Dating is so much work!

Personal_Signal_6151 · 2025-02-20T20:32:11+00:00

Have you tried getting involved in fun activities. You might meet someone new who shares the same interests.

Many communities have night classes, music groups, volunteer activities and such.

jdubby619 · 2025-02-19T21:30:09+00:00

It definitely feels overwhelming when you're dating multiple women.

I just started focusing on dating 1 woman at a time. It felt less overwhelming and and definitely less expensive lol.

THX1138-22 · 2025-02-19T12:10:58+00:00

Yes, finding a health and loving relationship is hard. But almost anything worthwhile is hard.

One thing that helped me was when I learned to pick out dead-end profiles quickly so I wouldn’t waste time or money with them. On the apps, if a woman didn’t want to meet within 2-4 days after starting a conversation, that was a sign of a dead-end chat. The second helpful clue was to ask about their past relationships—if they hadn’t had one for years, that indicated they are relationship challenged. On a date, as long as I was upbeat and avoided negative comments (about my ex, politics, money, etc), in most cases they wanted to meet again.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-02-16T00:44:35+00:00

I don’t know why but maybe you need to be more chill about dating or meeting people. Chances to meet a perfect match or even a normal chic is low. Don’t have high expectations and just meet and see if you have fun and move onto the next one.

redditburner4me · 2025-02-16T00:41:32+00:00

Do you feel in a rush or hurry because your ex has moved on because if you've learned anything it should be that finding the right one is the most important. If the person your ex is with has decided to love your child and make her life better you should be happy for that. I was on the apps but I actually met the person I've been with for the past 18 months out in the wild at an activity that I enjoyed. Pursue your own happiness and you'll pursue like-minded people who you will be happy with.

engineered-chemistry · 2025-02-15T20:38:09+00:00

I’ve had a lot of dates from hinge and bumble but the easiest are organic. Join some clubs, take some classes. I’ve met women in divorce groups, yoga, tennis, pickleball, volleyball, flag football, trivia nights at well known bars. I expect to not meet anyone and generally at least have a good time even if I don’t get laid. Upper 20s and lower 30s women seem to dig the confident older man vibe. I dig that ass…😂😂

PghSubie · 2025-02-14T14:44:09+00:00

Realistically, if you're feeling like dating is hard work, then you're probably doing it wrong. Find some channels to meet new people. Then enjoy the process. You'll find some frogs. But, always be on the lookout for princesses and/or princes. Just enjoy meeting new people. Lower your expectations for each date. You won't meet the person of your dreams, just hope to enjoy a dinner or drinks or hike or bike or whatever. Maybe you'll meet a dozen people before you find one worthy of a second date. Maybe you'll have a dozen second dates before you find someone worthy of a third. Just enjoy the process and stop being frustrated by the lack of a fourth date

PghSubie · 2025-02-14T13:52:01+00:00

If you think that dating is that much work, then I suspect we have an idea why your marriage failed. Relationships are all a lot of hard work. If it's worth having, then it's worth working hard for. People are all independent beings. It takes constant communication and compromise. If you're looking for a maid, there are better places to look than dating apps

Few-Mountain · 2025-02-14T08:13:54+00:00

Hi mate, I feel your pain. After a 20 year marriage I thought life was over. 2 years separated. Two teenage boys. Live with me.

Year 1 focused on me and the kids. Got my head in the right place, cut down beer and got myself in better shape.

Within the 12 months, I have managed to have a short term physical situatioship, this Was needed

6 dates, last year and 4 dates this year. I was going to give up, but I finally met someone who gets me, massive physical attraction, asks me about my life and when we are together time goes so quickly. It feels so good. And we have so much in common. I don't know if it will last but I'm enjoying life to the fullest

It's not easy, I'm in my mid 40s. But I need women in my life,

You will get there my friend

FUMoney · 2025-02-14T02:36:32+00:00

In all seriousness, see professionals. Some can be wonderful and, compared to the time waste and cost of dating, apps, travel, events, seeing a genuine, well-mannered pro is both a lot more fun and much cheaper in terms of time expended and in currency. If you do a little bit of research, you will see this is growing rapidly, likely a result of the horrendous dating market and "online" dating that both men and women hate.

There is no shame in it. In fact, for many areas of the world, this is legal and accepted. The United States is truly an outlier in this regard, as are the puritanical views surrounding massage and escort professionals.

Finally, read the many comments of people here who have seen the light. More than a few have concluded their most honest relationships have been of the massage and escort variety; they have eliminated "dating" from their lives and are much happier for it. No more fronting. No more ghosting. No more endless text chains that go nowhere. No more fake "dates" where the other person is only interested in a free restaurant dinner and every intention of ghosting you after you pay the bill.

RepresentativeOk5968 · 2025-02-13T21:50:07+00:00

I hear you. Online dating is such a terrible way for men especially to find anyone these days. Women have far too many messages and attention on apps so it is very hard to break through that clutter to stand out.

I will admit, I went old school. I got involved in a new hobby to get out of my current social group (which was mainly male anyway). I found my now wife at a local social club and have been married 2 years now. Honestly I cannot recommend this enough, put down the apps and get out into the world (NOT BARS!)

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-02-13T21:49:40+00:00

So it sounds like you feel like you need/want to date someone because your ex did?

Don’t do that.

Your goal is to simplify your life now, not make it more complicated and forcing something that seems like a lot of work for you.

Focus on yourself and your daughter for right now.

That’s how you move forward.

Firstborn3 · 2025-02-13T21:36:51+00:00

Just enjoy being single and having your freedom for awhile. Don’t worry about your ex and who she’s dating. As long as it doesn’t harm your daughter in some way, it’s a non-issue for you. Your ex is his problem now!

I went on a few dates following my separation and I also found it to be way too much work. I was not ready. I’m still not ready, and I know that. I don’t plan to be single forever, but right now The idea of a relationship makes me feel ill. I’m just gonna stay off the dating apps, live my best life, and wait for the moment to find me. If it doesn’t happen then whatever, my life is good either way.

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2025-02-13T19:55:07+00:00

I hear you. Texting, calling, planning dates, all to get laid?

Jokes aside, relationships take work. It takes communication, evaluation, compromise, and a whole host of other things. Online dating isn't a thing for a lot of people but for an introvert like me, it's a godsend

NewDay0110 · 2025-02-13T15:54:31+00:00

Why do you need a woman so badly? You just escaped one nightmare, why so eager for the next? I went through a similar path as you where I wanted to have a new girlfriend right away after divorce but ran into the same issues. What's the end goal? Am I going to marry her? Have more kids? It's a lot of effort for a questionable benefit. I came to the realization that I'm at a different place in life now with new goals and a serious relationship isn't compatible with that lifestyle right now.

NilEntity · 2025-02-13T14:38:38+00:00

Same. I took a year off after the divorce, only hit the apps after that year. The first few weeks sometimes spent hours a day swiping, not many matches.
One great match, wrote with her for a month, two dates, didn't work out. Unfortunately had no match anywhere as good since then.
I swipe like a handful of times a day if I remember to do it but when it's actually a match, my motivation drops beacuse I'm starting YET another conversation at zero.
Trying to come up with good questions I genuinely care about, trying to get a feel for the woman while also presenting myself well in an honest way.

It's exhausting. I kind of want to give up on dating for good, but I also want a solid relationship again ... so I'll have to keep trying in some way to have a shot.

Historical-Basis-196 · 2025-02-13T13:54:04+00:00

If your main motivation for dating is sex, you could just go the escort route. I did, and it fills an immediate need without me putting in the work and emotional strain of dating someone new.

Negative_Comfort6848 · 2025-02-13T13:34:31+00:00

Dating apps are overall bad.

Try to meet people with similar interests without dating expectations and maybe thing will go from there. The meet up website is good for that.

apatrol · 2025-02-13T13:16:31+00:00

I had zero luck on multiple apps. Then I joined FB dating and had some great conversations. I am dating a women now for a few weeks and it is great.

It is hardwork though. You may not be ready. For me I just woke up one day and had a new energy. Basically I had thought I was ready but I still had lingering issues feeling sorry for myself. Once I let that go I was ready.

regertsrus · 2025-02-13T12:40:13+00:00

Yes i felt the same on all the apps. Then i tried ok cupid and insta success. I almost gave up. Ok cupid fixed my life no joke

Efficient-Mango7708 · 2025-02-13T11:52:00+00:00

I am at 1 year. I have become a hermit and barely leave my house. I have been taking care of long neglected repairs on my house because I did not want to invest in it when she was here. I’d much rather do that work than deal with some woman’s new expectations.

Dating is work. Communicating with women is a lot of work. I actively choose to do other work.

LoveCrispApples · 2025-02-13T11:14:56+00:00

Same situation as you, only 2 months later. Separated for 8 months, divorced for 4. Ex moved on in about 5 minutes. Children introductions in about 12 minutes, the whole thing.

I've decided to just be my own man for now, whoever that may be. I'm working out with weights like a crazy person in my basement, tinkering with my home, splitting/stacking/burning firewood, and saving money. Healing.

I go out every once in a while and notice some interest from women, but I'm not actively pursuing anyone. I'm staying well clear of anything online with the hopes that when the time is right, someone pretty, smart, compassionate, and available might cross my path.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2025-02-13T10:29:36+00:00

The harder you look, the less you find.

Stop looking, be happy, don’t hide in your home and that person tends to find you.

I don’t know why that is. But it is. Desperation I think.

Exactly65536 · 2025-02-13T10:13:02+00:00

I have not had any encounters with dating, through apps or otherwise, recently, but I feel the same way about women in general.

Too much work, too little reward, significant risks.

I think when I'm out of the marriage, I'll just let this side of my life rest easy and not force it. I'm fine on my own.

Unicronbomb · 2025-02-13T07:24:31+00:00

Yeah I agree. I met the first girl after my divorce last year at a party but I ended it after. 6 months. One month on a dating app and it’s dry as the Sahara for me. If you actually bang a girl from Facebook dating I heard they will put you in the hall of fame. 🤣. The other apps just upsell you. Hey pay to see who like you. Hey pay to boost your profile.

qmriis · 2025-02-13T03:40:05+00:00

Have you tried being over 6 ft tall with big arms and abs?

Worked very well for me.

Concreteforester · 2025-02-13T03:02:14+00:00

Not like there aren't a lot of different options but it's funny how all dating apps actually make less money if you find someone. I think maybe 10 years ago they might have been okay but today they're vampires.

If you find it exhausting - like the other comments said, you don't have to do it. In fact it's better if you don't. If your ex found someone quick, who cares? That might be good or that might just be more shit for her that hasn't exploded in her face yet.

Maybe look at this as an opportunity to be comfortable with yourself. You shouldn't look at a relationship being required to make your life whole. Get comfortable with yourself. Funnily enough, that usually increases your dating success. Plus it means when you decide to go ahead with someone it's someone good enough to be worth the effort. Nothing worse than putting in effort for someone who doesn't deserve it.

deweys · 2025-02-13T02:43:34+00:00

And expensive!

47omek · 2025-02-13T02:23:40+00:00

Then don't do it. I'm perfectly content with no woman playing a significant part in my life any longer. I'll have some fun with one here or there that I run across in a bar or whatever but I'm not spending any time looking for them or "dating" them.

Puzzleheaded_Monk_39 · 2025-02-13T02:04:44+00:00

Dating apps suck unless you’re tall and good looking etc. I’m just a regular sized guy and even pre marriage they were terrible for me. Now it’s probably worse just because I have a kid and I’m separated and way older. Just hit the gym and work on yourself and the women will come naturally when they see a guy with their act together. My problem is I realized that relationships do take too much effort and I’m unsure if I want to deal with anything more than my kids.

fingerbang247 · 2025-02-13T01:52:24+00:00

Ladies, I think, I have it a lot easier. Especially if they check off a lot of boxes. These days, it’s a s**t show for men, I’ve stopped caring.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-02-13T01:48:59+00:00

It is fucking exhausting.

I'm about to just join a hook-up app and call it good.

Exact_Public_2958 · 2025-02-13T01:35:48+00:00

Yes feel the same. I get a match have initial excitement and then either it peters out in the app, they say the want to meet and never do, or I rethink whether I want to pursue or not. Same as you I've had one situationshio which has resulted in a friendship (she wants more I don't). Yes OLD sucks and dating sucks.

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2025-02-13T01:35:31+00:00

It is normal to be weary of dating especially for serious relationships after divorce. Not a divorcee but I have many divorced friends and they have the same issues. Not everyone is willing to re-build a life that has been destroyed by ex once again. Those guys are much more willing to spend time on their own, with kids or bro. Dating is just for casual hookup and for them, serious relationships are just too much hassle. We are putting in more sentiment to the things we build and those exes don't really care as long as they are happy.

Title	Dating is so much work!
Author	NewPerformance7662
Upvotes	32
Comments	84
Date	February 13, 2025 1:22 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1io7hqz/dating_is_so_much_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dating-is-so-much-work.1543711 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543711

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