Let’s Talk About LVM Exes and When They Come Back After A Breakup

alphasquish · 2021-06-21T20:52:57+00:00

I think they come back if they don’t replace you quickly enough. Otherwise, they move on to the next person that will put up with their shit.

I also think they are less likely to come back if you call them out on their shit and break up with them harshly. If you are really “nice” or wishy washy about breaking up, I think they are more likely to orbit because they don’t take you seriously. I’m not exactly proud of the level of bitchiness I went to in a couple of breakups, but it does lend a certain gravitas and finality to it. They don’t like it when you go from low maintenance bangmaid to raging bitch that’s tired of being their emotional airbag.

AC7878 · 2021-06-21T20:31:55+00:00

My ex was a covert narcissist. He discarded me then came back after 6 months and offered friendship saying I was his strongest connection 🤮 I did meet him in person because I wanted to confirm myself if he really was a narcissist (he was diagnosed from a professional therapist but I wanted to see it myself) and to see where I was since I've been very actively working on myself through self education, therapy and changing my lifestyle 180 from the damage he has caused me.

He definitely was one. I told him how much he hurt me and he just said "I'm sorry you felt that way" and continued to gaslight and blame it on everything and everyone but himself. Instantly I had my answer and started walking away, told him I'm leaving while blocking and deleting him right in front of his face. I forgot about email blocking but he tried to email once more, again trying to gaslight me. I didn't even open the email and proceeded to block him out completely on everything I could think of at that point.

My suggestion- If he tries to reach out to you don't even engage cause you won't get an apology, a genuine reach out or anything you wish for as in changed behavior. Save your sanity and good luck on healing.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-06-21T21:09:39+00:00

They'll come back but NOT because they want to apologize for the pain they put you through. This is important. Remember this. They lack that kind of empathy.

MadamePotpourri · 2021-06-21T21:24:58+00:00

Every single one of my exes has tried to re establish contact with me at some point. No matter if I dumped them or they dumped me. No matter if the breakup was amicable or terrible. Even the ones I told never to contact me again still tried to reconnect lol. Some try to contact me two weeks after the breakup, two months, several years. Many have tried to contact me several times over years. Some give up after a few months.

I have been ignoring all my exes since I started dating, even pre FDS. Probably the smartest dating decision I made back then. They would try to reach out via all different ways, texting, calling, voicemails, email, social media, reaching out to my friends and family after I blocked them (!).

The way I handled it is by ignoring him or blocking him. I would remember how he treated me and why I dumped him. I would think of the meanest/stupidest thing he's ever said to me and use that to resist any temptation to talk to him again. If he's a LVM, it's easy!

And remember that all these guys really want is your attention. So by choosing to respond to them you are giving them exactly what they want... so why would you want to give them anything? This type of thinking has always worked for me.

justforfds · 2021-06-21T20:33:40+00:00

As long as they don't have another easier option to get whatever flavour of labour they want for free: sexual or emotional, or money, they always come back.

When depends on the ability of that man to catch the best woman available to him, with minimal effort / what he feels is adequate effort, at any particular time.

souredskittles · 2021-06-21T20:24:32+00:00

Yeah many of our exes come back later, and some don’t seem to give up. You should assume he does this with all his exes. It’s good that you blocked him everywhere.

In my case I did the breaking up, but I don’t think it matters, they all try to come back anyway. And I’ve heard stories where they come back 10+ years later. The fact that they back up you number on to their new phones is just, disgusting…especially since they didn’t delete before a new gf.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-06-21T20:41:39+00:00

They always come back, that’s why it’s best to block them.

If in person, I just ignore and keep control of the situation, i.e excuse myself and don’t engage.

candyfox84 · 2021-06-21T23:46:55+00:00

They almost always come back, it's part of the game. Their lackluster approach to relationships makes it easy to slide in and out of one. If you really cross the emotional threshold and give yourself to another person, you can't be so casual about it. I guess my answer to your question is don't take it personally! It is not a sign of love, it has no meaning relative to you. He's doing it to 10 other exes on a rotation, and you deserve better than that. If you bump into him, I would just ignore him.

I ran into a very LVX when a mutual friend invited him to a party. I ignored him completely. It was years after our very painful breakup. Seeing him shattered me, but I gracefully went about my evening like he wasn't there. He didn't have the balls to approach me, but he did send me a really wimpy text hours after I got home, probably hoping for a hook up that he didn't even have the courage to initiate in person. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-06-21T20:39:41+00:00

maybe similar to hoovering, soemthing that narcissists always do after a good old session of idealize-devalue-discard. they're baaaack, but minus the idealization!

Platipus6 · 2021-06-22T00:49:13+00:00

They all come crawling back, because you weren't the problem.

I have never contacted any of my exes... why is that ....

If they contact you even once, firmly threaten to get a restraining order.

carmen_sandiegos_hat · 2021-06-21T21:57:59+00:00

Yes, they come back. Not all, but a lot. Some with their tail between their legs while others just want to talk about how much better off they are (which is a weird thing to do).

I'm all for blocking and deleting though. Not only does it cut off access for them to you but it also allows you the space to move on. I can't say I've had exes try to reach back out because I block them everywhere so if they tried, I wouldn't know.

_electrafire · 2021-06-21T22:40:13+00:00

Men literally always reach out. Instead of making a bus deal about him “coming back” we need to ask why they left in the first place or at least behaved in a way that allowed them to be left

nom-de-plume_12 · 2021-06-22T00:26:00+00:00

I thought ex was too cocky and thought himself to be too good for me to reach out to me post breakup. This was Pre FDS and I was blaming myself for overreacting, being the nagging one and calling him out on his shit. I was so sure he would think “good riddance, this chick was exhausting”. Then, after a while, lord works in beautiful ways, I found FDS, it validated whatever I felt, fought for. Slowly overtime his name didn’t hurt. The shitty memories I had overpowered the good ones. I actively absorbed so much information from here, worked on myself and practiced being an Ice queen whenever I needed to be. And you knw what? He did get in touch. Even after being blocked. Not once but twice! I blocked him both of the times. I felt so amazing and proud of myself because months ago I would let him enter in my life again(first love and all) but now it’s all about boy byee. But then, I have always stuck to not being friends with exes because the idea of staying friends with someone who disrespected your boundaries or doesn’t want to be with you, is beyond me.

daenerysstormbornfan · 2021-06-22T01:54:12+00:00

The first time we broke up, he ended it. Six months later he came back and begged for me to take him back so I accepted it. There was a period of lovebombing which ended when so many of our incompatibilities arose and we argued a lot. We had a huge fight one day because he was not respecting my sexual boundaries (I said I would not have condomless sex with him and he wasn’t gonna change my mind) and we ended it mutually the second time around. He said he’d never come back again and I told him he shouldn’t and we said our goodbyes. He then comes back after a YEAR (he kept my number all that time) long after I forgot him and asks me to take him back and that he was so selfish and he was sorry. I said no and I ended it forever. The first time we broke up hurt, it took me 4 months to move on, the second time it took me 2 weeks, and this time it took no time because I’ve moved on forever. What males need to understand is that when they leave they’ll always regret it and will try to come back, when women leave, we leave for good.

thepsychopathhunter · 2021-06-21T23:40:11+00:00

Sometimes they come back because they didn’t get to hurt you enough the first time. I had a sadistic psychopathic dating partner from five years ago try to reel me back two times. The first time I was in another relationship and didn’t respond. I guess he was pissed I was indifferent to him because he expected me to pine after him. So he came back again when I was vulnerable a few years later to punish and triangulate me since I was way out of his league in every single way.

Note: when he came back, he saw I had become wildly successful, with my own penthouse apartment and amazing career. He had depicted himself as an HVM by claiming to be happy for me but then eventually made comments that showed he was envious and jealous and resentful that I had done so well for myself without his presence no less. 🤷‍♀️

MissGalaxy1986 · 2021-06-21T22:50:15+00:00

Remember even if they come back with an apology -people don’t change. Mine apologized but I could feel he just didn’t get it anyways. He chased and chased. Then when I was in a low spot I reached out and be immediately met me.

When I got a string of texts 2 days later I new it was him -his abuse. He called me crazy and to never reach out to him again. Yes I was in a very weak point in my life. And he despises weakness. He was confused with my sudden change in affection. I did it on purpose subconsciously I think, to see if he would want me in this state. It was my litmus test so to speak.

He’d even offered me a job at his company, had wanted to take me on a 2 weeks vacation. And then boom after seeing me for 2 hours he realizes he didn’t want me after all and I was “crazy”. Why would you want to hire a crazy person to work for you? Unless you’re crazy yourself.

These people never change. And many just want what they can’t have or will only want you if you play the game of being hard to get… which is exhausting.

Trust your inútion. Love is the most important, can this person love you? Can they love themselves? Do they make you want to be the best version of yourself, spirituality and mentally?

Remember the first time someone shows you their true colors, belied em!

thatshadywitch · 2021-06-21T22:51:54+00:00

My LVX dumped me after a four-year relationship and reached out a couple of weeks later, expecting that I would say yes to his request of meeting up. lol After I completely cut contact, he reached out again a year later saying that he was feeling melancholic and he would like to see me. I'm so over him I made an annoyed sound when I saw his text. I didn't text back. To think I cried every day for six months for his sorry ass! If you stumble across him, either change direction, ignore him completely, or just put a fake smile on, say the most indifferent "Hi" and let him watch your fine ass as you walk away from him forever.

Gourmay · 2021-06-21T23:23:52+00:00

Some LVMs have, some haven’t. In the past I would have replied, now I follow FDS guidelines and ignored the latest ones. Your attention is what they want, don’t give them a shred.

myoklife · 2021-06-22T00:36:12+00:00

I legit just posted about this in the weekly chat. I needed to vent about it but don't want to tell people about it IRL for a lot of reasons. And alas, this post!

Yes, I am dealing with this now and have been for almost a year. I blocked him on everything. He got in a few times with sneaky means and finally I have enjoyed a few months of radio silence. But I got a new phone a while back and this one apparently stores messages from blocked numbers in a spam folder.

He's been texting me monthly. General laments about how he wishes we did this or that differently, lots of self-pity, all in relatively few words (no essays thank god) but they say it all. He hasn't changed, he hasn't seen any fault in his own behavior, and he is unable to comprehend I might have...moved on?

It's wild cause he was the one who broke up with me. I was very down with it but like, this was all his idea. And he hated me. He had so much contempt for everything I did and was. Treated me like dirt in front of his friends. Complained about doing anything I wanted to do. And now here he is, over a year since we broke up, still texting me! Monthly!

There are so many potential explanations for this behavior but none of them are valid. I honestly think he might have a fucking humiliation fetish and he gets off to this cause he did it to his other ex too for years.

Anyways. Block and delete on everything. If they reach out do not respond. Closure isn't a thing and when men do this it's to masturbate their ego, not to actually mend things.

ThrowRA_lantern · 2021-06-22T02:28:08+00:00

It was about the 7 month mark he came begging for friendship. Being all nice and friendly. Complimenting me in the ways he NEVER did. He came out with how depressed he was and doesn’t want to date ever again (which is good because he’s pornsick and verbally abusive) and that i was such a good gf to him and he never appreciated it until now.

ONE WEEK LATER, out of the blue he berates me with angry confrontations after class ans text messages claiming that I’m a horrible person, that i’ve rebounded heavily and must depressed/insecure and sleeping around with men to get over him (all of which is completely false and just an attempt to slut shame me). He also said horrible things about my new bf (who is currently showing HV traits).

Then he started complaining about how “inappropriate” it was for me to attend the same class/university as him because it made him uncomfortable (there was only one class available!!).

Then he started blaming me and all our mutuals for his unhappiness, using heavy spiritual language like “you are all the devil”, “what Chloe did by inviting you to her party was very sinful”, “the world is a cruel and selfish and i can no longer stand all these sinful people like you”. etc etc. Weird af but not surprising from an alt-right person.

I blocked him. I thought friendship might work because we had so many mutuals it would be easier for both of us to be on good terms. But nah. He sucked as a friend and was the complete opposite of one so it was an immediate block and delete for me. Even our mutuals were doing the same. It was not worth it.

Cairenne · 2021-06-22T06:13:11+00:00

So, the LVX I dated last year pre fds (Feb to Oct) showed up out of the blue a couple weeks ago. At my door. This following some months of silence, prior to which he made enough of a nuisance of himself to be blocked on everything and STILL tried emailing me in January to “meet up and talk”.

I did the sensible thing and reported it to the police.

They took it seriously and went to see him to basically say stop, and he cried at the police 🤦🏻‍♀️

So the upshot is it got recorded as a domestic and now we’re on a list for “if anything happens appear asap” reasons.

This to say, even if it does go badly, don’t be afraid to involve the authorities.

Edit to add; I broke up with him when he ignored my saying no repeatedly about something relatively mundane, and he proceeded to give me every reason in the world to validate that decision.

breadandbunny · 2021-06-21T22:40:04+00:00

Yup! Several times in the past. Sometimes it is so random that I literally forget who it even is who is texting me. I rather enjoy the blocking part of that process! If someone didn't want you then, they don't have the right to keep coming crawling back. FOH.

Gouda8995 · 2021-06-22T01:46:20+00:00

I'm such a former PickMe, it was almost always the guy who did the breaking up.

When they actively reach out as an ex, it's stupid news. They don't want you-you back, although they'll take ass if offered or if it came to them; they don't want to make amends, or share something they realized from therapy or hiking the Appalachian Trail or biking across the US, you're just a familiar name and likely won't verbalize that you hope they die immediately. But not too familiar a name, 'cause a member of their familiy probably already knows what bullshit he's been up to. I know this because I had to learn the hard, PickMe way.

Stumble across in real life...one ex, tapped me on the shoulder in the grocery store, from his spot in line at the register, specifically to tell me that the store had chicken on sale. While I was standing in line at the register across, with my now-NVX and his children. That was "actually" okay--it was early enough with my NVX that he just said nothing (or maybe that was the start of his saying nothing, idk) and once I said a couple times, "yeah I know I don't need any chicken right now, I saw it though, I'll get my chicken later" he turned around and went back to his place in the register line--with all his golden sale-priced chicken.

ThrowawayKITTY777 · 2021-06-21T22:01:00+00:00

My LVM ex has been cut out of my life, blocked for years now but I still hear through mutuals occasionally that he's STILL bitching about me.

😹😹😹

I'm sure he'd come back in a heartbeat to my nice house and leeching off of me in return for being useless in bed and out of it. His life went stagnant and he's miserable last I heard.

Whatevah.... I'm way over it now. Dumping him/kicking him out was a smart move that I should have done way earlier than I did. My only regret is that I didn't get pissed off enough to boot him out of my life sooner.

RabidWench · 2021-06-21T23:34:56+00:00

I'm sure he can't

Some of these guys have reached out via snail mail so don't be so sure.... just be undisturbed knowing that he isn't worth your aggravation. Read any communication, print it, save it in a file, and then forget about it. I only say to read it for the sake of making sure there are no overt or covert threats to your safety before saving a record in case you need to provide proof of his crazy later.

Breesasha · 2021-06-22T04:54:25+00:00

I broke up with my LVX after numerous times of breaking up and reuniting. It was on and off again. It was toxic; he struggled keeping a job and he'd refuse to take care of himself. When I finally cut him off for good in April 2020, I blocked him on all social media and his phone number. He came back around in October offering friendship even though he got a new 18 year girlfriend while still sleeping on a friend's couch and enjoying that pandemic unemployment money. He left me some sappy voicemail explaining his whole life story. I shouldn't have even listened to it. Then this April, he tried again to send me a friend request from a new Twitter account he made. I blocked that. I mean I guess they come back every once in awhile when their lives are shitty. I expect my ex to come back around at the end of the year when unemployment has run out and he starts getting into his feelings.

Frogspocket · 2021-06-22T10:53:29+00:00

Mine did. But it's a boring story and one that seems to be pretty common. It was 3 years after our split and a year or so after his marriage when be confessed he was in "love" for me (I'm literally a stranger to him so his "love" is absolute bullshit). We work together occasionally (few times a year) and I was so content with our professional (non) relationship. Then he imploded it by getting weird. I told his wife, but she knew already because he had told her. He's a serial cheater, so it wasn't dramatic. We all just carried on like nothing happened. He's an idiot. A lot of them are. They all come crawling back the second they get in a fight with their new partner. I swear they just romanticize the past as a way of avoiding working through tough conversations with their current partners. It's a man child trait. They want to give up and start over every single the there is a road bump.

GinnyMcJuicy · 2021-06-21T22:07:26+00:00

Mine reached out to see if I still had his nailset. I did, so I agreed to meet him to return it. We met and I gave the nailset back, and we exchanged pleasantries. Then he invited me to see his new house via email. I said I'd love to see it and he responded that since I was propositioning him (you invited me, bro!) I should know he's already been with someone else.

On reflection, the item he asked about (nailset) costs 4 bucks at home depot. I also had his mom's handmade Xmas ornaments, which he didn't ask about. He was clearly looking to tell me he had been with someone else and bought a new house, in the town we talked about buying a house together in.

Just don't respond.

LadyGrimes · 2021-06-22T00:12:25+00:00

Yes my ex reached out to me after a whole ass year after I stopped all contact with him. I didn't dump him just never bothered to contact him again and that was that, till he got lonely and decided to "reach out" thinking I was lonely too.

thecrazywitch31 · 2021-06-22T09:00:50+00:00

While breaking up my ex said he will block me everywhere and delete my number and he did block me. I did deleted his number too. Now later when I'm happy and in a relationship with my bf, he comes back.

This scrote doesn't even say hi, he just texts something that sounds like its very important and that he has texted me out of mistake. Being naive, I always texted back, and he'll be like, "Ohhh sorry, I have a client with the same name and by mistake I texted you. Btw how are you doing ?"

I asked how the hell did he text me when he said he blocked and deleted my number ? He says, "I decided to let go of things and just move on" 🤣🤣🤣

Trying to be a bigger person as if I was the one who manipulated and gaslighted him. Later I saved his number as "m###fu**er" ( in my language)because he has special aversion to this particular slur and blocked his no. Everywhere.

miphasgraceful · 2021-06-22T02:07:54+00:00

Yes, they always come back. In my experience, generally after a span of 3-6 months. In a couple instances, it was after a few years. They generally will date 1 or 2 other women (who leave them, too) and then reach out to try to hook me again. Because I have a strict block and delete habit, they generally reach me through a) getting a new number, b) creating a new IG account and reaching out that way, or c) a combo of the two. So what happens is I’m forced to block them again. Too many exes of mine have sent messages and asked for “closure,” but they don’t deserve any more of my time or energy. ✌️

feelgoodlost_ · 2021-06-21T22:51:54+00:00

Usually just to see if you’ll fall for their stunts, are open to an encore, and to do some damage control.

If it ended amicably, reaching out after some time is ok depending on your actual relationship. If it ended badly with some type of abuse, deceit, or in such a terrible way, they do it to see if they can use you again. The ones that fucked me over came back. One even called me years later from a different number. The super toxic ones come back if you were their first love or whatever, claiming you’re the one he loved the most. Some don’t come back after discarding you in a confusing and humiliating way, it’s to show you that you were nothing and that they’re so happy without you, after you changed their life for the better. If you bruised his ego or never believed his shit, he will get off on having gotten away with it, like a delusional Cluster B Houdini. If you were the one he tried to humble and were out of his league and you never submitted, you’ll be the one that got away and the ex that he despises the most.

Whether they come back or not, it makes zero difference. I’m so happy I won’t hear from the last one, the one that never counted. Lol Honestly, block them. Nothing good ever comes from it. Seems like dudes always claim to have blocked their exes only for you to see them pop up again months later. It’s purely for entertainment and to boost their crappy little egos built on delusion. The fact that you’re out there, looking fine as hell, and everything they tried to tear or take is back to better than ever, it makes them mad.

Imagine being the LVM ex that turned off a woman so much, the one who she is embarrassed to have dated, the ex that’s mostly remembered for how shitty it ended. Deep down they’re afraid of the next man making fun of them, him being taller, with more money, or being the one that did everything he failed to do. Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ but just block and delete.

babygotbackinshape · 2021-06-22T00:41:10+00:00

My LVM ex has texted me on a bi-weekly basis for 3 years straight! He groomed me as a teenager and is still obsessed with me to this day.

I haven’t blocked and keep an archive in case I ever need to show them as evidence to the police.

NeedMoreCoffee15 · 2021-06-22T14:58:00+00:00

Lol they all try at some point. My first ex (who cheated on me and the girl before me) made an Instagram to reach out to me nearly four years later, since he was blocked everywhere else. #2 reached out after a month, completely convinced that he was going to win me back by reminding me of the “good times,” completely ignoring that I dumped him because his insane jealousy and insecurity made him almost nonfunctional. #3 made a fake Facebook to message me four months later and started out by pretending to be someone else. I responded at first (didn’t realize it was him) to answer a reasonable question, and when I stopped responding he sent this long, psychotic rant. That account got blocked too. The last one was actually a very sweet guy who I cared for, but didn’t have what I wanted in a husband. He tried a couple times to get me to talk to him, and I only blocked him out of respect for the guy I started dating.

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-06-22T23:27:10+00:00

I'll call him J. He wasn't a real boyfriend. He just strung me along for two years. I confronted J about his Facebook posts with pictures of him and another girl. He denied everything. I believed him. I was very young and very dumb. Anyway. We agreed to work on things, but he never replied to my text after that day. I chose to delete his number and I assumed he was gone for good. About 6 months later, he randomly sends me an email which he had never done before so I wasn't expecting it. By this point, I was seeing someone else and knew I really didn't want to be with J ever again. We wrote a couple emails back and forth. I let my emotions take over and I definitely told him off. He sent me one last email apologizing for everything and telling me I'm right. I finally got better sense and didn't reply.

warinmymind94 · 2021-06-22T23:45:22+00:00

Yes it's happened to me! One guy from college (I didn't ever actually date him, be was a crush, and we would talk, and one day he starts messaging outside of stuff for class, and he started getting wildly sexual and inappropriate and sent me a dick pic) I ended up telling him this wasn't cool and I would no longer be messaging him, and if he bothered me in class I could tell my professor and speak with the dean. That stopped him. ...then I graduated and a year later I noticed a new account (for art) followed me on Instagram. I didn't look into it until the account started messaging me, and I realized it was him. Blocked that account then.

My one ex (from 2 years ago, we were gonna do a 1st date and he "forgot" so I blocked) started making new phone numbers to try to call me. He left a voice mail one time and it was just him breathing. Ive blocked those numbers. I knew it was him because it was all his oddly specific area code and style of texting plus the timing lined up.

Another dude did the same thing and texted me from "his new number" after I blocked him. It came in and was like "hey this name I don't think you've been getting my past texts, I ended up getting a new phone! Whats up?" I'd laugh at this a little and then I'd block that number as well.

The weirdest though was when the one ex left me alone but his new girlfriend made a fake account just to follow and message me on Instagram. Her main account was going through and liking my posts in addition to her new one. It was really really weird, I reached out and said "I know you're name and you are dating my ex I don't know why you keep looking through my account I see you are creeping and liking and then unlikely my old pics" she denied it and then I was like "im sorry you feel so insecure about him and yourself but me and him are in the past, just don't be hiding around an old account" and then she said "I miss you" ... and I realized that my ex must have been using her phone pretending to be her for some time... it really creeped me out so I went and blocked her on all social medias or anything that looked like it was my ex on social medias (even the ones I rarely used). I ended up going through our old mutual friends and blocking all of them too

Title	Let’s Talk About LVM Exes and When They Come Back After A Breakup
Author	Vervibes
Upvotes	141
Comments	76
Date	June 21, 2021 8:19 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o54gsz/lets_talk_about_lvm_exes_and_when_they_come_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lets-talk-about-lvm-exes-and-when-they-come-back.785859 https://theredarchive.com/post/785859

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