Mother's day

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-05-12T14:23:56+00:00

Focus on the kids and basically do what is right.

Happy-Personality528 · 2024-05-11T19:04:13+00:00

My kids are older ( teens ). They do stuff for my wife every year . I usually spoil her rotten . This year things are messy . Maybe next year I will get her flowers or something since she is still mother of my kids . Do you think she will do anything for Father’s Day ? Are you expecting her to ? My wife makes pancake for everyone on Father’s Day and my kids usually make me a card

Mundane-Surround-325 · 2024-05-11T06:41:34+00:00

So many in comments are willing to use the kids as knife to stab her. Never use kids as weapon! Fokus on the kids and their situation. They will see that you are a proper dad to them, helping them even with this present or card or flowers, and they will remember that Dad got nothing from her through us. They will remember. They will.

ROCTB17 · 2024-05-09T22:59:09+00:00

My ex wife is engaged and I just ordered her a large bouquet of flowers and put the names of her three children on the card. Rise above everything and do what teaches your kids the best lesson. Side note, two of her kids are my ex step-kids but I don’t leave them out. We’ve been divorced two years and I haven’t missed sending either of them something for their birthdays, holidays or special occasions, even when money was tight.

dudefromyork · 2024-05-08T08:50:06+00:00

The kids will feel bad if they don’t get her something. It’s also the right thing to do for them, as opposed to for you.

Just a card and a token gift should do the job.

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-05-07T21:07:34+00:00

If one of my kids came to me and said they were wanting to get their mom a present that was, say, $80, but all they had was $60. Sure, I'd help them out ... help THEM out. Their mother can GFH.

adventure_junkie67 · 2024-05-07T16:40:38+00:00

It is all about the kids!!! If they need cash or support in getting her a gift, then help them out. It is part of growing up, teaching appreciation to others, and demonstrating adult kindness to them. Nothing extravagant, just good kid gifts for mom. Show them what Father's day should look like, lol.

Chris_Chilled · 2024-05-07T02:07:45+00:00

I do because it’s about the kids. And the plus side is being the better person drives her crazy.

NoLawfulness8554 · 2024-05-07T01:58:53+00:00

Do what you want. Or take the opportunity to be kind and help your children how to show appreciation for the woman that helped to raise them.

DivorceCharacter512 · 2024-05-07T00:48:07+00:00

I probably would have... had she conducted herself with even the slightest bit of honor and good faith during the divorce process.

captainchippsixx · 2024-05-06T23:26:02+00:00

If she wronged you during the divorce. Then fuck no. Good coparents then okay.

BrilliantFun5816 · 2024-05-06T19:38:17+00:00

Man, that's a tough question to answer. You have to go with what works for you. If there's no respect there, no. If she's trying to take you for everything you have, no. If there is mutual love and respect, and you feel good doing it, then it's all good. It sounds like you still love her. I wish you and your family well, brother. I understand what you are going through. It ain't easy!

Ecstatic-Shopping313 · 2024-05-06T17:55:24+00:00

Nope. She can burn in hell.

research002019 · 2024-05-06T17:44:16+00:00

Free handmade (by my 8 yr old) picture frame, courtesy of Home Depot Kid's Workshop.

1st Saturday of the month, and it's usually Holiday appropriate so works for Christmas also. My child and I enjoy making the projects, she gets a handmade/painted gift, and as I mentioned, free! More than she deserves, but my child benefits from it and that's all that matters.

Grouchy_Software963 · 2024-05-06T17:19:02+00:00

Did you ex give the kids x-mas gifts to give to you? What is your relationship like at this point?

There is a point to playing the 20 USD send a gift game but only if your ex is playing it too...

RichardCleveland · 2024-05-06T15:17:21+00:00

I guess it depends on how your relationship is now, such as if you are cordial. If everything on that front is "well enough", then letting your child give their mom something on your dime probably isn't a huge deal. If you can't stand her, or she did something absolutely horrible to you then I probably wouldn't.

DocYoctopus · 2024-05-06T14:20:05+00:00

I do. My 9 yo is big into gift giving. It goes both ways. She's had her mom spend quite a bit of money on things for me over the years. FWIW I do it for my daughter and don't even think about the end recipient.

watermelonstrong · 2024-05-06T14:15:34+00:00

I cant, Id like to, but I cant, in all good conscious. She had an affair for 7 months under my roof. In my bed. She isnt with him now and never will be.

She had a false restraining order issued once I discovered the affair.

Im out of my own home I still pay my share of the mortgage on. I cant communicate like a human being, under legal restrictions.

Why would I entertain mothers day gifts? Thats what her family and the school are good for. Plus any future man she brings along.

Its a miracle I havent offed myself during this process, the last thing on my mind is a mothers day gift. That and birthdays, christmas. The kids can celebrate their mother with those that want to celebrate her - her family, and whatever new fuckwit may come along to woo her. I'm not the family unit anymore, I don't give her token presents, and it doesn't harm the kids any way at all. In fact it's healthier for me not to facilitate gifts and rewards.

After what she's done, just.. no. It is not possible. Wasn't my choice.

jimsmythee · 2024-05-06T13:22:21+00:00

I’ll have them pick out a card and a token gift, or make her something.

sak144 · 2024-05-06T13:14:32+00:00

I have my kids pick out a card any buy them an Amazon gift card to put in it. I remember soooooo many boxes from Amazon coming to the house.....sometimes four or five a day in separate deliveries. Every day. 😂

AirSailer · 2024-05-06T12:51:56+00:00

Yes, if my kid wants to get a present.. birthday, mother's day, and Christmas. Do I get anything back? Yes, I get shitty comments and a bad attitude in return. I don't think I've ever gotten a present from my kid that she paid for.

randomly421 · 2024-05-06T11:00:24+00:00

Yes, this is the fourth year I have. I refuse to do it myself, however. Either the kids participate or they know they'll have nothing to give mommy dearest.

DivorceTA1988 · 2024-05-06T09:46:33+00:00

My kids are too young to navigate by themselves so I help them. I knew they wanted to get her a flower last year so I bought one that morning and left it in the doorstep. The kids were so happy, that’s what matters

S1lent_R1tes · 2024-05-06T09:32:39+00:00

Coming up on second mother's day after divorcing.

I always have something small (VERY small) for them to get her.

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with the happiness of the conniving, unfaithful, narcissist who tried to have me fired, take my children from me, and ruin my life personally and financially.

It's for the kids. It's so my son learns how he should treat a woman properly, and respectfully. It's so my daughter's have something for their mother instead of struggling to cobble a few dollars together to get her something themselves.

It's also for me. Because I will never, ever, ever receive a father's day gift. And that's fine. But every year they see those things happen for her and not for me, they learn. They begin to see the true juxtaposition of her actions vs mine. Of who she is vs who I am. They will remember it.

lifeisallihave · 2024-05-06T08:56:44+00:00

This is the first MD since the divorce and I asked the kids, they both said they would like to get her something so I went along with it. I will continue to do it going forward, not for her but for the kids. I want nothing to do with her besides things that involve the kids. Somehow she had the fantasy idea we were going to be friends after divorce. lol

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-06T05:38:26+00:00

Always: card and flowers from the kids. Regardless of what I think of her or where our relationship is at. Just because we weren't civilized, doesn't mean my kids shouldn't learn to be.

But be forewarned, don't expect jack fucking shit at father's day. And don't mention it either. Just quietly take the high road until they're old enough to decide for themselves.

NilEntity · 2024-05-06T05:09:12+00:00

I get something small, chocolate or whatever. It's not for the ex, it's for my daughter, to give her the joy of gifting something to her mother, which she enjoys.
Ex does the same on father's day.

whereami113 · 2024-05-06T04:37:32+00:00

Give them nothing more than what the courts decide

Braves_Birds1985 · 2024-05-06T03:48:24+00:00

I have them draw and color a “card” for MD. I take them shopping with a $10 limit for bday and Christmas

_Formica_Dinette_ · 2024-05-06T03:39:05+00:00

I detest my ex-wife but I always sucked it up and took them to buy that b***h something nice for MD.

TheBoyBand · 2024-05-06T03:08:29+00:00

Not popular, it depends how it ended, for mine fuck no, this “ButT itS Da moTHer of Da ChilDreN nTeACh Em” card don’t work on me.

domo_roboto · 2024-05-06T02:51:46+00:00

I use it to teach my kids how to be a good human being which is to remember special days for people they care about. Ask them (since they’re old enough) what they'd like to do for that special person and then help them if they need help. Could be mother, friend, pet…doesn’t matter.

kublakhan1816 · 2024-05-06T02:32:54+00:00

I take my son to get things for his mom for birthday and Christmas and stuff.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-05-06T02:30:28+00:00

She's not your mom.

She's your kids' mom.

Take them out to get her something nice or make them draw pictures for her and then let them give them to her. She's their mom.

phillsimpson · 2024-05-06T02:20:38+00:00

I think of it as a bit of a kid holiday also. So I drag them to target and have them pick a couple of basic things and they give them to her. But we have a good working relationship. Then I remind them to give them to her. Minimal effort.

Title	Mother's day
Author	ConditionValuable211
Upvotes	18
Comments	64
Date	May 6, 2024 2:17 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cl81rn/mothers_day/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mothers-day.1517563 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517563

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