There are no safe spaces

souredskittles · 2021-06-10T05:01:41+00:00

I remember reading this was a thing somewhere 🤔 old predators going to AA meetings to prey on vulnerable women.

thruwuwayy · 2021-06-10T06:47:12+00:00

Imagine bragging about fucking teenagers when you're a grown ass adult. Not even touching the predation element 🤮

shockingupdate · 2021-06-10T05:21:56+00:00

“Hey baby, you’re recovering from addiction and so am I. It’s like we’re soulmates! Want to swap one vice that could ruin your life for another?”

coldfoot23 · 2021-06-10T04:22:51+00:00

He’s a fucking predator. As someone who is going through rehab right now he’s preying on vulnerable young women and he knows it. It’s recommended that no one in rehab should have a relationship at least for a year let alone with each other.

lostmillenia · 2021-06-10T07:59:19+00:00

This is called 13th stepping within AA.(The 12 steps are the program). Totally frowned upon and in the program, women with more sober time do tend to look after new women coming in, who are extremely vulnerable. This guy is DANGEROUS. So bad.

It absolutely happens. Just inevitable when there are so many sick people in an area. There are women only meetings, but they arent what the vast majority of new women are going to.

Some men are creepier than others. Ive been working AA for 4 years. Its recommended to find a sponsor of your own gender and to not date the first year sober.

Many dont follow that advice seriously, as it can be hard to do the real work that is laid out in the Big Book of AA.

I would say though that you learn what meetings feel safe and have solid recovery mojo and which have been taken over by BS.

I prolly wouldn't recommend a woman go to a meetimg at Soldier On unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. like if your ass is on fire and youll drink otherwise.

Now that I have FDS, it has only increased my caution in AA and renewed my sense of importance for womens' only meetings.

ChemicalCobbler · 2021-06-10T05:08:22+00:00

Yep. I wanted to go to NA meetings after my ex died of an overdose to get some closure. My therapist advised me not to specifically because men prey on women there. I thought it would be okay, and I went anyway despite her advice. I ended up being approached by several men who were obviously desperate and looking to hookup (asking for my number, and to "hang out") and I never went back. It's disgusting how men will find any opportunity to prey on women, no matter the circumstances. This is why women only spaces are so important.

shutup201 · 2021-06-10T08:53:05+00:00

Most people reading this would find nothing wrong with it but it's like...geez, this guy is 40 and messing with vulnerable women, a 24 yo in AA and naive 19 yo. He's wrong and foul as hell and he knows it, but so what they're adults.

I hate how almost anything is allowed if a woman is 18 plus and you can convince her to say yes.

Eta: It's not ok to target vulnerable people at any age and they're should never be any convincing to have sex imo.

dance-in-the-ashes · 2021-06-10T04:06:44+00:00

Ugh. I wonder if she even had the same perception of “asking him out” that he did…I message people and invite them to coffee because they’re new and need support, not because it’s a fucking date or hookup (a lot of people say you shouldn’t date the first year or date anyone in their first year and I believe in that wholeheartedly). So damn thankful I am in a mostly LGBT group though (although we still have our own issues with inappropriate behavior at times). The documentary the 13th step really exposes a lot of the issues with how 12 step culture can enable abuse and gender-based violence.

rideoffalone · 2021-06-10T08:37:25+00:00

Midlife crisis, party of one, your table is ready.

kreutzwortraetzel · 2021-06-10T12:06:20+00:00

The reason he posts these stories is to humblebrag to other men.

I'm oLd uGLy pOor and an alCOHolIC but young women aRe ALL OVER ME. I dONt knOW wHy?? HELP 🤡

spinsterchachkies · 2021-06-10T04:54:40+00:00

If I was going through any treatment program I wouldn’t want to be around men. Who knows what other issues she has that compels her do what’s she’s doing with this guy. But its sad and I feel bad for her.

spicyspa · 2021-06-10T04:08:45+00:00

I agree with the lack of safe spaces.

I'd like to add though that these posts about a barely adult women flirting with much older men are likely fake and meant to promote this idea so young women will accept it and feel ashamed if they want young hot men.

_electrafire · 2021-06-10T05:56:08+00:00

Lmao he’s totally lying about that woman hitting him up over zoom. He definitely made the first move on her considering he also got w a 19 yr old. Always be skeptical of men’s explanations and narratives around their relationships, especially on Reddit

GullibleAd3549 · 2021-06-10T05:53:38+00:00

Trauma bonding, yummy

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-06-10T09:58:45+00:00

“And no, she isn’t a sugar baby”

Suurre Jan. 😌

foxorhedgehog · 2021-06-10T12:02:51+00:00

Isn’t dating within AA heavily frowned upon?

Novemberinthechair · 2021-06-10T10:01:03+00:00

Yeah, dude, you are sick.

eveloe · 2021-06-10T15:16:09+00:00

If the meeting was hosted on Zoom like he said, the admin gets a chatlog (even of the private messages)

He’s going to get clocked.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-06-10T16:28:03+00:00

The old age-gapper in recovery theme gave me a flashback.

Years ago, I ran into a guy in LA whom I'd met in NY through friends. He asked me out. I was 18 and assumed he was about 24- 25, which was still a stretch. I agreed to the date mostly because I didn't know that many people in LA.

During dinner, I noticed a few little things like a stray gray chest hair or two and the skin over his temples and the bridge of his nose seemed slightly thin. Also he had this "furtive" vibe, like he was waiting to be found out. It gave me a chill and he admitted he was over 40. Nyope. I wouldn't kiss him at drop off, never went out with him again. He was moderately famous at the time, but money, fame or whatever, I wasn't into the gap.

Turns out this is kind of a thing with ex heroin addicts, which also turned out to be the deal with him. It's like they never enter middle age, hover in some static, vampirish youth stage for a number of years with just a few little giveaways, but then, all of a sudden, violently plunge into poor health and old age.

I asked my mother why ex junkies commonly look so young. She'd been an artist in NY at the height of the "Needle Park" era and knew what I was talking about. She thought about it and said, "Heroin is all about not caring. They probably have no stress." Chemical sociopathy, like botox for the soul.

Then oh my God, this guy just crumbled at some point. I married someone close to my own age around the time this guy married someone 12 years younger than him. He left her a widow around 16 years later. At the end he looked like death chewing on a cracker.

MissWestSeattle · 2021-06-10T06:43:40+00:00

I usually keep my issues private because men in the past have absolutely preyed on me when they found out I had depression. I wish I had known about FDS back then because I got taken advantage of over and over. Makes me sick to think about now but I'm glad I'm here, healing and leveling up

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-06-10T14:39:12+00:00

"I pray on vulnerable young women, but it's ok as long as they say they're 18+".

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-06-10T14:49:29+00:00

Imagine sleeping with 18 y.o. I would feel horrible. They look so young, child-like, both boys and girls!

everythingandlove · 2021-06-10T15:04:47+00:00

My dad is in AA, whatever else, I respect his rule when he started that he could never date any females who were recovering. (it was actually my great uncle who made him promise not to tho and he was a Priest) 😂

GabbaG0ul · 2021-06-10T17:54:55+00:00

It’s sad how many men scout vulnerable women out at group therapy and AA. It’s too easy for them to access. I used to volunteer for youth outreach/youth group. So many men attended our camp fire meetings posing as youth advocates, just to groom 14 year old girl into sexual relationships. It was horrible. I might make a post about it later. I tried to speak up, but was silenced and labeled as jealous. Men aren’t typically charitable. So be on the lookout for men attending any type of outreach, group therapy, youth recreation, etc.

Bleep_bloop5678 · 2021-06-10T12:18:04+00:00

Men are fucking SICK. Like a teenager?! You are a grown ass old adult. And you find TEENAGERS sexually attractive?!

Pokegirloras · 2021-06-10T22:48:47+00:00

This reads like fanfiction. No way some 46 yo alcoholic is gonna appear attractive to women that young

AJLake80 · 2021-06-10T16:39:28+00:00

How pathetic.

hijabae_ · 2021-06-10T17:31:09+00:00

100% this didn’t happen lmao. I don’t believe a word scrotes say anymore

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-06-10T18:04:32+00:00

Welcome to the city of delusions... Scrote thinks he's in fight club and had found marla singer...

Have you ladies seen a raisin? That's how his ass might look. Taking advantage of young alcoholic women.

dr_mcstuffins · 2021-06-10T18:08:06+00:00

thathappened

randowordgenerator · 2021-06-10T15:26:47+00:00

12-step programs are not therapy. It's god-bothering bullshit and has no scientific basis. It's hard to avoid when it's used instead of health care in the justice system. Avoid.

Title	There are no safe spaces
Author	Blindtothesided
Upvotes	426
Comments	80
Date	June 10, 2021 3:53 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nwedlm/there_are_no_safe_spaces/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/there-are-no-safe-spaces.781799 https://theredarchive.com/post/781799

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thathappened