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Blindsided by LTR, what's going on?

Reddit View
May 28, 2020
106 upvotes

First time, long time.

I'm not sure where to begin. My LTR of 2 years and I broke up last night and I'm reeling. I took the time to run and meditate, and my head is starting to clear. I've tried to revise this post and pare it down, but I can't find the point of failure. I tried to include as much information as might be relevant about what I'm like, what she's like, the circumstance and the breakup itself. I'm trying to work the problem and do an AAR but I need impartial feedback to coldly cut through my emotions.

My LTR is a 25 year old junior Navy officer and Army brat. She's a stand-out sailor, won a marksmanship trophy and is already on the Navy sailing team after only serving 8 months. A real hard charger. Prior to that she was a D1 athlete and well-paid civil servant. I understand a high-value woman like that eats betas for breakfast, and I know an attractive female in the Navy has guys buzzing around her at all times.

I am a 31 year old Army combat veteran and national para athlete and coach. I have had national press coverage every year for the past 4 years for my athletic achievements and work advocating for veterans. I'm going to school on the GI Bill, where until last year I was double-varsity at a D2 school. I like to think I've achieved a lot, and I work my ass off to keep it that way. I train full-time, and was featured in a Jockey campaign. The entire time we've been together, women have been sliding into my dms, I even had a household name male celeb give me his cell number lol . I have goals, and I work really hard for them. I don't mean any of this as a brag, I just always though of myself as a high-value guy and I'm feeling fucked up over this breakup.

The media stuff fucks with me because so many people put me on a pedestal, and I never asked to be the poster boy. In fact, it drives me crazy that anyone can google me and read about the worst day of my life in detail, my injuries and my PTSD. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm proud of what I did, but it makes it hard to be myself. It's a distorting lens and it means I am constantly trying to live up to what people expect me to be, and shut them out when I'm not able to. I'll go to fancy events, shake hands with Joe Biden and then not interact with anyone outside of class, practice and the gym because I'm feeling fucked up and have the shakes again.

The other problem with even relatively minor amounts of "fame" and the high level of fitness, I guess, is that it is ridiculously easy for me to pull women. Whenever I'm single, I can pick women up on the street and tinder is shooting fish in a barrel. I had slept with 2 women when I joined the Army, and it is in the triple digits now. I'll just say the Athlete's Village at the Warrior Games isn't so different from the Olympics.

I got involved with my ex because she was the most sought-after woman at the training facility for my sport. I brought her home the day I met her, and was amused to discover how many orbiters she had flying around the gym. She would show me guys I had just practiced with texting her, asking to hang out when I was spinning her and I liked having that over my athletic rivals. I was less amused to discover she was cheating on her long-distance LTR of 3 years when we first starting hooking up. She trickle-truth'd that one so the timeline is fuzzy, but I know - she traded up when I paid attention to her. It was probably a red flag.

Lots of redpill writing mentions that women love taking down guys who are held in esteem, and her old man was a bona fide war hero, and legend in the military. I don't want to drag her, but she has a lot of unresolved issues from that. Good soldiers make bad dads.

Over the past 2 years, I think things had been pretty good. I'd been getting my life together before we met, but recovery is a process and the "para" in para athlete means I still have to deal with some of the psychological and physical injuries. I was actually going to join the French Foreign Legion before we met, but decided to stick around. I know, don't change your plans for a woman. My previous LTR ending was devastating because I was dating another high flying type-A woman (her ex is also a national athlete) and the breakup was explicitly because she and her mom thought I wasn't doing enough with my life. She fell for the myth, and no amount of frame can maintain that. I have a chip on my shoulder, and I feel like I've done more and worked harder than most people to get where I am, so to hear what was essentially "you're not good enough" fucking sucked.

I really thought that wouldn't happen this time. We got a place in the suburbs, a dog, I traded in my hooah army douchbagmobile for a family car, we were straight up playing house. I thought it could work. I tried to maintain frame, but when you live with somebody you can't hide the days when you're hurting, and for all of the medals in the shadowbox there were visits to the VA and Army hospital. She was pretty good about it. One thing was that I'm living off my VA benefits and she was making tens of thousands of dollars more than me as a civil servant.

Around this time last year, she had an identity crisis. She was offered a promotion, and she realized that if she took it, she'd be a lifelong government bureaucrat. She kept saying how much she admired me and our dads (my old man is also a senior Army officer) for what we had done for our country and blah blah blah. So I sat her down and told her that if she was going to do something about it, she'd better do it now. Her old man told her she could never hack it in the Army and so I held her hand through every step of joining the Navy.

I put work into training her in PT, studying for the tests, I took her out on Spartan Beasts and the 24hr Spartan. When she finally shipped out in August, I took crying phone calls from her every night of basic. Basic that was way softer than my day and her old man's. I mean, she had her phone for fucks sakes. I did all of the shit you're supposed to do, because I know the military.

And because I know the military, I made sure the house, the dog and the car were all in my name. I made sure I kept my own bank account, and didn't tell her how much was in it, the same thing her old man still does with her mom. I didn't give her power of attorney.

Anyone here who has time-in knows exactly what happens to sweethearts back home once they're away at Basic or in the fleet. I had seen that shit play out with my friends a million times, and my boys all told me to make sure I had my shit locked down before she shipped out. I made sure to fuck her brains out whenever she got leave, not matter how tired she claimed to be because I know basic is a fucking joke these days. I also made sure to be on point at her graduation and personally introduce myself to all of her male fellow candidates that would go to the next training establishment with her.

She also wanted me to get married at city hall between Basic and her phase training. I said no way. Marriage means that I'm on the hook when she fucks Jody or LTD gets too hard, and I'm a churchgoing man. Then she wanted to get engaged. I said no way. I'm not spending 3 months salary for a ring she could take off while she blows her classmates. I gave her a very nice, reasonably priced promise ring. I said if we made it through all of her training and she arrived at the fleet, we'd get married.

She wanted me to move out to where she's training, which would mean leave my school and up-end my career plans. Male military spouses make 50% less than other men of the same level of education. Training is not that long, and I knew she'd be posted across the country when she finished, so why up-end my life, my friends and my family twice before she's even in the fleet? I'm not a fucking dependant, I have my own goals and giving up education and a career is not an option. She's a fucking junior officer, I made more than her as an E-5, my benefits are still more than her take-home, and that's while she has no expenses.

While she was out there, there were two things going on. One, was all of her friends who got married. A lot of the females in her unit were also women who joined the mil because they had boyfriends who were vets or serving. She kept saying "so-and-so got married and she gets leave to see her husband and is allowed to move out of barracks". She kept talking about co-posting, and when would I move out there or marry her so she can come home to see the dog whenever she wants. The way I see it, what's the difference between getting married now or when she finishes training, other than I don't get fucked financially and legally if she can't hack it?

On the other hand, she started going out all the time and having lots of female friends. This woman never drank a drop of alcohol when she lived out here and got up at 4 in the morning for practice. Suddenly she's hanging out with the guys, drinking during weekdays, closing out the O Club, going out on the town. I keep having to pay for more than we agreed because she's partying away her pay.

Then Covid happened. All leave is cancelled, all troops are confined to base. Only, now they're having barracks parties every night. If you ever meet a woman and she even hints at knowing what the inside of a barracks is like, move on. We used to fuck girls in our open squad bays. It's bad, bad news. So now even if I wanted to I can't see her. She's getting crankier and seems more resentful every time I talk to her. She keeps saying I should give her money to cover her because she took a $40k paycheque to join the Navy. She gets pissed off when I told her that's what she signed up for, and yes she still has to pay the rent (another thing, I didn't want to buy a house because she might get part of it if we split. I know rent is more than a mortgage but there's no cost to peace of mind). She keeps talking about how if I really loved her and cared about her I'd have married her, or proposed. She tells me we can still declare common law. I said, when the lockdown is over, we'll talk. I had just seen her when I took her on a trip for Valentines day. I told her - a deployment is 8 months and there's no fucking phone. You're going to have to hang tough, it's been 3 months.

Last Thursday, my mom contracted covid and had a stroke. My uncle died of covid in March, firefighter, good guy. I called her, knowing she was just in the department bullpen doing dick all and she didn't give me the time of day. I'm good, I have my friends, my veterans group and the padre. My mom is okay too, recovering fairly well. I thought my mom was fucking dying. I drove 500km to be with my family, and she didn't call once during the drive to see how things were. This girl called me sobbing hysterically because she failed a white-glove inspection in basic (everybody fails, that's the point. It's just a game).

I just got little workout selfies and shit between Thursday and yesterday. Little nothing texts.

I called her last night, and I had that sinking feeling in my gut. She was pissy, and I could tell she was with her friends. She wouldn't engage at all. Usually she calls me, and if she doesn't I just wait her out. I guess with my mom, I dunno I wanted to hear from her, but it was like I was an imposition on beer pong.

She said something about her dad coming by to get some things to ship out to her. Those things included her bike and all her clothes. Hmm yeah I've seen that one before. She fucking danced around it before I said, okay so we're done. It was a trickle all the way. She pretty much admitted to wanting to blindside me only once all of the stuff was gone and the dog was with her parents. What a moral coward. She's a goddamn commissioned officer and she can't muster an ounce of integrity?

She was so cold, it gave me the chills. She hemmed and hawed and didn't articulate a thought or feeling without being pressed. I'm still angry thinking about it. I'll admit it, I was shocked, and confused and broke frame a few times. She was just completely shut off. I didn't get to the begging and pleading stage, but I did try to work the problem and point out ways to make it work. No effect. She periodically cried, but just kept saying the same shit "Her friends say this and her friends say that, and she's felt this for a while but didn't tell me blah blah blah".

Those posts on trp about the run up to a breakup give me chills. I know she's already secured the approval of her friends, there are a million bored, fit orbiters literally across the hall willing to fuck her, she might've fucked them already. Even if somehow I was able to work this out, or wanted to, nobody is flying or booking hotels right now. I feel absolutely sick about this.

She mentioned money a few times. Said that I had promised to put most of my pay in the account where she could access it. I said that I pay the bills anyways so what does she need it for, and she said because she had sacrificed her financial situation and standard of living in the navy. That I should financially support her, she's tired of asking me to pay for things.

She said that it was because I hadn't shown enough commitment. That if I had married her, she'd be at home right now. She kept saying variations of that. "You should have married me" "I asked you to be common law so many times" "Why didn't you propose". That she hates being in quarantine and the separation. She said she's so incredibly hurt, that she's been sitting on these feelings for so long, that she tried to tell me. That if only I had shown her I loved her we'd be alright, she'd be home and we'd be married right now. I pointed out that this is entirely outside of my control, you can't retroactively marry someone, I couldn't fly there even if I had wanted to. I can't lift a lockdown, I could live right outside the gates and she'd still be confined to base, if not barracks.

tl;dr I have no idea what the fuck happened.

I thought I was a high status guy, and I had managed to keep D1 and national athletes away from her, even when she practiced with them every day. I'm fit, have goals, have a public profile, have the kind of past people find impressive. I didn't think I was a loser, but today that was my first thought on waking up and it just keeps circling around in my head.

More importantly, all of the shit that supposedly caused the breakup, just saved my ass. That absolutely kills me! My dumb grunt instincts and Army buddies were right. I didn't drop out of school, move across the country, give up my whole life, risk my house, dog or car because this might happen and it did. I was fucking right to do it. That keeps looping in my head, like a guy in a Greek play that can't change his fate and every clever thing he does to avoid it draws him closer without him knowing.

I held off on commitment to see if she could manage, she couldn't and now she says it's because I didn't commit enough! I'd be staring down a divorce if I had, right? Or is she right and I fucked myself over by maintaining that defensive posture?

I'm going to be honest, I'm really torn up on this one.

Can anyone please explain what happened, what if anything I can do?

If anyone wants to Monday Morning QB, I might feel a little better. If she's just popping smoke to cover for giving out barracks BJ's, I won't be haunted by thinking I could have and should have married her.


Post Information
Title Blindsided by LTR, what's going on?
Author Shackrats
Upvotes 106
Comments 267
Date 28 May 2020 02:44 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/668504
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gs7j0b/blindsided_by_ltr_whats_going_on/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
betaframecheatinglong term relationshipliftgamethe red pillpedestal
Comments

[–]Logical_Insurance139 points140 points  (7 children) | Copy

My LTR is a 25 year old junior Navy officer and Army brat. She's a stand-out sailor, won a marksmanship trophy and is already on the Navy sailing team after only serving 8 months. A real hard charger. Prior to that she was a D1 athlete and well-paid civil servant. I understand a high-value woman like that eats betas for breakfast, and I know an attractive female in the Navy has guys buzzing around her at all times.

If you wrote a paragraph like this about one of your buddies he would think you wanted to suck his dick. But I kept reading, and then I see this:

I was less amused to discover she was cheating on her long-distance LTR of 3 years when we first starting hooking up.

You discover she was cheating on her LTR of 3 years when you got together and in your brain that meshes well with her being a "high value woman?" WHY?! Because she won some fucking trophies? Holy shit.

[–]Shackrats42 points43 points  (6 children) | Copy

I judge my own value by trophies man, I think I'm starting to realize that.

[–]Logical_Insurance42 points43 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're going to want more than that. Find out what principles are important to you, in other people and in yourself, and then take them seriously.

Take your own moral code seriously. Are you a man of honor? A man of his word? Someone who prefers a relationship built on honesty to a relationship of lies? Then you need to demand the same qualities from people you surround yourself with. You need to master your dick's urges, even if she is a D1 athlete, and when she says she cheated you need to allow your disgust to show. If that means the girl walks away, that's good.

That's you dodging a bullet. This one took two years too long to dodge, but you've dodged this one as well. Consider it a hard lesson that could have been much worse.

[–]Shackrats30 points31 points  (2 children) | Copy

That stings, but you're right.

I don't know why I'm able engender such rewarding loyalty, bonhomie and camaraderie with guys but none of my qualities mean anything to women, beyond initial attraction. Well, I do know, I read the sidebar. I just thought that once she put on the uniform she'd respect me as a soldier at least, have some professional courtesy.

For all of the Jody jokes, I know with my tour mates at least, we would never fuck around if it would hurt a friend or comrade. It's un-fucking-soldierly. I mean, if we deployed on different tours we'd even watch out for each other's households to make sure everything was okay. My cousin deployed while he was posted in the same place as me and I checked up on his wife and baby, made sure everything was good, and while it was never said, made sure she wasn't fucking around.

I guess women can carry a rifle but that doesn't mean they buy into the brotherhood angle.

[–]Pynewacket6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

"women are born but men are made" or more for your situation "Soldiers are men defined by their uniform, Women Soldiers are women first, Soldiers second".

What the second quote means is that the uniform represents something to the corps it can be loyalty, duty, discipline, etc. take that as you will.

EDIT.- By the way you may want to read or reread this about honor:
https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/18/the-honor-system/

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So true brother. If she can't honour the uniform, what would a ring mean to her? Symbols and oaths either mean something, or they don't.

[–]Tambamwham2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’d also tell her dad that this ain’t the first time she’s cheated on somebody.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I love and respect the man, is that wise?

He was too busy being a soldier to raise his daughter, and it shows.

[–]Fabulous-Craft209 points210 points  (59 children) | Copy

You know what went wrong.

Women don't care about "history". You're only as good as you are to her right now.

You're useless to her atm and she has cock a plenty.

[–]scottandcoke27 points28 points  (25 children) | Copy

Completely agree. She sensed she was higher value in that moment and ended it. She'll probably regret it but I'd never take her back.

[–]babybopp15 points16 points  (24 children) | Copy

She had him all along as plan B. A woman especially a 25 yr old will not jump off ship unless Chad Thundercock has been railing her from the side and she wants to see if he will take her. When he refuses guess what, call plan B and apologize saying she was going through something. OP, of course the answer is something u know deep down, drop her like a turd in water and flush it.

Update

I want to talk to u on Sunday I love you ... so much!

Chad thundercock refused to commit to her. She is coming back to plan B / OP

[–]Shackrats9 points10 points  (23 children) | Copy

I really want to go fucking apoplectic because I know, I know who this guy is and the little trickle-truths and breadcrumbs and shit that lead to this. It took me about 30 seconds once I actually let myself examine all of the thoughts I had deliberately pushed out of my mind. Women are less than half as clever as they think they are, but I willed myself to be more than twice as dumb.

Calling her on it, when she calls yea or nay? Texting? Is there really no way to pin a woman to the wall when they are caught in a lie? No guilt, remorse, courtesy? Not even a "Aw gosh, you caught me. What are you going to do about it?"

I know, I really do know that there is no such thing as closure, that:

Girls, however, need to put a man they are dumping into a desexualized box and wrap a pretty bow of closure around it. By participating in the closure process you are helping her tie the bow around your desexualized fate.

I know that, but I am not a stupid man. I let myself be stupid, but I was not outfoxed by a fucking mental midget SWO.

[–]babybopp12 points13 points  (18 children) | Copy

You are lucky that u did not put a ring on it. Once a girl stops respecting you, that’s it. It is over. Your turn is over ... move on. It will hurt a bit but will get better. I am 36 and only date 24 year olds and below. I have been through the same hurt. Believe u me, u don’t need a stranger to tell u that she was getting railed by someone else. Maintain your frame with her. If u can, plate her. Bottom plate. Start seeing other women. A fresh woman who will respect you. Don’t go looking for the pretty girl who everyone swoons for. Get someone with half a brain and not just big boobs. You are not alone. We all are here because we each have our stories to tell. Now u have urs.

Edit: to lazy to type your and you.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (17 children) | Copy

I just don't know what I did to deserve such disrespect? Like I can read that that's not how women think, and they don't have loyalty and courtesy, but in my mind if someone isn't giving you respect it's your turn to step up and either call them out on it or earn it. There are guys who fucking hated me when we met that are now close friends. We either talked it out, or I proved I could walk the walk.

Here, I'm getting treated like shit by a fucking butterbar, the butterbar she's fucking and a third butterbar who is married to a guy I know. At least the one who is married to my boy could have let me know. We had a fucking barbecue, I was at their wedding.

What the fuck do I do on Sunday man? I really want to pop off, but I also don't like surrendering my emotions to other people's influence and letting them get inside my reaction loop. I thought there was dignity in stoicism and calm, and look where it got me.

[–]Tambamwham1 point2 points  (16 children) | Copy

What’s on Sunday?

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy

Earlier today she sent me a text saying that although she is on duty all week she thinks that we could talk on Sunday because she loves me... so much.

Everybody knows what "we should talk" means, this is a new variation. She's righter than she knows, because while we could talk on Sunday I'm split between fucking going all in on her scorched earth, or just doing a no-contact and texting her mom a list of logistical details like how to get her shit out of here and change her mailing address.

[–]MisfitPL99 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy

Cmon man - if you have read the sidebar you know you shouldnt give her closure.

Only speak to her about getting her stuff out of the place - no talk about the relationship - you know its over. Do not give her the satisfaction

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

You're right. That being the case, is pure texting a bitch move? I don't want to get interrupted, or sucked in, or whatever. I know what she did, she knows what she did, why should I have to listen to her her tune her dial from tears to professions of love to anger so she can get a reaction from me?

What I was thinking was:

Your stuff is packed. Your parents can pick it up, after giving 24hrs notice.

You will have to contact USPS to forward your mail. What mail was already here as of this morning is packed. Any mail after that will be returned to sender.

If I am contacted during your security clearance review, I will not say you did anything that indicates lack of integrity or untrustworthiness, out of professional courtesy and respect for your father.

You don’t need to return your ring, keep it.

[–]whhoa6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

My 0.02 - do not go all-in on her scorched earth.

Would it feel good to vent? Hell yes. Does she deserve it? It sounds like she does. But it would just ultimately make you feel worse and make her feel better about cheating/leaving.

[–]Ignacio146 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Everybody knows what "we

should

talk" means, this is a new variation. She's righter than she knows, because while we

could

talk on Sunday I'm split between fucking going all in on her scorched earth, or just doing a no-contact and texting her mom a list of logistical details like how to get her shit out of here and change her mailing address.

Please take the second option, man. After some months, when the grey clouds which are over you now clear out, you will be happy you made the right choice and stood strong.

[–]Tambamwham1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

My guy, stop waiting on her to allow you get on with your life. Stop waiting on magic words. If she tells you “I’m fucking another guy and I’m his now” are you gonna feel better? Nothing is going to make you feel better but you. You know exactly what’s going on. You’re in a battle with yourself and you’re losing.

Take control. Your not the first guy this happened to and won’t be the last. This won’t even be the last time this happens to you. Welcome to the big leagues. Now cowboy the fuck up. Being hurt and sad is being alive as much as anything is. Get up everyday, put your boots on, look pain right in the eye and laugh at it, and go to work. Do not talk to her on Sunday. Pack her shit tomorrow and take it to her parents house yourself. Look them in the eye and tell thanks for everything and goodbye. If they ask what’s going on... tell them. Tell them everything. You deserve to be heard and you deserve to Atleast have the real truth out there to somebody because you know she’s spinning tales.

I would text her tonight and then Id block her on everything. This is exactly what I write. “I loved you and the time I spent with you have been the days of my life. I hope this is all worth it and I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for. But it won’t be me... it will never be me again. I don’t know what I did to deserve to be treated like this. To be cast aside once you got to the place that I helped get you to. I’ll never forget how your got your friends to close ranks, keep your secrets and treat me like a leper. I’ll never forget how I called you to tell my fucking mom had a stroke and you acted annoyed that I even called. I’ll never forget how you many times you tried to guilt trip me about giving you money so you could go drink it up and fuck some clown that’s half the man I am. I’ll never forget how you planned on blindsiding me like I never mattered to you after everything Ive done for you. Truth is I feel sorry for you. Once the party is over you’re gonna have nothing but regret full your entire soul. Your gonna look in mirror everyday and feel stupid for throwing away the best men you’ll ever know. You’re gonna spend the rest of your life trying to find a guy to fill my shoes. It will never happen because there ain’t nobody better. I’m gonna look in the mirror everyday and thank god i didn’t make the mistake of marrying you. I’m packing your shit I’ll make sure your parents get it. I’m blocking you after I send this. I don’t want see you, I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to know you. Best of luck.”

Boom done. You just took back your power. Then go find your own girl and your own life

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You're right. I'm hurting myself more than she's able to hurt me - after all that's why I kept her name off everything. I could wake up tomorrow, and nothing would fundamentally change. Same car, same house, same dog, and it's not like I was waking up next to her anyways.

Look them in the eye and tell thanks for everything and goodbye. If they ask what’s going on... tell them. Tell them everything. You deserve to be heard and you deserve to Atleast have the real truth out there to somebody because you know she’s spinning tales.

They've been like second parents to me. I still have dinner with them every Sunday. I'm not sure the best way to talk to them. Any advice you have would be welcome.

I don't want to disrespect them by telling them how they raise they daughter. I know her dad was either physically gone, or never really emotionally there after Bosnia.

Some rp posts say that admitting that you are hurt gives them power and let's them gloat. I'm afraid that putting it out on the line like that text just makes me look like more of a bitch, and I'm already hurting from that feeling.

[–]Batman-von-Pepe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

or just doing a no-contact and texting her mom a list of logistical details like how to get her shit out of here and change her mailing address.

Pop smoke brother it's the only option.

[–]lozboss2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why have you not blocked her and deleted her number?

[–]LethalShade0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Up to you. If it were me, I'd rather know the full truth and be in peace with it, even if she ended up getting gangbanged the whole time there. If that would end up being your call, I suggest a strategy around the lines of "Hey X, I know we've had our ups and downs but I wanna try and make this workd. I need you to be fully honest and tell me what happened and where you're at. I know there's something you're not telling me and that's fine but I need to know if we're gonna move forward."

It's exactly like getting a girl to be open about her sexual past, you want a nonjudgemental attitude while still pressuring her for the truth. Then once you got it, make your peace with it and never talk to her again. Or do that now, up to yo.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Can you expand on that? How the fuck am I going to hold frame if it turns out she fucked that guy the morning before their parade when I shook his hand, looked him in the eye and said good job?

What's worse would be, how am I going to be steadfast if she's been up to this for months, including times she's come home?

[–]LethalShade1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you want to live in the real world or the fantasy world? If that would be the case, that would be the greatest news you could possibly have. Your life is fairly decent for the most part, right? You were decently happy with this relationship, your level of achievement in life, etc. If it turns out that this girl was fucking around months ago, that means that you have huge blind spots that you haven't even begun to realize were there. Imagine how great life will be when you fix those and how quality your relationships will be then?

Obviously it's discouraging to see that everything you thought was true was built on a shaky foundation and that you have much more work ahead of you but life will get much better than you ever thought was possible my man.

[–]Greaterbird17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

My poor boy - they do care, just not enough to imagine that they'd ever be attracted to you again.

Why else would someone go through the whole song and dance of manufacturing break-up reasons? Why else would so many girls break up to immediately either fuck a ton of people or rebound with someone who looks like an off brand version of you? It's her version of "go fuck ten other women."

It's because there is guilt there, but the attraction is gone and everything and everyone is telling her to jump new bones. The worse she acts out, the more guilt is there.

Someone who actually doesn't care simply leaves. Best you can do is see her games as a compliment.

[–]nisu_srk14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Based on my experience, this is very accurate. And this behavior is very common, probably by both genders. One person in a relationship starts feeling that the attraction is fading, but they fight the feeling. They feel the guilt, they prepare their exit strategy without notifying the partner. Sometimes they cheat to have a safety net. And finally they break up. The person being dumped is blindsided, they suffer the most but the person who ends the relationship has already gone through months of that feeling. and has had time to cope. If you're someone who is dumped, you're lagging a couple months behind the person who dumped you. You'll likely get to her level of indifference if you stop putting her on a pedestal and start truly enjoying your own company.

[–]Shackrats6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I went for a run to clear my head and I realized I'm such a fucking retard. I present to you:

The Case of the Incredible Disappearing Male Friend

While she was in basic, I made a mental map of her friend group fairly quickly. 2 girls and a guy. She talked about the guy a lot, and pretty early on mentioned that as soon as he was away from home he left his LTR, even though he had promised they'd make it work.

She mentioned all of the stuff they would do as a group, how they hung out in the shacks, and sometime she would just mention hanging out with this male friend. I met him at the grad parade, I dunno I would sincerely like to believe that I'm more attractive, but you can't put a price on proximity. He didn't seem to want to throw down and his body language was kinda cowed. I wouldn't say nervous, but.. I don't really know.

When the gang arrived in fleet school, she mentioned what a hound he was, how he was always picking up townie girls or sailors from other detachments. When they had the freedom of fleet school, these were the four closing out the O Club and staying at bars till close on weekdays. Again, this was not a party girl in the entire time I had known her. Although... sonofabitch she occasionally alluded to being one in college where she did shit like have threesomes. Okay, so there's me being a retard right there.

She mentioned him more and more frequently, to the point where I asked my boy and he said I should brace myself and make sure all my shit was protected.

Then, the story started to change. She went into long elaborate stories of setting this guy up with one of the other girls in their foursome. The third is married, to a guy I used to work with. I started hearing about how the guy and the unmarried girl had a flirtation, or were sitting closely at the bar. Dumb gossipy shit like that. I would ask "is he fucking her?" 'no' "then who cares?" I dropped the ball here too.

Anyways, I don't care about gossip and she had never talked about the personal intrigue of her classmates, but here she went on with a narrative about how this guy and that other girl in their group went on two dates, didn't have sex and decided they worked better as friends.

And then...he was never mentioned again!! 👻

I'm a fucking retard. Jesus Christ.

[–]Greaterbird2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's how it goes. Hang in there.

[–]Shackrats8 points9 points  (28 children) | Copy

Should I be relieved or angry?

I don't know what more I could do.

[–]Fabulous-Craft84 points85 points  (0 children) | Copy

Considering the alternative is she just fucks guys behind your back and then comes running back to you as a provider while you're none the wiser... yeah dodged a bullet.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev41 points42 points  (13 children) | Copy

Relieved. Good riddance to bad trash. She's shown her true colors and yes, she will try to come back but can you ever trust her again? FuckNO! Lose these Type A bitches and find a Betty who wants to bask in your reflected glory. You will be 1000x better off.

Also you have not truly swallowed the Red Pill. Work on that. Your "widdle poopsie" wanted to lock down your resources (not you) while she got railed out by every swinging dick she could grab.

Sidebar. No contact. Stay strong.

[–]Shackrats9 points10 points  (12 children) | Copy

I don't understand why she's already texting me, and to tell me she has duty of all things. What's that about? Who texts to schedule a call?

Her mom has my number, there's no need for her to contact me about logistics. There's no need to contact me about anything, I can have her stuff curbside by Saturday, I pay the bills and I can pay the whole rent.

[–]notsellingjeans35 points36 points  (4 children) | Copy

Because she’s having second thoughts about the breakup as she realizes she’s losing her sure-thing meal ticket as she ages out of her current peak (25). You are a great man and a great provider.

She fucked up. Let that simmer for her.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy

^ Came back to post this.

It's all about the Benjamins she just lost out on, because Girly likes to party - that's why all the whining about her having access to your $$$.

She has revealed herself to you. Do NOT take her back. Wise up.

[–]Tambamwham4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Na she’s shacked up with another officer as we speak

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's the way of the world. I smashed so many officers in my day. What the fuck happened to me?

[–]Tambamwham3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing. This is just temporary. But Maybe it’s time to reflect on all the men who were laying in bed staring at the ceiling with broken hearts wondering why their girl was being so cold and dismissive as they were in bed with you. Now that I’m done with the guilt trip lol... it’s time to go start your life. Delete social media. Hell maybe packing your shit and heading west might be what the doctor ordered.

[–]HurricaneHugues9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, get a hold of yourself. It's over! Forget that little white. It's over! Pack her shit in a box, call her dad to come pick it up, change your locks, and never speak to that bitch again. Every word that's coming out of her mouth is stained full of lies and dead sperm cells. Move on!

The problem with you wannabe Chads is that for aone reaosn you believe to be the exception to all the rules. Don't commit while in the military, and especially don't commit to military chicks. Your shit stinks too. Yourenot impervious to getting cucked. She was cheating the whole time, you wete just to stuck up your own ass to see it.

[–]Tambamwham6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

My guy. Stop. You got the type of mental fortitude that most men don’t have. And you know this about another guy. Let them have each other. Lick your wounds and find your own life. There’s no lint is talking to why of them.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I shook that bastards hand at their graduation parade. I looked him right in the eye.

What the fuck happened to my instincts?

[–]bigtoeneedhelp7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're still heavily attached to this woman. Your brain is addicted to her. You need to kill the thought of her. You fucked up, done, over, onward. Keep it moving. She's worthless to you now and if you're as good as you claim to be she'll regret her snakey decisions heavily. Don't do drugs or alcohol but train like a fucking monster. Plan your future career and finance strategies. Fix that broken door handle that's been there for weeks. Set up tent and wait for the storm to pass. Let her presence fade from your mind over the next few weeks. Man just do yourself a favour and block her. You'll be way more attractive to her if you do. She also won't be able to use your hormones against you and trap you in her frame. Settle down for a few days, ignore her existence completely. Ground yourself. Then if you decide to unblock her at least you'll be operating in your own frame.

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You know who the guy is?

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, it's upthread as the Disappearing Male Friend.

I know it was too pat of a narrative. Women can't tell a good story, unless they are telling a story

[–]Luvmojo219 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

Relieved as fuck.

Dude you are absolutely smashing life, and you've just dodged a HUGE bullet. This girl couldn't even be straight up and honest with you after 2 fucking years.

I don't care how high value she was, you'll smash better if you keep your chin up and march onwards. Stop questioning your own actions/decisions.

I don't think this girls done with you. She'll wait til lockdowns over and she'll be back in touch to reminisce and warm you up again. Don't fall for it. I wouldnt even give her the satisfaction of a quick fuck after she's been that disrespectful.

[–]Theebenedetto27 points28 points  (2 children) | Copy

I say relieved. She hit so many red flags and you seem to have it figured out pretty well. It will take time till you’re feeling yourself again. Hang in there brother. Reach out to your peers.

[–]Shackrats14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

They've been good, but they also know they were right. Most of them have been through this before, and they hadn't had the safeguards in place and paid the price. Putting in all the shit to prevent the classic deployment rip n' run was a good move.

At least I didn't marry a stripper, right?

[–]Theebenedetto12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s right. We had 2 guys knock up Filipino whores in South Korea. And I know of a few guys who had some ugly divorces. Classic military stuff. You had your ducks in a row. That’s commendable as fuck. I’ve personally witnessed married sailor females cheat on their civilian husbands while on deployment too. Then go back home and no body knows any better if no one snitches..

[–]bottled_butts14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy

Relieved but its fine to feel angry right now.

This sums up your situation

[–]Shackrats6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Fuck man. It's like she fell in love with the uniform and now not only does she have one of her own, but there are guys in uniforms literally around her at all times.

[–]HurricaneHugues2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

She fell in love with the barracks son

[–]DarkestShadeOfRed2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She belongs to the barracks.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My only sliver of hope is that it wasn't family style like the Marines do.

[–]bottled_butts0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Men love women, women love their children.

It wasn't a problem with you. It was a problem w her.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]2319Skew44 points45 points  (13 children) | Copy

Holy shit that's a long post

[–]longjeep200538 points39 points  (11 children) | Copy

They're a dime a dozen on this sub, and it's always about how this girl is different, how I'm different, this situation is different.

IT ISN'T DIFFERENT.

It comes down to sexual. market. value.

Are you her top option?

Are you killing it now? Not a year ago, but now?

The second dynamic is picking the right girls to LTR. OP tried to turn a hoe into a housewife, and that should've been evident by her cheating when she met him.

It's all good though OP, you will rebound stronger than ever and be back kicking ass again soon. Hopefully you learn from this

[–]RedDeAngelo17 points18 points  (7 children) | Copy

Its even more simpler than that "you cant turn a hoe into a housewife"

I didnt even have to read too far, to think oh buddy, this doesn't sound good.

Women in military (surrounded by men), cheats on her past bf, and has lots of male orbiters.

This girl was a giant red flag, and you were a dummy. She is low value and will move onto a more betabucks, who she feels more secure with.

/u/Shackrats if you are half the man you think you are you wouldnt have even entertained the idea of a dinner date with this hoe.

[–]Shackrats6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

The first day I met her, she - my hand to God - saw a photo of me in uniform somewhere in my room and started sobbing "thank you for your service" before immediately gave me the best head of my life.

I guess that would be a flag huh? Not sure what to think of that now.

[–]RedDeAngelo25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

Damn it's worse than I thought.

[–]2319Skew12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a very funny image.

[–]HurricaneHugues8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yikes.

[–]DarkestShadeOfRed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like the plot of a porno. She was a hoe fo sho.

[–]Anasthaesium1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It isn't far to say he is less of a man just because he is blue pilled.

Men are much more than their guiding philosophy. Men are who they are because of their virtues.

But having the wrong philosophy can make people use and throw you like a condom regardless of your virtues

[–]Shackrats10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Are you her top option?

I mean, I had thought so.

Are you killing it now? Not a year ago, but now?

I don't want this to seem unhinged, and I know this is the problem, but it's reflexive:

I was number 5 in my sport in the country a few months ago, before everything shut down. I'm as fit as ever, even with the gyms closed. I just became a registered professional in a defence field. There's a national media campaign featuring me about to launch. I have a career offer I can't post about on the internet, but it was extremely competitive and rigorous.

I'm still doing all of the things I'm supposed to do. They just don't make me happy, and evidently don't make me loved.

I'm grateful that people here have pointed out that looking for external validation is part of what's fucking me up but it's so hard to shake. I can't answer "how are you doing?" with anything internal, it's all external. It just turns into a verbal resume.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]Anasthaesium1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Savage but true

[–]daddysgotanew81 points82 points  (35 children) | Copy

If you are as awesome as you say you shouldn’t be this torn up over a piece of ass. At 31 and the over 100 women you should know all pussy is the same and you can just go get another.

There’s also the fact that this woman is in this male dominated lifestyle and is trying to act like a man herself. Women with higher testosterone levels like that act like, well, men. She’s never going to be faithful or loyal in any way. High sex drive and wayy too many options. You’d be be better off going after the wallflower that works at the grocery store than the hard charging boss bitch that wants to prove how tough she is. I don’t know why any man would find that attractive.

[–]Shackrats39 points40 points  (34 children) | Copy

I don't care about pussy. I could smash tonight if I went though my instagram dms.

I want a family whose love isn't contingent on me being switched on, all the time.

[–]i-am-the-prize33 points34 points  (12 children) | Copy

I want a family whose love isn't contingent on me being switched on, all the time.

kids love dogs

women love kids

men love women

dogs love men

--- so calibrate exactly whose love you desire against reality, if you require anyone's but your own (it's own weakness). One of rollo's iron rules is

Iron Rule of Tomassi #6
Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved. (aka: Women are incapable of loving men in a way that a man idealizes is possible, in a way he thinks she should be capable of.)

I suggest you re-read that rule and internalize what he means.

also: https://archive.is/sOs8J

Lastly, you're a smart guy, but you're putting her "(masculine) abilities" over her "(caring and supportive) femininity" and choosing a GF/mate using the wrong criteria. You're not choosing a bud to be in a foxhole with... or if you are fine, but don't try to play house with such a person.

[–]Shackrats7 points8 points  (10 children) | Copy

Lastly, you're a smart guy, but you're putting her "(masculine) abilities" over her "(caring and supportive) femininity" and choosing a GF/mate using the wrong criteria. You're not choosing a bud to be in a foxhole with... or if you are fine, but don't try to play house with such a person.

All I knew growing up was fighting to earn respect and admiration, and I thought that maybe as an adult if I had enough of it it would turn into caring and support because I'd finally done enough. One more Bronze Star, you know?

She has a framed photo of my "hero shot" (service dress, ribbons, the one the put on the news when you get killed) and the thought of her sucking dick while it's there makes me so sad and angry. I did all of the things I was supposed to do.

[–]i-am-the-prize47 points48 points  (9 children) | Copy

I did all of the things I was supposed to do.

BullShit. If you were explicitly told that "doing those things is how you get a good woman" then you were lied to, and any amount of time on TRP will pound this into your head. Stop believing the lies of the Matrix. You do those things for you and only you.

let me paste this again and do a few custom ones for you: https://archive.is/sOs8J

  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about your double D2 varsity letters
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about about your officer grading reports
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about your rank
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about your D-list celeb status
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about combat experience
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about your underwear modeling career
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about your PTSD
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about your own DM activity level
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about you earning more than her
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about you helping pay for her stuff
  • Hypergamy doesn’t care about your rational reasoning to wait for marriage

see a pattern yet?

Right now you're an emotional wreck - good, remember this pain, so you don't ignore her type of red flags again. Do NOT start drinking, do NOT swallow a bullet, do NOT dwell. Document/journal your mistakes, put them in a box, then move on, let the anger flow through you and leave it behind.

You were sober enough to not put assets in her name and you were proven right, be glad for that. Now NUT THE FUCK UP and be thankful this piece of crap for a person is out of your life BEFORE you got married and had any kids.

YOU are your own longest LTR, so take care of yourself first (that's an order).

[–]Shackrats9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy

Fuck man. You get it. All of that stuff was stripped away from me, and I don't know who I am without it. You know? Well I guess I do, I'm a fucking scared kid screaming and crying waiting for the medic.

I know closure isn't real, but I thought being right would make this feel better. I am absolutely better off that I'm not financially fucked, I was right, I made the smart move, she was just like any other woman in or around the military.

I should feel better knowing that, but I'm just disappointed. Is there any point calling her out? I want her to know that I know, that I didn't get taken for a ride, and that all bridges are burning.

The sidebar posts about red flags are making me so fucking sad and angry. A few weeks ago, she started texting things like "I love you and I miss you so much" and it gave me a weird gut feeling. That's not my relationship style and not how I text in a relationship.

She started taking cute or post-exercise selfies constantly, practically daily. Again, not something we did.

Finally, this happened right after in the span of a month: Her birthday, My birthday, our anniversary, my anniversary of leaving the service and my alive day.

She also started fucking me while still "maybe" with her ex in May.

[–]i-am-the-prize19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

"...I know closure isn't real, but I thought being right would make this feel better. ....I should feel better knowing that, but I'm just disappointed. Is there any point calling her out?"

No. Do not ever talk to her again. Her loss is your gain. Are you the Prize? so start acting like it.

Read this: https://archive.is/ENAtL

"As a man, you don’t need closure.

A girl either wants to fuck you or she doesn’t.  A long, emotional conversation will not change this fact.

Girls, however, need to put a man they are dumping into a desexualized box and wrap a pretty bow of closure around it.  By participating in the closure process you are helping her tie the bow around your desexualized fate*.*

If a girl breaks up with you:Do not talk about your feelingsDo not talk about her feelingsDo not argue with her reasons

Just accept it and grieve on your own time..." (there is plenty more, click the link)

PS: stop talking about "her" and about how she acted and about blah blah blah. Stop it. Think about only yourself for a bit, take care of yourself and your needs. Go workout, run, go to the range and clang some steel, do anything kinetic and focused where your mind is "not on her" and focused only on the task, and that task is for your benefit.

[–]nixon9932 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man its bad news just stay away from that girl you will only be miserable

[–]HurricaneHugues2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

"Is there any point calling her out? I want her to know that I know, that I didn't get taken for a ride, and that all bridges are burning."

Okay then, move on with your life. Indifference is the way to go. Pack her shit in a box, call her dad to come pick it up, never speak to her again. Your ability to cut her off fast with no questions asked is how you canbhurt her the most.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I was thinking hang up the call, paste a text from notepad that has all the logistics. Is that too much? Should I just ignore her entirely and go through her parents?

[–]HurricaneHugues5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you doing everything inyour power to not just refute the advice you came here looking for, but also like a lil bitch? Dude! Cut her off, COMPLETELY! She soes not deserve 1 second of your time or attention for the remainder of her life. Move on. Pack ALL her shit in boxes, contact her dad and tell him when to come pick it up, or just go drop it off yourself to be done with it. Do not speak or text her. Delete her number, delete her text thread, delete her photos and videos fron your phone, delete her off your social media and MOVE ON. She belongs to the barracks now.

[–]mrrooftops1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Are you fully able-bodied still or is your PTSD linked to a physical as well as a mental injury? either way... do you remember the Joe Rogan guest MMA alpha female fighter recounting when she watched her alpha MMA fighter boyfriend get beat?:

https://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhpCqkkyt3m6lz6ETH

Have a think about how that reaction correlates to what 'i-am-the-prize' just listed. That video just shows an external (and tone-deaf) display of what every woman feels when they see a man they admire weakened.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've recovered, but because "if it bleeds, it leads" all of the media coverage about my wounds gets caught up in the gory details.

I have so-so knees and ankles, but so do most combat arms guys.

[–]robot3000_01-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is why I encourage all to counter this with polygamy doesn't care. Cheat on them or be a cuck to the female sexual strategy of serial "monogamy" (where they fuck on the side anyway)

[–]MisterRoid0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think you put it best of everyone here. Besides her looks, he's thinking of her as a high value woman because of her achievements, when in reality a high value woman is a housewife who has achieved nothing in life except pumping out children for her husband.

[–]daddysgotanew62 points63 points  (5 children) | Copy

The solution is in my post. Stop chasing those high status achievers. Military and cop chicks are cringeworthy. Always trying to prove how tough they are when they know deep down that they really aren’t, even with affirmative action pushing them up the hill.

Even with that, no woman will ever really love you unconditionally. There’s always a catch

[–]notsellingjeans12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Please listen to this guy OP. Watch this video of a female fighter talking about how she completely lost attraction to her bf.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=no7FuVwcn6w

OP, the woman you personally are naturally very attracted to is absolutely not the woman you should be having a family with. That’s the part that’s out of alignment here.

[–]Shackrats25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy

I held her hand so fucking hard and now she thinks she's GI Jane. I found out I knew her staff and told them to look out for her, I prevented her from quitting several times, I ordered her all the kit old hands know about like good socks and ranger beads. She had hysterical sobbing meltdowns about shit that was a million times worse in basic a few years ago, never mind Afghanistan.

[–]bigtoeneedhelp33 points34 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women don't have a sense of honour like most men do. Deep down they're all snakes. Like the comment above said, she doesn't care about what you did for her, she only cares about what you can do in the present. She'll rationalise her actions and do mental gymnastics to justify her behaviour. Your time with her is up. None of her arguments will be logical, arguing with her will only waste time and make you less attractive. Your oneitis is strong but you seem to be handling it well. Onward.

[–]LethalShade2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you were her mom and gave her a pep talk and you thought that would translate to loyalty?

[–]axiscontra1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can relate, never fall with a girl with potential.

[–]quantumtrp119 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

I want a family whose love isn't contingent on me being switched on, all the time.

We all do. A LTR is never going to give you this, unfortunately. Your parents might give you this, but it is not guaranteed.

Unfortunately, the red pill that's hardest to swallow is that you're alone in this world.

[–]bigtoeneedhelp5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

What you want is for her to love you the way your mother loved you, unconditional and boundless, but you're a grown ass man and no woman is going to love you like that anymore. Squeeze your balls and get some testosterone pumped into your system faggot, wake up. It's be cold world, be colder.

[–]Sonny_Luna2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Can you fathom any way to change that desire? As I learned more about the dynamic between men and women I lost the desire to keep any woman permanently. I forget the origin of the quote but it’s something to the effect of, “All I need from women is sex and affection. Everything else is sought through male companionship.” Anyway for some reason, I fully internalized that notion and now I can really only see women for having a bit of fun until I’m too old to have a significant libido.

I’ve actually picked some of my friends’ brains a fair bit about whether or not they feel a sense of companionship from their LTR’s. I have a hard time seeing it. Though maybe I’m wrong and I just haven’t found the right girl but it seems unlikely.

Women are kind of boring aside from the honeymoon phase when you can’t stop thinking about fucking them. But then I stop wanting to fuck them as much and before too long, I barely want to. Maybe I’m just broken. Idk.

Sorry for the rant.

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think it's going to be the Church or the Foreign Legion man, I really do. When my dad found out, near the first thing he said was there were no flights to Paris this week so I'd have to sit with this rather than heading out. I don't think this is a Madonna-Whore thing, I think I just can't be around women the more I know about them. When I couldn't score a date and got laid maybe twice a year, I think I had a more positive attitude towards desire.

The best and worst time of my life was being in a stark, barren desert with just my boys, all silently sharing in the same hardship. I haven't felt like that since I came home.

[–]Sonny_Luna2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well, I think the good news is that you’re (seemingly) capable of dealing with the situation relatively easily. I don’t mean to be reductive as I chose those words very carefully. I don’t think it will feel easy to you, especially at first, but I think it’s going to be much easier than it would if you had less options. I can only speculate that, despite your understanding of the seemingly ruthless nature of women, you felt as though you were playing the ‘game’ well. And, therefore, feel somewhat at a loss as to how you found yourself in this position; and you wonder why it could have happened since you probably conducted yourself in a way that can be considered ‘textbook TRP’.

I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself. Based on what you’ve said it probably isn’t your fault. Relationships fail for reasons other than the male losing frame or making some key misstep. As long as you’re being honest about the way you conduct yourself I’d just say, “Steady as she goes.” Sometimes shit happens and you get fucked over due to old fashioned bad luck. Not every failed relationship is the result of a mistake the guy made. I know I’ve stated that twice but I guess I feel it’s necessary to reiterate as we’re a very critical community because many of us do need to be criticized. Myself very much included. Hell, sounds like you’re enjoying a significantly higher sexual status than I am. And I know that point may not be much consolation right this minute but I suspect it will be the integral aspect to you redeeming yourself.

You’re going to be fine. Hell, you’re going to be better than fine. You’ll have this experience under your belt and it will render you more emotionally resilient than you already are. You said it yourself, you’ve been in dangerous situations as a soldier and this is nothing to you. You just need to realize that. You may not yet but you will. You’re going to smirk to yourself in a few weeks about how broken up you were during this time because you’re gonna be smashing someone else and it’s gonna be great.

Hang in there, brother. You got this! You got everything!

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for saying so. I did think I was doing all the right things. She used to look at me with absolute adoration. I really thought I had finally figured out trp after having previous LTRs flame out into dead bedrooms or resentment as the type-A women got bored and moved on.

This felt like a wake-up call. I had let my male friendships slide, got too emotionally invested in her, wasn't pushing myself hard and daily. This situation makes me feel like I didn't measure up, more than she fucked up.

I know that that's not the way these things go, I can see the flaw in my own thinking. She's not an impartial judge of character! Obviously fucking not. She was not the right girl to marry, for reasons known to me from the very beginning. However, I had set my mind on marriage as a personal goal, an important one in my life, and that mission failed. When you're a leader, and if your rp'd, you lead in your relationship, responsibility for failure stops with you.

But your right, I don't have to write a letter to anyone's parents, or hand a widow a folded flag. I have been through worse and deserve better. I just don't quite believe that yet.

[–]Mr_Badass1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Find a nurse or a teacher. You need a nuturing female that loves to help people.

[–]HurricaneHugues2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't pick whores for mates, simple.

[–]Anasthaesium0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Kaboom. There it is. The bluepill want for mommy.

[–]Tambamwham-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You will never find that.

[–]quantumtrp147 points48 points  (8 children) | Copy

I was less amused to discover she was cheating on her long-distance LTR of 3 years when we first starting hooking up. She trickle-truth'd that one so the timeline is fuzzy, but I know - she traded up when I paid attention to her. It was probably a red flag.

It definitely was. You should have not promoted her to anything more than a plate. She might have been cheating on you as well.


My previous LTR ending was devastating because I was dating another high flying type-A woman (her ex is also a national athlete) and the breakup was explicitly because she and her mom thought I wasn't doing enough with my life.

You seem like you (1) put your women on a pedestal because they're "type-A" and (2) you seek validation for your achievements. The drug junkie that doesn't give a fuck about what people think is fucking hotter girls than you and is happier.

Why do you care so much? Do whatever the fuck you want with your life, and fuck whoever you find attractive, not the girls that are "most sought after".


She said that it was because I hadn't shown enough commitment.

She mentioned money a few times.

These are all bullshit. 100% bullshit. She's sucking strange dick right now while you worry about her, and that was just her attempt at rationalising her instincts and playing the victim. Drop all communication immediately.


She said she's so incredibly hurt, that she's been sitting on these feelings for so long, that she tried to tell me. That if only I had shown her I loved her we'd be alright, she'd be home and we'd be married right now.

She's a manipulative piece of shit. Consider yourself lucky she's out of your life. Run.


I read all of your post. My conclusions are:

  1. You care too much about being "a top achiever". It doesn't seem like you genuinely want it, it seems like you think it is a requirement.

  2. You ignored major red flags, and then got surprised when she tried to blindside you. Not sure what to tell you here.

  3. You might be a jacked army veteran but you're still an insecure bitch that depends on external validation. The reason you chase "type A" girls is not because you genuinely want them, it's because they're heavily sought after and you want to be validated by them and others.

I don't think you have done anything particularly wrong, but they're something off with your inner game and your mate selection criteria. She doesn't sound like a keeper.

You don't have to lower your standards, but you should also consider that a HB9 woman who's constantly showered with attention might not be as good as an LTR as an HB7 woman who's cute, fun in bed, and treats you like royalty.

[–]Shackrats12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy

I have to say it, you really cut to the core of this.

You care too much about being "a top achiever". It doesn't seem like you genuinely want it, it seems like you think it is a requirement.

This in particular, I know is true. I've just wanted to be good enough to live up to my old man, my whole life. My dad first started telling me he was proud me when I became a decorated soldier, and that he loved me when I made national newspapers. If you've ever seen The Great Santini, that's my old man. Can women pick up on that?

You ignored major red flags, and then got surprised when she tried to blindside you. Not sure what to tell you here.

Was it mostly that she ditched her ex? What were the turning points, and could I have either kept her loyal or saved myself some heartache earlier?

You might be a jacked army veteran but you're still an insecure bitch that depends on external validation. The reason you chase "type A" girls is not because you genuinely want them, it's because they're heavily sought after and you want to be validated by them and others.

It's like in my head I never left Landstuhl. I still think of myself at my most hurt, and fucked up. I don't know how to let go and I don't know how to live up to what everyone wants me to be. All I did was not die. I'm not trying to be a bitch about it, but I sit on panels on how veterans can be successful and manage their PTSD and I have no clue why everyone is pointing to me.

This is why these breakups shred me up so badly, they looked at me with admiration, and I really finally felt like I had achieved enough, that I could stop pushing myself so hard all the time and just be happy. I know this is bitch made, but you really nailed it in one, and I appreciate the hard truth.

I have great, strong male friendships even when they see me at my lowest, you know even guys who were there when my guts were spilling out, but I don't know how to make it work with women. Do I just go monk mode until I fix this? Am I going to be chasing this feeling forever?

If I can't cure myself of this weakness I should either join the clergy or the FFL because this isn't sustainable.

[–]bigtoeneedhelp8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

'I don't know how to make it work with women'. It's never going to work like that with women. A woman will never be a homie. They're wired different. Men needed homies because that's how we survived in tribes, be it hunting or going to war with our neighbours. Women were chilling at home raising our kids and cheating on us. It's how the world spins.

[–]HurricaneHugues3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

She cheated on her ex. If she'll do it with you, she'll do it to you. It's that simple.

[–]LethalShade0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Therapy and trauma work my brother. You're still way stuck in the past, impossible to embrace the future in that case.

[–]chipipro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Law 41 of the 48 Law’s of Power man

[–]Greaterbird4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Caring too much about being a top achiever + hiding from people when he doesn't meet their expectations = insecurity and weakness. Might be why she lost attraction.

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's like a piston engine. Those qualities give me an explosive urge to push and test myself, which makes me attractive, but then it collapses and I get dumped at the bottom of the stroke, right when a breakup will hurt most.

[–]Greaterbird4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I find it interesting how well insecurity drives achievement. Maybe a few more breakups before they don't affect you anymore. That's what I tell myself anyways.

[–]lietruth27 points28 points  (8 children) | Copy

Right man, wrong woman.

Dodged a bullet my friend.

Her clock is ticking and she wants security. To tie you down.

Lots of red flags in your post. But I can see that you're a bit oblivious to them. It's all good man, breakups are tough, and getting out of one kind of makes you blind. You miss all the good things, and forget all the bad. For example, she wants to have full control over you and your finances, remotely before you're even engaged (not acceptable after either).

Basically it sounds like you wanted different things.

You know this girl, so it's hard. And you've probably shared a hell of a lot of good times together. But there are certain things that just won't jive. She doesn't sound sweet or submissive. She sounds like she wants to run the show.

This dynamic wouldn't work. No potential for captain/first made dynamic.

[–]Shackrats6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

Thank you for being candid.

Could you just point out some of the flags so I can sigh and laugh at being stupid instead of searching for meaning in her actions? It's not the snake's fault if you pick it up, it's yours.

I think I turned her from being in awe of my military career to being in competition.

[–]lietruth23 points24 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sure.

I got involved with my ex because she was the most sought-after woman at the training facility for my sport. I brought her home the day I met her, and was amused to discover how many orbiters she had flying around the gym. She would show me guys I had just practiced with texting her, asking to hang out when I was spinning her and I liked having that over my athletic rivals. I was less amused to discover she was cheating on her long-distance LTR of 3 years when we first starting hooking up. She trickle-truth'd that one so the timeline is fuzzy, but I know - she traded up when I paid attention to her. It was probably a red flag.

There is the first one. She was cheating on her LTR of 3 years when she hooked up with you. What makes you think she hasn't done that with you? Or won't?

Lots of redpill writing mentions that women love taking down guys who are held in esteem, and her old man was a bona fide war hero, and legend in the military. I don't want to drag her, but she has a lot of unresolved issues from that. Good soldiers make bad dads.

Daddy issues. Absent father. Never was emotionally integrated. Didn't have an available male role model, so grew up to be like her dad (war hero). Subconsciously trying to be good enough/seek approval so her dad will notice her/approve of her.... so she becomes just like her dad. In the military. War hero. Classic daddy issues story.

On the other hand, she started going out all the time and having lots of female friends. This woman never drank a drop of alcohol when she lived out here and got up at 4 in the morning for practice. Suddenly she's hanging out with the guys, drinking during weekdays, closing out the O Club, going out on the town. I keep having to pay for more than we agreed because she's partying away her pay.

Acting out for attention. "Marry me or else I'll act like a cheating cunt" attitude. "While I'm doing that, you can pick up the slack on the finances, right?"

She was so cold, it gave me the chills. She hemmed and hawed and didn't articulate a thought or feeling without being pressed.

Her emotional numbness is indicative of her relationship with her father. A woman’s relationship with her father is a big tell of her emotional stability and availability for another man sexually and romantically in life.

This might sound Freudian, but she may have some emotional issues related to detachment with men. It sounds like as a younger girl she would detach from her dad and she felt helpless to feel safe with him.

A similar narrative seems like it’s playing out. She gets detached when you “act like her father”... or do things that emotionally numb her.

Available, integrated, and emotionally stable fathers are so critical to young girls transition into a woman growing up (another RP benefit is it teaches men traits like these). Find me a feminine, happy submissive woman and I’ll introduce you to her alpha father. It sounds like she didn't fully bond with her father growing up.

There's a bunch more mini red flags, but I don't have the time to go into the nuance of them. You get the picture. If it feels wrong in your gut, it probably is. There's some comments in here that outlined the red flags already too.

If I were you, I'd go full no-contact. A wise man once said nothing at all.

You're a very logical matter-of-fact person. Most submissive women find strength and swoon for that (most guys are on the fence and indecisive). But this woman wants you to hold her hand while she does basic, then one-up you and get credit for it while using you to pay the bills and she tries to impress daddy from the battlefield. Get a woman who wants to cheer you on, not one that wants to out-do you. Women date up, men date down.

Think about it this way, it sounds like you want a family. If you knew this girl was the one, you would've locked her down by now right? There's a reason you didn't. Something in your gut says no.

Just ideas though, I don’t know the context of your life or hers either. So take it for what it’s worth.

As a side note, I like your style of writing. You're a good writer. I rarely read a full post this long, but yours read like a novel. So that's something.

[–]Shackrats11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

Reading that is like a weight being lifted off my chest, while at the same time knowing that I put it there. It's both a relief, and a realization that I didn't have to make my life so burdensome. "I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free-will, and of my own free-will I wore it."

Firstly, her relationship with her dad, you nailed it exactly. It's like you met him, and whenever I have referred to him in reply to you, I have had to stop myself from typing his name. You have an exact picture of the guy, which is so interesting because many people consider him unreadable. He's got the affect of somebody who got PTSD before there was treatment, and that's pretty much his story. The only thing you missed, his wife (my erstwhile MIL) was the prettiest soldier in West Germany in the 80's, quit the Army to marry the dashing young officer, and has been pulling him down ever since. Looks fade, mental illness endures, and while he hates her, he's said to me in confidence that there's no point getting divorced and giving anything to her while as long as they're married he can hide it in other accounts.

That he liked and approved of me made my ex incredibly upset. Part of the attraction of marrying her would be having him as a father in law. My old man and him served together back in the day too. We golf together, we drink at the legion together and go to ceremonies together, we got a box to watch hockey. He got me out of a jam with the VA. I know that sounds like a West Point political, dynastic marriage, and maybe it would have been but he's a good man to have in your life, if he feels that you've earned it. If not? Well, you've already said.

You're right about me holding out too, and I could never explain it. I don't know that I exactly can now either. She used to cry and cry when I said I didn't want her to move in to my apartment, before we got the house. She kept pushing an engagement and promise ring, didn't like the one I picked out and threatened to buy her own if I didn't compromise. I know there are guys (not here) would be overjoyed to have a girl loudly proclaiming her love for you and insisting on getting married, but it didn't sit right. I have always believed "be the person you want to date", as in be as attractive, smart, successful or whatever as whoever you want to end up with. I wanted to improve myself before getting married because I don't want Afghanistan to destroy my wife and kids' life like it did mine. I thought, and still do think, it's reasonable to want to improve yourself before making a huge commitment. I don't understand why that was such a flashpoint of conflict. Marriage is for life, what's a few years of working on my career and education when she'd be training and bouncing around bases anyway?

Thank you for the compliment on the writing. I was introduced to understanding, or at least communicating about, the world in narrative and literary terms while I was recovering from getting hurt. It helps me to make sense of things that don't otherwise make sense. It's much easier to understand a story than a series of chaotic flashes, which is what traumatic experiences feel like at first. When you link them together you can learn from it and understand how the past shapes the future, which funnily enough, is what I'm trying to do with this breakup.

[–]lietruth6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Most of the time, the jails we are in, are built in our own minds. Sounds like he built a jail in his, and kept everyone out. Not the alpha to aspire to be. Hero or not.

Your ex will probably end up doing the same thing. But women do it in different ways.

There's a lot to break down here. And it sounds like you're going through a lot too man. PTSD. Mother having covid and a stroke. Your uncle dying of covid in March. Massive breakup. 3 of these are on the list of the life change index stress scale. That must be hard as fuck for you right now. You're in my thoughts bro.

It sounds like he was a second dad to you in some way. Felt like family I'm sure.

Don't think too much about this right now. Let sleeping dogs lie. Things will gradually start to make sense. You'll be driving one day and have a realization. And you'll have 50 more days and realizations like that. Maybe 100. Let things digest.

Here's a quote that I've been meditating on, maybe it will be helpful for you too:

"However kind or mean the hearts of others is their affairs and not ours. We can't control the hearts and minds of others. Our duty is work on our own heart. Work on the only heart we can truly feel - this heart here in this body and this mind."

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you. That was very thoughtful and helped ease my mind. It raises a question though - I don't know how you can undergo therapy, and hold on to a woman.

You have to work through your feeling to recover, but as soon as you do, the knives are out. For all the talk of toxic masculinity or military culture, no man gave me anywhere close to as hard a time as almost any woman.

I'll say this though, living a full life without PTSD is worth more to me than living a half-life with a woman where I have to left those wounds fester rather than show a moment's vulnerability.

[–]lietruth1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe those two are mutually exclusive. Maybe you can't do both right now. Heal first, then focus on your mission. But don't make women your mission.

Women are masters at wearing men down. Capricious. And an LTR is TRP on Hard Mode. You left with your balls in tact as far as I'm concerned.

[–]Hypnot0ad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're right about me holding out too, and I could never explain it.

It sounds like deep down, you knew it was just your turn with her. Whether it be the red flags (not the worst btw) or simply the fact that she was still in her early 20s. Any RP aware man knows that marrying a woman in her early 20s is like playing Russian roulette. Fortunately your intuition was correct. Consider yourself lucky to have dodged a bullet and hopefully use this as a learning experience.

[–]antariusz4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

While she was out there, there were two things going on. One, was all of her friends who got married. A lot of the females in her unit were also women who joined the mil because they had boyfriends who were vets or serving. She kept saying "so-and-so got married and she gets leave to see her husband and is allowed to move out of barracks". She kept talking about co-posting, and when would I move out there or marry her so she can come home to see the dog whenever she wants. The way I see it, what's the difference between getting married now or when she finishes training, other than I don't get fucked financially and legally if she can't hack it?

On the other hand, she started going out all the time and having lots of female friends. This woman never drank a drop of alcohol when she lived out here and got up at 4 in the morning for practice. Suddenly she's hanging out with the guys, drinking during weekdays, closing out the O Club, going out on the town. I keep having to pay for more than we agreed because she's partying away her pay.

You correctly identify the red flag in the second paragraph, but completely ignore the red flag in the first paragraph. If she isn't getting dicked down regularly, she's going to get it from somewhere else. Long-distance relationships DO NOT WORK.

When she asked you to move across the country to live with her, that should have been your cue to break up. Because if you're really "a man with options" then you should have been utilizing them instead of pining away for some chick on the other side of the globe, essentially you became just another one of her orbiters.

[–]Greaterbird10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

My ex tried that whole "quit your great job you love and move to a shitty one on the middle of nowhere" line too. It's a shit test to verify that you're as weak and wrapped around her finger as she thinks you are.

By the time she's going out partying with her trashy friends it's already over. She's mentally broken up with you long before you find out about it and she's building up excuses to leave because she knows she's full of shit and wants to do it without feeling guilty.

This is why she asks all the marriage stuff. She wants to leave but feels like she needs an excuse so she asks for things she knows violate your boundaries and you'll say no to so she can point to that and say "I gave you chances and now I have no choice" so she can feel justified and you can hopefully grovel and futher feed her ego and reinforce the idea that you're a weak useless man that's just holding her back from wonderful nights of meth fueled syphilis sex.

Read that again - the commitment talk was all a trick she pulled because she was looking for ways to leave guilt free. Girls do it all the time. You being blindsighted is by design, meant to make you feel as guilty as possible so she doesn't have to.

She silently thanks you for your sacrifice as she guzzles gallons of strange and infected cum.

[–]MagnumBurrito9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

The clock started ticking on your relationship the minute she joined the Navy. Long distance doesn't work. She was bound to fuck other dudes.

[–]rpthrowaway11047 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Nice write up man, feeling for you. For all the machismo shit everyone is throwing around, most of the posters here have a fraction of the life experience you seem to have, so I think you're safe to ignore one-liners calling you out for missing "obvious" red flags or saying your feelings are invalid.

Really, there's not really any "mistakes" you made. Like you said, every single reason she listed off for being the catalyst for a break-up is saving you now. There's no way of knowing what an alternate chain of events would have led to. She keeps her govt job and doesn't join the Navy and maybe you get married. Or, she keeps her govt job, grows resentful and bored anyway and the same things happen except a hundred times worse.

Don't feel like you're beta because your two year LTR is over and it hurts. And really, in terms of the soul-searching as to why you are a certain way (trying to impress your dad, etc., etc) fresh out of a breakup is probably the worst time to do it because you're emotional and are going to jump to conclusions or make connections that may not actually have any merit.

Hang out and talk with your friends, stay on top of your training and recovery, keep reading and learning, time will eventually mend this and you'll feel confident and horny enough to fuck without thinking about the "one who got away" (aka oneitis/AWALT). No rush.

Take some time to give yourself a MASSIVE fucking pat on the back for not getting caught up in a marriage, financial commitment, childbearing situation, etc. etc.

All in all, this reads more like a red-pilled job well done than a blue pill what-went-wrong tragedy.

[–]Shackrats2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I appreciate that. It's not like I had never heard of redpill. Knowing it was just superficial and based on my projecting strength at a given moment made spinning plates really sad for me, even though I was succesful. Not because I have romantic delusions about women, but because with the guys who know me, or when I'm on my own, I feel really good when I don't have to keep up appearances. I thought I could drop the facade with a woman.

If that means I got blue pilled, well I fucked up but I can only learn from this.

You're right that this is not the time to unpack my relationship with LCol Shackrats. I'm pretty sad that I'm losing her dad. He's an admirable guy who has been really good to me. That I had her dad's respect and we had a close relationship based on shared experience was something that drove her fucking crazy, that's a small thing I can chuckle about now.

My friends have been great. They might be even more redpilled than people here, because they did lose everything in divorce or when they gave financial control and power of attorney to their girls while deployed.

I think more and more there was no point of course correction, other than not to get involved with her at all. I worked very hard to maintain my independence after that, which is why I didn't give up my own career or education to follow her. Unfortunately, it paid off.

[–]Hypnot0ad0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I couldn't have said it better than u/rpthrowaway1104, don't beat yourself up, you made all the right calls and things could have been worse. It's normal to feel bad about it now and miss her. Nostalgia can be a bitch.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate you saying that. I'm just disappointed in myself. I had hunches then, and 12 hours of thinking about it today and I pretty much have it mapped out. Which means I could have known then, I could have dumped her, I could have done anything but be impotently dragged along.

[–]beholdthemaverick16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your shining red flag that you should’ve never given that hoe your commitment was in paragraph 6.

If they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you.

The weakness I observed is that you rely on external factors to determine your self worth, and I know how alluring of a trap that can be when people around you are constantly praising you.

You will get over this in time, but you need to get to a place where neither praise nor insults can alter how you feel about yourself.

Also, as cliche as it is, the sidebar will help you with all of this and more.

Keep your head up.

[–]Shackrats3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You really cut me to the core man, thanks. That esteem thing seems to be the best way I can grow from this.

I just figured I was a step up from him, but these scrawny 22 year old officer cadets weren't going to be a threat to me.

[–]Strikingable7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

It was a good read, thank you. You are a little older than me, and achieved much more but you gotta see that: Sometimes we do every damned thing right and things end up not working out. Maybe you are torn to pieces right now but what I read up there is a man I aspire to be. You were fucking right not to marry her, had everything in your name, and not letting yourself fucked.

If you were to marry her you would be going through a divorce rn.

I understand that you want meaningful relationships. That is our basic human need. This girl was not compatible with your future, and its her loss not yours.

To be honest I would date another circle not the army. Army girls are more masculin than the average, have much more entitlement etc. Get a hb8 that will never find any other guy close to your level, and you are set up for life.

And please remember, you are the prize

[–]SeasonedRP13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Military chicks are not good LTR or marriage material. They fuck around, a lot. Heck, even the two female U.S. Senators who were in the military screwed around constantly while in the service, then later blamed the men. Women who join traditionally male institutions aren't the kind you want for an LTR.

[–]Shackrats5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I pushed her in, which was stupid in hindsight. How many of those red flags would still be there if she was working her quiet government job, do you think?

[–]vicious_armbar11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy

What did you think would happen? The Navy is something like 99.8 male and they go on 6 month to 12 month long cruises.

Let’s accept the extremely statistically unlikely premise that you have a higher value than the roughly 2,600 other men; many at their physical peak, who are chasing her 24/7. Do you still think she won’t want to fuck? Once she starts fucking on the regular she’ll catch feelings. That’s how women work.

She did the same thing to her old LTR when she got with you. It’s almost impossible to get a high value woman without poaching them from another man. Knowingly or unknowingly. They’re in such high demand that’s just how it works.

You stole her from someone else; someone else stole her from you. That will keep happening until she hits the wall. For empirical evidence look at the length of Hollywood marriages. There is nothing you could have done.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

She would have washed out and gone home about a hundred times if I didn't take calls across timezones and put the work into getting her to the finish. I just thought that would count for something.

Guys that I gave that treatment to when they were E-1s are still some of my closest friends and standout soldiers.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

thought that would count for something

Relationship equity does not exist to a woman. It means nothing to them. That’s blue pilled thinking.

[–]shedontmind6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Relationship equity, I like that term. And yes, a classic mistake men make.

Nothing counts for anything except for how she feels NOW.

[–]antariusz2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bullshit, you know yourself how easy basic training has become, if every trainee that calls up and starts tearing-up on the phone washed-out there would be no one left in the military.

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Actually, good fucking point. I was lucky to call home once a week, and I wasn't going to spend that time sad because I got smoked.

[–]Hypnot0ad1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds similar to my long ago ex-LTR, who I supported emotionally while the struggled through law school, then financially while she took two attempts to pass the bar exam. Didn't know much about RP back then and the relationship devolved into a dead bedroom. At least I like to think I left her better than I found her.

[–]vicious_armbar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She would have washed out and gone home about a hundred times if I didn't take calls across timezones and put the work into getting her to the finish. I just thought that would count for something.

This is beta obiter logic. Emotional support is fine to do for a LTR. But it won’t increase her sexual or romantic attraction to you.

Guys that I gave that treatment to when they were E-1s are still some of my closest friends and standout soldiers.

Female sexual relationships differ from male platonic friendships. Who would have thought.

[–]catsdontsmile4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I can't believe I didn't see there was a tldr before I finished reading. Anyway, you aren't at fault. She is trying to make you feel that's the case. She's basically leaving you because you weren't useful enough for her by providing her with money and wife social status. She sounds like an immature bitch. And to demand money from you for her decisions? Nah fuck her.

[–]Shackrats5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

She's basically leaving you because you weren't useful enough for her by providing her with money and wife social status.

I had that thought at some point this morning and it really bummed me out. She loved that I get tickets for the military balls and galas, and I hate that stuff. I had to dig my mess dress out of my parent's basement, I had fully intended on never wearing it again.

I supported myself independently as a private! Why the hell does she need more money than her salary as an officer? She has no expenses, I'm paying for all of the household expenses.

[–]catsdontsmile0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. If she wants to be a house cat she better behave like a wife from the 60s. Kind of shit when the issue is things and not the person. You aren't her parents, you aren't her spouse, you aren't expected to support her financially. You made this very clear

[–]lolomotif126 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

At 31, and if you're as successful as you say you are with options, this is far too much drama and bullshit over a girlfriend. The lemon certainly ain't worth the squeeze.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Agreed, Thanks OP for your service but you're being quite a bitch.

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know buddy, I know.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is going to sound stupid, but the success on its own feels empty and what I really want is to be loved, independent of success. That's one hundred percent why this is hurting so badly.

[–]BPasFuck4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

OP, all her blither blather about 'You should have married me,' is nonsense.

She's just saying that, because it's the one, single thing she can say to possibly excuse and cover-up what she's done. It's similar to what women do when they accuse ex boyfriends of being controlling, or jerks.

In this case, she can't really justify calling you abusive-- her own ego and mind rebel against it. So, instead, it's a problem where you should have just married her. Why didn't you marry her? It's all your fault, you son of a bitch!

You see? There's no winning-- unless you are strong enough to redefine winning for yourself, in which case, I say you've totally won. By keeping your money separate, by NOT marrying this silly twat, you've won. By spotting the game she was playing, when she asked her dad to come by and get her shit, before telling you it was over-- you've won.

Let me tell you something brother-- a chick with the dumb judgement where she'll leave a good, relatively high paying job, in order to "join the navy," ain't a chick worth marrying.

That's a chick ruled by feelings. And look how that turned out.

So, again, you've won. You just need to realize, that women will never love you the way you want them to. Only your mother will, if you were fortunate enough to have a good one.

[–]Shackrats-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

I keep coming back to this post. I need to believe this. I need to really know it by Sunday.

Not because I would go against no contact to win her back, but because I want to fucking jack her up. She's a fucking butter bar and I want to pop veins and give her the fucking knife hands. I want her to piss her fucking pants like I made junior officers do whenever they pulled shit not even close to this.

Too bad it won't do anything. If I went in on her, her friends would just reassure her that I'm a psycho or I'm just mad because she traded up or whatever. You can't smoke a LTR.

[–]BPasFuck3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

You wanna scar this dummy?

Be cold, indifferent, and righteous.

Your attitude should be, 'Thank you, thank you for doing this, and saving me from making a huge mistake.'

If you yell at her, stomp your feet, she wins. If you're mildly amused, mildly disappointed, she loses.

Watch what happens when she shows up and you're not broken. She will start pushing. She will start trying to get something out of you. You wanna know what the truth is? Don't give her that initial reaction, and she will begin shouting the truth to the heavens, trying to hurt you.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So just run through the list like:

Your stuff is packed. Your parents can pick it up, after giving 24hrs notice.

You will have to contact USPS to forward your mail. What mail was already here as of this morning is packed. Any mail after that will be returned to sender.

If I am contacted during your security clearance review, I will not say you did anything that indicates lack of integrity or untrustworthiness, out of professional courtesy and respect for your father.

You don’t need to return your ring, keep it.

That’s all.

I'd rather just text, I feel like I won't be able to just run the logistics stuff on a call without being interrupted, right? I don't think she has anything to say I care to hear, but I'm sure she'll make the skew the signal to noise ratio of "you're moved out, congratulations!".

[–]BPasFuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you feel better about doing it by text, then definitely do that. Don't need to be letting her interrupt you, or poke holes in your frame.

[–]antariusz4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

You dodged a bullet friend.

The cold feeling you experienced is because she ALREADY moved on, she ALREADY has other dudes lined up to fuck or ALMOST ASSUREDLY already did.

Women want both alpha fucks and beta bucks. You stopped providing either to her. At the end she tried to negotiate more beta out of you because she is getting her AF from someplace else. Good on you for not falling for it. IF you had provided her the ring... you'd currently be out the price of a ring. Women often when they're no longer feeling attracted to their man will push for more "romantic" things in order to see if they feel better feelings again... hint: they won't.

[–]nathan55bailey2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

"The cold feeling you experienced is because she ALREADY moved on, she ALREADY has other dudes lined up to fuck or ALMOST ASSUREDLY already did"

So much this. I've experienced this cold feeling 3 weeks prior to breaking up.It was like my subconscious was telling me something was off. I couldn't put my finger on it. I knew that I should have ended things right there but ignored my gut feeling.Big mistake. She wanted to end the relationship, I gave a little push but as you might guess. She still said nope. Went no contact on her for 2 full months and I haven't still heard from her. Before her, my past 2 ltrs came back in a month but she didn't. Yup. I was right all along. There was definitely someone else. My take on this, if she is hb8+ ,younger than 28 years old and uses social media it is very hard to keep her.
Girls live in the present moment, they look for the things you can provide such as good sex, money, emotional support etc. At the moment. Yes they are not robots and can remember the good deeds you did for her. They remember you took care of her when she was sick on her bed etc. So they can feel affectionate towards you but that doesn't mean they're attracted to you. If you don't give her thingles then the history between you doesn't mean jack shit

OP I know you feel like you got punched in the stomach but things will get better. Please don't overthink anything. "I should have done this, that," you might have done little mistakes along the way but you're only human after all and I think you handled it pretty well than most of the red pill guys here. Even if you did everything right, she would still behave the way she did.Trust me, in the future you will thank your ex for breaking up.

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even if I had listened to that feeling, hell even if I hadn't, being cold when my mom had a fucking stroke is unforgivable, I don't think I would have ever got the satisfaction of having her dead to rights.

She wouldn't confess, and if she did it would be cause she no longer cared, so what's the point. Even if I can be decisive picking up on that coldness, I'd be kicking the door down to find she was already gone. She did the damage and then disappeared.

Great. Women are the fucking Taliban. My therapist is going to love that one.

[–]ay-fuh-q5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I was less amused to discover she was cheating on her long-distance LTR of 3 years when we first starting hooking up. She trickle-truth'd that one so the timeline is fuzzy, but I know - she traded up when I paid attention to her. It was probably a red flag.

Honestly, the moment ANY guy believes he has the "magic dick" to reform a cheater, it's only a matter of WHEN she cheats on you.

[–]aesky2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

it's the fucking ego

the downfall of every man since...ever

[–]MikeAlphaGolf5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

This one is over, despite her change of tune. You’ll be back in this same situation in a matter of months if not weeks.

You’re lucky to be a man with obvious potential to be the alpha and should bounce back easier than most. Cut your losses

[–]tikitheman5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Blindsided.... bro wtf. You were in the army how did you think her joining the military was going to work out for you.....

Her away for months of basic training and AIT (whatever the navy does) surrounded by hundreds of alpha males and a hand full of chicks.... multiplied by the stress of basic training and the bonding that happens.... come the fuck on man. You served her up on a platter. No one would likely stay loyal in this situation.

[–]WarlaxZ3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you didn't want the plate to break you shouldn't throw it across the country, LTR or otherwise

[–]AceMav212 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get the army guy douchmobile back.

[–]Shackrats2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Buddy have you seen how cheap cars have gotten since the 'roni started? I'm done put-putting to the grocery store, time for a real car.

[–]Tambamwham3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bud... you were in the military. You know damn well EXACTLY what’s going on. Let her go. Block her. It’s pointless to talk to her. There’s nothing she can say that isn’t what you already know.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. Fuck.

[–]furcryingoutloud2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

OP, you know all the answers to your questions better than anyone can. Reading between the lines, you've really got this.

She will never tell you what happened. You will never get a straight response because women don't do straight responses. So stop looking for closure from her.

Stop analyzing and go get laid. You don't need one woman to be your cheering section when you can have a whole bey of them cheering from the sidelines. All competing to be your woman.

No more phone calls. No more talking. Move on, but seriously move on. Find a girl to plate and then another one, and another one. And so on and so forth. Plate your hurt away. You got rejected, it sucks, but it's the way of the world. Now go and show yourself you can survive this too.

[–]Shackrats2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's what kills me man, tbh. I'm not a stupid man.

Every time I stopped to meditate today, I realized another thing I had let slide, that when we first met would have been handled with zero tolerance. I knew better, I got soft, I got complacent.

I'm not even really mad at her, because based on her tone on the phone, reasoning with her will be just as effective as with the dog, and scolding even less. I'm mad at myself. I let my house get out of order.

[–]furcryingoutloud1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Really good stuff man. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You've got nothing to be worried about. We all slide and skip and stutter at some point or another in life.

Forgive yourself, make it a point not to repeat the same mistake and move on. You never have anywhere to go but up. Keep that in mind.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The way you write already puts her above you in the first two sentences. Work on your frame. When dating an SMV 10 you need to be a 12/10. Guys should be 2 SMV higher.

If you can’t work with being a 12 then be a 10 and consider all women an 8. (They don’t wanna be perceived as 9 and 10s anyways, biologically speaking)

Address your frame first.

[–]eazy_2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

sorry that happened to you. you're the prize, on to the next.

[–]HurricaneHugues2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I didn't read your post. She's in the military where there is an abundance of cocks. She sucking and fucking other dudes. GG

[–]youcantdenythat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

same story we hear day in and day out

you got the oneitis

Listen carefully:

  1. You don't want to start a family with her, you want to start a family with your ideal image of her.

  2. You are imagining she is something that she is not.

  3. You have this vision of her that she's the perfect women to mother your kids.

Your illusion just got shattered be reality. She was not the woman you thought she was. You were in love with a fantasy.

I have been through this as have many of the other guys here. Nothing much to say except time will heal this, eventually.

Oh and don't do it again.

[–]AlpacaStrap2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Next time:

  • A woman is never your life, a woman is never your purpose, a woman is never the main thing that drives you, a woman is never the source of your strength and happiness. A woman can JOIN you for all of that, but you have all of that regardless of her. You are your own man with your own mission, and she comes along for that. She should be in the background of your life as something you enjoy but can always let go, and she should stay there. A woman does not want to be your everything, nor should she be.

  • Keep a take or leave it mentality. Stay in the mindset where you know you can get other pussy and you know you don’t need a relationship. If she wants to leave, so be it. That‘s where your head should be. You should not be dependent on her love or companionship for your happiness. Enjoy it, but never depend on it.

  • Do not stray into oneitis. Know nothing is permanent; enjoy it but be ready to let it go. She will NOT always be there, in all likelihood it will probably end at some point, whether in 5 months or 5 years. So always keep one foot out the door mentally. You can feel for her, but don’t make her your world, ever. Look out for yourself, don’t become dependent on her, ever. She is not the “one,” it’s never “us.” Women come and go. Their actions are dictated by their current emotional state and can change like the wind, it DOES NOT MATTER what they have said or felt in the past.

  • Stay self-aligned, putting your goals first and increasing your value. Do not slack because of a woman. You need to stay on top of your shit so you can continue living your best life and be happy regardless of if she is there or not.

  • Know yourself to be the fucking prize, she has no reason to cheat on or leave you, and if she does, it’s her loss. Don’t try to control something you can’t control; you can only control yourself. If she cheats that means you are free from a bitch who was never worth your time in the first place, and are now free to fuck other girls without any headache, and pursue your purpose free of distraction.

[–]z2a1-92 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She was a hoe when you met her, awalt, abundance, hard next, time to move on buddy a dissertation of any sorts wont take that away

[–]comcain4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

I can't see where you did anything wrong here. You also did plenty of smart things, like not letting her have access to your money, house, etc. I wish I'd been that smart.

Let her go. She's proven what she's worth by trying to ditch you the way she did. Pack up her shit into trash bags and throw it in the garage.

This is not your fault.

You'll make it through this, brother. You sound like a hell of a good guy.

Cheers

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks man. I appreciate that, really.

I felt guilty for being half-in by having all those backstops, and when she pointed to those as the reason for the break up, it's caused so many conflicting feelings. There was a moment when I took her at face value and felt like it was my fault, until I realized that even if I wanted to, covid happened, so for as long as she claims she's been unhappy by me not committing, it would have been impossible to fly out there to marry her, get engaged, or even sign common law forms. She doesn't have anything to say to that.

I think on the balance, if I didn't have them, it would be more likely that I would be completely fucked right now, than we'd be happy together.

[–]slamdgti2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’m was recently left by someone too then realized she was mentally I’ll after. In a similar situation to being “half way in” but it think this was my gut telling me this isn’t it, this isn’t the one but I couldn’t leave. Yours was telling you the same and she proved you right. She woulda entertained other men at some point, military or not. The military just made things happen much quicker.

My relationship started with her cheating on her bf and also so many other flags that I overlooked.

Wipe out that guilt because you did nothing wrong. She made these choices which had nothing to do with you. She’s putting it on you to ease her guilt and shitty treatment.

Stop to think that the reason you acted this was was your subconscious telling you not to go all in. Why? You didn’t trust her because you did see the signs but failed to cut it off. I did the same. You can’t beat yourself up over what if’s because it changes nothing. However you can learn from these mistakes for next time.

You seem like a really good dude and it’s obvious others see the same. One day you will meet a woman that will love you for you not because of what you accomplished in life. This might build attraction but who you are now is what will keep them. I always choose the wrong woman then get butt hurt because they cheat or leave even though I knew that’s what they were gonna do. We can’t change them so if they show these signs upfront then we need to have enough self respect to walk away.

What I’m doing now to get through my pain which might help you. After my relationship learned so much about me and I’m actively trying to heal myself. I’m codependent and also have CPTSD but never knew this before. I’m not saying you are but I think we have something in common. We have low self esteem and look for outside validation. Maybe there’s past guilt from childhood which also turns into negative thinking about ourselves. With your military service “thank you btw” and the lack of validation from your father, do you feel proving yourself to others will make you happy? I know I do and that’s the definition of codependency and which is so much worse when in a relationship. These childhood feelings can surface and affect us now on a subconscious level. This attracted all the wrong people in my life especially relationships. I’m learning I have to believe in myself and fulfill my goals and give zero fucks about what others think to the point of letting it effect your emotions. Set that boundary but it’s going to take time to change that thinking.

Hopefully this helps and as far as this woman you dodged a bullet. I know it doesn’t lesson the pain but this could have been a lifetime of hurt. Right now this pain is only temporary. Focus on yourself, friends and family and heal. Stay away from booze, drugs and honestly woman. To heal and learn from pain we can’t distract to cover it up we have to feel a recognize it but don’t dwell. Feel it, recognize it, write it out and move to the next emotion. If we don’t resolve our feelings the same mistakes will be made. It took me a few shitty relationship to learn it never had anything to do with them but it was my choice to be vulnerable with the wrong people

Stay strong bro

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

We have low self esteem and look for outside validation. Maybe there’s past guilt from childhood which also turns into negative thinking about ourselves. With your military service “thank you btw” and the lack of validation from your father, do you feel proving yourself to others will make you happy? I know I do and that’s the definition of codependency and which is so much worse when in a relationship. These childhood feelings can surface and affect us now on a subconscious level. This attracted all the wrong people in my life especially relationships.

That's what I want to learn from this. It's easy enough to take the lesson to not be in a long-distance relationship with a Navy officer across the country, but I've had this happen with a journalist, lawyer and Cato Institute economist before. I keep chasing the same kind of woman, and I keep suffering for it because I'd not paying enough attention to working through my own problems.

It's always chasing that high, you know? My dad now routinely tells me is proud of me a loves me and introduces me to all these esteemed people, like I'm finally something really praiseworthy, you know? But it doesn't feel any differently, and even though I believe he loves me know, in his own way, it doesn't matter near as much as if he had been half this warm towards me as a kid.

If that's my relationship with the old man, why do I want that in a wife?

[–]slamdgti0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I totally understand what you’re saying. For me it’s on a subconscious level. It’s stuff that we learned during our childhood in the formative years in life. You don’t have to say on here but ask yourself what the inner child inside is telling you. If it’s negative or feels like it’s lacking love because of the programming growing up. This can also cause us to feel empty inside.

If you didn’t receive the validation and love as child you will have emotional flashbacks which is CPTSD. The relationship for us is trying to recreate that drama or chase we felt with as children. We try to impress that parent which starved us of their attention. Maybe not on purpose but it still happened. Even though your father is great now it might not have been provided as a kid so we’re now programmed that way. The stress and drama of the relationship is so familiar to us and we chase these terrible woman unconsciously.

We have to reprogram that inner voice to a soothing loving one. If you hear that inner voice telling you negative things and beating you down change it to a loving one. It’s not your fault and tell that inner child that things are different now. You are loved and accomplished. You’re way more accomplished then most guys. You have your life together and achieved great things. This will grow your ego so that rejection and outside validation won’t affect you emotionally. This will keep us from chasing that wrong relationship. We might still engage at first but once we see their not available or have red flags we can walk away. We won’t need that or anyone else to feel validated or good about ourselves.

I know this might seem like sappy shit especially for a decorated combat vet but this is what I’ve learned. I’m still actively trying to change as well. I’m 38 and feel like times running out to have a family but I say fuck it. I’d rather not have it then to settle in misery.

This guy has helped me a lot but sometimes it’s best to have an actual therapist for the inner work. Some of his videos might be able to help you get the ball rolling.

https://youtu.be/DPrT8mM5ApI

[–]slamdgti0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I also wanted to add learning to set boundaries in a new relationship very early on. It sounds like you do pretty well with this but if people overstep boundaries and they can’t deal with it they will leave. This helps to get rid of the people who will end up being toxic to our lives. This can be anyone and not just relationships. Obviously there’s give and take but some boundaries should mean termination of the relationship

[–]mabden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

when she pointed to those as the reason for the break up

If it wasn't "those reasons" there would have been others. You can never be all things to any one woman.

[–]Greaterbird1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She sensed weakness, and couldn't get over it so she dug deeper. That's all it is.

[–]shedontmind2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Lots of good comments here. I just wanted to add a couple things that might have been missed. There's lessons here.

You mention where's her integrity etc when she sent her dad over. You expected more.

Don't.

Women do not subscribe to the qualities of 'honor' and 'integrity' or even 'honesty'. I mean they might exhibit these sometimes, but you have to consider them different species in this regard. They don't have a 'code' like some men would. When was the last time you heard the expression 'woman of honor' or 'woman of integrity'? Even some of history's most notable women don't ascribe to these qualities. They live in the now. They are ruled by their current emotions. They easily justify their actions by their current emotions. Have you ever seen a woman that is wracked with guilt over something she did? The way a man would as he wistfully thinks back to something that happened a week or 10 years ago? Sure they may vocalize their regret over something, but they don't feel these violations of code the same way a man would. This is what people on here mean when they talk about solipsism.

To a casual reader this may sound pretty chauvinistic, but I don't feel this way at all. There's no better or worse. Just different. The main, underlying reason men get bent out of shape about a woman is that they expect women to have the qualities of men (particularly in the logic and reason department). We are different. Our bodies, brains, and hormones are different. Adjust your expectations.

The one other thing that popped out was you couldn't believe how cold she was during the breakup. There's a lesson here. You expected a heart to heart, or a reasoned explanation, or at least for her to let you down gently. This is one of the most classic moments of being broken up with. All women do this. Look at any breakup post and you'll see the same story. Honestly I don't know the exact reason for this. May be a defense mechanism so she doesn't break down. Or just may be her actual feelings. She's over it. They live by their feelings and feelings are in the now.

The only defense against this is equal aloofness. The more you cry and say why, the colder she will get. It's pretty fucked up actually. You want to see a feelings 180? Act like you don't give a fuck. That you're happy and relieved. It's pretty funny, almost like flipping a switch in them.

You should be going no contact, but if you're still talking be sure to be the one to end the conversation every time. You've got things to do. People to see. Life goes on.

I recommend using this opportunity to take a hard look within. You seem to value yourself based on your accomplishments, physique, family lineage, and social status. Which is a fine metric for valuing people around you, and being the best you can be. But you should value yourself for you. What happens if you break your legs and can no longer be physical? Or have some sort of fall from grace and lose your social status? Or find out you're adopted and come from meth heads that fucked in an alley one night? What's left to value then? That's the kind of shit that sends people over the edge.

Strength comes from within. It doesn't need props and medals, it stands on its own. There's no one else out there competing for your own self worth so just go ahead and consider yourself great.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The reason I have such strong and enduring male friendships is that I am always willing to work the problem. If you have an issue with somebody, especially when it's high stakes like in sports or the Army, you take the time to break it down and work though it.

I really appreciate what you're saying. As I've said earlier, those are the reasons why this kind of breakup shatters me. I know I shouldn't be looking for that love and acceptance from a woman, I do. Yet here I am.

This is the one kind of injury that really gets to me, and I've been through a lot of shit. I found meaning in all of that other suffering because it brought respect. A purple heart means your suffering had meaning.

A woman effortlessly tripping feelings of insufficiency and rejection that I've been struggling with my whole life, that causes me such intense suffering and it's not even an afterthought to her.

[–]shedontmind2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Feel this. Empathy or sympathy is another quality men often expect from women, and it causes great disappointment when we don't get it.

That was actually another thing I wanted to touch upon. When you had to deal with that shit with your family getting sick and you didn't get an ounce of sympathy from her. Seen this, lived it. For most women, seeing these emotions from a man is a turn off. Especially if they've moved on already. And most especially if they sense you're seeking it.

They say they want us to open up and lay our soul bare. Never give in to this. Your SO is not the shoulder to cry on. A modest amount is healthy (you don't want to be a robot) in an LTR. But generally she doesn't want to see how the sausage gets made. Save it for your male friends and brothers.

Once again, you have to adjust your expectations. Women are emotional, impetuous, fickle beings. They are not the companion you rely on for emotional support, a well reasoned debate, a solid business partner, or someone who helps you out of a bind when you're in trouble. We may be all of those things to them, but it only goes one way. In return you get a fun companion, someone to bang, someone to bear children and hopefully raise them, and someone to adore you.

Is this an even trade? Surficially it doesn't seem like it. But they've got their own problems and, all things considered I'd rather be a man. Not like there's a choice anyway.

Best of luck to you.

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If a girl supposedly wants you to marry her, you'd think she'd give a fuck about your mom.

I should have dumped her then. Fuck.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

What, if anything can you tell me so I'm ready for that contact on Sunday? I was thinking hang up on the call, have a text ready in notepad.

There are logistical things, but I guess I could entirely ignore her and just go through her parents.

[–]shedontmind2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

What do you want to know from her? Why she broke up with you? I think you already know, but from an outside perspective it's pretty simple. Even without taking anything about her into account I can say long distance is the killer of all relationships. Most women, especially younger ones, aren't equipped to bond without near daily reminder. Also, given that it's only been 2 years, the relationship was still pretty fresh to be apart like that. Like I said, they run on the feelings of the moment, and the second you're out of the picture and 1000 miles away she's no longer getting the constant feels. Compound that with you pulling away, all the other stuff you mentioned, and all the red flags...

Has she slept with someone else? Maybe. If she hasn't there's a good chance she's getting some feels for someone else which explains the coldness. Then maybe it fell through and that's why she's lovey dovey again by text. Honestly it doesn't matter and you should do your best to put it out of your mind.

Have you fully committed to yourself to end this? Decide this first. Hopefully you come to a 'yes', because if not you've got another tough couple of years ahead of you, that most likely will end in more heartbreak.

Once you fully commit to the breakup and accept your fate, you should feel a bit of zen. A bit of hope for the future. A bit of excitement about new tang. If you accept to speak with her, do not act hurt, angry or anything. Act like you've moved on. Get to the business. You can be cold if you have to (to hide your hurtness) but it's best to be aloof. Settle your business as quickly as possible, then say you've got to get going for some event or another. I promise if you do this right she will do a 180. Then never engage her again.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you accept to speak with her, do not act hurt, angry or anything. Act like you've moved on. Get to the business. You can be cold if you have to (to hide your hurtness) but it's best to be aloof. Settle your business as quickly as possible, then say you've got to get going for some event or another. I promise if you do this right she will do a 180. Then never engage her again.

Text or call? I made a list of all the outstanding logistics. I could just as easily send it to her mom and save myself the trouble.

And you mean just calmly recite the logistics, not even let my anger bubble out, or call her on her shit eh?

[–]shedontmind0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah avoid the call if you can. Don't bother calling her out on her shit. The best vengeance is her sensing you've moved on and you don't care.

[–]kaizen9871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She wasn't your girl, it was just your turn.

[–]skyrunner221 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know you are brainwashed to be best utility but you take it to another level. She used the utility you had to offer to upgrade herself. Now that she surveyed the land she sees she can take it from here and find someone else to use..

Thanks for your service

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, all that blaming you for commitment, is just her trying to justify, whatever she felt guilty for doing.

That kills me man. When I didn't let her move into my apartment she cried every day for like a week. How can commitment be so transient?

I know that I an not the Navy, but she swore an oath. If he word to me means nothing, do any of the values she swore to uphold unto death?

I sound like a cheeseball, but I promised myself I am only getting married once. Vows are sacred and bind how we conduct ourselves in the material world to our beliefs in the sacred.

If I had taken her up on a city hall marriage, I would be in dire straights right now as monasteries, seminaries and the Legion are closed because of Covid.

[–]cracksniffer6661 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you can't see yourself without her, then that's where you fucked up initially, in my opinion. I'm not saying you have oneitis. I'm saying you have a fucking great career ahead of you, and the longer you dwell on her, the farther you might fuck it up. Focus, son. You got this.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see myself doing the career without her, it's my dream job. Fuck, now I'm really excited about it and am going to be training like a manic. I like the austerity of throwing myself into that. It's why the FFL fantasy is so beautiful and perfect to me. March or die, brothers beneath the sand, you know?

I was willing to make it work with her until training was done. I thought that was reasonable and realistic. As soon as she presented the choice between my education and career to follow her out there, I should have pulled the trigger. I was never going to forfeit my ambition and education to be a dependant.

I mean, what does that say about me as a man? With all the stuff I have done and can do, why would I be the stay-at-home-husband to a junior officer, who makes less money than I do?

[–]redaftrp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Replace attractive female with doesn’t have a dick, military guys will fuck anything when you’re away from civilization for any period of time...

[–]nevernotthesame1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you seem to care what people think about you? this is your life not theirs.

drop that thinking

also you said that you were able to keep “certain guys away from her”

drop that you’re the prize, not her. she’s keeping you not the other way around

get your mindset right next time

[–]SteveSan821 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why do you even care? There's a lot of other women.

You are in the military. You should never have an LTR while in the military.

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy

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[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I think the reason we didn't break up sooner is because I get trapped in a blind alley at a certain part of a relationship.

What I want, more than anything, is to be more than the fitness, body, reputation. Because exposing that side of me is the only guaranteed way to hurt me, and hurt me bad, as you can see, I'm not willing to risk it easily. So I'm very good at detecting these patterns and threats, but I also hold myself back from acting decisively when I pick up on them because I hope that I'm wrong and maybe this time it won't happen.

I think I fucking bluepill myself because I start out with sharp instincts and an itchy trigger finger, but the longer the relationship goes on, the more I hope that this time I won't have to put rounds downrange, even as evidence piles up and conditions on the ground get worse.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

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[–]Shackrats2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I do entirely last LTRs to wit: Lawyer, journalist, economist, intelligence officer. I am attracted to the qualities my parents wanted to cultivate in me: Striving, ambition, educational pedigree, resume padding, networking, Ivy Leaguers, academy grads, the list goes on. Women who were senate pages at 18 and clerking for the superior justices at 24.

In short - I want to love an impressive girl because I am crippled by fear of not being impressive enough to love. I don't like them, they remind me of either every bad thing about myself, or they have a surplus of every quality my parents found lacking in me, but I love them.

I roll my eyes at their phoney baloney bullshit and empty social signifiers but I need to be associated with them, because if I couldn't do all the things I was supposed to do, at least I am good enough to be with someone who did, and that might make me good enough.

I've never expressed these thoughts before, though I think they've always been there and I'm just disgusted with myself.

What am I going to do about that? When I fantasize about my life, especially after a blow like this, it's as a monk, or a priest or in the Legion. Because those are lives of seclusion and with the Church you only have to answer to God, who loves you no matter what, and the world outside ceases to be and with the Legion you cease to be. Your passport is taken away, you have a new identity, a new language and ultimately you can find escape in an anonymous death, unknown to your former countrymen. It's so beautiful.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man. I felt I was not doing a good enough job of communicating with her until the tail end of the phone call last night. Then I had a strange thought:

"What the hell is going on? Usually I do a great job of making myself understood. Is my argument coherent? Does it work as a narrative? Is it too allegorical? What about this idea is not being communicated?"

"Why is it my fault for not marrying her, because she can't be home with me, because of Corona, if nobody could have possibly known about Corona when she was here?"

And then this morning I really examined that, you know. Then I realized, she wasn't saying anything. She wasn't even trying to say something. No matter how I tried to rearrange her words and phrases, to make a chronology, to create causative relationships between the different ideas, to create any links that could give meaning, literal, narrative or symbolic, there was none.

I read the sidebar articles on trp as a refresher on how women communicate, and then it made sense and I was done. She wasn't, she was engaged in anti-communication, actively trying to disguise the real meaning under a bunch of noice.

So I want to talk to her, because that's how I understand the world and make myself understood, but I know it is totally and entirely pointless and I don't want to degrade myself.

[–]Mescalean1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn dude. Always consider my scrub ass as high value to do build genes and a “career” growing weed LOL.

This just goes to show there will always be someone more “chad” than you no matter how high value.

And hearing shit like this from men who have their shit together way more than I do.... really makes me question the whole idea of “ltrs” as a man.

Are they really worth it?

[–]Thatjuansailor1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Bro, awesome read. I’m in the military as well and this post just reminded me to make the right call if something like this ever happens to me. Listen to my brain, not my emotions. Hope you continue to stay strong brother and you will! I’m hoping you gather the strength and continue to do great stuff! Men like you, inspire me to be the best that I can be! I would love to just get a conversation and correspond with you man, truly inspirational! You got your team with you, just don’t give into the darkness.

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you for saying so, I feel like I just got my ass kicked. It sucks so bad to have this happen to me after thinking I learned all the right lessons from Jody tearing up my friends' wives or women skipping town with power of attorney. I thought that it would be smooth sailing once I learned to run if a woman knew what a barracks was, or how to sign in.

I'm happy to dm, though I have to say I'm still pretty fucked up from this, I can't put you on the path to a ranger tab or whatever any time soon.

[–]Thatjuansailor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No worries brotha; I’m making my own path just fine. But you handled it very well. You made all the preparations and did everything that you could in your power. Basically a bad break up, but without the the extreme problems along with it (financial, kids, and ect...). I’m sure a warrior like you will make it through; please do me a favor and reach out to you friends. A strong social support system will do a lot. Seeing you are already a strong individual. Don’t feel too bad on yourself though; I mean yeah you messed up, but use this lesson for the future. I know you tried your hardest and someone with a high moral character like you will always have to deal with the bad deeds committed by others. Perhaps where we go wrong is choosing the right person, good luck.

[–]Thatjuansailor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I feel a bit disappointed that a naval officer can’t even uphold regular values instilled while in training. I can sense terrible fear by the way you described how she calls you and cries about boot camp. I can tell discomfort has never really been a thing in her life. Hope she figures out her shit before it’s too late

[–]aesky1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she belongs to the barracks bro

[–]Snowboard181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit this is like a murder mystery, finally a truly interesting post on this sub.

[–]mtl_dood1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I didn't read this whole manifesto. It's just too long.

But I will give you this... You know Arnold Schwarzenegger, he was married to Maria Shriver, who is a Kennedy and as close to American royalty as they get. Super rich too. He cheated on her and had an illegitimate kid with their butt ugly nanny. Now, a lot of people shit on Arnold for doing that, especially with an ugly nanny. But Arnold likes to be the center of attention. He has mentioned it in the past. He would rather be with an HB 7 or 8 because then, it's easier to hold his frame and he is always the one in the limelight.

If you've already fucked triple digit women, don't try to LTR an HB10 overachiever. It is not worth it. Even if you can attract those women easily, it's not worth the BS. Get yourself a nice HB8 who will treat you like a god and who likes to stay home on Saturday night. You're life will be much better. And honestly, with your para problems, you don't need another headache. And 99% of the HB9-10 overachievers are nothing but mind games.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

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[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You have it exactly right. I was looking for the qualities people look for in me. More than that, because I got hurt, I feel like I let my comrades and my country down. It really bothers me. So, maybe I thought I could at least do my part by guiding her down that route.

The trophy thing is tough because the emptiness lets me accomplish so much, but I never feel less empty.

[–]woyspawn1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't want to sound like an ass, but, if you were looking for a wife why did you push her into the Navy?

Your story doesn't sound neutral, you went beyond emotional support to help her succeed o her decision.

That's ok, but was it compatible with what you wanted? You knew of all the risks, and the years required before she could be the mother of your kids.

Did you care at the moment? I might be misreading but this sounds like it was you who wanted to have a wife with a career in the Navy.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wanted her to Be All She Could Be. You're right, I should have thought about family first.

[–]lozboss1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Mate congrats to you bud. Honestly.

But this show's no matter how high value - you can slip. You missed the red flag and made the wrong assessment that she's high value.

It hurts to be betrayed, especially by someone who has zero bravery to say it straight.

Delete her number and block her. Never look back. She had her chance and blew it. I'm not sure why you've not done this already.

[–]Shackrats1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks. I'm starting to feel better, putting up 10 mile runs the past few days. This is a really supportive community, forget that toxic masculinity shit.

I'm more disappointed in myself for not picking up on the flag, and either not getting invested, or steering her in a more positive direction, than I am with her. I knew she was a snake when I picked her up.

[–]lozboss1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stop beating yourself up - you know from the military there are plenty of people who will do that for you.

Learn and move on. When you make mistakes in drills you learn from them - apply the same mentality.

I've seen far worse. Now square yourself away and focus on the task in hand.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate that man. I have to remember who I am.

[–]cglehosit[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus Christ this is like a fucking soap opera. Blind sided by LTR = you fucked up, no looking back, move on

If you want a family, then start over and don’t fuck up next time.

[–]spartan_samurai1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is away for long time, getting lot of attention there from her colleagues and you are not physically present there.

I will give you simple example why Long Distance hardly works:

There is a meal in the fridge that you cooked and kept before going away on holiday. You are going to be away for few months , when you get hungry you are gonna eat what's available there instead of thinking about the food in the fridge which is obviously not accessible and also not going to satisfy your hunger.

[–]brianmcg3211 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Like every story you hear of a guy whose wife has to deal with some asshole at work. The moment she stops talking about that asshole is when you know she's hanging out with him after work having drinks.

[–]IveSawitall1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This Bro sounds like a very educated man, the level of education i will never attain or dare dream of. plus all the status and financial stability.. tbh I'd never even believe people like this were here in Asktrp.. I am a shit if compared to OP. Well I've read your post.. you've caught ONEtis for her and it's by the grace of TRP that you haven't made the deadly mistake of marrying her yet. That could have caused the beginning of your end.. Right now? Forget her. Thank your stars.. allow yourself to feel the pain, don't fight it. Tell me why do you need a woman this much Bro? I can tell you have spent a lot of money assisting this girl. I wish I could talk to you in person. just let her go. Imagine if you had already married her.. she would just become a nightmare to your life. The only way this relationship could have lead to is marriage and she would have fucked you over x10000.. Bro buy yourself some whisky and celebrate. I'd be here siping my beer for you.. focus on your mission, eating good, keeping fit, stalking cash. Investing and fun with many girls. If you were even considering marriage at all.. I'll show u over a hundreds valid reasons why you should no even marry.. so many things I wish I could tell you Bro. well, cheers Bro !

[–]Pilgrimboy51 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Sorry to hear bro. I have a VERY similar story. It will be tough for a few weeks but you will get over this and come out stronger.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Sorry to hear that. Military?

How did you rally and get up and moving again? Were you able to lock your assets down or did you let her put her name on anything?

[–]Pilgrimboy52 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Focus on your purpose.

Not gonna lie I was a mess for 2 months. Constantly thought about her fucking other guys and it drove me mad. Like all things..... it passes. Right now your brain is missing all those chemicals the relationship provided but it will return to homeostasis. Stay strong and know that you dodged a bullet with this one. Better now than years down the road when you have far more to lose.

My ex started reaching out to me a year after the split and was begging for me back. I’m sure you will have this happen as well. Don’t give in. Know your value boss... she ain’t the one.

[–]youcantdenythat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

He was in love with a fantasy, not the woman.

The fantasy was that she was the perfect woman.

The reality is she wasn't.

We need to stop letting our imagination get us in these predicaments.

[–]Gawernator1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I haven’t been able to read this yet since it’s so long, but I’ve always had a rule to NEVER mess with military females, although there are some good ones, most are crazy in some way, or mega sluts. 8 years Navy.

[–]Shackrats2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I fucking played myself. She wouldn't have applied let alone made the grade and got through training if I didn't push her.

I did the same for my brother when he joined the Army after me and it brought us closer together. I dunno, I hoped she'd appreciate the coaching and mentorship. We were all working hard and making sacrifices because we believed she could do it and we could make it.

Well, that was stupid.

[–]Gawernator1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry man. You know what they say, “these hoes ain’t loyal” Women can be very fickle.

[–]Gawernator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I read more, literally what the fk, she has officer pay and living expenses paid for and she’s demanding money from you? Good thing you escaped this wench!

[–]idevastate1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did you just seriously write a dissertation?

[–]grkfx0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Crying calls every night while at Basic training? Since when do you keep a cell phone throughout navy BT?

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

just look up hashtags like navybasictraining or navygirls, and you'll see female candidates are more adept at smuggling contraband than hardened convicts.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

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[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've been reading a lot of theology lately, and have been following the Rule of Saint Benedict, and the Spiritual Exercises of Loyola in my daily life. It's brought me a lot of peace and comfort. Obviously, guides to monastic living and austere closeness to God don't help much with women.

As long as that book doesn't steer me from my purpose, I'll give it a read.

[–]ShortDamage0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This was a really interesting read. One of my best friends was in the army and rose in the ranks. I consider his SMV to be extremely high. His gf is a lot like your (now) ex, in many ways. Very accomplished, hard, a real charger, and also joined the millitary. They have been together for many years, and both started working in corporate jobs after their stint in the millitary. From your story, i think the most essential aspect that differs from my friend is the distance. My friend was very often in the same proximity as her, and only weekly training camps was what seperated them. They lived together. I personally never have high hopes on long-distance relationships, very often it slowly breaks down, like yours. Another thing from your story is the very blatant red flag about her cheating on her ex of 3 years with you. This is a HUGE red flag, meaning she's not honest or reliable. If she cheated on her ex with you, what's to say she hasn't already cheated on you aswell? Judging from how "cold" she was when you guys broke up, i wouldn't be surprised.

I really admire the effort you put into this relationship, and luckily it seems you were at least weary of the possibility of this happening. You don't have any ties to her, neither marriage nor materialistic, although i understand that this is gut-wrenching. You'll get over this eventually, keep working on your goals man.

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think that you make a good argument. If SMV is proximal, I'd be in higher standing if I was out there because these are all fucking butter bars. What the fuck do they know about the service? I've been out of the game a little while but I could smoke any of them on the rifle range, in combatives, on a ruck. But the respect of a soldier is not the love of a woman, and the same shit would have played out even if I had re-upped as a Airborne Ranger.

On the other hand, I'm out, and want to have worth independent of the military. A lot of otherwise young guys get out and get lost in their glory days, which is why we have Operator Coffee, Tactical Elite Beard Oil and all that hooah shit.

I am so glad I made the right choice, it hurts me so fucking much that that was her main argument against me. Do you think she's aware of it? Like she was running the numbers of the breakup and realized she'd be without house, dog and car? It really wounded me that the things that protected me from a surprise breakup, were employed as argument during a surprise breakup.

[–]Lateralanouncer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would say She had a major red flag cheeting on an ltr. Plus if I had to guess she was likely not happy being submissive to you.

[–]throwitdownman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In a weird way, she has a point. Remember women are like WiFi - they seek the strongest, nearby, connection and attach themselves to it. Had she been living under your roof, her opportunities to wander will be slim, as she will be attached to you.

There is no Chad in the world who can maintain attraction with a 3/10 if she is nowhere close for an extended period of time, AND if she has options nearby (girl night outs, Tinder, ‘what happen here stays here’ mentality, etc). ‘There’s a million cocks between you and her’

I wouldn’t automatically assume she would’ve divorce raped you, just because she is moving on now. Being physically present matters.

[–]ReaperX440 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ooohh! I have a video for you.

https://youtu.be/lVKXGiBJ7i0

[–]MelodyMyst0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you so much for paring that down. /s

[–]MGTOW_BEASTMODE0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cheaters gonna cheat.

If she cheats with you, she will cheat on you.

[–]blasted_biscuits0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a classic case of branch swinging. Plus you mentioned she cheated on someone to be with you so she had already proven she cannot be trusted.

[–]BiasedBavarian0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

From experience, this was premeditated, when a woman breaks up with you she’s already replayed the outcome one gazillion times. Chances are their were red flags you continuously ignored in route to this conclusion whether it was less sex, lack of intimacy in general, or the thing women due which is avoid you when they have things on their chess.

Her breaking up with you means she’s okay with the outcome, because

A. She found someone better(higher status male), or B. Thinks she can do better all by herself. Whatever her reason, she broke up with you, you’re the prize, understand that you can never be TOGETHER again. You can only view her as a plate from now on.

You have to occupy yourself, and stick to your purpose. Eventually you will start to feel better and get over. It happens to us all, but it should only happen to us ONCE. You will never again feel how you feel now, so embrace it.

[–]BitchesBrew_MF0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Army/Navy girls tend to be big whores/sluts. Eject from this broad and move on, there also appears to be blue pill mentality still in your mind, if this doesn’t snap you out of that BP thinking then you’ve got more hardship coming with women

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[removed]

[–]TRPCops[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

3d ban. Contribute or stfu

[–]axiscontra0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Didn't even read you have oneitis.

Edit: I read it. You have oneitis.

[–]axiscontra1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Doesn't matter who you are, you don't need closure. Enjoy the times you had, learn from your mistakes. Move on. You'll enjoy the next, it wont last forever. High quality guys pick the wrong ones the ones that never stay. The ones that are smarter than us emotionally, and pick away at our frame until we forget who we are, and when she slow feeds you the myth of oneitis you're slowly poisoned and when its made you weak, she leaves.

[–]Shackrats2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's exactly it man. I realized last night and today when I reached out to my boys I was reconnecting with them. What the fuck, how did I let that go? I took my bike out today and realized it had dust on it. I used to ride 30 miles every Sunday. I prayed the rosary this morning and had to look up the prayers for decades and the mysteries.

I woke up today and it was like I had been in a daze.

[–]axiscontra1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You lost your frame. It happens to the best of us. It feels good tho, we aren't as all as alpha as we like to think, and thats okay. Be thankful for the process, youll be a better man because of it. Be grateful she didn't do anything like marry you. And never look back, thats the hardest thing.

Its going to feel good to get back to your frame, try and never lose it again. Keep a journal and add some affirmations to it, and meditate to them while you exercise. Set some calendar notes of these affirmations every couple of months to hold yourself accountable.

[–]svenfromaccounting0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be relieved buddy. All those things you mentioned, if she only dated you for those then she's not dating you for you. There's plenty of fitter dudes and plenty of smarter dudes and richer dudes. That shit doesn't matter.

She's not the one. Be relieved.

[–]flowerfairy-10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Based on your post, you two got together because you were the best out of both sexes. There also wasn’t much of trust from both parties. What likely happened is that because there wasn’t a solid emotional foundation between the two of you, it broke apart under the stress you both were going through e.g. COVID, basic, your fears she was cheating, etc. She also was not smart with her money, which added strain as well. What should have likely happened was you both sitting down and having a conversation about the financial, emotional, and sexual implications of her going, and based off both of your concerns you came to a compromise. What has been done can’t be undone, however, and there are greener pastures for you out there. Trying and getting her back in any way will only cause more harm.

[–]anonyree0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

not reading all that crap. dodged bullet. u were just 2 years in.

imagine ifnshe divorced you and took your kids.

she has 4 years peft to find spouse andnhave kida, you have 15. stop feeling sorry for yourself.

[–]bluefingerblue0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro. No matter how much you say you’re the shit, you’re clearly not as awesome as you say. You think Brad Pitt would write a wall of text like this over some girl who cheated on her boyfriend with him? Like if you’re that awesome, you’d realize all girls are replaceable. I know easier said than done. But I truly believe you’re lying to yourself and have more internal work to do. In your head, for whatever reason, you don’t believe you’re as awesome as you say you are outwardly.

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I’ve been commenting a lot and I gotta say man... I know this is hard but you’re a fool if you talk to her again. I would send her the text message that I wrote out to you in an earlier comment and then I would box up all her shit and drive straight over to her parents. I would look them in the eye, tell them everything you told us, tell them thank you and good bye. And in that last final text before blocking her on everything I would also tell her that if I don’t receive my ring within one week I’m suing for it. And that she better hope the clearance people don’t call me because I won’t shit good to say about you.

Ironically enough this IS the best way to save your relationship and get her head out of her ass.

The guy you used to work with whose wife is in the group got any info to give you?

[–]Shackrats0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You're right. I want to have a beer with her old man, tell him I'll buy him a drink at the Army Ball and get gone.

Out of respect and love for her old man, should I tell him what she's been getting up to? He's already not impressed with her, and has called her out numerous times for hotdogging. He didn't give her a handshake, let a lone a hug at her graduation. He was disappointed she didn't give a silver dollar for her first salute, even though he brought one as well as his personal challenge coin for her to hand out.

I really like her parents, they've been unbelievably good to me, especially with my uncle's death and mom's illness. I'm going to miss the cranky bastard. Should they know what she's gotten up to?

No, he said she's been tight lipped. I don't know what I could find out that I can't reasonably guess, as everybody here keeps yelling at me.

[–]Tambamwham1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. Call him up and tell him you’ll be dropping off her stuff later. And then tell them thanks for everything. And goodbye. And if they ask tell them everything. The drinking, the guilt trips, the mom stroke call, her friends freezing you out, the planned blindside, the obvious cheating, even that it ain’t her first time cheating...and tell them you’re done letting her hurt you and you’re going no contact with her. And you’re moving on with your life.

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Whose being tight lipped? His wife? And he just lets it slide?

[–]doubtless_abyss-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think this is the longest post I’ve ever seen on reddit. Anyone got a tl;dr?



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