Shared observational bias among women created the false "men only want sex" narrative.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-07-07T13:01:13+00:00

"Men only want sex" isn't meant to be taken totally literal, as in no men want relationships ever. It's a reminder not to trust a man's intentions until he's demonstrated serious interest in more than sex. It's intentionally hyperbolic.

The first person most women hear "men only want sex" from is their dad.

superlurkage · 2021-07-07T14:07:30+00:00

Lol, you just articulated the very situation that women fear — I’m not into the relationship, but I’ll take the sex

Just like men fear the opposite — I don’t want the sex, but I’ll take the relationship aka dead bedroom

Thanks for confirming

OldSimpsonsisbetter · 2021-07-07T11:02:45+00:00

It's apex fallacy striking again - women see the top 5-10% of men sleeping around with multiple women, never committing to a relationship, and therefore thinking ALL men don't want a relationship.

Whenever women refer to men as a whole, they are actually referring to the top 5-10% of men who they find attractive. All other men they consider invisible to them. Once you realize that, everything they say becomes much easier to understand.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-07-07T16:07:39+00:00

I disagree that men stay for the sex. Men "deadbedroom" as much as women do. When you lose interest in the person as a partner, sex becomes a chore. Men probably disengage and revert back to masturbating to porn.

However, the bottom 80% of men are desperate sometimes, and desperate men do desperate things, so they can be deceptive in the beginning about their actual interest levels re: being in a relationship with that girl. Those men would like a relationship with someone, but the sexual desperation over-rides that and becomes the imperative at certain phases of the moon and hormones. Like the wolfman. So they pursue the woman in front of them for that purpose.

That, combined with the top 20% (rough estimate) of men who view women as disposable, and you have a strong impression that men only want sex.

Then you have the guys in this sub for whom casual sex is the main goal of all their interactions with women. I'm not sure how many guys are actually like that. Not saying guys would turn down casual sex if it was thrust at them. But I'd wager most guys would like a relationship with someone they are into.

7-11-21-Luck · 2021-07-07T15:46:53+00:00

Honestly when I was in my younger 20s I really did want a relationship. The more women I have dealt with as I've gotten older, I've become less and less interested in a relationship. It wasn't because I was getting plenty of sex. I've realized that relationships are a big headache & it's not for me. Having a few friends with benefits who I can hang out and do fun activities with without relationship headaches and expectations really have been a blessing

SaBahRub · 2021-07-07T15:15:16+00:00

Men don’t only want sex

But you’ll take it if it’s convenient or all that’s on offer

xFallacyx69 · 2021-07-07T14:54:22+00:00

You are as important as others see you. If you’re only being used for sex… I got bad news for you.

midwestufohunter · 2021-07-07T18:07:59+00:00

"Since many women have an abundance of sex options, it's easy for them to drop a failed romantic prospect. But when male romantic hopefuls realize that the person they're dating isn't "the one", they stay for the sex. When things do eventually end, the truth comes out that the man didn't love her (sometimes this will come out in an angry, insulting fashion where the guy calls her boring/annoying). But what the women won't see is that the man did actually hope for romance at the very beginning. So from the woman's perspective, he's just another player who only wants sex."

This is.... the narrative. This is what we think is happening. It's bad.

LovelyAsiangirl · 2021-07-07T15:25:06+00:00

I would say all men want sex but that’s only thing they want??? Nah, human we have complex need. We aren’t single cell being that only want to live, procreate and have no affection. Sure men and women or any gender want other things than sex. This isn’t rocket science.

LeJacquelope · 2021-07-07T08:20:48+00:00

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flamingoinghome · 2021-07-07T08:46:32+00:00

....many men here (including one particularly infamous longterm poster) explicitly say they only want sex. That's what they say with their words. That is also what many of our male relatives have warned us of, with their words.

I think there's also a contingent of men, especially those who are quite young, who will say they want a relationship and to be in love, but have such a preposterous idea of what that is that I don't really count it? They want, in theory, something, but it doesn't resemble a relationship or love as they actually exist.

blue_dandelions · 2021-07-07T07:48:29+00:00

Men do not only want sex, the narrative rp men push that men are women as just „holes“ is them projecting their lack of a humanitarian view of women into other men.

Most men definitely want relationships as much as women and definitely do care about love.

Stop listening to radicals online & look around you.

PoliticsIsBroken · 2021-07-07T11:16:27+00:00

Apex fallacy again. Remember, when women complain about men it's top men.

Men aren't always about getting sex. But the men they want are only looking for sex from them.

Pro_CKM · 2021-07-07T08:32:31+00:00

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GaatsX · 2021-07-07T13:19:15+00:00

"When women say they wanna be equal, they mean equal to top 10% of males.. not the rest 80% of shitpile.."

4D-Alien · 2021-07-07T20:16:22+00:00

i think your right. its always the women with nothing else to offer who claim "men only want sex", because in those womens case, yes that is true.

those girls have terrible personalities, nothing going on in life, and nothing productive going on. nothing else to offer lol

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-07-07T09:26:34+00:00

You must be new to this subreddit because the ones pushing the “Men only want sex” narrative here ARE MEN.

y2kjanelle · 2021-07-07T11:34:32+00:00

I actually don’t think this is the issue. I think “Men only want sex” is just a kind of shorter way to say “Men will disregard other things for sex” or “men value sex over other things”

I think most women understand that men don’t ONLY want sex. And I also think that a lot of women have found out the hard way that “He just only wants sex from YOU”. The phrase is just something said out of frustration or anger but it’s meaning is a little different than that.

For one, like you said, women don’t know certain things. We can’t read minds and can’t tell intentions right away. And often are shocked when one thing turns into another. Men call this the friendzone. Women call it the “we’ve been friends this whole time why are you suddenly saying you want to date me/have sex with me and never really thought of me as a friend and manipulated me” zone. It’s not that women “don’t like nice guys” it’s not that women “don’t like being friends first”. It’s about intention and honesty, that’s all.

You might think “why?” If you get along and like each other why is it a bad thing? Well, you’d only think this if deep down you believe men and women can’t be friends. Because if your best friend of the SAME sex had told you “I’ve always had feelings for you or I’ve always wanted to have sex with you” it’d shock you and make you reevaluate every memory, every touch or thing you did that could’ve caused this break in friendship.

When in reality, it wasn’t a friendship to begin with.

It was someone pretending to be your friend in hopes that would make a relationship/sex come about. This is why guys get stuck in the friendzone. No one appreciates getting lied to, lead on or manipulated. You admitting to a girl you never saw her as a friend but rather a sexual or relationship partner is hurtful. It means that you were never on the same page and all the memories you have together are invalidated.

When you like someone, tell them. Be up front. If feelings develop, don’t hide it, be honest so that people can adjust.

If you’re a straight guy having a hard time understanding the friendzone, just imagine if your best guy friend said he always had feelings for you and never saw you truly as a friend, but rather wanted to date you/have sex the whole time.

It’s not that all men have bad intentions or only want sex, it’s the way that men go about it that really hurts women and creates the saying/friendzone. It’s just rhe way that men will risk a good friendship/the other persons feelings to pursue sex or a relationship.

It can also be reversed! If you still are struggling to get it, then imagine if someone acted like they wanted to date you the entire time and then suddenly told you they just wanted to be friends. It invalidates your time together because the intentions were never the same.

Just something to think about. Yes it’s good to be friends first, but the INTENTION should ALWAYS be clear! Hope this helps.

1Here4Bach · 2021-07-07T11:42:33+00:00

Okay, so they do use women for sex though? It doesn’t matter if his intentions were noble at the beginning, it’s still a shitty thing to do to carry on a facade of a loving relationship when all that’s keeping you in it is sex. Especially when some men do this for years on end.

reluctantly_red · 2021-07-07T15:26:08+00:00

If all a woman has to offer is sex it follows that -- from that particular woman -- all guys want is sex.

HuckleberryThis2012 · 2021-07-09T17:44:26+00:00

Men don’t ONLY want sex. It’s better described as “we don’t only want sex but if that’s what’s offered we sure as hell are happy to take it”

With dating, since women are the choosers typically, men pursue and try to demonstrate their value as a potential partner. Often times this becomes so extreme that the woman is just trying to decide if the guy is worth it and isn’t doing much to present herself as a good potential partner. Then if she concludes he “passes” and decides to sleep with him she thinks he must have concluded the same about her (not unreasonable since he’s been trying to prove he’s a good option for her so why not think he’s already decided she is a good option for him as well) but really all that’s happened is they’ve exchanged his personality traits for her sex. Then having put in effort and only gotten sex he realizes on some level that that’s not an equal exchange and there’s either some level of resentment or just expectations from the woman’s side that aren’t met bc she hasn’t demonstrated her value to him. This is not the man or the woman’s fault exclusively. The man should’ve tried to get to know her good points, or left if she wasn’t showing them. And the woman should’ve been trying to demonstrate her value beyond having a vagina. This is why guys come off as only wanting sex. Bc they’ll put up with a woman they don’t really seem to like as a person while waiting to have been approved as a potential partner. And this is also why guys sometimes leave girls after sex (yes there are the types that just want sex and use women for sex while lying and pretending they want more but I mean the majority of guys who aren’t just looking for sex but will take that if that’s all that’s offered) bc they haven’t seen the woman as a strong potential partner and are put off by the pressure of now having to commit to being with her before she’s proven herself back. The solution? Well you could wait to sleep with guys long enough that they have the chance to get to know you. Make it clear you won’t sleep with them until you know they’re fully invested. Or you could throw aside the antiquated notion that only men have to prove themselves to the woman, and both parties can try to demonstrate their value. Really is the only options here. Well that or complain about the opposite sex and how awful they are and always remain miserable I guess is an option as well.

2021-07-07T16:37:55+00:00

to me the most annoying thing is that the same women who say 'men want only sex', failed their entire elementary school math curriculum.

Aka it's ignorance.

wtknight · 2021-07-07T12:24:01+00:00

The women who are saying this are only the ones not in a relationship or who have had bad relationships. I don’t think that the women who are actually in good relationships would say this.

801735 · 2021-07-07T11:29:28+00:00

I certainly want a relationship.

How do you know that?

Blackheart201992 · 2021-07-08T00:15:01+00:00

Most women can't look beyond their noses. They presume their own experiences to be universal, and anything outside of them may as well not exist as far as they're concerned.

I mean, just look at the women here on PPD - they're literally incapable of debate, all they can do when confronted with an unpleasant truth is say "that's not my experience" and then go on a five paragraph tangent where they bore you to tears with some (likely made-up) life story of theirs.

DespondentColors · 2021-07-07T11:13:15+00:00

In the midst of hookup culture when guys feel played if they don’t get sex by the third date you want women to come to what conclusion. Sure, you’ll wait for the “right” woman, but that woman was other guy’s sex by the third date woman. Then, because some men figure any woman who has dated has been treated this way, women get fingers wagged at them and told they’re playing games when she’s wants things to be different with a guy she likes. If she ever gave a blow job to “””Chad””” on the third date, in some men’s minds she’s locked herself into blow jobs on the third date for all eternity.

If you want women to come to this insight that men want romance and love, start looking at and holding accountable for all the men showing them otherwise.

TheDevilPutD · 2021-07-07T07:44:22+00:00

A few points I disagree with. Romance is something that advertising companies and sappy poets sold to you. You have been told your whole life that you should be romantic and that women should want romance. Guess what, they don't. I have not met one woman who truly appreciated romance. Go read a romance novel for women. There is nothing romantic in them. They all follow the same formula. Girl meets arrogant guy. They dislike each other right away, but girl can't stop thinking about guy. Eventually guy takes her sometimes forcefully and girl falls in love with the sex. Nothing romantic in this at all. Men have swallowed the romance idea hook, line and sinker and it's not working out too well for them.

Love and all of this is fine. Bonding is needed. But humans were never meant to be monogamous for life. We bond for a little while, long enough to make a baby and raise it for the first few years. In the prehistoric days, the village would raise a baby so a man and a woman could move on with their lives. These days we need to stick around a little longer. But live is fleeting just like everything else. Your evolutionary imperative is to spread your seed to as many good looking women as you can. Theirs is to find the strongest and most capable male capable of defending them and their offspring. Just accept that reality.

Taipanshimshon · 2021-07-07T14:14:12+00:00

Most women don't show themselves to be good for much else in any given situation

redditradishman · 2021-07-07T14:09:43+00:00

Honestly that's really all the vast majority have to offer...

gimpgirl555 · 2021-07-07T10:09:02+00:00

As a 22 years old male (admittedly pretty young), I have a hard time believing that men only want sex. I certainly want a relationship. My high school guy friends all wanted a relationship. All my male college friends all wanted romance in their life or were already in a relationship. Same could be said about my online friends. Even guys I consider mere acquaintances are the same way. So how could this discrepancy exist?

It's because they've only had experiences with such men, or their mothers have told them so.

DXBrigade · 2021-07-08T19:46:07+00:00

Except it's MEN who push this narrative.

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Title	Shared observational bias among women created the false "men only want sex" narrative.
Author	Pro_CKM
Upvotes	34
Comments	162
Date	July 7, 2021 7:35 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ofe6h1/shared_observational_bias_among_women_created_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/shared-observational-bias-among-women-created-the.789365 https://theredarchive.com/post/789365

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