HVM are always HVM, even if they’re your Ex

AnniaT · 2021-05-22T12:29:16+00:00

This. I was in a relationship with a HVM who showed so much care for me and my family even after the break up. A HVM won't mistreat you after breaking up. They'll move on (and so should you), but always with respect and gratitude for the times spent together.

RedPlanit · 2021-05-22T14:43:55+00:00

I had my first boyfriend when I was 17. We had been good friends before dating but we broke up amicably before college. He made it very clear he wanted to still be my friend and I was doubtful. It was my first break up, and even though I knew it wouldn’t last, I was still sad.

I went off to college and didn’t see him or even speak to him again until New Year’s Eve in my hometown. We always had a tight knit friend group and one of our mutual friends was hosting a bonfire and said we could all spend the night.

I went with my best friend. We were both new to drinking and had way too much. My ex found me puking my guts out in the bathroom and I was mortified. He walked out and I was so embarrassed. This was his first time seeing me after our break up and this was the impression I gave him.

To my surprise, he returned to the bathroom, with a tall glass of ice water, and then he slid down the wall and sat next to me. He carefully put my hair in a ponytail for me and rubbed my back until I was done being sick.

Afterwards, he picked me up and carried me to a bed, took my shoes off for me, and tucked me in. He then went and found my best friend and told her where I was so she could join me. He checked on us periodically and slept on the floor next to the bed because he was worried about some of the guys he didn’t know at the party trying anything.

The next day I was absolutely mortified as I remembered how drunk and sick I was. I found him and apologized profusely and he said something song the lines of “You don’t have to thank me! That’s what friends do. I’ll always care about you even if we aren’t dating.”

I am 25 years old and he and I are still good friends. He even met my current boyfriend a while back and they hit it off with no awkwardness. He even gushed to me about how he thought my boyfriend was perfect for me and that he liked him a lot.

We didn’t agree on everything politically or religiously but he was always a good person. I know that if I was in trouble and in my hometown, that I could call him up and he would drop everything to help me out, not because he wants to sleep with me, but because he still considers me his friend.

HVM don’t ditch or ignore people they once cared about just because that person doesn’t offer anything to them romantically/sexually.

pureRitual · 2021-05-22T07:32:09+00:00

My ex helped me pass my most difficult class. He'd tutor me twice a week and didn't judge me when I felt like the biggest moron for having a hard time understanding the logic behind the assignments. I passed a class I should have failed with a B thanks to his help. A couple years later, we got back together. Whatever happens, he's proven to be dependable, kind, and patient. HVM exist

kinkardine · 2021-05-22T13:40:56+00:00

Yes, and most often a hvm is made by the community and the family, they are trained to be responsible for their action from an early on, they are patterned to be invested cause someone invested in them too. My hubby passed away three years ago and I moved to a different continent, but not a tempo has dropped between me and his close family and friends, they are still my cheerleaders, my fall back options, they look after my dad who lives alone whenever he is in the country without me initiating anything. hubby used to take pride in his family and friends and after his death I came to know why.

cherriesandmilk · 2021-05-22T08:01:56+00:00

I’m so jaded. I never want to deal with any exes in any capacity ever. Maybe one day I’ll get to this point.

stillcantsee · 2021-05-22T16:53:12+00:00

HVM or not, if we are not together anymore, I don’t want or need you in my life. The chapter closed, farewell, goodbye, dead to me. Normalize closing chapters in your life and KEEPING them closed.

meetme__atsunset · 2021-05-22T07:20:20+00:00

I don't know that I'd label my longtime ex as a HVM, he's more medium-value than anything, but he's one person I know I can rely on in any circumstance. He's on his own level-up journey, prompted by our breakup. He's said himself that he took me for granted, and that he needs to work on himself in order to retain a woman like (but decidedly not) me.

Existing-Afternoon78 · 2021-05-22T11:40:21+00:00

My ex drove my stuff back across the country after we broke up, but didn’t help me unload it and only did it so he wouldn’t have to pay for a plane ticket. Sometimes the nice thing is selfish AF.

cml678701 · 2021-05-22T12:13:05+00:00

Why does everyone assume he has a girlfriend already? I agree it would be disrespectful to his current girlfriend to run off and play savior, but maybe he is single. That’s how my ex is. He is a HVM, but we broke up mainly because he needed to work on himself. He isn’t planning on dating until he is the person he wants to be. He also still does very nice things for me. Maybe one day we will be together in the future, idk, or maybe I will meet someone else one day, but he is the rare guy who can put sex on the back burner and completely keep his focus off women while he accomplishes his goals.

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-05-22T06:48:11+00:00

I mean... he could’ve cheated and she decided to break up with him but later down the line stay friends and he does stuff like that out of guilt or something. Labeling a man HVM simply for doing nice things is a bit problematic in my opinion. Lvm do nice things all the time in the hope of eventually getting laid.

Edit: I admit I’ve lost all faith in men though 😅

Maude2010 · 2021-05-23T21:08:46+00:00

One of my exes is still my emergency contact. We had a bit of a fight once and weren’t in touch for a few months. He called me because my alarm system had gone off and the security company called him when they couldn’t reach me. I wouldn’t even say he’s really HV. He has some qualities I could not tolerate in a partner. But he’s a decent human being. If I need him, he’s there. And I’d do the same for him.

The night we broke up, we actually slept together. (No sex or anything). It was late and he didn’t want me to go home. We cuddled, talked and cried. In the morning he helped me take my stuff home. It’s five years later and I “went” to his son’s Zoom graduation.

I’m serious, this guy isn’t even anything special. It’s just that so many men now seem to go out of their way to be as shitty as possible. Being an asshole is more “normal” than being decent.

hmmmM4YB3 · 2021-05-22T19:18:03+00:00

I genuinely cannot relate to or fathom this tbh.

poopoola · 2021-05-22T13:02:54+00:00

My ex drove me to IKEA the day I moved out. I was uncomfortable driving the big van I rented. He spent the day helping me lift heavy shit and moved it into my new apartment. He assembled my new furniture and then we hugged and said goodbye.

FDSfollower1 · 2021-05-22T15:02:28+00:00

I'm suspicious that he is tracking her somehow.

miss_peach94 · 2021-05-22T11:16:17+00:00

This is nice, but this isnt a HVM. How would his girlfriend feel about this? I'm surprised no one has pointed it out

Exes are exes for a reason

Ok_Passenger_5717 · 2021-05-22T12:56:46+00:00

I don't really agree with that logic. I think once you break up you should stop all kinds of contact no matter how high value that person is. For the simple reason that if you keep in contact, even just through texts or following them on social media, they are still part of your life, you will still be emotionally attached to them, therefore not able to move forward.

NiBBasBeCrazy · 2021-05-22T09:01:41+00:00

Idk man, he could be sticking around for some potential breakup pussy. I don’t believe men do anything unless there’s something in it for them

AlwaysHeartbrokenG · 2021-05-22T09:09:00+00:00

This is 100%. Scrots can pretend to be HVM all they can, but they’d failed at it.

terrn1981 · 2021-05-22T12:34:11+00:00

Ya, he wants to get laid. He is likely expecting something in return now. The entitlement is real.

sukiepoekie · 2021-05-22T17:54:21+00:00

Asked my ex last week about what inline skates I should buy. Home boy answered all my questions, came with recommendations and tips and even offered to go look online for me. He Def had his flaws and we weren't a right fit but the mutual respect is Def still there

kittykitkat_94 · 2021-05-22T19:38:54+00:00

a hvm is a good person all around. this is what good people do. no surprises.

Ok-Appearance5982 · 2021-05-22T12:31:26+00:00

The title 🔥and the image 💯🥺wow ladies this is foreign to me. It’s good to know that decent people exist.

CloudRoses · 2021-05-22T15:45:17+00:00

But most men would call this guy a simp.

The sad thing is loving good nature people WILL do this for one another after a break up. My ex taught me how to drive, helped me get into college and eventually we broke up.

I broke up with him and had no desire to get back together, but I gifted him a 5000 dollar car as a thank you. (I had received an large influx of money)

Not all relationships end in scorched earth, mutual hate for one another. You should still care about the well being of that person if you once loved them.

moon5tone · 2021-05-22T09:09:43+00:00

Idk, I think exes can be friends in certain circumstances, but most of the time their nice behavior is just them trying to win you back or get sex - and if they succeed, suddenly they're back to being the low-effort person that you broke up with for a reason.

Happylittlepinetree · 2021-05-22T18:12:25+00:00

100% true. My ex boyfriend and I broke up 3 years ago. He works for bell, so every years before my contract is up, he calls and asks if I still want to keep the service so he can put a family and friends discount on it as well as any other available.

We’re not exactly friends but he was always HVM and still is just like my current bf.

Gourmay · 2021-05-23T00:34:56+00:00

Two of my long-term exes are HVM through and through. We are still very good friends.. because our relationship included a great friendship? We just didn't meet at the right time for things to develop into marriage. One got married since, I was invited to their wedding and I befriended his wife, took photos for her at one of her concerts etc. He recently gave me advice on gear for my home studio and has always had my back; even offered to help financially if ever I had any issues when I moved abroad. He doesn't "collect" women so it's not like he has a dozen women orbiting him. We work in very predatory industries and so he values having good people around, as do I. And he was so HV as a boyfriend. I actually apologized to him recently for not being as HV as I could have been when we were together.

My other HV ex is an introverted sweetheart, him and I text often about Game of Thrones (mostly our collective disappointment—we ended up watching the last episodes together despite being 9h apart time-zone wise so we could be angry together), Iceland and just friendly interests. He's always happy for my career success. Neither has EVER tried to get into my pants again or anything like that. I introduced one to the other when I was still with the latter. They're like brothers to me and we talk about our relationships casually, I would 100% invite them if I got married. HVM let bygones be bygones after a split and they don't try to poison the memories of your past relationship or treat you like an enemy. They were both my easiest breakups despite being my longest relationships.

I think there's an important distinction to make between trying to befriend NVMs and HVMs after a breakup and that's what FDS warns us about. I tried to stay friends in a similar capacity with NVMs/men with NPD I dated after them and I finally let it go last year because I realized they were not capable of having object constancy and seeing me as a human they appreciate once the sex and romance was gone. And I think part of this was that the men I'm still friends with are from Europe like me and the latter are American (don't get me wrong there are plenty of NV in Europe); women are so objectified in the US, it's just awful and it results in so many men not even being capable of regarding women as friends.

Title	HVM are always HVM, even if they’re your Ex
Author	TheOGJammies
Upvotes	1619
Comments	74
Date	May 22, 2021 6:37 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nicjb9/hvm_are_always_hvm_even_if_theyre_your_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hvm-are-always-hvm-even-if-theyre-your-ex.755582 https://theredarchive.com/post/755582

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