Why is it so common for men to belittle women after rejection?

Red__Blue · 2020-01-29T21:24:11+00:00

Why's it common for women to belittle men who pumped and dumped them? It's cause their confidence just got hurt dingus.

Redpiller77 · 2020-01-30T00:11:36+00:00

Same reason women get batshit insane when they get rejected.

diffdedbed · 2020-01-29T21:50:51+00:00

Rejection hurts and this is common male OR female, its just that males get rejected more so we do it more.

akaean · 2020-01-29T21:35:16+00:00

At its core I posit that it is about the illusion of power. I propose that insecure or immature men react negatively when they feel someone has power over them, so they lash out in an attempt to reestablish that power. It is an immature behavior, but the truth is many people are, in fact, immature.

Basically, when a woman rejects a man's advances, an immature man may feel that she has "power" over him. She told him 'no' and has denied him what he feels entitled to.

Generally, from what I have observed, the lashing out tends to be in the form of saying something along the lines of;

Well I never wanted to be with you anyway

Generally its a bit less vanilla than this, as often the immature man will sprinkle in his "reasons" and nine times out of ten he is looking to hurt the other person.

Its basically a very toxic version of "WELL YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT!". Its an attempt to reassert power over the other person, by rejecting them after they have already been rejected.

It is very immature and men shouldn't do this, and I am okay with men being publicly shamed for this behavior. So head on over to /r/niceguys. Girls can do this as well, its not a behavior exclusive to men, but it does tend to be more rare.

ifelsedowhile · 2020-01-29T23:35:59+00:00

because rejection is the norm for betas. you don't understand this because it's not your reality. society doesn't tell you how female sexuality really works and how women are wired to have a higher threshold of selectivity so a lot of beta men are unprepared to face how the dating market works. it's like growing up thinking you're gonna easily find a steady job only to realize that the job market is much harder than you thought it was.

SandstoneMercury · 2020-01-30T02:05:39+00:00

Because their ego just took a hit. Same with women. Imagine a man rejecting a woman's sexual advances or so called hints. The go to ego saver for some women is He MuSt bE GaY.

blackedoutfast · 2020-01-30T22:29:23+00:00

women are worse about this than men.

UTC24 · 2020-01-30T02:32:45+00:00

You lead men on and hope for attention. Then deny it when men make the move.

lestratege · 2020-01-29T23:50:20+00:00

Rejection is in practice belittling someone because it means they're not worth it. Hence one common reaction is to settle the score by belittling in return.

It's funny how few women understand how hurtful can rejection be. Probably because they never approach and think it's the man's job to so. When women get rejected, they often react with fury, as noted since Shakespeare: hell has no fury like woman scorned...

2020-01-29T22:43:55+00:00

I've never done it myself, but I understand it. If you've interacted with a lot of males, you realize a good, like..... 10-20%... are basically sociopaths.

These are guys that have not worked through a single emotional issue in their entire lives, and only know how to cope via getting drunk, going on offense, getting violent, etc. They aren't born this way, but rather made this way through lack of healthy male role models, isolation, and toxic masculine culture (I'm talking about stuff like abusive fathers or being in a gang, not the propaganda version you see in a gilette ad or Jezebel article).

These dudes are on hair triggers, have fragile egos ready to explode at any moment, and are basically only kept in line in society due to fear. Fear of other men kicking the shit out of them, usually. But when a man like this gets a vulnerable person alone, watch out.

I don't mean to shit on men... there are plenty of women who are shitty as well. It's just that women, being the frailer sex, tend to be more.... physically cautious, shall we say, than men. So instead of aggressively insulting people to their face, they mock them behind their back, lie about them, file a false report against them, or whatever. Plenty of toxic individuals of both genders exist in this world, sad but true...

thehyrulehero21 · 2020-01-29T21:38:02+00:00

Many people are jerks who just turn on the charm to get women and then their true colors are revealed. These jerks have high confidence and are not shy to approach women.

This is what "nice guys" like to complain about although many of them have their own problems as well.

Ordinary-West · 2020-01-30T02:35:03+00:00

Women take rejection much much more harshly. The thread

WGttDS · 2020-01-29T22:06:55+00:00

I don't think I've ever done this myself. I'd certainly try not to. Cognitive defense mechanism.

TheSnowyPlover · 2020-01-29T22:18:12+00:00

Ego protection mechanism

lionhart280 · 2020-02-07T02:52:36+00:00

Sour Grapes.

It's a defensive mechanism intrinsically linked to the blowback effect and is deeply tied to NPD.

It's a sign of mental illness.

You dont hear about the guys that take rejection well, because who the fuck goes online and posts about that guy who responded with "Ok cool, ciao" and left.

No one really.

You just only hear about the dumbasses who make a fool of themselves cause they have the emotional literacy of a walnut.

Dont sweat it.

superlurkage · 2020-01-29T21:53:25+00:00

Because we usually won’t stab, slap, punch, hurl a torrent of verbal abuse, threaten them with rape, stalk them, spit on, or shoot them back

I dunno, gay/bi dudes? What’s the incidence of violent/rude rejection for you?

slackforce · 2020-01-29T21:31:02+00:00

I have no personal experience with this, but it seems fairly obvious to me. Pride.

Consider that men are expected to wade through a depthless sea of rejections ("polite" and otherwise) for every tepid success. Until women actually make an effort to empathize (lol) or try to turn things around (lol), guys are going to do whatever they need to do to keep their sense of pride and dignity above sea level, even if that includes petty shit-talking.

DangZagnut · 2020-01-29T21:43:02+00:00

I’d be curious as to how girls would answer this question, since although I’ve certainly observed guys in “da club” acting like fools when a girl doesn’t want their attention, I’ve seen a ton of girls doing it, only instead of some asshole calling a girl a bitch and moving on, girls will socially network it far and wide and continually. Most likely because girls rarely face rejection so it stings more.

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-01-29T22:56:45+00:00

Sour grapes, simple as.

iamgroot333 · 2020-01-30T01:11:15+00:00

this is such a dumb grade 2 question.

people don't like getting rejected. it hurts so they get pissed and tell you to go fuck yourself.

it's not rocket science.

CHAD_TDK · 2020-01-30T01:12:01+00:00

Same reason is common for women to belittle men after rejections.

It's not easy to be accountable for our own shortcomings. Reality is a great feedback mechanism, but feedback is often NOT welcome.

mechanical_elves · 2020-01-29T21:57:40+00:00

Because no matter how nicely you reject somoene, a rejection ultimately communicates that you judge their genetic line as unworthy of continuing. The universe is calling their existence shit-tier via a woman, so the man with his wounded pride seeks something to attack. Really, it's nature they have a problem with, but women are the agents of nature to carry out nature's selection process.

For what it's worth, women will generally never experience such a cosmic level of insult. The universe almost always guarantees enough approval, i.e your genes will continue, by mere "virtue" of being a woman.

Workaholiconew · 2020-01-29T21:26:15+00:00

Why's it common for women to belittle men who did not want relationships with them?

And let me tell ya, men are rejected many times per day, but belittle very few of these women, usually those who reject them in a harsher way. example: laughing, violence, screaming, etc...

Women on the other hand belittle all but top men, even those they admit had a great opening. I lost many great coworkers because of that.

yuckyuck13 · 2020-01-29T21:37:00+00:00

Some people can't handle or aren't accustomed to rejection. Rejection is part of the dating game. Just have to get used to it.

akihonj · 2020-01-29T22:05:14+00:00

Yeah some men do that because rejection hurts and then some women will do this

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6350613/Former-model-stabbed-man-heart-rejected-romantic-advances-walks-court.html

So maybe it's six of one and half a dozen of the other

FereallyRed · 2020-01-30T03:47:27+00:00

Men who get rejected are defective.

If you're defective then you've developed coping strategies because you'e unattractive.

Because you're defective you can't rationalize that you are defective.

Since it's obviously not your fault your ego needs a scapegoat.

"Women are bitches."

It's pure ego protection.

2020-01-29T22:27:06+00:00

[removed]

Darkseeker_Mau · 2020-01-30T00:22:18+00:00

Don't all people, regardless of sex, do this?

Anyways, they are trying to protect their ego, some men really put women on a pedestal (the opposite of pump-and-dump or the numbers game), and they inevitably get disappointed when the see the woman they are chasing as a normal person.

Not as a personal god or a motherly savior. They rage against their own self delusion. For those men dating is a life or death scenario, and most of them need to take the Chill-Pill.

super-commenting · 2020-01-30T01:16:47+00:00

I would say it's because devaluing the person who rejected you makes it hurt less. If you're actually missing out on someone awesome because you're not good enough that really sucks but if they're just a fat dumb loser and you can do better it doesn't feel so bad. It's an immature response but the motivation makes sense. Girls do this too though not as often as they aren't usually the ones being rejected

2020-01-30T01:32:16+00:00

Trying to save face or save their ego. I've had this as well. Turn down a woman on a night out and immediately get called 'queer' or walk into a character assassination.

bonusfruit · 2020-01-30T01:45:14+00:00

Its extremely rare

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-01-30T01:55:02+00:00

It’s pretty petty to say anything insulting to someones’ face, which is why not all men insult women who reject them; not all men are petty.

of course, what men think is another matter entirely, and the sour grapes thought is generally a good way to deal with something like rejection.

pretty girl turned you down? No problem! Think about her flaws and how shitty she’d be as a partner anyway. Once you’ve secured a woman you can thank your lucky stars that she was able to get with you because that much lower-quality girl didn’t block her.

Plenty of guys are just really bad for saying what they’re thinking, but what kind of world would we live in if they didn’t belittle those women in their thoughts? Demoting those women as hard as possible helps to keep the pedestal men reserve to prop their partner onto clean.

MisterJose · 2020-01-30T03:11:11+00:00

I mean, I think it's fairly intuitive, and all the reasons you might suspect. It's actually sometimes hard to really parse it out yourself how much you are into and around a women just because you want to be with her sexually. So, when you do get the rejection, what part of it is that you wasted your time, and have no interest in her as a person, and what part of that is emotional self-defense? Even looking back at rejections I've had, I can't fully tell.

rus9384 · 2020-01-30T05:38:33+00:00

How common is that? I think most men don't do that.

But women do this to men as well.

They just feel the pain in the ass, that's why.

PrincepsOmni · 2020-01-30T06:56:30+00:00

Men who don't have an abundance mindset will be inclined to do this.

They get angry because they are prone to oneitis, are not making themselves their own point of origin, and don't understand that it's MUCH better to have a woman who doesn't need a lot of chasing (I am ok with courtship ritual but chumps chasing women who clearly aren't getting damp panties when you enter the room aren't women you want to bother chasing in my opinion). Some men think if they follow 'steps' or 'rules' they can get the girl...as if they are playing video games. They get annoyed when it doesn't work. That's a scarcity mindset and smacks of entitlement. Like in the business world - you're not owed anything from anyone. You need to create your own value not whine like a little child that you were nice and friendly and she still said no...boo hoo.

A man with an alpha mindset doesn't give a crap if a woman rejects him. He always has options (or can create them quickly). He just moves on to women who do want him. His goal in life isn't women anyway - women are a compliment not the focus.

Some women are really mean and bitchy in their rejections though I hear you say.

That's their problem. If they don't even know how to decently tell a sincere gentleman she's not interested that's a great sign - it clearly tells the man her character and helps him avoid broken, bitchy women like that in the future.

saladfingers4141 · 2020-01-30T11:02:01+00:00

Their ego is bruised obviously.

People don't like rejection for obvious reasons. Ever heard a woman talk about a man who dumped them? Its just human nature.

30dirtyfingers · 2020-01-30T12:50:55+00:00

Its the same as women saying the guy is gay when he rejects her.

DontTouchTheCancer · 2020-01-30T13:42:57+00:00

Because you tend to be rude about it.

Either that or the guy's ego is about as fragile as a soap bubble.

ScootsScoots · 2020-01-30T13:46:59+00:00

Defense mechanism for a fragile ego. Its pathetic and usually these guys continue to have trouble with women.

G77R23D · 2020-01-30T14:54:04+00:00

It's a coping mechanism for those that do it.

SpinPlates · 2020-01-30T15:45:17+00:00

It works both ways. People don't like being rejected. It hurts down to your core because they are essentially saying your biology is not good enough for me to procreate with.

I had a girl "slide into my DMs" on Instagram yesterday afternoon. She apparently found my profile after one of my friends tagged me in his story.

She liked a bunch of my photos, followed me. Then DMd me. Wanted to get a drink right then and now. I teased her a little bit and she got really mad. Told me I was gay, and blocked me. Then about 20 minutes later she unblocked me and apologized and told me she was drunk. (Drunk at 1pm on a Wednesday)

I asked her "So you just want to smash?" And she said "Yeah basically. I want you to keep me company at this bar first"

I ended up just leaving her on read because I'm not going to fuck a drunk girl i just met on Instagram but what got me laughing was her profile was full of photos of her and a boyfriend. Maybe they just broke up and she wanted a fling but i wasn't getting involved in that drama.

And yes. She was quite attractive. I reckon she isn't used to guys turning her down because Instagram is just one giant female validation machine. But yeah, she got mad. And i know men do the same thing. Ignore them.

Bntt89 · 2020-01-30T16:25:38+00:00

Because guys are human and lash out too, doesn't make it right though. It also depends on the rejection if its rude, it probably gets a rude response back.

zerofeetpersecond · 2020-01-30T22:46:21+00:00

Not trying to defend men, but this isn’t a common behavior for us. In fact, the average guy’s big complaint is why cant women just say they aren’t interested rather than humiliate them deliberately during an approach. The guys who belittle women the women they reject are the ultra-Chads. The average guy would need to be asked out in order to do rejecting and belittling (news flash average men don’t get asked out).

Superfluous_Toast · 2020-01-31T03:16:03+00:00

Sour grapes. They took a risk, felt vulnerable, and got shot down. They are embarrassed and hurt, and seek to regain their pride by lashing out and trying to minimise their failure by cutting you down to size and making you seem less than worthy of their attention.

tropiew · 2020-01-31T21:59:37+00:00

The ego of a man is a really fragile thing usually. You see women do similar things. It is a coping mechanism. I personally don't belittle people, i have been bullied so i am better at not being a piece of shit than most people.

The_Gifted_Arsonist · 2020-02-04T20:44:43+00:00

The one time i belittled a girl for rejection was not because of rejection, but the way she did it. I hate ghosting, its dumb. Just be upfront about how you feel, yeah rejection doesn't feel good but I won't be mad, I'd be mad if you strung me along, or just broke off contact with me altogether

JaJammerJan · 2020-01-29T21:44:23+00:00

I do it with girls that reject me in a mean/ugly way. Like they tend to pull that 'eww I am disgusted by you, get away from me' face. Or they do that face with their friends once I turn around. Both types combined is like ~half the time.

Whenever I see one of my mates rejected like that I will go up to her aswell and trashtalk her if he doesn't because he feels bad. Girls like that don't deserve any respect and I'd much rather have my friend feel a bit better by starting a fight with the bitch. Anger is much better than sadness.

Considering you and your female peers get this a lot, I can only assume you act like bitches aswell and deserve this behavior from men.

Personally I don't approach at all anymore since women react like this so often and your surroundings usually react negatively and blame you as the guy approaching. Risk getting into fights with useless white-knights.

I guess it's what women want though, sub-8's approaching = disgusting creep. Only chad can approach.

DoggoPunch · 2020-01-30T00:07:57+00:00

I think that it's common for any shitty person to belittle the person that just rejected them. Arguably men ask out/ make advances towards women more, so maybe men just get rejected more too.

I'd be happily surprised if a women asked me out, and kinda hate the stereotype that men should be the ones to ask the other out, but it is more common for men to regardless

throwawy_12262017 · 2020-01-30T11:30:07+00:00

I insult people that cut me off in traffic. Why wouldn't I insult someone who rejects my seed?

darksoldierk · 2020-01-31T03:09:14+00:00

I don't think I've ever exploded after being rejected. But, I can certainly understand why men do it.

Let me put it this way, we all have insecurities, right? You look in the mirror, and all you see are the little things that make you hate yourself, things that most people don't even notice. We all have a hard time loving ourselves, loving how we look. I'm sure even hitler and stalin believed that they were good people, that they weren't evil or malicious. That is being human, we spend a lot of mental power trying to convince ourself to love ourselves.

Now, imagine living in a world where 9 out of 10 people you put your self out for showed you directly or indirectly, that you were in fact ugly, that they did notice your little insecurity. It goes against every thought you try so hard to fight against because you know if you let those thoughts sink in, you would get fucked up. Let me give you a different example, I don't know about you, but the reaction of every person that I've ever known who got fired from their job was "I was everything in that job. When I quit, they had to hire 10 people to replace me, fuck them, they are now spending 20 times what htey paid me to pay those people to do all the work that I did alone". Why do you think that is? I figure it's because we keep trying to convince ourselves that we are valuable and irreplaceable. When we are put in a position where we can see that we aren't, in fact, valuable or irreplaceable, we get angry, we fight against the reality of it. And let me tell you, have you ever given a performance evaluation for an under performing employee? I have, and no matter how you approach it, they get angry. I've offered mentorship, I've offered to pay for external training, I've offered everything I could think of, but people get angry and often lash out. It's because you are disturbing their perception of themselves, and you are reinforcing those thoughts of "maybe I'm not good enough" that almost everyone has and fights against on a daily basis.

And I've been there at work. I've taken on jobs and engagements that I knew were way, WAY beyond me. I've done them, and I struggled, and the thought of "fuck, how did I ever think of myself as a professional, I can't even do this" and the last thing I would have needed to hear while I struggled is my boss saying "your off this project". Because that would reinforce that I'm not a professional.

For dating, it's the same thing. Often times, men study their whole lives in topics that have potential for earnings over interest. Men go to the gym, they work on being funny and charming, they wear clothes they don't like, and they do all of this so that they can fight the thoughts of "no one could ever love me" and the thought of "I have no value". When they go out there and ask women out, and when those women reject them at a rate of 90%, those thoughts are being reinforced. By rejecting the man, whether done in a nice way or not, you are telling someone that they aren't good enough.

So tell me, how would you react if 9 out of 10 people that you like tell you that you aren't good enough for them? How would you feel if your insecurities were consistently being thrown in your face? I mean, in today's world, people can't even call women "fat" or "overweight", we have to use the term "plus size" in order to not hurt women's feelings. Imagine what it's like to be in men's shoes. The overwhelming majority of men don't get approached, the overwhelming majority of men don't get told that someone thins they are beautiful, or they have a nice smile, or nice eyes. Most men would appreciate those comments even if they were insincere, because they rarely get complimented. The only way that men know that they have any value at all to women is when women acknowledge them as potential mates, so when women don't acknowledge them as mates, it's equivalent to telling the man that he has no value.

Then there's the problem of women lying. Look, nothing has wanted me to explode more than a woman saying she has a boyfriend, then I see her flirting with a random guy. If you aren't going to see me as someone of any value, then at least don't lie to me.

NOTSM · 2020-01-29T21:26:29+00:00

Some men are just assholes that lash out when their egos are hurt

That being said the only women I know in real life that complain about this happening constantly are women that are bitchy and two-faced themselves

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vicistvic · 2020-01-30T15:41:09+00:00

I have formed the belief that sexual liberalism is to blame for rejection causing anguish to be so common.

When a woman has been sexually active, she has engaged in the extreme social interaction. Men perceive her to be devalued, weak and lacking in confidence.

When a woman is virginal and chaste for marriage, rejected men are likely to be respectful and to offer her their blessings. They are even likely to feel happy with themselves as opposed to feeling upset.

Title	Why is it so common for men to belittle women after rejection?
Author	shamefulthrowout
Upvotes	18
Comments	108
Date	January 29, 2020 9:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/evtjf2/why_is_it_so_common_for_men_to_belittle_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-it-so-common-for-men-to-belittle-women.316351 https://theredarchive.com/post/316351

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