you'll have kids or even adults using "gay" as an insult and insulting men and calling them gay for the most mundane random shit, like dressing differently, being more meek or less macho, tons of things. So it gets ingrained hard in guys that they have to follow a very particular rigid path and they can't be gay because its so ingrained as a bad thing.

AchingAmy · 2026-04-13T04:31:28+00:00

Not exactly. Toxic masculinity does enforce heterosexual norms, but compulsory heterosexuality isn't really identifiable until someone realizes they really weren't straight and that society pushed them to deny their authentic sexuality. Women are more likely to realize and accept they aren't straight(you have like a third of gen z women who are queer versus less than 10% of men who are identifying as such), so compulsory heterosexuality is something they can talk about because their authentic sexuality is something other than straight. For men to have comphet, their authentic sexuality also has to be something other than straight, and for that to be realized, they have to accept it is something else. Most haven't done that, so it's more relevant to women's discussions at the moment since it's more common. But yes, it still happens for men

TermAggravating8043 · 2026-04-12T17:01:43+00:00

Yes, it’s unfortunately the usual misogyny.

Bear in mind misogyny is always about male superiority over women, and women don’t think n feel the same as men, their just going by their female instincts, they just get influenced by forces around them but if their really really good girls, they listen to the strongest man around them. Regardless of whether they think that’s right or not. (And then punished anyway)

Historically up until recently, women by law didn’t have the same rights, choices and opportunities as men, they were literally a man’s property. They were forced into heterosexual relationships because it was literally the only way to survive. Woman that didn’t marry were made fun of or worse.

However, I partly agree that gay men do meet worse consequences if they were ever discovered because the act of penetration. Misogynistic men have this absolute fear of being penetrated as it’s something that’s only supposed to happen to the females, it’s an act of dominance over the other person, and whist female on female can’t have “penetration” it’s not really that bad. But a male being penetrated by another male, completely emasculates the man as it’s “only something done to the lesser” so they have a deep fear of it.

Title	Comp heterosexuality is much more of a man thing
Author	averageTdude
Upvotes	22
Comments	150
Date	April 12, 2026 4:29 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1sjj5up/comp_heterosexuality_is_much_more_of_a_man_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comp-heterosexuality-is-much-more-of-a-man-thing.1577762 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577762

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