Noticed a trend, they always leave when it gets hard

DicksOut4Edamame · 2023-07-20T18:22:33+00:00

They don't even want you back when you bounce back, because I have bounced back monumentally...I'm down to 15% body fat at age 36, my abs show when I'm just sitting there, I got a ridiculous new job making 6 figures (40k above what I made when with her) that treats me like a king and allows me to come and go as I please, I'm an even better father than the incredible dad I was when with her, and I'm fucking cooler too with a motorcycle and new truck. I'm improved in every way, including how I treat myself - my ex wife couldn't care less. She loves her affair partner and thinks he's the catch. Doesn't matter, since I'm dating a woman who yearns to take care of me vs the begging I had to do for basic shit from the ex, but I still always hate this falsehood that they always come back. I don't want any men in the beginning of their processes to expect that they will always come back

47omek · 2023-07-20T18:05:03+00:00

Modern women aren't there for the struggle. They're waiting at the finish line to fuck the winners.

Thebadmamajama · 2023-07-20T20:26:25+00:00

A lot of humans have trouble with conflict.as we grow we learn to manage conflict better and become more chill, wiser, broker the piece, break up the fight, reconcile.

A common theme is the spouse who can't handle conflict and never grows to know how to accept when things get hard, and be ready to make it better. It's easier to avoid conflict, and abandon it, because everything and everyone is disposable.

I don't want to say men are more likely to figure out conflict management better, but this sub shows me there's a selection bias of us marrying the strain of woman that doesn't grow out of this.

coffeefrog92 · 2023-07-20T19:52:09+00:00

My marriage was in trouble anyway, but I made a decision to take a lower paying job than I would be much happier doing and coincidentally she dropped the bomb shortly afterwards.

I'm now making more, anyway, as it happens.

northdakotact · 2023-07-20T18:18:10+00:00

I had paid my ex's shortages for the federal and state tax returns for over a decade. She was in the 33% federal tax bracket, and yet she only somehow had withholding of 13%. Of course this freed up even more of her cash to spend, whatever she wanted. Within 3 months of telling her to fix her withholding, she sought a divorce.

Many of them leave the minute they can't milk you or use you.

Tapeknots79 · 2023-07-20T21:21:24+00:00

I just posted how I had a stroke and she decided our marriage was crap and it was over, funny stuff

stent00 · 2023-07-20T23:24:28+00:00

Mine left me when I was on strike from my job. Kept telling me to get a job while I was getting strike pay. I'll always remember that till the day I die

questionoffitness · 2023-07-20T18:19:42+00:00

I thought I married a woman of character and integrity. We had gone through a bunch of ups and downs, financial struggle and prosperity. But when her career because very stressful and she sought help for stress management, her therapist pointed the finger at me and my ex gulped down that coolaid like she had just run a marathon. .. and from then on our marriage was done.. over.. even though we did counseling, she had fully checked out and I didn't see a glimmer of hope.

1Cobbler · 2023-07-20T23:32:21+00:00

Mine left the second she could smell herself earning more money than me. Even though I'd been carrying her arse through life and self-inflicted health problems for a decade.

Sea-Mission-6316 · 2023-07-20T21:27:59+00:00

Look up Briffault's Law. It explains this situation. In a nutshell, it means most women ask their husbands "What have you done for me...lately." Like the old Janet Jackson song. It doesn't matter what a man did for them in the past; it is all about what he has done lately and promises to do in the near future.

A man that loses his job or goes through a bad time and can't DO things for her and provide for her will soon cause her to be dissatisfied. She then will start to look elsewhere for some other man who will DO for her. Not all women. I've seen some women who were ride or die kind of people, but those are very rare. Into the realm of being unicorns kind of rare. This is why I don't recommend marriage to anyone anymore.

Classic_Dill · 2023-07-20T19:08:59+00:00

Always, they never fight for it.

Mmjohns195 · 2023-07-20T23:37:27+00:00

One thing I struggled with and currently am is when she said”if I could rewrite our vows from ‘until death do we part’ to ‘until this no longer works for me’, that and her asking what value I bring because she’s ‘not having relationships that don’t provide her with value’”.

Trying to wrap my head around a transactional type relationship and I just can’t do it, makes me a fool.

EDITORDIE · 2023-07-20T19:28:59+00:00

I’ve learned and accepted that some people view marriage as a chapter and many of these always have a “get outta jail” card in there pocket. I’d argue that if you’ve come from a broken home, that formula of divorce is more familiar to you. For the rest of us it’s not a well-known path. And when you find yourself on it, true colors come through. But like many things in life, timing is everything. Some times it works for us and sometimes against.

tinrooster2005 · 2023-07-20T20:21:56+00:00

That's page 2 of the playbook my man.

IAmOculusRift · 2023-07-20T19:59:45+00:00

You are defining this year for me. Depression bc of a shit relationship. Divorce announced by mental health sociopath and subsequent lay off.

ddbatage · 2023-07-20T22:16:27+00:00

Two years ago my dad past away and with me being the only heir and the rest of my dad family hating me I had to handle a lot of legal stuff. My stbx tried her best but because she was pregnant she needed help as well. I tried my best to balance my father estate and my stbx pregnancy and it ultimately became a thorn in her eyes. I guess it’s fair with her being pregnant but now that things have changed and reflecting on the past she never really wanted to stick it out and grow from it.

upfnothing · 2023-07-20T22:57:43+00:00

Yep. Can push a baby for a couple of hours but can’t take hardship lasting longer than a week or two

JungleCatHank · 2023-07-21T02:12:42+00:00

Mine was the opposite. She stuck by me through severe drinking issues early in our relationship. Then once I got sober she gave me a harder time than when I was drinking. At 3 years sober she wanted to split. Of course, the "friend" waiting in the wings didn't help matters.

No_Victory3364 · 2023-07-21T12:01:50+00:00

Try getting sick. She will describe it as "he never took care of himself" and that validates her decision to abandon you. Yep - your fault you got sick, you evil person...

Acrobatic_Access_905 · 2023-07-24T20:50:07+00:00

Women are genetically programmed to ensure the survival of themselves and their children. They are black widows. If you are more beneficial to have around, they keep peace with you. If you become a slight burden, they leave. Women are driven by instincts and nothing else.

As_Easy_As_ABC · 2023-07-21T03:37:10+00:00

Maybe you're lucky. I've been married 45 years to the same gal. Looking back, we should have ended it a long time ago. We've had our ups and downs (mostly downs). At first I stayed with her because of the kids, vowing to leave when they had grown. But then, after the kids were grown, things improved for a while and I backed off. Then, each time I was on the brink of breaking up with her, she would improve just enough to cause me to reconsider divorce. Now, it's basically too late. I curse myself for indecisiveness. I feel like I would have been better off if my wife had made the decision for me and just called it quits and left me. Instead, I had a marriage that turned out to be the death of a thousand cuts. My advice would be to make that decision for yourself. Don't wait for your spouse to spring it on you at a time of her convenience. Make that evaluation and decision while you still have time. And before you call me a misogynist, I would give the same advice to a woman married to a man who treats her not as a friend and sole-mate but just as a means to his own selfish ends. Selfish shitty people come in both sexes.

Chance_Refrigerator7 · 2023-07-21T00:24:56+00:00

Is this about both women and men!

BlessedAF-FR · 2023-07-21T12:47:14+00:00

Yep.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2023-07-22T16:31:06+00:00

"Briffault's law is a theory that suggests that in relationships between men and women, the woman determines the terms of the relationship and that any association between the man and woman will only occur if the woman derives some benefit from the association."

If you aren't providing for her now and into the future, she's out. Evo Psych 101.

MoodyMusical · 2023-07-22T21:57:48+00:00

It's like clockwork. Really sucks, especially when you were there for them through so much.

cd179333 · 2023-08-13T23:16:27+00:00

Woman here. I bet way more women got dumped or cheated on when it got hard for them, notably pregnancies and postpartum difficulties. Your hormones completely change you put on weight and you become bitter because nobody understands/cares when your whole wellbeing goes down the drain.

Title	Noticed a trend, they always leave when it gets hard
Author	PositivityKnight
Upvotes	129
Comments	90
Date	July 20, 2023 5:49 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/154xy8c/noticed_a_trend_they_always_leave_when_it_gets/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/noticed-a-trend-they-always-leave-when-it-gets.1225901 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225901

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