One of the worst pieces of dating advice men get is "forget the apps, just talk to women in person"

ZzOoRrGg · 2026-07-03T07:15:53+00:00

"I've been fortunate enough to be blessed by good looks"

Hey, congratulations. That advice isn't for you, though. The average Joe gets a 2% match rate on the apps. Of those matches, many just fizzle without a date. They're not getting "hundreds of women in queue" like you are.

Don't misunderstand, meeting people offline still isn't a guarantee for these guys. But they have a higher chance of getting their foot in the door to show off other qualities because they're in an environment where they aren't just filtered into oblivion.

Also, apps are absolute shit if you're trying to date someone if them being into certain interests or hobbies are a deal breaker.

Gemini_zyx · 2026-07-03T07:34:04+00:00

While I think that actually building up in person connections IS a good strategy for in the long run finding partners, I do find it often comes with a general narrative of "of just go and talk to women and it's easy."

I think people should be far more realistic when giving advice that if you are alone it could take years to get to a place with in person connections and well developed social skills. One of the hardest things to deal with emotionally for me was when I started taking advice to put myself out there and join clubs and then still finding I felt alone even after months.

Apps suck but real life can suck to. I wish people were more understanding of that

Pontokyo · 2026-07-03T09:07:17+00:00

You are 100% correct. IMO 90% of men who don't succeed online will not succeed offline either. It is actually much easier to date online than it is offline, especially for younger generations.

renfsu · 2026-07-03T07:01:37+00:00

I have to disagree.

The hoeflation on apps is insane, the quality you can get on the apps will almost always be lower than irl. And the app girls will always be thinking of the next potential match, this doesn't happen irl. It's you vs all her previous and potential future matches. Irl it's you and her.

Second is the the apps are just pictures and words. To potential dates you're nothing more than a Pokemon card with a certain amount of stars. Irl you're an actual person.

Third is dating apps tend to be women who want to feel wanted, not exactly date. So you're already only choosing between the lowest of the low.

I would never suggest a man to prioritize dating apps. Maybe in 2015 but now it's just window shopping and holding onto hope. Learning social skills and maximizing your appearance will get you much further.

No-Professional-2276 · 2026-07-03T08:28:02+00:00

Young people go out less and less and are increasingly less social and closed to different social groups.

It isn't like 2000s where you go to a club and meet 20 people in one night. Social media is literally making us socially inept.

A lot of high quality girls who aren't into clubs or drinking will gravitate to the apps, but only top 5% of men have success there. It's brutal either way

Specialist-Ring-3974 · 2026-07-03T06:34:03+00:00

I’ve never seen a post more incorrect in my life.

What do you think happens when you meet new people in life? I will give you a hint, it isn’t the same thing that happens when you read a profile based on images, a character limited bio, and a few prompts about who might be the next love of your life.

Demasii · 2026-07-03T07:07:08+00:00

Trying to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

Even if a man purelu work on his looks and start scheduling dates, he still has to converse and entertain on these dates.

He should get some practice in on women IRL.

IgorXY · 2026-07-03T06:43:07+00:00

True, just... you gotta do something right? If I have 0 matches and I don't approach in irl then I will be forever alone, so advice in itself is pretty reasonable. Definitely far from the worst.

Plus with a tinfoil hat on, apps can for whatever reason put your profile so deep in the deck that most women will never see it. And in irl the height has honestly been less an issue, probably because some short women don't have good height perception and just chase a number when it is available.

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-07-03T07:38:33+00:00

The purpose of socializing IRL is exercise.

Socialization is like a muscle...if you don't use it, it atrophies. People who are chronically online or staring at computer screens usually suck at socialization in comparison to their more well socialized peers.

"Talking to women in person" is about building those skills, often by interacting with women in low pressure situations where the goal isn't "get a date" but just "be comfortable in your own skin, not wanting anything from women, and ultimately not being a weirdo." It's also about getting off the same fucking terrible apps that have been terrible for years that are designed to monetize male desperation while also treating women badly but giving them just enough to justify not deleting their accounts where they are given some half-assed things for free because on a dating app, women are the product, and male desperation is the catalyst for the transfer of resources from men to the dating app.

It's that tryhard energy that makes men behave really unattractively with women. They try so fucking hard to "impress" her, or to pressure her, and that shit simply doesn't work...it's repellent.

It's the difference between marketing and selling. Selling is gimmicky, persistent, annoying bullshit that pisses people off: phone calls, door to door salesmen, pushy sales tactics, limited time offers with "hurry now" attached, bait and switch promotions, grand promises and claims, and underwhelming product demos that the smiling salesman tries to brush off as no big deal as he pushes for the deal. Marketing is quietly building a brand, interacting with people mostly on terms that seem favorable to them, while generally using your lack of desperation as a selling point when the "experience" of being around you isn't you constantly trying to "close" or "seal the deal."

A lot of guys out there really need to learn that last paragraph. And "talk to women" is about learning how to do that with no pressure or expectations for a relationship, which is how a guy will allow space for a woman to demonstrate attraction. Then the next step is focusing on reading indicators of interest, bantering, and going from there. But if he shows up with desperation all over his face, puts on his struggling tryhard expression, and tries to grin and unleash a torrent of canned, prepackaged flirting to elicit interest from her, he's just going to step on his own dick, fall flat on his face, and repel any woman within a 300 foot radius.

toasterchild · 2026-07-03T08:00:01+00:00

The advice isn't for attractive people though.

Apps work well for people who people who can rely on looks alone, most people don't have that luxury. Those people either need to develop other skills or become really good at online marketing themselves.

People who aren't exceptionally attractive want to attract a few people, not all of them. They aren't typically looking for the same superficial people you are.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-07-03T09:10:23+00:00

WFH is a minority of jobs, and usually not the ones available to younger people

If you’re not good looking, why would looks-based apps work better ?

Axis_Control · 2026-07-03T09:17:56+00:00

I can't see why they shouldn't try all avenues they are interested in trying.

RobertPallor · 2026-07-03T17:59:34+00:00

For the majority of struggling men, their is no good solution to their dating woes. The problems are largely structural, rather than being due to individual failings.

BlessdRTheFreaks · 2026-07-03T06:36:37+00:00

Bro you are projecting your fears to try and justify your fear of intimacy

Yes, attraction is more organic in person, and you can get past the superficial filters

Throwawaypmme2 · 2026-07-03T06:44:09+00:00

Is this a serious post, or maybe you're upset or got turned down or something?

Either way, this is literally 10/10 writing that I could only see on reddit. Telling people that you're at the top, and everyone else will get nothing, its like memes come to life.

So how are you even going to prove what you're saying is true? Everyone should take what you say at face value? Not talking to anyone in person is the wrong approach

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Extension-Leek-1523 · 2026-07-03T08:49:46+00:00

Well with the low birth rate I'm going to once again put my 2 cents again and say love you all, debate that MFers.

PINK-PONY-CUB · 2026-07-03T14:26:04+00:00

talking in person depends on your personality. if you have a good reputation, then talking in person could work. nothing is ever guaranteed. problem is, a lot of men join sports leagues just to meet people, which normally doesnt work. furthermore, you have to look at your own background. what has your social life looked like in the past 10 yrs. if you were a loner for all 10 yrs, and a ghost, then you shouldnt expect to just walk up to someone in a park and expect them to like you. miracles dont happen. if youre normally a guy who people dont like then why would some random female in a mall like you? if you are normally liked and have a baseline good personality, then joining a book club will just be a continuation, and extension of the world you were already in. even if youre completely isolated, you've probably seen the reputation effect take place. when your classmates goes into high school, he doesnt know any of the teachers, or staff, but a teacher may say, hey, you're eli's brother right? and the teacher may treat you differently, be more friendlier toward you, try to give you some tips, and pointers about the school. conections, and repuations work the same way acros the board with peers, and authority figures. when someone is talking to females in person and is getting shunned, its because he didnt have a decent personality, and had either no reputation or a bad one

Arkhamguy123 · 2026-07-03T17:32:47+00:00

“100s of women in queue on multiple apps”

Riiiight….

Storage-Express · 2026-07-03T17:49:30+00:00

i don't get zero matches on apps but either way i have more success with higher quality women IRL. the idea of looking for something serious on the apps is ridiculous to me honestly, quality women don't have to resort to dating apps for the most part. at least when it comes to traits and characteristics i value personally.

Intelligent-Insight · 2026-07-03T20:22:47+00:00

Talking to women in person doesn't imply nightlife. Yes, nightlife will have men who's done it longer than you and will be dressed and groomed, have more money and know they are entitled to some success (which is why they will be dressed to impress), etc. You can get close to that level if you keep doing it.

But who said you need to go out to night clubs? It will have certain men and women for the most part. How about women you meet in school, at work, when you're running errands? How about women you can meet at the bar before bed time - think happy hour or watching some game or something? Run clubs? Social events?

The advice is not necessarily stupid, you just interpreted in a way that makes it seems stupid. It's like saying the advice to lift is stupid because there are weights you can't lift. Well, then lift the weights you can lift?

Thatshygurl · 2026-07-04T03:15:20+00:00

It’s not bad advice at all. My current boyfriend actually told me he swiped on me on hinge and bumble. I have no recollection of him on the apps. Pictures do not always do people justice. Women need more than just pictures a prompt and a bio to build attraction.

Obviously though if you are pretty socially inept talking to women in person is going to be a struggle, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t though, if anything you should try to do it more. Maybe you won’t get a girlfriend right away or even after a while. But you’ll build social skills, charisma, confidence, that’s attractive to women.

Singles events are always good too! You know the women there are single and looking to meet someone so takes away some of the pressure of worrying if they’re single.

Jetpine9 · 2026-07-04T04:13:24+00:00

That's why dating coworkers has to be on the table if you aren't a high flier on apps (or in bars/clubs).

Coworkers is viable because you don't have to turn on the charm like a light switch, it can be a slow build.

It's literally what people say they want (to get to know one another first before decided anything) but never actually do.

SyrusDrake · 2026-07-04T19:13:23+00:00

Dating apps these days are designed for a specific set of people to meet another specific set of people to have a specific kind of social interaction. If you're that type of person wanting that kind of relationship, that's great, and apps will work fine for you.

But if not, then not. The problem is that dating apps are touted as a universal way to get any kind of relationship for everyone, which simply isn't true.

YeaNobody · 2026-07-04T20:57:57+00:00

The only real solution is to cope with the fact you aren't it....or pay if transactional affection actually works for you. Otherwise it's the same old story, obsessed about it all till whichever hub video gets you off then the insanity washes away for a bit again.

aleknovkovski · 2026-07-05T19:28:50+00:00

Cold approach is really good once you get past beginner hell. It's fun and you easily get dates with women way above your league.

The part that nobody says is how much work it is to get to the point where you're getting results and not just brutal humiliating rejection. They kind of brush that away.

However once you become good/smooth at starting conversations it's like a cheat code.

awakening_7600 · 2026-07-06T15:42:09+00:00

If your long term goal is short term mating (casual sex) based upon how you view commitment as a bottle neck then absolutely, meeting women online is generally the best way to do that.

However, if you actually wanted a stable relationship, even someone to have kids with, meeting in person is significantly better because you are generally going to meet in an area where you frequently interact with the community.

I have had a few people in my niche hobbies try to set me up with their friends/daughters/sisters etc. Because you have some social cohesion there, monogamy is somewhat enforced and then relationships actually work better. Simply because they have to.

So, in short, it depends upon what you are looking for and what level of social approval or rejection you want to deal with from the community at large.

bigdonut100 · 2026-07-03T07:18:55+00:00

women on dating apps can filter for exactly what they want and have enough interested men to keep dates lined up for months.

Sounds like you're contradicting the rest of your premise with this one sentence.

If you're someone who gets virtually no interest from women on dating apps, its insane to think you'll suddenly have more success because you meet those women at the bar, park, or sports league..

No, I have no idea what you mean, man.

I asked grok the other day: of the people online who reported over 1,000 cold approaches, 40% reported getting a LTR out of it, and the other 60% were just people who didn't say they did, not people who definitely said they didn't

I plan on going with 20,000 over 6 years to find a vegetarian woman who lets me be a SAHD. Simply because it is so hard to find, and it's going to be *impossible* to find via an app. I don't know how you would translate one statistic out of the other, bu I'm not getting a 40% chance of anything from Tinder.

It's kinda simple: if you cold-approach a woman, she at least HAS to give you more attention and time of day than if she just sees a pic of you, maybe a sentence, and your name and age.

A cold approach is at least you being a door-to-door salesman, able to literally stick your foot in the door and say, "But wait! Check out this offer!"

Dating apps are just like a crowd of people outside a woman's house, and she just picks her favorite to invite in.

Sensitive_Housing_85 · 2026-07-03T07:23:21+00:00

you can only make this take if you actually have proof that approaching real life is worse than dating apps but we don't have evidence for this , and that it is universal, rejection rates are high regardless of medium , its not the worse, but that's because it's not actually inherently better, it depends on the person, the better argument you would have made would be what is the incentive to approach in person or if the cost to benefit is worth approaching in person than it is online, and if it's something women or society earnestly encourage rather than bullying men( not saying this is what they do , just an example ) to do it , I think there is more incentive or better cost to benefit approaching in online than in real life , because it requires less effort and there is less mental social , and emotional cost involved

Solondthewookiee · 2026-07-03T12:25:18+00:00

Why do guys here think you can never combine advice?

Yes, you can continue to improve yourself AND try to meet women in real life.

Attracting women on apps is a completely different skill set than approaching women in real life. I suck at approaching women in real life but I did pretty well on apps. My buddy, on the other hand, got like one date from an app but could clean up meeting women at bars, parties, etc.

If apps aren't working for you, trying something different.

Ok-Ninja-8165 · 2026-07-03T12:38:54+00:00

It's a black pill crap. I am one of those persons who had zero success on dating apps and good enough results doing it in person. Very limited part of what make you attractive can be expressed in numbers and then filtered, attractiveness is subjective. You or any other person have very limited knowledge what they actually find attractive. If those apps won't bring you any results then there's zero reason to use them, it's just waste of time.

GroundbreakingAct434 · 2026-07-03T13:16:33+00:00

Build a list of female contacts through activities and social media. Some may be friend zone but others will pan out. Dating apps are trash for most men. Ok Cupid was good 10-15 years ago.

SDW137 · 2026-07-03T13:51:09+00:00

In person interactions are just way better.

Title	One of the worst pieces of dating advice men get is "forget the apps, just talk to women in person"
Author	WoodenHuckleberry693
Upvotes	13
Comments	146
Date	July 3, 2026 6:29 AM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1um6mql/one_of_the_worst_pieces_of_dating_advice_men_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/one-of-the-worst-pieces-of-dating-advice-men-get.1584154 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584154

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