Having casual sex with complete strangers but, wanting to take things slow with guys you date. Where's the logic in this?

[deleted] · 2016-07-17T00:37:29+00:00

I would argue that they do understand which is why they usually try to keep it secret from husband material. Also, remember - Alpha Fux/Beta Bux: when she's ready to settle, she appeals to a man's idealistic side and must test the man for provisioning and commitment material, whereas guys they sleep with quickly they can skip that step and go straight to the acquisition of genetic material. It makes no sense logical if you ask them, but makes perfect sense in RP land.

niczar · 2016-07-17T01:45:40+00:00

If dudes want us to stop doing this, stop nexting girls who bone you early and wifing up girls who make you wait. (My husband was actively avoiding a sure thing at the party where we first kissed. Dudes incentivize us to make them wait.)

ianiemasns · 2016-07-17T02:05:02+00:00

I had a partner, years ago, who was also hooking up with a friend of mine (everybody knew, everybody was cool with it). The topic of threesomes (FFM) came up once, and she said "I would have a threesome with him and another girl, but not with you, because I really care about you."

I mean, great, since he's just treating you like a fuckdoll and I'm treating you like a person, you're cool with being part of a fun sexy time for him but not me?

drok007 · 2016-07-17T02:07:46+00:00

Where's the logic in this?

Simple. Men reward it.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-07-17T01:42:40+00:00

well i never really did this but i understand it. you dont WANT to "love" or "get to know" the complete stranger you bang or "build" a relationship with them or bond to them, so quick sex is meaningless. going slow allows all the other aspects of a relationship to build first with someone a woman thinks is WORTH having a relationship with. i dotn think theres any way to make men understand this. women very often have sex with men theyd never have or want a relationship with. they DONT consider sex the ultimate reward they could bestow on a man, via female solipsism they think a RELATIONSHIP is, so they think they are giving the man who waits something way better and more valuable

flamethrowup · 2016-07-17T00:49:31+00:00

I just had to comment on this from the OP:

I have read in so many places that a woman should have a guy wait three months to make sure that the relationship is real and will last

If you're a man who puts up with this, you're probably a chump. Waiting three months for one woman to have sex with you instead of dumping her and finding someone else who will just advertises your lack of options. You're so optionless that you're willing to invest time and effort and plan fancy dates for someone who hasn't demonstrated sexual interest in you in the most concrete way possible. Stuff like this is why PUAs and Red Pillers escalate to touch and kissing etc. as soon as possible: to weed out those who don't want to have sex with you so you don't waste your time.

funchy · 2016-07-17T03:22:07+00:00

Here's the logic:

Women often feel that if sex happens on the first date, there's a big loss of respect. And unfortunately it is true that some guys will disappear once a stranger gives them a one night stand

What that woman might really be feeling is that it's because she does like that boyfriend guy that risking him disappearing would be significantly more painful. She needs a little time to feel sure that he will stick around.

Men: the best cure for this situation is to not always vanish when a woman gives sex up immediately. As long as women are worried about being used or that they can't trust the man's motivations, it only makes sense the woman waits a little while to get to know him.

And if you think it's about "free meals" you're looking at the situation all wrong. Stop buying her all the meals. It's the 21st century; she can buy her own meals.

TrialsAndTribbles · 2016-07-17T00:47:34+00:00

I'll put this in the most neutral, understandable way:

If the woman in question was looking for casual sex, and wouldn't want to have sex right away with the guy that she is currently wanting as a boyfriend, she isn't as attracted to him as the guys she previously had casual sex with.

wattwatty · 2016-07-17T13:32:48+00:00

Christ. I find the whole set of comments on this post incredibly depressing. The arguments (discussions) all seem to boil down to (a) women set the rules of the game, (b) this strategy makes rational sense to women because of what they experience re: what men reward, and (c) lots of men are fucking stupid enough to reward this behavior.

Playing goddamn mind games like this cannot be a healthy way to start a relationship.

I would also guess that precisley this -- being made to wait by some girl they knew the last guy had rawdogged within 2 hours of meeting -- might well be the mode description of what drove a lot of TRPers to the sub.

AnUndecidedPill · 2016-07-17T00:35:48+00:00

AFBB. Women separate guys between the ones who give them the tingles (alpha fucks), and the guys who give them the emotional comfort/resources (beta bucks). The former are the guys who regularly have casual sex with women, the latter are the guys who have to offer something in return for sex usually in the form of an LTR.

When women say they "love" their beta husbands/boyfriends it's a different kind of "love" than what they have for alphas - the "love" for betas is based on emotional comfort and stability, not sexual tingles; they love what the beta provides, not necessarily the beta himself. The "love" for alphas on the other hand is raw physical lust from the reptilian part of the brain, it's why many women don't care if the hot guy they're having sex with is a dangerous criminal, in fact that's part of his appeal, unpredictable men like that give women the tingles.

XXYukieXX · 2016-07-17T00:37:31+00:00

Girls don't engage in casual sex because the men they fuck are worth more than their boyfriend. Maybe that's how a lot of men feel, but that's not how it works.

In long term relationships, they want to make sure the man won't use them for sex, or that they're genuine. It's not about not being attracted to him, or seeing him as less.

tbolk · 2016-07-17T20:43:05+00:00

Alot of chicks are full of shit. Not all because I'm going to generalize but, anyone sprouting this stuff is full of shit. You don't care about being hurt or being used for sex. It's about sexual attraction. The alpha gives you tingles, suddenly being "hurt" or "used" doesn't matter and you're jumping his bones. The beta nice guy has to now suddenly prove he's for real. It's dishonest as hell and unethical. Give me a break. Just own up to your shit! Be real about it. If Scott Eastwood showed up on your doorstep, you'd be blowing him before the night was over, no worries at all about being used and discarded.

SpaceWhiskey · 2016-07-17T03:04:12+00:00

The confusion you're describing would make since IF guys didn't judge women who put out immediately and consider them bad for LTRs. But they do. So women act accordingly.

Feminist men don't have this problem though, that is to say sex-positive men who don't think "easy" women make bad girlfriends.

[deleted] · 2016-07-17T20:12:28+00:00

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mrcs84usn · 2016-07-17T07:31:09+00:00

So we should wait 2 months to make sure it's special.

Rollo's Iron Rule #3 Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

Hermitia · 2016-07-17T08:25:55+00:00

There are probably a lot of factors, but it shouldn't be ignored that we (women) are told our entire lives not to "give it up too fast or he won't respect you".

I'm not one of the women you mention, but I would imagine this contributes the thinking somewhat. If they don't care if the guy respects them, then they go ahead. If they do, they hold out.

rulenumber303 · 2016-07-17T15:07:24+00:00

I can understand it perfectly. If you seem compatible enough that bonding is likely, and she hopes to give that bonding a chance then of course she wants to be careful not to bond/commit/find you to be irreplaceable until you've observed each other a while and worked out if there are red flags. It hurts when you bond then discover he's an asshole. And at just a few days into dating she's quite justified in protecting her feelings more than yours.

On the other hand you just know some guys aren't keepers right from the start. Fuck 'em then ditch 'em.

I mean don't you shop more carefully for a house than you do for a bus ticket? Havent you spent longer thinking about making an offer on a house than the entire time a busride took? Thats what she is doing. If she's going to possibly be stuck with you she's going to take it nice and slow and see if there are red flags like you throwing tantrums because your self esteem is too crap to handle it.

[deleted] · Sun Jul 17 15:12:32 2016 UTC

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SpaceWhiskey · 2016-07-17T03:32:07+00:00

Any man who has ever lied about wanting to date a woman/telling her he loved her in order to get her to sleep with him should be disqualified from complaining about this.

rulenumber303 · 2016-07-17T16:00:47+00:00

The girl posted that on BP women and r/relationships (very feminist place) and got downvoted to oblivion, yet you think she somehow speaks for all women? Wth?

LifterofThings · 2016-07-17T16:11:19+00:00

It makes complete sense. Go look at all the "WOMEN WHO'VE TAKEN MORE THAN TWO DICKS ARE UNFIT PARTNERS!!!!" frothing in TRP. Why wouldn't a woman who's invested in a particular dude try to project a more sexually reserved image of herself to said dude?

If a woman's not interested in a dude for an LTR, it doesn't matter if he thinks she's a slut and never calls again.

Transmigratory · 2016-07-18T15:20:29+00:00

Oftentimes the guy who gets laid early is that dreamy good looking guy who also ticks the right boxes. The guy whose made to wait is the obvious settling material whose not as appealing as the one whose bones they want to jump.

KrispyMcSockington · 2016-07-18T17:23:31+00:00

The logic is that if he offers more than just a shag, you have to make him "feel" like he is investing. If he feels that way, he is less likely to run away. This includes but is not limited to taking on her emotional issues, providing resources and committing your time and energy to her cause. If she feels you're living up to her expectations, you get laid.

Great work! You had to put in effort and practically had to pay for sleeping with a woman who gave it out freely not too long ago. It is so tempting for women to take advantage of this because they know, they KNOW there's always someone ready and waiting. Marriage is barely a thought to a young woman. The wedding might be, but she knows that there's some guy who will marry her, so she has a limited (about a decade) amount of time to get her freaky experiences out of the way before she makes Beta Bob pay for all the sex he is never going to have.

Why do they do this? They're women. They're human. They are not infallible. It is the same as when a RP man creates the illusion of commitment without actually committing so he can say "we never had the relationship talk" when he is caught sleeping with someone else. It's not nice or decent behaviour but they're going to do it because the opportunity is there.

There is logic, but it is selfish. That's really all there is to it. I mean, if she really likes him she'd want to get naked with him ASAP. Make the guy who you like wait, but those guys whom you don't like as much got it for free? Makes no sense until you realise that women are selfish too, man. They're going to take the freebies when they come.

That's why they don't like TRP or any non female-centric views on dating and relationships. It takes their freebies away and those feminists fought really hard all those years ago for modern women to get their freebies today. So don't you dare point out how relationships are skewed in her favour to the point that men have almost zero incentive to marry in western society, but are still expected to commit. Don't point out that it's unfair to give away sex easily to guys she doesn't care about, but make the guy she likes wait. Don't you dare make any kind of logical arguments if they are not PC or don't benefit women kind somehow.

You're supposed to accept that you're the special one, her vagina is worth waiting (and paying) for because she's a special snowflake, that she is not a slut and never performed a host of deviant sexual acts with Chad at college, and don't you even think about asking about her partner count! Don't point out the raw deal she's offering as she passes 30 and seems far less interested in sex with you than when she was with Chad. Don't do it, man.

You live in a world where women are free to do as they please, never take responsibility for their actions or choices, and can sleep with 100 people and should never be judged for it. If at any point you're concerned about these issues, remember that to offend a woman is a sin greater than raping another man. That's right! You could kidnap a man, tie him to a sex swing, video tape his reaction just before he realises that you're going to perform a colonoscopy with a dildo you could pole vault from, add a laugh track and you'd coin it at the box office! All you'd need is a shot of the poor guy walking away bow legged and you'd have a guaranteed hit!

In all seriousness, though, it's the way of the market. As much as men would love women to be nicer and be more responsible, they're going to go where the incentives are regardless of whether the decision is good or not. Those thirsty betas who dream of even getting a few minutes of her time? They're the ones making it extremely easy for women to do this. If they stopped dishing out commitment that easily, they'd probably get laid more and there'd be fewer men complaining about how unfair things are in the dating world.

disposable_pants · 2016-07-18T21:36:29+00:00

There are a lot of women in this thread blaming guys for pumping and dumping -- the harsh truth is that if a guy does that to you, you aren't that special.

If you're a high-value partner a guy will call you back even if he sleeps with you on the first date. It's really that simple. It's not like guys are blowing off women who are attractive, fun, and sexually interested in them for a reason as silly as "but she had sex with me!!" No man would do that.

No, men only pump and dump low-value women who they were never that interested in. They still sleep with these women because it takes a lot more than "meh" for men to turn down sex, but "meh" isn't enough to get men to want to pursue a relationship. It's not him; it's you.

The way to get a man you want into a relationship isn't to withhold sex, it's to become attractive and fun and then provide sex.

questioningwoman · 2016-07-17T02:16:10+00:00

What about how men demand sex very quickly yet want virgins?

coratoad · 2016-07-17T01:08:54+00:00

Reverse the script. If a guy is willing to wait to have sex with a woman, then he probably really likes spending time with her. If he demands sex immediately, then he probably doesn't even like her that much and just wants sex. No girl thinks, "I'm going to reward hot guys with sex and make unattractive guys wait."

despisedlove2 · 2016-07-17T05:44:43+00:00

Sex is based on attraction. She just needs to see him to be attracted.

Relationships are evaluated on the basis of a) how loaded is he, b) how stupid is he. Evaluation of that takes time.

This is perfect mating strategy: have sex / pregnancy with a man who gives you tingles to secure the most attractive genes for the offspring and be careful in finding the sucker who will raise them.

bonerdude420 · 2016-07-17T07:00:11+00:00

Girls behave likes that if they want, guys can next them if they find out. No big issue.

All girls know this behavoir could be considered offensive by a potential LTR, or they wouldn't be deceptive/downplay their sexual history.

lollygagyo · 2016-07-17T23:12:02+00:00

Because if I actually care, I know that having sex is going to give me feelings. So I need to wait so I can figure out whether I've judged your character properly (AKA you're not going to pump and dump me). Sometimes that's a date, sometimes it's a month. It depends on how reserved the guy is and/or how smooth he seems.

PsychedelicDoc · 2016-07-17T13:03:44+00:00

As a woman, you don't know that until you give it time. That's why you sleep with guys you don't care about right away, because it doesn't matter how it turns out with them. With the guys that matter, you wait because you don't want to treat it like it's meaningless. Most guys will fade after sex and a few weeks' time, and if you really like him it will be devastating. If you wait, at least he won't throw you away like a slut after you fuck him, because you still have your dignity.

I've slept with guys I really, really liked right away, in accordance with this theory, and it always dissolved. I just couldn't believe that he really wanted to be with me if he couldn't keep it in his pants for longer than a week. It was a turn off. In one case, even had one who implied that he wanted to pursue something deeper. I couldn't do it. The sex happened too fast. A precedent was set for how the sex would go (quick and dirty and all about his desire), and I didn't want that in my life.

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winterrider · 2016-07-17T03:43:34+00:00

Completely and utterly agree with you. Most women simply don't understand the facts that you have presented. I don't know why this is the case, it is just the case.

Title	Having casual sex with complete strangers but, wanting to take things slow with guys you date. Where's the logic in this?
Author	Xander_DB
Upvotes	26
Comments	493
Date	July 17, 2016 12:22 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4t7a2r/having_casual_sex_with_complete_strangers_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/having-casual-sex-with-complete-strangers-but.273991 https://theredarchive.com/post/273991

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