The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 12 - How FDS Can Help Autistic Queens Navigate Relationships

TheOGJammies · 2021-05-26T09:21:09+00:00

Hey mods,

Suggestion:

What about interviewing 1 Reddit FDS mod for a 10 mins session in every podcast?

Topics can be a light hearted / funny ones or anything the mod would like to bring in relation to the sub or reddit scrotes in general.

A mix of mod or flaired users to be interviewed. Same as above.

Inclusivity and building more of a community feel ❣

cat_lio · 2021-05-26T08:49:43+00:00

As much as I love listening to the hosts, inviting guests definitely adds more to the podcast. I love everything about this episode ❤

c_a_t_lady · 2021-05-26T09:46:56+00:00

I loved this episode. ☺

I am on the autism spectrum, and FDS has been awesome and helpful.

The handbook and tips are clear, like rules that give directions, which has helped me to understand dating in a different light.

I've kinda got an understanding of the structure of misogyny and manipulation towards women.

veruscka · 2021-05-26T14:17:58+00:00

Protect the neurodivergent queens at all costs 💖

jasmine-blossom · 2021-05-26T13:01:15+00:00

I’ll be listening to the episode as soon as I can but I just had to come comment that I am so delighted that you’ve done an episode specifically for autistic women! Women who are not neurotypical are at an elevated risk of interpersonal violence and abuse, and giving women tools specific to them to help them identify and navigate these relationships is so important.

beatriixkiido · 2021-05-26T15:09:02+00:00

Misunderstanding sexual innuendos and the motivations of men, being inherently naïve and susceptible to sexual assault because of the recurring tendency to take things literally and not seeing red flags/danger because your partner says, “don’t worry babe”. Most romantic communication is indirect and reading between the lines, so many women with autism can end up in abusive relationships.

tindertales_ · 2021-05-27T15:59:20+00:00

I’ll be honest, I go back and forth on my opinion of FDS, but I’m really happy that you dedicated a whole episode to autism in women. It’s relatively obscure in the real world, most people don’t know or think about it. I was diagnosed last year at 23. I’m not gonna go into my history with dating and sex, you can look on my profile if you want to see, but yeah I basically struggled with sex, boundaries, motivations of men...One thing I do like is FDS’s straight forward approach, setting clear guidelines and boundaries, that’s something I needed. I haven’t finished it yet but I wanted to thank you guys for this, we aren’t thought of enough.

UnpeacefulLily · 2021-05-26T11:09:03+00:00

For ladies who wants to look into how awful and evil Autism Speaks is, start with this video from Blair (aka the illuminaughtii):

https://youtu.be/5Va_XXoD5LE

She has a whole playlist on Autism Speaks & other problematic things concerning autism (like people thinking bleach cures Autism):

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqZc-IxvRf2eBvy4-zYY-gproblematic

I hope this helps everyone here be a better ally.

vowelsareimportant · 2021-05-26T13:12:39+00:00

I am so excited for this! I am working on getting a diagnosis after suspecting I am on the spectrum and this is exactly what I needed.

HexyHag · 2021-05-26T12:27:25+00:00

Thank you all for yet another great episode and for bringing up this topic!

The misconception that autistics don't date is kinda amusing - autism traits appear to be hereditary, so if people on the spectrum don't have relations, where'd those genes emerge from?! Also goes to show that atypically wired people DO benefit the society!

pretty_kill · 2021-05-27T13:16:52+00:00

I love this episode! I am going to relisten to it for sure. Here are my thoughts so far.

I have wondered if I was on the spectrum before, and back then it was hard for me to find information before because autism presents itself differently in women than men. I am going to see if I can get tested for it in the future.

Hearing these ladies speak about how they have to move through different frames with interacting with different people makes so much sense to me. I have to script myself in a certain way, to sometimes be misunderstood anyways because I am not very animated. It has taken years to build up to be comfortable in interactions, and that feels like it is only because I learned to frame them the right way.

Their FDS discovery process feels so similar to my own. It was like learning that the world can be a place where I can prioritize myself as the center. I only interact with things if they please me in some way. Interactions with men are hard because of all the things you guys explained.

Thank you lovely ladies for being guests speakers, and thanks to Podcast mods for having them on :)

Illustrious_Dream751 · 2021-05-27T18:05:49+00:00

I'm not autistic but this episode was still a pleasure to listen to. Very respectful dialogue, I'm glad you got actual autistic women on the podcast to speak about their experiences rather than talking about them in the 3rd person.

I'd love to hear an episode where you invite former sex workers to talk about their experiences and how they got out of the industry. I know Lilith already talked about being a sugar baby, but I'd still love to get more perspectives! Especially from women who have done different types of sex work.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-05-26T15:23:34+00:00

Listening right now, at 22 minute mark and

Omg I feel so seen. Can we please normalize some kind of structure to dating instead of it being a wishy washy free for all.

It’s tough enough when that dynamic exists in our friendships. Is this fair weather? Are we on the way to mutual reliability?

But in a romantic relationship (much like my professional relationships) I’m giving a lot more of myself. With dating, especially if I’m taking the risk on a sexual encounter. I need a framework in order to feel the freedom to really explore, if that makes sense. The best analogy I can think of is diving- I’m not free diving into unchartered territory, but I’ll scuba dive, knowing I have the structure of equipment to get back to the surface safely, if need be.

I’m not rigid to where I need to know if we are exclusive after a few dates, but I do need to know intentions, ideal desired pathways, priorities, etc.

Just a basic requirement for my interest to be sparked in a dating/sexual relationship with someone. Basically, I can’t see the appeal of sticking around with and investing in someone who is jerking you around and is not clear.

Thanks again, FDS podcast.

Muffcakelord · 2021-05-26T21:57:08+00:00

The way the women in this podcast talks fills me with so much love. Then sometimes, they'll say they've gotten bad feedback on the way they communicate for being too (insert literally any positive but socially seen as masculine trait here), and it makes me scream inside. I can only imagine the energy women everywhere would have if only scrotes weren't giving their useless input on their being.

I seriously fall in love with everyone on this podcast, i feel undeserving of all of this great content, but it reminds me; if she wanted to, she would. And she did. All of FDS' wonderful creators did. And now we do. And we all deserve each other.

catslovecheese · 2021-05-26T12:58:36+00:00

This, ah.

There's a big issue with being on the spectrum, that a lot of the needs you have (sensory issues, very direct communication, structure in your social interactions and so forth) are also vulnerabilities that you wouldn't necessarily want to share with just anyone. Definitely not during the "vetting" process.

One of the schisms I've personally encountered with dating is that there's a very explicit tradeoff between acting in a way that is self-protective, and the self-disclosure necessary to help somebody understand you the way you need to be understood. Its this bizarrely frustrating situation where you can absolutely have a relationship with someone who thinks you walk on water, as long as you get no satisfaction out of said relationship whatsoever.

🙃

nolongerhume · 2021-05-26T15:34:52+00:00

I love this podcast so much. I can't express how great it is to hear other women discuss and voice the same things that I go through, think and have experienced. And without any male input!? Ugh priceless.

Listening to Stana (? pls correct me) talk about reconciling with the fact that her life isn't going to be the idealic social busy life she envisioned in childhood really hit me. My social expectations set me back for years. For so long I felt like a failure because I couldn't meet those expectations as an adult, but I've slowly learned to enjoy my life for what it is and what I'm capable of doing. During this time I was also able to see through the bullshit and stop idealizing men, including my relationships with them and stop centering them in my life.

mashibeans · 2021-05-26T21:20:19+00:00

This episode really fucking got to me. I never considered myself autistic nor considered getting diagnosed, but while listening to the episode my mind went into overdrive because I was relating so hard to these wonderful ladies, so I looked up some unofficial online quizzes, and it seems there's a likelihood I might be on the lower spectrum.

I always felt ashamed for feeling certain ways or acting in certain way. I always hated myself. My whole life I've been lectured and criticized for many things, and I worked so hard to be gentler with my words, less tomboyish, socialize more, etc. etc. etc., and no matter how hard I work and how much I level up, as soon as I show even an iota of something people might not like, I'm immediately shamed or lectured.

It's liberating to know it's not that I'm a horrible person or there's something "wrong" with me. As soon as I can afford it, I'm going to see into getting actually diagnosed.

beatriixkiido · 2021-05-26T15:18:58+00:00

Now even though these are some the most known and recognized symptoms of ASD, there are quite a few more confirmed symptoms that often fly under the radar from primary care doctors to potential people/families on the spectrum. This is especially true for females on the spectrum, which until recent advances in the research for women with Autism, have been severely neglected and overlooked up until the past decade. It is shocking and unfortunate but many women are not diagnosed until their later 20’s and 30’s, because of previous claims and statistics that it was said to be five times more likely for a boy to be on the spectrum than a girl. Why does this happen? Why are so many individuals on the higher end of the spectrum misdiagnosed and given psychiatric drugs to treat anorexia, ADHD, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, OCD, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, and more? This is because of the much bigger biological differences between males and females. Females instinctively have a much greater incentive to be accepted and part of the pack to ensure survival for them and their offspring, thus being much more socially driven and eager to “fit in”. Autistic females, not surprisingly, are equally as obsessive as their male counterparts just not with the stereotypical planes, trains, and automobiles. Instead they obsess with art, music, dance, tv shows, and activities that girls in that age group commonly engage in. So how do we notice a difference in behavior from one who does not want to be seen? We must re-define our own preconceived notions and guidelines for what autism looks like in one gender and look for them in both genders, and do it early on. Use this knowledge to help make an impact on the next generation of individuals with ASD. It is deeply saddening but, women with autism are highly likely to attempt or commit suicide. “Autistic women who also have ADHD may be at particularly high risk: One in five attempts suicide, compared with about 1 in 11 men with both conditions. Among autistic people with intellectual disability, 1 in 13 men attempts suicide, compared with 1 in 20 men.” 1 Imagine knowing that you were inherently different from most people your whole life, but never understanding why, not even your parents knew. Believing that there is something genuinely wrong with you for not fitting in, not knowing tonality or appropriate dynamics that are necessary in conversation. All of these things needed to be learned manually. These things do not come naturally AT ALL to a person with autism. Learning to force something uncomfortable like eye contact (I have learned to stare at people’s foreheads to give the illusion of eye contact). What to do with our hands, eyes, mouth, posture when simply standing in line at the store. Continuously worried you said something that came off “aggressive” or “rude” when you just meant to be clear and direct, and truly you do not know how else to be. (This can get you into big trouble if you work at a place that does not know of your neurological differences.)

LWF3957 · 2021-05-26T21:47:49+00:00

Wow... I wasn't sure if I wanted to listen to this episode. Wasn't sure if it would be interesting.

And now I'm thinking I might be autistic. So many of the things Artemis and Stena said resonated with me. It's so confusing.

EDIT: because reading this again 10 minutes later makes me feel I came off too blunt and rude. I'm also so grateful for this podcast and for sharing your stories. They make a world of difference to hear, for me personally, but also to diversify the range of what it means to be a woman. Neurodivergent people generally don't get to share their stories (unless they're especially tragic and then it's always a "piece" and not just a life lived). So thank you, I really appreciate it.

Okami-Sama19 · 2021-05-26T07:09:14+00:00

Yo! Awesome subject, can't wait to listen

One-Strength-5394 · 2021-05-27T15:46:23+00:00

There was discussion about why equality isn't being considered as much in the US and I think it is because there are very hateful, capitalistic people in positions of power keeping these helpful solutions that seem like common sense from being put in place. I think it's really that simple.

laffytaggy · 2021-05-28T00:28:40+00:00

Just listened! Love the podcast and I learned a lot too. Both guests sound awesome and it makes me feel great to be a part of a community with such women. I also now wonder if I could be on the spectrum 🧐

cantstuntbikerbitch · 2021-05-28T02:20:26+00:00

I really liked this one. It was so eye opening how similar yet vastly different our dating experiences are between neurotypical and autistic individuals. It's something that had not occured to me, but I'm glad I learned about it and how I can help my fellow sisters ♥️ I have a friend with autism and this podcast really helped me understand her more and appreciate her

Meredeen · 2021-05-29T06:37:36+00:00

I have a male autistic friend from grade school, he's like one of the most empathetic people I know. He reached out to me as an adult and told me he liked the fact that I didn't treat him any different from anyone else when we were kids. Sure he did weird stuff sometimes, but he also annoyed the shit out of me just like any other kid LOL.

I always thought it was weird that people coddled him but would also be like "Just treat him like anyone else!" so I really did just treat him like anyone else. Turns out he hated being coddled and liked that I was honest with him when he was annoying/doing something bad and that I just treated him like a normal friend.

He's married now, he met his wife as an exchange student and eventually moved to her country/learned her language and married her and everything. I think that's really cool. So I understood the part in the podcast where she described autism as being mac vs pc. Different but not a bad different at all. Also dude has always loved trains haha.

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2021-05-27T12:46:04+00:00

Can't thank you enough for this episode! Seriously, it's so important to me as a neurodivergent woman.

I'm autistic and was recently diagnosed. Weirdly enough, the vast majority of my autistic traits fall in the more typically known presentation (male) - yet they were still overlooked for most of my life (even by professionals).They kept being mistaken for unruly, defiant behavior and for wanting to be a know-it-all. They earned me constant punishment as opposed to a timely diagnosis and adequate support.

I couldn't have been more of a stereotypical "gifted" autistic kid, but I wasn't a white boy. Was never even good at masking (never even tried until after high school), so people could always tell there was something off about me. Can you read that? It spells target.

It's a jungle out there, having autistic traits can often make you a magnet for LVM and even NVM: seeing through their bs and learning vetting strategies are essential survival skills. Female Dating Strategy might as well be called Fundamental Dating Skills.

Mysterious_Set6427 · 2021-06-01T20:27:03+00:00

I am a neurodivergent male and this was one of the most insightful things I've ever listened to. Having a baseline to examine myself earnestly is invaluable, Its fucking clutch. It is so rare to hear advice about love from people wired the same way I am. It makes the path to self-love and improving romantic interaction so much clearer. Holy shit, FDS is doing god-like work.

MissGalaxy1986 · 2021-06-01T20:28:04+00:00

This was a great episode, as someone with mild aspergers (I suspect) it explains a lot of my especially early dating confusion.

I keep checking here almost obsessively by the way to see if episode 13 has been posted yet... 🤓🙌 love you gals, your voices do something to me, they lift me up, empower me, and you make me laugh.

I feel like I uncovered an enormous secret that was never all that secret to begin with as I see so many of us had these views but they’ve been suppressed by liberal feminism.

Thanks to FDS I straight up asked a guy a question to clarify something that didn’t sit right with me... I’m just cutting through the bs... and if he’s high value he WILL understand where I’m coming from I kept telling myself. I’m so proud of myself. I might make a thread on here of our exchange.

NoNefariousness5137 · 2021-05-26T23:05:37+00:00

Ah, thank you so much for representing autistics. Neurodivergent interests are going to be the next civil rights movement, as it should be. It's nice to see FDS representing the truth of our reality ahead of the curve and not just due to reasons of woke theater.

theseeyounexttuesday · 2021-05-26T15:14:55+00:00

I really liked this episode.

As sombody on the spectrum the bluntness really got me. In a "wishy washy" world I've found its been a blessing and curse. It was an enlightening episode to a very misunerstood topic. Thanks Queens!

julesdenskadeglade · 2021-06-01T01:01:44+00:00

The Behind the Bastards podcast has been mentioned twice on the FDS podcast. I'm wondering which episode is focused on gamer culture turning into red pill culture. I listen to BTB often and I'm trying to track down this specific episode.

RainbowOfKirby · 2021-06-01T03:50:57+00:00

I’ve been wondering if I’m on the spectrum and hearing these ladies speak about their experiences has helped many things click for me. I really like the analogy (?) that one of the special guest ladies made. That they feel like a Mac in a world of PCs. That really resonated with me. I’m effective at many things and I’m lacking in some areas. I liked how she mentioned FDS is structured (and holy heck I’ve needed something like FDS for years) and how one of them mentioned having clear cut boundaries. Another thing was how much easier it is when you know. Like if you know this guy is interested you know how to interact with him, instead of the unclear situationships that leave one unsure and stressed because it’s not defined clearly.

I like clarity. I like clear cut roles, like friend, partner, or potential date. I don’t it when there’s mixed signals! I get stressed and confused because there’s no script to follow. I feel like I can’t be direct in what I want because it’s “masculine”. I hate that I have to play coy otherwise men lose interest because they think they have me. I hate dropping hints because they’re about as subtle as a scare chord in a scary movie.

I honestly don’t know how to female in dating properly if I’m being honest with myself. I just want to be me and it feels like societal expectations are saying that I can’t. That I have to behave a certain way just to keep someone’s attention long enough to consider me as someone worth pursuing.

Sorry for the stream of consciousness and mini rant that isn’t very coherent. I needed to get this out my head.

cherry_blossom_szn · 2021-05-26T23:10:11+00:00

At first I didnt think this episode would be interesting because it doesnt apply to me but wow, so glad I listened! Great convo, I learned a lot.

CaliforniaKed · 2021-05-27T01:37:02+00:00

I didn’t think this episode would be for me. But then the analogies were amazing. And THEN she mentioned picky eating and described my daughter to a T and now I have to rethink everything! Thank you so much for the insights.

JesusisKingisLord · 2021-05-27T02:56:04+00:00

I literally live for Reaux's weekly take on "Die mad!"

2021-05-26T16:41:26+00:00

My younger sister was diagnosed with autism. She's the greatest person I know. Thank you so much for making this!

Crazycatsarey · 2021-05-27T13:36:03+00:00

Fellow aspie ladies; do you mention you are on the spectrum in your social media and dating profiles? What are the pros and cons of doing so?

wavesandtea · 2021-05-31T01:56:55+00:00

I love this! I'm on the spectrum and feel so special having this podcast dedicated to us! <3

Ananoriel · 2021-06-01T08:26:08+00:00

Yes, I am going to check this one out. I am autistic and FDS helped me to keep myself safe.

worriedrenterTW · 2021-05-28T07:03:56+00:00

some major misinformation about autism.... the woman that stated that autism is caused by neuron connections not being set up properly in early childhood.....fucking what. doctors literally don’t know what causes autism, no one does. it’s not a condition as we know it, but an umbrella of over 50 symptoms, and if you have enough of them, including the mandatory social impairment, you get diagnosed with autism. so, you could have ten people diagnosed with autism lined up, and if you had the ability to magically find out the root cause, you could find up to ten different reasons, ranging from different genes, to hormone exposure, to early childhood abuse, to being misdiagnosed. and maybe even that neuron thing is a part of it! but we DO NOT KNOW. giving completely unsubstantiated information on a public platform as fact is so not okay.

not to mention that she is an autistic in the “social model” camp. so, currently with mental disorders and disabilities, there is much debate about medical model versus social model. the medical model is that everything wrong is contained within the body and mind, and can be aided and helped (not cured, obviously) with psychology and medicine. the social model is that these things aren’t actually disabilities, and that if we lived in a society built to include disabled people, they’d live normal lives and not be disabled, and all our symptoms and difficulties are the fault of society. also, that autism is not a disability, but “just a difference”. i disagree with both models, the appropriate and most sensible view for me sits in the middle because society causes great difficulties that could be avoidable if they accommodated me, but also, humans are a natural social species with genetically implanted social behaviours and manners of communicating emotion and context, and i as an autistic will never fully be able to keep up with or understand that, causing lifelong difficulties. so, having someone state their opinion on a highly divided topic within our own community as fact, that their audience of vast majority non autistics are hearing and applying to all of us, as if we are a monolith that can be represented by one person, and neither the podcast hosts nor the woman herself giving any sort of disclaimer that she’s talking about her own personal experiences, and that it shouldn't be considered representative of all of us (not only that, but she specifically spoke AS IF she was speaking for all of us).....

so frustrating!

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MatajiMadonna · 2021-05-29T22:12:21+00:00

I’m not officially diagnosed, but I’ve suspected that both my sister and I have autism for some time now. This is so helpful, thank you!

Travelcat78 · 2021-06-01T22:34:38+00:00

Started watching Love on the Spectrum the day before this podcast ep, felt like good timing. I liked having some guests on, felt like a nice change, and the topic was interesting. Looking forward to another patreon moment this week.

FDSfollower1 · 2021-06-08T02:10:03+00:00

FDS gets better and more meaningful every day.

The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 12 - How FDS Can Help Autistic Queens Navigate Relationships

There is a fundraiser for $10,000 going on to help grow FDS so they can make more content!!

Comments

Title	The Female Dating Strategy Podcast: EP. 12 - How FDS Can Help Autistic Queens Navigate Relationships
Author	SnarkSticks
Upvotes	283
Comments	72
Date	May 26, 2021 6:45 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nladpo/the_female_dating_strategy_podcast_ep_12_how_fds/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-female-dating-strategy-podcast-ep-12-how-fds.755935 https://theredarchive.com/post/755935